Quote: (08-21-2016 09:56 PM)Isaac Jordan Wrote:
Quote: (08-21-2016 06:27 PM)RichieP Wrote:
Perhaps you should just keep going at life - building game, skills, wealth, assets, experiences, relationships etc - up until the point you get the urge to settle down.
As a guy in his mid-twenties who thinks - but isn't totally sure - that he wants to have kids some day (probably ten or so years from now), this has been my strategy so far.
It's all about keeping your options open.
If you turn a job into a career, live below your means, maintain a diverse portfolio of long-term investments, stay in shape, keep your game sharp, expand your network, and continue to learn new skills and explore new opportunities, you're going to put yourself in a winning position no matter what your future self decides to do.
Want to find a good woman and have kids? No problem, as you'll have maximized your SMV at the time of its greatest potential, in addition to saving and investing enough to provide for a comfortable existence with a family.
Want to stay single and keep doing your thing? Great, by then you should have a good pile of cash in the bank and some marketable skills around which you can build whatever lifestyle you choose.
Instead of trying to guess what your future self may desire 5, 10, 20 years down the road, it makes more sense to simply maximize the number and value of available options, and then choose the best once the time comes.
This is right on.
You can't predict the future. You can't predict ever-evolving circumstances. You can predict and control to some degree your potential options with some planning however.
I'm in my late 20s/early 30s and the next decade of my life is partly geared towards setting myself up for the
possibility of having a family one day.
But I won't have kids like many people simply because time is running out or out of fear of missing the boat; I think that's irresponsible and stupid. I will have them if AT THE TIME the right circumstances come about but of course, there is ZERO guarantee those circumstances will actually exist in the future.
What are some of the circumstances?
1. Do I have a stable income? Is it reasonable to assume it will be 15 years from now? - Having a family without money is a hard life. I rather not do it if money is gonna be a major issue. I want to be a sole/primary provider so money flow needs to be on point and of a certain amount.
2. Do I have some degree of location independence? - If culture/current environment goes to shit, can I move easily? I don't want to feel trapped.
3. Is the woman Mother of My Children material but ALSO down for me to have side pieces safely and discreetly? - Very rare thing to find in the US but it can be done with some foreign women.
4. In my particular country/state, are the family/child support/divorce laws reasonable? - I recently started looking in detail (
I covered this in another thread not too long ago) into the divorce/child support laws in various US states and countries. Some places have such evil and retarded laws that I will NEVER even consider having kids/getting married in those places. This has an impact on where I would go to make money and where I would go to seek out a partner.
5. Is the host country/state overall culturally pro-family? In the US, I find liberal places in particular to have borderline or outright disgust with the traditional male provider/woman housewife sort of family unit. Why bother living in a place that is constantly at odds with the way I want to live?
If all the above conditions existed today, I would probably check out right now and do the family thing. In my view, you should have kids as soon as you can once the proper conditions exist assuming you have even a modest interest in having kids. Why bother spending two decades raising kids just so you can go die off in a few years into their adulthood? I don't want to just see them grow; I want to see them live.
Look at Trump or George Bush for example. These guys had kids young enough to actually witness their kids do great things and see legacies in the making. Trump has seen his children turn into accomplished successful well-adjusted adults with their own established families and Bush saw one of his kids become President of the US. A lot of people talk about having kids when in the the 40+ range but for me, that seems too late from a cost/benefit standpoint. For what I value at least. I also think a lot of people regret/have mix feelings about kids because they don't demand circumstances that allow them to live the family lifestyle they want.
For instance, I want side pieces. I KNOW I can't limit myself to one pussy for decades and I will NOT be force to be covert/living in fear to get it. It's not an overwhelming desire but some side action (even if P4P) will be a must for me. The woman not down for it? Whatever then. Bye.
I also say I want stable money and of a certain amount. One reason for this is that I want enough to support a nanny/au pair. Me and the wife need a 3 day weekend getaway to recharge? Hand the kid to the nanny and peace out. I'm not dicking around hoping some relative or friend will watch the kid(s) as an act of charity.
But most men don't think about these things until AFTER the fact. You have to demand the things you want and filtering for it from day one; it's very difficult if not borderline impossible to alter the fundamentals of a relationship once deep in one.
Knowing what I value and the circumstances that I want to exist, my game has largely shifted to focusing on only high-quality women/potential LTR grade women AND low-risk/low liability women. Everything else is a distraction, a liability, or a waste of my time.
You have to understand:
Every chick we bang as players is the potential mother of our children and I really don't want to deal with some substandard woman for two decades fucking up my kids and taking my money while also having my LTR prospects take a hit due to additional baggage; solely just because I wanted to get my nut on for a night. There is too much at stake now and I do have a soft-time limit (around 40) for when the family thing is an acceptable thing to do.
Therefore and I alluded to this before, I don't want to waste ANY resources, time, energy, or effort on women of short-term value unless the short-term value chick requires virtually no-effort to obtain AND is an extremely low-risk/low liability to bang (basically ALL 30+ childless women are high-risk, for example... the vast majority who are basically resource mercenaries among other things). I've had women offer their bodies to me recently but I turn down sex now more and more frequently these days simply because I see no future with them and/or the risk is too great. I just don't care about getting a nut given the potential risk in a worst care scenario situation.
The great paradox to this entire current mindset is that I could have never reached this mental point in my life without massive risk-taking and banging away a ton of sluts; doing all the things that I'm advocating I don't and shouldn't do anymore.
Short version: If you have an interest in having kids, figure out the circumstances that need to exist that are acceptable to you to have them; based on the lifestyle you value. Clearly and overwhelmingly feel confident why these circumstances should exist. Once circumstances exist, go big or go home on the family deal.