[Guile]

Amsterdam!

On our final day in Copenhagen we decided to see the sights and rest up, because early the next morning we were going to Amsterdam baby! We wanted to check this joint out for a long, long time, and by ten am the next day we we’re there. I felt fresh, Muff Sniff was over the runs and we were both keen for a party. Now unlike our first two stops, we decided to book an AirBnB pad for Amsterdam.

It was real close to Central Station. Fifteen minutes walk tops. Cheap, nice area, the only drama was finding the key. Why? Well we had the whole pad for ourselves, and the host was out of town, so instead of collecting it from him, he had to hide it, and upon arrival, we had to follow a set of directions to find it. They read:“At the back of the apartment there is a loose brick, and behind the loose brick is the key. Most of the bricks are beige, but the one with the key is a little more white”.

Unfortunately, every brick looked beige. Actually, that’s a lie. We didn’t know what beige was, so we spent the next hour pushing on every brick within reach until we finally found the loose one and got the key. The pad itself was on the top floor. In fact it was pretty pimpin’! We had two bedrooms, a balcony looking over the city, and a fully stocked liquor cabinet, which the host said we were welcome to try.

Before we got inside though, Muff Sniff got a gift from God. We’re waiting in this elevator to head up to the top floor, when were joined by a half African, half white honey named... Let's say Nancy. At least a seven. Now I don’t know whether it was because he was over the runs, or whether he secretly smoked some crack when I wasn’t looking, but Muff Sniff was on point. Between level two and level six, he had already invited this bird for drinks, and as it later turned out, Muff Sniff had just scored himself a regular for the rest of our time in Amsterdam.

So we get into our apartment, Nancy goes to freshen up, and we break out some Hawaiian herb we picked up on the way. For me, weed does nothing, but I smoke it just to humor Muff Sniff. He loves the stuff. Seconds later and we get a knock on the door. It’s Nancy. Muff Sniff has already locked down a lay for later, while I’m locking down a half finished bottle of Kahlua.

So the time is around two, and we decide to head into the city and start our 'night'. Me, Muff Sniff, and Nancy. Apparently she’s a University student, so I figured she would invite some friends, but it wasn’t to be. After grabbing some Rookwurst [Smoked Sausage] from a street stall, we decide to hit up a little Irish Bar called O’Reilly’s.



You’ve probably noticed by now, we are really shit travellers. I mean, we go to Prague, do a pub-crawl and meet Americans. We go to Copenhagen, meet Americans and bang Americans, and here we are in fucking Amsterdam, and we’re about to drink Guinness in an Irish Pub with a Zimbabwean. Oh yeah, the Zimbabwean is Nancy by the way. Long story short, next time we travel, I’m hitting up the forum and finding connections. We’re not too deplorable. I promise.

So we enter O’Reilly’s, and Muff Sniff is already making out with this girl. It’s a tick over three PM and Guile is forced to lone dog it. No worries. I’m in Amsterdam and I’m pretty pumped. I pull up a seat at the bar, and make friends with the waitress. A nice Irish blond named Kelly. Come to think of it, I’ve never meet an Irish girl, not named Kelly.

For the next hour I push the limits of conversation to see just how up front I can be as an Australian in Amsterdam. As it turns out, it’s okay to play the ‘let me guess your bra color game’ but once talk turns to the panties, you’re in 50/50 territory. For the record, her bra was pink and her panties? Well I guess I'll find out from the next girl I ask.

Anyway, I'm finally re-united with Muff Sniff. I assume he was off fucking somewhere but I’m not sure. He still hasn’t told me. Day has turned to night, and we wander off to a little place called The Satellite Sports Café. Apparently Tyson went there once. It was a dump, but it's super cheap as far as drinks are concerned.



Anyway, the reason we went, was because Nancy did part-time shifts there, and promised us a free meal. Perfect. So we enter the bar, Nancy orders up two plates of spare ribs, 4 Jagerbombs and 4 Tequilas, and then things start getting weird.

Muff Sniff had known this Nancy girl all of six hours max. I have no idea what happened in O’Malley’s but next thing I know. He’s fighting with her like an old couple. We're in the sports bar for less than 5 minutes before Muff Sniff is outside arguing with Nancy. Another minute and they’ve disappeared. Gone. Seconds later the ribs and the drinks arrive. Do I wait?

I’m a gentleman. I sit there for thirty minutes, and still. Gone. I contemplate looking, but Nancy obviously knows the city, so I think fuck it. I sit at the bar eating two plates of ribs, surrounded by Jagerbomb's and Tequila shots which I intermittently knock off. [By the way, I just came to the realization that this trip has probably knocked a good five years off my life]

Luckily, the bar is quiet and my waitress is this real cute blond with an amazing rack. Another University student. As a side note, from what I’ve heard, and what I’ve seen, Amsterdam gets some real hotties traveling there to study.

A good hour has passed and I’ve nabbed the bar tenders number when I’m joined by a bunch of British men, all in their thirties, all drunk off their nut, celebrating a stag do. Now I just finished four tequilas and four Jagerbombs, so if I’m calling these guys drunk, they were really fucking hammered. Anyway, we get to talking, and the lads invite me to come along for the rest of their stag do. Europe in general is really bloody friendly. Five minutes conversation and you’re already making friends. Love it!

So it’s been at least 90 minutes and I figure, I can't sit here all night. Let’s jet. I’m just about to leave with these dudes when Muff Sniff returns with Nancy. They're both smiling ear to ear. I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. I've got no idea what's going on but Muff Sniff has definitely lost his marbles, or popped some marbles. Is that a drug thing? I dunno. Anyway, I decide to say au revoir to my British friends and hit the next bar… And guess where we choose? Coco’s Outback!



An Australian Bar, and I swear it wasn’t even by choice this time. Nancy was cold, so we decided to hit the next joint we found, and it just so happened to be a fucking Australian bar packed with fucking Australians.

Anyway, we walk inside, ditch our coats and scope out the area. Not bad. At least the Australian girls that come here aren’t 20 kilo’s overweight like the ones in Australia. I hit the bar and Muff Sniff disappears with Nancy.

Flying solo. Again. I make a b-line for the smoking area and bum a cigarette off this cute Italian looking Dutch girl. A seven, no probably a six. Her nose dropped her a solid point. Banging body though. Things are going well, when her friend turns up. I’m doing great, but the juggles getting tough. I need my wing, but Muff Sniff's nowhere to be seen. I decide to get the number and bounce before I fuck things up.

Next up is another cute little Dutch girl. Anna. Probably a six. Another solid body. She tells me she’s waiting for her friend. Things start moving smoothly, Muff Sniff’s nowhere in sight, and I decide to invite her back to ‘my crib’ for some Kahlua and Hawaii’s finest. She accepts.

Unfortunately things get a little messy here. Long story short, Anna's friend rocked up just as we were about to leave. She didn't want to be a third wheel, and Muff Sniff had some poon, so the bang fell apart like a Kardashian's legs.

Now this was all happening close to closing time, so regrettably, I ended the night with a big fat zero. That said: Muff Sniff had one hell of a root. How do I know? Thin walls man. Thin walls. I heard suction sounds, and squealing... Male. Squealing. But hey... At least I had something to whack off too...



Well, with that I had some shut eye, and got ready for day 2: More incoming...

[Guile]

(10-29-2016 11:37 AM)sterling_archer Wrote:  

Wait, what happened to mr. cockblock and did you asked him why he did that?

So apparently cockblock was trying to rack jack. It's cool. The girl was pretty cute. At the bar in Christiania, apparently Cockblock found a Milf. At least that's what he said. To be honest, I would believe him because that bar was packed with them. Not really the good kind of Milf, but a flag's a flag haha.

[britchard]

Cracked so many smiles reading your stories! Sounds like you're having a great time, is it the first time you've been to Europe? Are you planning the visit the UK at all?

Between this thread and the Veloce and Fisto in Vegas thread, my RVF fix is set for a while at least!

[burncushlikewood]

(10-30-2016 06:18 AM)Guile Wrote:  

(10-30-2016 04:50 AM)burncushlikewood Wrote:  

I see you like to drink while on molly, I too like to live dangerously.

Mate, hand to God, I'd never taken the stuff, so I honestly had no idea it was a bad thing lol

Haha yea man probably not the best combo. Its basically like drinking twice as much. You guys are awesome enjoying this so far

[Alpha_Romeo]

So... What the hell happened to you guys? Hopefully you didn't end up in a Turkish prison, or worse.

[Guile]

Guys! Holy shit… I’m back. Sorry for the delay but I ran into some trouble in Thailand [But more on that later]. So a few months back, I’m in France, it’s my last day in Paris, and I’m getting ready to write another recount when I think fuck it, it’s my last day, I’m gonna party then write it on the plane…

So Muff Sniff and me are staying in a hostel called The Arty Paris. Pretty cool joint, cheap beer and we head down to the common area to get on the booze. So we sit down, and this girl from California immediately joins us. She’s pretty hot, but also the dumbest Sheila I’ve ever met. We talked for 30 minutes about chemical trails and the aliens who make them until some Irish cuck decided that ‘talking’ to a girl was harassment. So get this: This girl sits down next to us, doesn’t shut up about her stupid stories, when two guys call out “Hey, this isn’t Trump’s America”. I’m usually pretty chill, but over the course of this trip I swear the white knights have been multiplying. I call them out. I think I said they were a couple of homo's. Nothing too bad. They leave, and we move to to another area of the Hostel. Anyway this is when things get a bit more interesting.

So we sit down, and straight away this women joins us. A fucking Russian single mother on holiday by herself… Not even joking. So she starts talking to us, and keep in mind this girl is pushy as fuck. I’m not sure whether Muff Sniff lost his frame or what, but next minute he agrees to go see the Eiffel Tower with her. So me, Muff Sniff and a single Russian mom [I wouldn’t say a solid milf, but a milf none the less] are walking the streets of Paris. Of all the things we could be doing, I have no idea why Muff Sniff agreed to this, and no idea why I went along with, but long story short, we waste half a day with this broad.

Nah lol, I’m bullshitting. I know why he did it. Dude wanted some action. Turns out he got it too. When we got back to the hostel, they went outside for a cigarette and he got a hand job somewhere [I only found out about this recently btw]. The Russian then asked to meet up later that night but we decided to hit the bars instead.

So we go to some sports bar. I think it was called the Moose which was packed full of Afro French people. Is that the PC term? Fuck I dunno. Anyway, we’re in the bar and we meet these two smoking black, French honeys and they tell us about a nightclub called ‘Concrete’ which is in a boat on the river. So me and Muff Sniff go there but the girls never show.

We figure, we’re here, lets make the most of it, so we get on the boat and a beer costs 12 Euro and we’re like shit, we ain’t the fucking Clinton’s. Who can afford this place? A few minutes later an incredibly metrosexual dude walks up to and says “parlez vous francais “… We shake our heads, and they reply with “Do you have any MDMA?” and we’re like nope [We did btw. We did indeed]. But for whatever reason [I think it was the snapback caps] everyone thought me and Muff Sniff were drug dealers and over the course of the night, we must have been asked at least 30 times. Even a couple of Australian dudes asked for some beans. Cool dudes actually. Twins. They even went home with twins as well lol!

Anyway, we end up meeting this funny dude named, lets say French. He buys our MD [Because hey, we’re going to Bangkok tomorrow], and we get to talking. Turns out he’s flying there as well in a few days. Anyway, night comes to a close; both me and muff sniff get nothing and we head back to the hostel. It’s about 1am, pretty early and we’re both in bed. It’s been a long trip so far, when I decide to go down stairs for some cake [We bought this awesome chocolate cake that we stuck in the fridge and used as hangover food]. Anyway, I get downstairs and the Russian Milf is just sitting there, by herself. Bitch makes eye contact and I’m sucked into a conversation. I’m half asleep listening to her talk about her kid, her ex from some where in bloody Guatemala, and her dead end job, when she asks to go outside for a cigarette. I figure why the hell not. We head outside, one thing leads to another and she sucks my dick. The entire day I had been complaining about how much a pain in this ass this girl is, and how she’s a five out of ten, and here I was getting my dick sucked. I managed to keep that a secret from Muff Sniff for a few months but shit, now the cats out of the bag.

Anyway, the next day we fly to Thailand. The reason we did this was because it’s on the way home to Australia and we figure it’s a chance to have one last party before we return home. I won't bore ya’ll with the details of the flight but long story short, I promised myself, I’ll party big in Bangkok and do a Roosh V write up the next day by the pool. Well that plan went to shit…

Me and Muff Sniff are staying in a hotel called the Windsor Suites just around the corner from Soi Cowboy, so we arrive at the hotel, sleep for a few hours and then head to Soi Cowboy. Fucking dope! Me and Muff Sniff don’t pay for sex, but strips clubs! Yeah buddy, sign me up. We go to this one place called Tilac I think it was, and man… Best fucking bar I’ve ever been to. So here’s the deal, we walk in, sit down, and the stage is packed full of Half Asian and Asian looking hotties dancing on stage. They even had a host who walks around, chats, and gives you free shots. We spent about three hours there, had about 5 free drinks, a bunch of lap dances from girls trying to get us to fuck, and the more we chilled, the more attention we got… It was awesome! If I had it my way I would never go to a normal bar again. Just pre drinks at the strip club, then off to the nightclub to game.

That night ended up being a little hazy. I think Muff Sniff fell in love with a stripper and I fell in love with Bangkok but this is where the trouble started…

So a couple days, and a couple parties later, and a couple failed promises to update this blog, I get a call from French. The dude from Paris. He says he’s in Bangkok for the night before he jets off to Phuket. So we meet up, we drink and the next day he invites me and Muff Sniff to join him. Now before I left on this trip, I was working as a sales rep for a nutrition company. Fucking awful job but the commissions were insane. Paid for the holiday actually. Anyway, before the trip I quit the job and said, when I get back, I’ll find something else. Muff Sniff on the other hand kept his gig. So when French asked us to head to Phuket, Muff Sniff was forced to decline and I just said fuck it. I’ve seen The Beach. I wanna sneak through a marijuana plantation and live on an island with a bunch of Swedish hotties [I’m exaggerating but you get the point]. I’m in brother!

Unfortunately, that spelled the end for me and Muff Sniff’s trip, so we said our goodbyes, and I headed through the terminal with French. Now this is where shit starts to get crazy… So lemme paint a picture.

I was flying to Phuket from Suvarnabhumi Airport, the main one in Bangkok, and you go through customs which is pretty damn strict, and into the food court area, until you get to departures which looks like this:



So French and me had got to this area. We were actually running a bit late and they had just said ‘last call’ for our flight. Anyway, French says to me: “Man, I need a smoke. Can you hold the plane”, and I’m like “Sure dude, no problem”. Anyway, this crazy bastard pulls out a blunt. Hand to my heart; swear on my mother’s life, the dude pulled out a fucking blunt!

My anxiety jumped to one million. We were standing in the area just like the photo above, it was pretty empty and this guy lights up a blunt in a Thai Airport. A blunt! I don’t know the exact laws but I’m sure it's a pretty big fuckin' crime. He tells me to chill, I realize that this lunatic is probably about to get crash tackled by a dozen Thai security guards so I race off for the plane. Anyway, 5 minutes later, I’m sitting in my seat, tapping my feet anxiously when this smiling French fuck joins me on the plane. Not a care in the world.

I spent the rest of the flight thinking what I’ve got myself into. Anyway, turned out my worries were all for nothing. Phuket was incredible... Well the first night at least. I could do one big huge write up on the girls, the drinks, the beaches, the bars, but that isn't takeaway from night one in Phuket. Nope... The takes away is this:

I went way too crazy, ended up hiring a bike, crashed, broke my arm and had all my bank cards stolen. I spent the next few weeks transferring money, tripping out over my dodgy Thai hospital, and finally organizing my flight home but... I still had a blast.

I’ll probably get round to filling in all the blanks, but for now dudes, I’m glad to be home, glad to be able to type again, glad to be back on the Roosh V Forum, and pumped to get back to partying in the New Year!

[Balkan]

^^ I really enjoy your writing. I'm all ears if you fill in those blanks and pump out the full-length story.

[bumborass]

LMAO dude pulled out a blunt in the airport and smoked it

[Gustavus Adolphus]

Bump for those that missed this.

Great writing. I especially liked this part:

Quote:

You’ve probably noticed by now, we are really shit travellers. I mean, we go to Prague, do a pub-crawl and meet Americans. We go to Copenhagen, meet Americans and bang Americans, and here we are in fucking Amsterdam, and we’re about to drink Guinness in an Irish Pub with a Zimbabwean

Sounds like something I'd say.

Happy trails!

[Distant Light]

Now reading this comical gem, love hearing random stories with great characters (who smokes a blunt in the airport!?!?!)

Hope to read about the latest adventures now that many months have gone by...

What would the world be like without adventure

P.S...Cross club was one of the 1st non-touristy spots I ended up at while in prague. Huge group was happy to meet a black dude & invited me to a house party to drink & smoke trees.

[RatInTheWoods]

Time for the OP to regale us with more treats?

Guys like these give Aussies a good name when we travel!