[kongzi]

On the one hand, I know its not a bad thing to get haters and people being jealous and trying to see you fail. Its a sign that you're being successful while the haters stay in their laziness/complacency and are too scared to leave their comfort zones. This article comes to mind: http://www.rooshv.com/everyone-is-hoping...youll-fail

However, I just watched this video by RSD saying that one of the keys to happiness is to see others as being on the same team as you, accepting you, and not as threats. Tyler is saying that seeing others as threats causes you to be "little", reduces your energy, and just leads to a miserable existence: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pdoFNlaDNI

It seems contradictory to see others as being on the same team and accepting you, but also trying to get haters because you're doing better in life than others. What do you guys think?

[Chauncey]

[Independent1]

I guess personality makes this subjective. Some people prefer hate whilst others don't, I don't think there's science behind it.

[Oneeyedjack]

(07-20-2016 02:11 AM)kongzi Wrote:  

On the one hand, I know its not a bad thing to get haters and people being jealous and trying to see you fail. Its a sign that you're being successful while the haters stay in their laziness/complacency and are too scared to leave their comfort zones. This article comes to mind: http://www.rooshv.com/everyone-is-hoping...youll-fail

However, I just watched this video by RSD saying that one of the keys to happiness is to see others as being on the same team as you, accepting you, and not as threats. Tyler is saying that seeing others as threats causes you to be "little", reduces your energy, and just leads to a miserable existence: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pdoFNlaDNI

It seems contradictory to see others as being on the same team and accepting you, but also trying to get haters because you're doing better in life than others. What do you guys think?

Extrinsically motivated individuals are rewarded or punished by external factors such as other people's perception. What is rewarding for one person may not be for another. For example, being on the same team may motivate one person to do better while may make another person lazy since there is a group to fall back on. Same with punishment- may motivate someone to work harder to over come negative views or demotivate since it is aversive to have other people view them negatively.

Intrinsically motivated individuals don't care either way. They do want they love to do and focus on doing it well. How they are perceived by others is irrelevant to their reward system.

[frenchcorporation]

It's not contradictory

Initially treating people as equals whilst improving yourself will reveal the haters. Then when the haters have revealed themselves you can cut them off

[Easy_C]

Neither. Treat people as a blank slate until they give you some indication...which will usually happen within the first few minutes of meeting them if you know what to look for.

[RichieP]

The thing with the "blank slate" approach is you miss out on the fact that you can influence people to behave well by expecting them to.

Positive expectation works really well when combined with high value/high status.

This is especially true for girls, relationships, cold approach. The thorniest bitch can become the the sweetest kitten if you fully expect her to be sweet to you. People do their best to live up to the expectations of someone they perceive as high-status.

I think ultimately it's a mix. You have a degree of positive expectation for people, that encourages them to be on their best behavior around you. But some people are assholes. So you quickly revoke privileges in light of a person violating your core standards. Conditional approval.

[TheMaleBrain]

(07-21-2016 02:58 AM)RichieP Wrote:  

The thing with the "blank slate" approach is you miss out on the fact that you can influence people to behave well by expecting them to.

Positive expectation works really well when combined with high value/high status.

This is especially true for girls, relationships, cold approach. The thorniest bitch can become the the sweetest kitten if you fully expect her to be sweet to you. People do their best to live up to the expectations of someone they perceive as high-status.

I think ultimately it's a mix. You have a degree of positive expectation for people, that encourages them to be on their best behavior around you. But some people are assholes. So you quickly revoke privileges in light of a person violating your core standards. Conditional approval.

Totally agree.
Your first response will be to treat them well. Only if they don't act like that you cancel them from your life.

Don't look for hater. There is just no point in inserting negativity into your life. They will come on their own.