Hello. Long time lurker here and unfortunately still a beta in many ways. On mobile so forgive spacing issues. I started dating HB7 4 ago. She pushed for us to become more serious, and i agreed. She has introduced me to family and friends and all that usual shit. So skipping all the boring shit ive noticed some what i would consider red flags. Not once but twice she has attempted to establish frame in the relationship. First she wanted me to stop texting and/or messaging other chicks. I basically said i can talk to whoever i want. She lets this go. Then when we go out she she makes a big deal out of telling me that she likes to dance, and that she will dance with other guys etc. I say fine and whatever. Then she leads me into a conversation about going to nightclubs with "the girls" - and asks me what i would do and or think of her if she went out and i didnt get a call or a text. I explained that she can do whatever she wants but that i think its pretty disrespectful to not answer people, especially if they are supposedly important to you. I just say she can do whatever but i expect common courtesy from her. So today i left to stay with some family until friday. I havent texted her or anything. So she sends me a message telling me: "i hope you had a nice day", i read it and ten minutes later she send another one asking "are you okay"? This was through Facebook. So i turn off my mobile Internet service because i dont want to waste all that money abroad and text her that im going to grab beer with some friends, and that ill send her sms instead of Facebook messages. Now 24 hours later i still havent gotten a reply. So first post for me... Pretty boring. And like i said i am basically somewhat of a beta (not physcically or anything like that), with some Roosh V lurker and redpill "experience" (observing not participating). I highly suspect she is pulling this shit as a direct response/challenge to my views of common courtesy and all that. Basically i doubt i want to continue this shit of she keeps up some of this stuff. Sorry for the wall of text btw and i realize this post in itself is.. Subpar. Just lokking for some kind advice or guidance. -Leo
LTR - Red Flags. Most Likely Dumping Asap.
Quote: (07-11-2016 09:36 PM)LeoxBarca Wrote:
Hello. Long time lurker here and unfortunately still a beta in many ways. On mobile so forgive spacing issues. I started dating HB7 4 ago. She pushed for us to become more serious, and i agreed. She has introduced me to family and friends and all that usual shit. So skipping all the boring shit ive noticed some what i would consider red flags. Not once but twice she has attempted to establish frame in the relationship. First she wanted me to stop texting and/or messaging other chicks. I basically said i can talk to whoever i want. She lets this go. Then when we go out she she makes a big deal out of telling me that she likes to dance, and that she will dance with other guys etc. I say fine and whatever. Then she leads me into a conversation about going to nightclubs with "the girls" - and asks me what i would do and or think of her if she went out and i didnt get a call or a text. I explained that she can do whatever she wants but that i think its pretty disrespectful to not answer people, especially if they are supposedly important to you. I just say she can do whatever but i expect common courtesy from her. So today i left to stay with some family until friday. I havent texted her or anything. So she sends me a message telling me: "i hope you had a nice day", i read it and ten minutes later she send another one asking "are you okay"? This was through Facebook. So i turn off my mobile Internet service because i dont want to waste all that money abroad and text her that im going to grab beer with some friends, and that ill send her sms instead of Facebook messages. Now 24 hours later i still havent gotten a reply. So first post for me... Pretty boring. And like i said i am basically somewhat of a beta (not physcically or anything like that), with some Roosh V lurker and redpill "experience" (observing not participating). I highly suspect she is pulling this shit as a direct response/challenge to my views of common courtesy and all that. Basically i doubt i want to continue this shit of she keeps up some of this stuff. Sorry for the wall of text btw and i realize this post in itself is.. Subpar. Just lokking for some kind advice or guidance. -Leo
You are correct that your post does not seem to be very well organized in terms of what is the issue and what may be concerns of yours regarding how to address some of the issues.
In almost any beginning relationship, there are likely going to be various kinds of boundary tests on both ends, and yeah, if she seems to be engaging in behavior just to cause drama or to cause you stress then you may well want to create additional distance from her because some of that kind of behavior may be too much for you specifically, but that is up to you to decide how much game playing you are willing to tolerate before you move on to more drama free pastures.
Yeah it went kinda bad in that regard. But thanks for the input. She is definietly not LTR material for reasons im too tired to go through on this smartphone right now. My fingers are way too big for these small buttons.
Quote: (07-11-2016 11:07 PM)LeoxBarca Wrote:
Yeah it went kinda bad in that regard. But thanks for the input. She is definietly not LTR material for reasons im too tired to go through on this smartphone right now. My fingers are way too big for these small buttons.
I don't think it matters whether you are posting from a smart phone or some other way, you are new to the RVF forum, and probably you should consider ways to present your material and situations in order that guys can get to interact with you and get to know your concerns... which may help you and also may help them to better understand how to approach these kinds of scenarios in their own lives (if they come up)
Let's deal with form and then with substance:
- posting from mobile is tough. Use the "Enter" key to separate lines, and keep it short.
- Getting to the point is crucial, on mobile or on a computer.
Now substance:
- She was probably "establishing" or checking boundaries.
- I'll take her on her word that "she likes to dance, and that she will dance with other guys etc". If she likes to dance she can dance with you or with her friends. Dancing with other guys is a red flag.
- Not texting an LTR is not a good idea. On an LTR one should text on a regular basis to keep yourself in her mind. If you went abroad, you should have told her in advance that you will text her.
Suggestions:
1. Do not chase. Go ghost for a few days. Let her "come to you".
2. Once back, ignore the subject until she brings it up. Then explain what you require her to do and how to act. If she agrees and follows - good. She may ask for "different arrangement" (i.e. texting more - OK, going out with other people - NOT OK).
3. Be ready to walk out. If you are not getting what you want (in terms of her behaviour), don't stay.
4. Find out, if you can, what she did in your absence. Use social media, ask her friends (casually).
5. If you find out she was cheating - dump her. If not - complement her for a good behaviour (reinforcement is a good thing in relationship).
- posting from mobile is tough. Use the "Enter" key to separate lines, and keep it short.
- Getting to the point is crucial, on mobile or on a computer.
Now substance:
- She was probably "establishing" or checking boundaries.
- I'll take her on her word that "she likes to dance, and that she will dance with other guys etc". If she likes to dance she can dance with you or with her friends. Dancing with other guys is a red flag.
- Not texting an LTR is not a good idea. On an LTR one should text on a regular basis to keep yourself in her mind. If you went abroad, you should have told her in advance that you will text her.
Suggestions:
1. Do not chase. Go ghost for a few days. Let her "come to you".
2. Once back, ignore the subject until she brings it up. Then explain what you require her to do and how to act. If she agrees and follows - good. She may ask for "different arrangement" (i.e. texting more - OK, going out with other people - NOT OK).
3. Be ready to walk out. If you are not getting what you want (in terms of her behaviour), don't stay.
4. Find out, if you can, what she did in your absence. Use social media, ask her friends (casually).
5. If you find out she was cheating - dump her. If not - complement her for a good behaviour (reinforcement is a good thing in relationship).
"I love a fulfilling and sexual relationship. That is why I make the effort to have many of those" - TheMaleBrain
"Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb." - Spaceballs
"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine" - Obi-Wan Kenobi
This references a whole bunch of issues with no basis for determining what the good side of this arrangement is.
Are you incel or does she bang? Is the sex good? Does she gobble your knob on demand? How likely are you to acquire someone as good or better in the near future?
In short, what makes all these dramas worth bearing?
Are you incel or does she bang? Is the sex good? Does she gobble your knob on demand? How likely are you to acquire someone as good or better in the near future?
In short, what makes all these dramas worth bearing?
The public will judge a man by what he lifts, but those close to him will judge him by what he carries.
I wish I could just hand you a book so that you could see all the problems.
WIA
WIA
just bounce dude, not worth it over one girl. One thing I've learned from reading the forums and really try to apply is that if theres issues in the relationship, just bounce.
Maybe you'll reconnect with her at a later time, but for the time being, not worth the effort and stress of it.
Maybe you'll reconnect with her at a later time, but for the time being, not worth the effort and stress of it.
It's a slut who is obviously cheating on you repeatedly behind your back.
Bounce.
Bounce.
She told you to your face she was going to "dance" with other guys. If you were "dancing" with other girls what would be your goal? How would she would react? As soon as she said that you should have moved her to "fuck buddy" status or left her in the dust. She is not relationship material.
We need some type of gif that says all of what needs to be said to guys who are trying to mimic alpha behavior unsuccessfully, without having to write paragraphs out each time.
Stop trying to be alpha before it's natural. If it's put-on, it will not have the effect that you think that it will and it'll drive whatever women that you have attracted, by whatever magic that you work, away.
You're giving this woman the impression that you are in some kind of put-on alpha competition with her. That's how she started communicating with you after you told her that you can "talk to whoever I want".
The following is just ridiculous:
You put-on this alpha show by pretending to be disinterested in her rules, in spite of the promise of pussy that you likely need badly, and disinterested in what she does on the dancefloor (lie) but then complain to her.
The bolded text is all beta as fuck, and comes off much worse than if you had just been yourself from the start. Betas who are themselves sometimes get women, and can get away with being beta without looking like a douche. Betas being beta, who are pretending to be alpha, come off as detestable.
What's wrong with you? You have this sweet girl trying to catch up with you, in spite of your pseudo-alpha fuckery, and then you make her feel like shit because of it? You'd better buy your dick some whiskey, because its going to be a long winter my friend. I only say that as a guy concerned for your access to pussy.
She's a mix of weirded and out put off by your responses.
This game only works when the girl already needs your cock like she need oxygen because you are alpha. When you are still at the level of trying to provide her with enough value to stick around, then you're going to get your put-on alpha behavior mimicked and thrown back in your face. Her wanting do dance with other men was basically her saying to you "how do you like it"?
And you obviously have no ability to de-escalate the situation. It's just going to keep escalating in tone until the relationship is no longer fun for her.
Your near term goals should be to cut out active beta behavior, rather than to mimic alpha behavior. Ironically enough, a big part of that is not trying to be someone who you aren't.
Also, you need an activity (sport) that will build your self confidence. Try lifting, wrestling, or something similar.
Finally, it's better to be a little bit beta and have pussy access, and learn and build confidence, then it is to follow every PUA rule. To wit, at your current level, when a girl tells you that she doesn't want you talking to other women, take it as a compliment and that she likes you for some reason (and is probably considering giving you pussy), tentatively agree, and ask for something in return. As you get better, that something will come more naturally to you. For now, it can be anything. And don;t be a dick about it. Couch it (through your voice tone, not words) like you two are entering a lover's pact.
Stop trying to be alpha before it's natural. If it's put-on, it will not have the effect that you think that it will and it'll drive whatever women that you have attracted, by whatever magic that you work, away.
You're giving this woman the impression that you are in some kind of put-on alpha competition with her. That's how she started communicating with you after you told her that you can "talk to whoever I want".
The following is just ridiculous:
Quote:Quote:
he she makes a big deal out of telling me that she likes to dance, and that she will dance with other guys etc. I say fine and whatever. Then she leads me into a conversation about going to nightclubs with "the girls" - and asks me what i would do and or think of her if she went out and i didnt get a call or a text. I explained that she can do whatever she wants but that i think its pretty disrespectful to not answer people, especially if they are supposedly important to you. I just say she can do whatever but i expect common courtesy from her.
You put-on this alpha show by pretending to be disinterested in her rules, in spite of the promise of pussy that you likely need badly, and disinterested in what she does on the dancefloor (lie) but then complain to her.
The bolded text is all beta as fuck, and comes off much worse than if you had just been yourself from the start. Betas who are themselves sometimes get women, and can get away with being beta without looking like a douche. Betas being beta, who are pretending to be alpha, come off as detestable.
Quote:Quote:
So she sends me a message telling me: "i hope you had a nice day", i read it and ten minutes later she send another one asking "are you okay"?
What's wrong with you? You have this sweet girl trying to catch up with you, in spite of your pseudo-alpha fuckery, and then you make her feel like shit because of it? You'd better buy your dick some whiskey, because its going to be a long winter my friend. I only say that as a guy concerned for your access to pussy.
Quote:Quote:
This was through Facebook. So i turn off my mobile Internet service because i dont want to waste all that money abroad and text her that im going to grab beer with some friends, and that ill send her sms instead of Facebook messages. Now 24 hours later i still havent gotten a reply. So first post for me... Pretty boring
She's a mix of weirded and out put off by your responses.
This game only works when the girl already needs your cock like she need oxygen because you are alpha. When you are still at the level of trying to provide her with enough value to stick around, then you're going to get your put-on alpha behavior mimicked and thrown back in your face. Her wanting do dance with other men was basically her saying to you "how do you like it"?
And you obviously have no ability to de-escalate the situation. It's just going to keep escalating in tone until the relationship is no longer fun for her.
Your near term goals should be to cut out active beta behavior, rather than to mimic alpha behavior. Ironically enough, a big part of that is not trying to be someone who you aren't.
Also, you need an activity (sport) that will build your self confidence. Try lifting, wrestling, or something similar.
Finally, it's better to be a little bit beta and have pussy access, and learn and build confidence, then it is to follow every PUA rule. To wit, at your current level, when a girl tells you that she doesn't want you talking to other women, take it as a compliment and that she likes you for some reason (and is probably considering giving you pussy), tentatively agree, and ask for something in return. As you get better, that something will come more naturally to you. For now, it can be anything. And don;t be a dick about it. Couch it (through your voice tone, not words) like you two are entering a lover's pact.
From what you reported, the whole relationship is a reg flag. If she is hot, keep her as a fuck buddy, but I wouldn't invest a lot of time or emotions in this one.
You should work more on your Game and frame before entering a LTR.
Develop more experience with women.
If you don't like your Beta-ways, then change.
Nothing useful about beating yourself up if you don't intend to change your behavior.
You should work more on your Game and frame before entering a LTR.
Develop more experience with women.
If you don't like your Beta-ways, then change.
Nothing useful about beating yourself up if you don't intend to change your behavior.
More drama in 4 months than most "normal" relationships have in 4 years!
It's unclear from your post whether you banged her or not. You did, right? As someone mentioned above: what's the sex like? Is it she puts out on the regular when you show up at her place or vice versa, or what's the deal?
4 months and she wants to become "more serious"? HOLY SHIT
It's unclear from your post whether you banged her or not. You did, right? As someone mentioned above: what's the sex like? Is it she puts out on the regular when you show up at her place or vice versa, or what's the deal?
4 months and she wants to become "more serious"? HOLY SHIT
Quote: (07-24-2016 05:29 PM)Dantes Wrote:
Nothing useful about beating yourself up if you don't intend to change your behavior.
Actually, this is a very interesting point regarding the utility of posting issues and then failing to consider ways to act.
I hate to be too stereotypical, but when guys go through such efforts to express or describe problems, they are usually prepared to take some kinds of actions (not always prepared to take effective action, but at least some kinds of actions). Women, on the other hand, tend to describe problems that they have no intention on attempting to fix.
Regarding trolls, they tend to post shit in order to get other guys to talk about various solutions, but they do not provide further explanation or details regarding the situation or actions that they have taken or plan to take.
Many of us understand that with any relationship with a chick, as it develops the girl is going to engage in various shit tests, and sure the dynamics of the relationship is going to be different depending on the level that each has invested in the relationship, including whether they have fucked yet or not. I have had some relationships in which I was all prepared to fuck the girl, and flailing and working toward getting the bang, but then the chick started engaging in complicated drama which caused me to abandon ship without getting the bang...
In the end, OP is not really interacting nor providing additional details, and we are kind of flailing here in our attempts to respond to his issues.
This chick seems like she likes drama and will cause problems. Probably better to keep her as a fuck buddy, not an LTR/girlfriend.
However, you seem to be managing her shit well.
However, you seem to be managing her shit well.
Why do the heathen rage and the people imagine a vain thing? Psalm 2:1 KJV
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