[faznine15]

Has this happend to anyone else here?

Once you cross into your 30s suddenly your entire social network ends up in some combination of getting married, having kids, and getting "busy" .

I've put "busy" in quotes because we all know most people aren't really doing jack shit half the time, but that doesn't stop them and their wives from scheduling all sorts of shit from now until eternity. This makes hanging out often feel like pulling teeth.

How many times have you had a conversation that went like this, "Oh yeah dude that's awesome we need to hang more it's been too long." "Oh Wednesday?....err I've got cat yoga.....hmm Thursday the wifes breast pumping can't do that then...err uh how bout 15 weeks from now on Monday?"

As someone who has always liked to keep loose plans for anything over two weeks in advance so that there's room for random excitement in life I find this frustrating.

It feels like a god damned man date. There's the same amount of texting and back and forth involed in dating a woman but with none of the potential sexual payoff.
Your local tinder slammer isn't this hard to get out.

It's especially bad if you meet a cool dude and you are trying further the potential friendship / networking. It just feels too close to dating sending out feeler texts inviting a dude out for beers and then having to do the shceduling back an forth.

So great people of forum do I just sack up buy a calendar and see my college roomate the one day this lunar year that his wife hasn't planned something or just say fuck it and start pruning the old friendship tree to only include peopple who don't have so much shit planned they can actuall go out.

[cascadecombo]

(04-13-2016 06:02 PM)faznine15 Wrote:  

Has this happend to anyone else here?

Once you cross into your 30s suddenly your entire social network ends up in some combination of getting married, having kids, and getting "busy" .

I've put "busy" in quotes because we all know most people aren't really doing jack shit half the time, but that doesn't stop them and their wives from scheduling all sorts of shit from now until eternity. This makes hanging out often feel like pulling teeth.

How many times have you had a conversation that went like this, "Oh yeah dude that's awesome we need to hang more it's been too long." "Oh Wednesday?....err I've got cat yoga.....hmm Thursday the wifes breast pumping can't do that then...err uh how bout 15 weeks from now on Monday?"

As someone who has always liked to keep loose plans for anything over two weeks in advance so that there's room for random excitement in life I find this frustrating.

It feels like a god damned man date. There's the same amount of texting and back and forth involed in dating a woman but with none of the potential sexual payoff.
Your local tinder slammer isn't this hard to get out.

It's especially bad if you meet a cool dude and you are trying further the potential friendship / networking. It just feels too close to dating sending out feeler texts inviting a dude out for beers and then having to do the shceduling back an forth.

So great people of forum do I just sack up buy a calendar and see my college roomate the one day this lunar year that his wife hasn't planned something or just say fuck it and start pruning the old friendship tree to only include peopple who don't have so much shit planned they can actuall go out.

If you want your buddy to hang out, I would personally suggest getting him into a hobby with you.

Start going to an MMA gym together. Train and have time afterward to chat and have bro time before he goes home.

Could be mountain biking, rock climbing or any number of things. Any wife who tries to keep her husband from being active is begging for the dude to explode around the belly.

[faznine15]

That is a good call. A lot of the times I've been closest with old friends is when we were both involed in a shared hobby like chasing poosy or surfing.

Thing is not all of my long term freinds are the kind that we have tons of shared hobbies. I find that childhood friends often were a function of years of shared experience vs adult friends are more related to shared hobbies.

Obviously there's only so much you can do with the ball and chain crowd

[kaotic]

Start making friends with other guys in your group or extended group who are bachelors.

Start doing your own shit, hobbies, sports, etc - you'll find others who are into this as well.

You shouldn't lean so much on your friends if they're tied down with kids and a wife.

Channel that inwards and use your time wisely - you've got more of it than the average family man.

Most my friends are married and have kids - doesn't stop me from banging chicks and doing shit on my own.

When I do get to hangout with the boys it's like we never had a pause in our friendship. Those are the friends you keep, the ones who fade, faded for a reason.

[Peregrine]

Some people lean towards structured socializing and others (such as yourself) prefer spontaneous socializing. As you noticed, people tend towards structured socializing as they get busier. If you prefer spontaneous socializing, you need to find people who enjoy it as well and have relatively free schedules.

Interesting article: http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/12/10-types-o...-part.html

[RoastBeefCurtains4Me]

I find the easiest people to hang out with on the spur of the moment are coworkers. You can go for drinks after work, and end up staying out late. They key is that your schedules are already aligned, and from there it's just a matter of proximity.

If you're used to hanging out with a buddy from work twice a week, then he gets a different job, it will suddenly be hard to match schedules, even though you're both working the same hours, and aren't too far across town from each other.

Like a previous poster said, a good alternative is to join some kind of activity. Once you have regular proximity, it's easy to just hang out. In both cases, the shared work or activity gives you something shared to talk about, and from there you can easily branch to any other tooic.

[texas]

Make friends with people from Latin America and some other cultures. A lot of them are very good at going with the flow and spontaneous or last-minute activities. Possible places to meet are InterNations meetups, soccer leagues, Latin restaurants, language exchange groups, or bars when soccer games like El Clásico (Real Madrid vs Barcelona) are on. There will definitely be cute girls there too so it's a great option. Dancing classes too if you're into that.

You're spot on with the "cat yoga". A lot of my friends that grew up here (USA) just talk themselves out of leaving the house with the most ridiculous reasons. The other night I invited a friend to go get dinner and talk shit and no joke, he told me, "I can't man, it's Hamburger Helper night." and sent me a picture of some nasty-ass looking dish.

[The Black Knight]

You are just realizing that some of your friends are blue pill Bitch Boys who have no control of their lives because they married/live with controlling cunts.

Best thing is not make any effort in making plans with them or just reach out once in a blue moon with an idea assuming they can't attend or participate.

I've tried to unplug a few of these "always busy" (because of the GF/wife) types and it just leads to resentment by them. GF/wife cunt sees you as a threat and tells Bitch Boy to keep some distance from you. Because he is a bitch, he goes with it. When you call him out, he turns on you. Fuck the lot of them.

A red pill married/LTR guy knows how to put a woman in line and get some downtime with the boys. The same guy also doesn't associate with cunts who give a shit if he has dinner with some friends here and there. On the other hand, a blue pill Bitch Boy lives in absolute fear that if he does something his cunt GF/wife doesn't approve of, he will lose her forever and his entire world will come crashing down.

Trust me when I say it: Bitch Boys are not your friends and will sell you out over a undeserving cunt of a GF/wife in a heartbeat. Best you can hope from them are phone calls and maybe some shared online activity like gaming (so the cunt can keep an eye on her Bitch Boy). The best part is that years later when the relationship goes south, these Bitch Boy's will come out of the woodwork and be like "Oh hey man, long time no talk..." -- Whether you want to be benevolent and show them the Red Pill Light is your call; I would, with harsh prejudice however since the more unplugged men in the world the better. But until they are in the right frame of mind, it's pretty hard to get Bitch Boys to wake the fuck up and say "NO" to their cunt GF/wife.

Moral of the story: Find a better class of men to associate with.

[General Stalin]

If you haven't learned it already, dudes who have girlfriend, and especially wives/kids make for lame friends. Like 90% of dudes go ghost when they get a solid girl in their life. They are always with them and will ditch their friends in a heart beat for their girl. It's lame shit but most typical guys do it.

There are of course exceptions, but generally of you're a bachelor, your most engaging friends will also be bachelors.

[Vinny]

I feel you!
If my plans are too strict, I don't feel it is fun anymore. Gotta have this freedom.
I have lost many opportunities in life because of friends being busy. For example I would have started red pill travelling in 2010 and not 2013 if any of my friends were available that time.
Answer to all your troubles is rolling solo. Anywhere you go, anything you do there will be new people, new friends. And once you are solo and social people are more open to you as well.
Travel solo too. When I go somewhere alone I literally spend no time alone, it is mostly girls of course, but at times cool guys you meet at the bar or during some travelling activities.
Another good call is this forum's meet up section. I did 4 meet ups so far (Kiev, Rotterdam, Utrecht, Manila). With outcomes varying from great to a life changing amazing. There are a lot of people with similar mindsets and freedom of thoughts and actions. Different age group different professions. You can learn a lot about game, lifestyle, money making and have fun too, plus have a great wingman. It is a mutual exchange.
I think it was Seneca who said there are only 2 reasons you should spend time with people. 1st is if you can make them better 2nd is if they can make you better. Well there are plenty of both on this forum.

[faznine15]

Thanks for some of the replies. I think I might have phrased the post poorly.

It's not that I don't have friends it's that making them in your 30s is as time consuming and annoying and requires almost the same effort it does to date women which is more enjoyable and even in some cases is easier.

I have a seperate set of friends who I would chase pussy with that "get it". So I wasn't looking for advice on convincing bunned up friends to have a good time. I allready know they aren't fun anymore. They are and were lost causes.

The lack of availablity of the married tied down friends isn't keeping me from having a rad time or "doing my own thing".

The question was simply if anyone had any better ideas for getting them out without making it feel like a gay ass scheduled date or if this is just part of getting older and the game changing.

TL; DR

Some of the good takeaways from the responses that helped were:

Proximity is King. Just like how your childhood friendships evolved. It's going to be an uphill battle otherwise.

Quote:

They key is that your schedules are already aligned, and from there it's just a matter of proximity.

If you're used to hanging out with a buddy from work twice a week, then he gets a different job, it will suddenly be hard to match schedules, even though you're both working the same hours, and aren't too far across town from each other.

Say fuck it and see them 1 time per year they get let out of the nest. Eseentially where I'm currently at. Always easy to drop back in.

Quote:

When I do get to hangout with the boys it's like we never had a pause in our friendship. Those are the friends you keep, the ones who fade, faded for a reason.

Pursue you hobbies in a structured social fashion such as meetups, group whatever, team sports instead of pickup etc. I think the real takeaway here would be use your hobbies to meet people who actually do shit currently.


Keep in mind that some people actually prefer structed planned socialising and be aware of how this relates to your style.

Quote:

Some people lean towards structured socializing and others (such as yourself) prefer spontaneous socializing.

[Recovering Beta]

Tell me about it. I turned 40 a short time ago, got separated from my wife over a year ago, and socially it it is awkward.

Yeah, it does seem like everyone in my age group is married and dedicated to raising a family.

There's the option of being friends with younger people but that can be awkward, too.

[TooFineAPoint]

I prefer to be friends with people who keep busy.

In my experience, people who can hang out at a moment's notice are not really doing anything interesting with their lives.

All the same, like Kaotic said, real friends pick up where they left off no matter when the last contact was. Also, real friends pick wives that understand how important it is for their husbands to get together with their other male friends. And those guys earn it by being stellar husbands and fathers when they are around their families.

[Leonard D Neubache]

If you can hang out at the drop of a hat then it falls to reason that you have literally nothing solid going on in your life. That said, even married men with children should put aside at least one night a week to just get the hell out of the house, even if it's just driving for three hours in a random direction and then going back again.

I have a wife and kids, but I still find time to play billiards once a week and do some shooting once a fortnight. The truth is that a lot of guys in the family stage are quite content with their own company but have difficulty explaining to their old drinking buddies that they're just not interested in that sort of life any more. Meanwhile the old drinking buddy perceives that his friend keeps making and breaking meetup times because "he's miserable but can't break away from his ball-busting wife".

Believe it or not, some guys genuinely prefer spending time with their wife and their kids. Something I thought was a myth until I lived it.

[birthday cat]

Another reason to meet guys from the forum.

I refer to weddings as funerals because they always kill the man's social life.