These situations never turn out well. They assume they can make it work, and the women assume that they can over-ride their sexual impulses, but her testosterone levels keep rising as she gets older. Eventually she will want to act on her sexual impulses, and she will dump the window-dressing husband, usually socking him for alimony or child support, and pursuing a favorable divorce settlement. Because she never really had any sexual feelings for him, it's easy for her, and often they can be quite nasty about it. Every case I have ever seen has ended horribly for the man.
This is a weirdly-common phenomenon. Something is broken.
Married women who love women
Living Two Lives: Married to a Man & In Love with a Woman
Dear John, I Love Jane: Women Write About Leaving Men for Women
How to Lose Your Wife to Another Woman: A Memoir of a Mixed-Orientation Marriage
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What I've often wondered, are their husbands so clueless that they got suckered?
I have noticed a number of these chaps. All of them are beta males of weak character. One of them is so screwed up that I suspect that he is imprinted with the wrong sense of what feminine gender is. He not only "can't tell" when a woman is butch, he thinks something is wrong with correctly-gendered women. I'm suspicious that his mother was one and he is imprinted wrong.
He married a woman who was obviously and actively lesbian, and pretended that he couldn't tell and didn't know what was going on. Then he was shocked when she left him for another woman. He's still in denial over what happened.
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Would warning them have worked?
Probably not, but it's better to try and fail than not try at all.
It will end badly.
Here are some phenomena I think are confusing a lot of chaps about this issue:
- Women are much less likely to admit to being homosexual than men are, even if they are sexually active with other women. Lindsay Lohan is on record for denying that she is lesbian. Hillary Clinton is on record for denying that she is lesbian. Patricia Ireland deceptively wrote her autobiography to talk about being married to a man, when she was cohabitating with her lesbian partner. Etc etc etc.
- Because of their lower testosterone levels, they think they can over-ride their sexual impulses. But their testosterone levels keep rising. Often they finally come out around midlife, even though they were sexually active with other females from their teens or more likely their pre-teens.
- Women are much less likely to couple up. Their relationships tend to be more casual, and even when they have long-term lesbian relationships, they don't usually move in together; they usually maintain separate residences.
- They're not all "butch". Actually, as far as I can tell, "femmes" are more common. But they are easy to spot: their sexuality is narcissistic in the literal sense of being attracted to women who either remind them of themselves, or who they wish they were.
- Lesbo-lad fetishes are common pornographic themes, creating a lot of wildly inaccurate beliefs about the nature of homosexuality in women.
- There is some sort of taboo in western cultures against disclosing sexual vices in women. Hence most people believe that only men "cheat", when in fact logistically it must be about as common in women as among men (what, the men are all standing in line in front of the door of one really big whore? No...there is a pool of women available to cheat with, and she's either married herself, or a home-wrecker).
Lesbians are easy to spot if you know what to look for. Watch how women react to men (flirty, or jealous?), versus how they react to women. They're not very good at hiding their feelings. Watch the eyes especially; notice when the the pupils dilate. If you start looking for the signs, you'll start noticing that it is an order of magnitude more common than you have been mislead to believe.
