[Tytalus]

There's a relatively new book out on Amazon that I came across somewhere in the red pill blogopshere. "The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism" by Olivia Fox Cabane

My Perspective:
I am a married dude and my game applications are on my wife. I have not read any game manuals, my understanding of it comes from blog posts.

The book:

Olivia talks about building Charisma, mostly in the context of the corporate world, though really what she's talking about can be used everywhere. In terms of game, what she really talks about is maintaining a positive frame, both internal and external. She covers many different ways to keep yourself running positive all the time, and has a huge list of exercises to practice on.

From what I've read in the blogosphere, some or many concepts she talks about are not necessarily new to the savvy red pill guy. However, where her book really shines are the exercises. How often have you read some guru saying "just maintain your internal frame" and really not had a huge clue HOW to do this? This is where I think this book really shines, is there's a lot of talk about the how of maintaining frame.

Overall, I give this book 5 stars for someone totally new to game and personal improvement. For an experienced man, more like 3 to 4 out of 5, as there will be useful nuggets, but familiarity with much of what the book is already talking about.

[Giovonny]

Thanks

[cardguy]

Quote:

“Giving style” to one’s character - a great and rare art! It is exercised by those who see all the strengths and weaknesses of their own natures and then comprehend them in an artistic plan until everything appears as art and reason and even weakness delights the eye.”

― Friedrich Nietzsche

[RockHard]

I read this one as well. I really liked it, she goes into a good bit of detail and gives lots of exercises - meditation, etc. I'm going to pull out a few of her tips here because they're really good and easy.

Her 3 tips for instant charisma boost. I find myself reminding myself of these frequently:

Quote:

* Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of your sentences.
* Reduce how quickly and how often you nod.
* Pause for two full seconds before you speak.

On "being present", a good tip. The important point is to be aware of your presence in the conversation. I see myself with pickup trying to think ahead of the convo, planning what I'm going to say, instead of being in the convo and letting it flow.

Quote:

The very next time you’re in a conversation, try to regularly check whether your mind is fully engaged or whether it is wandering elsewhere (including preparing your next sentence). Aim to bring yourself back to the present moment as often as you can by focusing on your breath or your toes for just a second, and then get back to focusing on the other person.

This next quote leads off a section where she breaks down the charismatic styles of several famous people. Bill Clinton for warmth, etc.

Quote:

CHARISMATIC BEHAVIOR CAN be broken down into three core elements: presence, power, and warmth .

Quote:

If a low-status person is eager to please us, we may find this pleasant, but we don’t necessarily value their eagerness very highly.

This next one is great. Substitute other words for "smart" - "sexy", "interesting", whatever.

Quote:

Don’t try to impress people. Let them impress you, and they will love you for it. Believe it or not, you don’t need to sound smart. You just need to make them feel smart.

On body language & speech tics:

Quote:

This kind of high-status, high-confidence body language is characterized by how few movements are made. Composed people exhibit a level of stillness, which is sometimes described as poise. They avoid extraneous , superfluous gestures such as fidgeting with their clothes, their hair, or their faces, incessantly nodding their heads, or saying “um” before sentences. These gestures , which behavior experts identify as low-status, are often signs used by someone wanting to convey reassurance to the person they’re interacting with.

All quotes from Cabane, Olivia Fox (2012-03-29). The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism (Kindle Locations 193-194). Portfolio Hardcover. Kindle Edition.

[Atlantic]

Just went out and got this today. Thanks OP

[elabayarde]

Irishman. Throw up a review when you finish on here. This maybe my next

[MHaes]

Yeah, I'd like to see a review as well.

[MHaes]

Irishman/Atlantic, have you finished the book yet?

[Atlantic]

(02-18-2014 05:06 PM)MHaes Wrote:  

Irishman/Atlantic, have you finished the book yet?

Unfortunately not.

I have been flat out since I bought it so have only had a chance to skim through and read the first few chapters.

So far I can tell its a really good book. I want to wait till I have a chance to really read it proper and take it all in.

I would recommend it already just based on how the first few chapters read.

Ill try get a proper review up soon, probably 1 -2 weeks though.

[freewheeler]

It's a solid book.

I actually do a lot of the things that are in there and find to be immensely helpful.

Sometimes you lose sight of the habits/rituals/actions you used to take so this is a nice reminder, there has also been some new stuff in it that I enjoyed.

The author defines charisma as follows:

charisma = power + presence + warmth

They offer plenty of exercises and tips for you to help you develop these traits.

Essentially, power is communicated through body language and vocal tonality/projection, presence is a state of being mindful/meditative, completely in the now (this cannot be underemphasized as when you do this, you become your most naturally attractive self) and warmth involves actually feeling empathy, gratitude and compassion.

If you search through my posts, you'll see that I am a large proponent of dialing in your subcommunications, walking through life in a meditative state and increasing your emotional intelligence.

I related to the different types of charisma she mentions, as I have dominant body language and a dominant vocal tonality that I project, so I come across very powerful and authoritative which I notice a lot of submissive responses from women with, but they also look down a lot more instead of smiling at me.

This is where it's important to balance the power aspect with warmth as girls are all extremely vulnerable, shy and insecure so you need to have that warm vibe to you where they feel very comfortable around you and it's almost a paternal sort of love where you look at everyone like they're your children almost (ex. don't take them seriously and are playful with them in the same way as you would be with your own kids). xsplat has written a bit about this paternal love feeling and manwhore has his "boss-daddy" way of describing this.

When I write about girls never breaking eye contact with me, being instantly and viscerally attracted to me (ex. jaw-dropping/deer in headlights look, not a giggly punch on the arm), shy/nervous, etc. with their eyes lit up, being super feminine, I was doing all of this stuff (power/presence/warmth) and it helps you cultivate your masculine polarity which will do more for you than anything else.

When you put all of these things together you will discover just how much influence you truly have on others, especially women and you'll start to get approached regularly.

Definitely read it, I came across a lot of the things written in the book through trial/error and just things I started doing over time, this is laid out for you in a very practical, ready to implement kind of manner.


I've made it to pg.56

[amity]

@freewheeler nice breakdown bro, thanks - think i'll get myself a copy

[No Habit]

First of all big thanks to Tytalus for recommending this book.

@freewheeler: I feel you.

I am completely down with freewheelers post. I come to the same conclusion as him about the book so far and made the same experience on the street.

I actually cannot emphasize his post enough. Recommend the book.

[Ensam]

Picked up a copy.

The book is very good so far. Perhaps the most useful thing is that she summarizes all the chapters and the exercises in the back of the book so once you're done ready it's very easy to go over all the lessons.

[Scesci]

Whoa, thanks dude, from what i read this book addresses the high complexity of charisma and character i've been looking for, Very useful

Thanks thanks

[Isometric Badger]

(02-10-2014 03:02 PM)RockHard Wrote:  

Her 3 tips for instant charisma boost. I find myself reminding myself of these frequently:

Quote:

* Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of your sentences.
* Reduce how quickly and how often you nod.
* Pause for two full seconds before you speak.

You can see that in action here, major difference if you pause/slow down:

[Checkmat]

I'm reading the book now based on the praise from this thread. So thank you guys!

The pausing thing is so major and yet I've had a hard time actually implementing in everyday life. During approaches I've even gotten so nervous and felt so tense that I'd interrupt a girl to spill over whatever bullshit I had in my head instead of just shutting up, chilling out and letting her talk like he ^ does in the video above.

I did have a phone interview for a job a couple of years ago. I had recently heard about the "pause" thing. So during the interview after every question the guy asked me, over the phone, I counted in my head "One...two...three..." before answering. I can't quantify it exactly, but it made the conversations flow in such a good way and the vibe I got from him was so positive.

I didn't get the job because of some political reasons, but the interviewer himself was over the moon for me! This coming from a guy who usually talks a mile a minute and would be tripping over his own words. Slowing the fuck down is amazingly powerful.

This brings me to a totally different question though. Using the extra-long pauses in conversation with people (not an interview situation), what about when you are talking to someone that is so fully engaged in what they are saying, that it's almost as if you don't interrupt them or jump in when you can, they would never stop talking at all? I know the idea from the video is to get a girl to open up to you and do most of the talking. But in my experience, I've had many conversations with people where I've felt like a sounding board and just nod and let them talk...AT me. It's a one-way conversation with a narcissistic personality. How do you guys deal with people like that?

[Checkmat]

Just a re-bump based on the observation in my post. I did a couple of approaches the past two days, in a grocery store and a yogurt place. In both situations I made sure to use extra-long pauses before talking to the girls. They'd say something, and even though my old impulse to jump in and fill the silence was there, I suffocated it and just stood there. No head-nodding, just a contemplative gaze for a couple of seconds. Then I'd slowly add to the conversation.

Thing is, more often than not when I would pause, relax and not talk, before I had a chance to say anything the girl would fill the silence on her own! She'd ramble about whatever my cat-friendly topic was, smile, laugh and show good eye contact. This was in stark contrast to the reaction I've gotten when my speech rate was fast, quick to fill scary silences and stifling. They would have deer in the headlight eyes, tight frowning mouth and generally be on edge.

Anyway I just wanted to add to this discussion that that particular piece of advice is golden to me. It may take some time to re-program microbehaviors like that but being aware and putting it into action WILL get you different results. I highly encourage trying it out.

The last thing the pausing seems to do is give your mind a chance to organically let the next conversation piece fall out. Nothing will feel rushed or forced.

[BasketBounce]

For those of us that have this book, how do you keep track of your progress?

I have read both this book and Carnegie's How to Win Friends from cover to cover. I have implemented many of their techniques, and I continue to implement them today. Some I do unconsciously now, others require conscious effort.

You can't really quantify charisma. Qualitatively, I would say I am more charismatic in that I get what I want from people more often, and I am much more confident in my ability to charm others. However, I just have a general feeling that there is still room for improvement.

Suppose the best answer is trial-and-error. Maybe I should spend a day on auto-pilot and see where my weaknesses lie? The only other option I can think of would be asking someone to watch for specific instances of non-charismatic behavior.

Yeah, I think that's what I'll do.

[Plato]

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou

[papaiela]

I stumbled upon this thread 2 months ago and I have put the book on my to read list now that I am half way through the book I can confidently say that it's the most useful book I've read during the lat 5 years. Thanks for the thread guys.

I found the part about warmth particularly interesting. If you struggle making girls comfortable around you I think you can benefit from this.

[EDantes]

I've read some of Robert Green's "The Art of Seduction" and think it's probably the best book on charisma I've come across.

Most books seem to just have simplistic "tips and tricks", but Greene's book does a good job explaining it from a more cultural perspective.

[Geomann180]

I bought the book. Some of the books written in that time period are sleeper hits, that may have been passed over but are in fact goldmines of information.

G