From Wednesday to Saturday of the past week, Mark Fletcher and I have been staying in Gatlinburg, Tennessee to try our luck at some mountain living—and gaming mountain pussy.
This data sheet is about the pussy.
While our stay was relatively short, I feel it's safe to say we know everything about the nightlife and game opportunities here (at least for the late March/early April season).
It's a simple place to figure out.
Still we've spent countless hours scoping the place out and talking to bouncers, and after sweat-laced research and gaming, we return back to the world of RVF and wifi to report our findings.
Note: We only stayed a little less than a week, and on the off-season for tourists, so understand that this only applies to the off-season. Though based on what we've heard from locals, I don't see it being much different when tourism picks up.
General Summary
The tourist part of Gatlinburg, which involves the length of the Gatlinburg strip and not the actual Gatlinburg community, is a Smoky Mountains-themed rustic place. It sits in the Smokey Mountain national park (which is beautiful).
Here you'll find many old time shops, confederate flags in windows, moonshine distilleries, and white people. There are a good bit of Indians and Middle Eastern people here too, but that's very relative. The great majority of people here are white Southerners.
This is not the place to go if you're just looking to game. Last call is set at 1 am by law. The vast, vast, vast majority of girls are with their families. And there's only three real choices in night venues.
That's all because Gatlinburg is, of course, a family-oriented town. And they work hard to keep it that way. At night, cops are everywhere ready to bust people for public intoxication. The bars close ridiculously early. And of course the place is full of family friendly activities.
While I wouldn't suggest coming here just to game, if you happen to be out here enjoying the trails and badass food, you have options.
Logistics
The best place to stay in terms of bang logistics is at one of the many hotels right off the main strip. The cost isn't too bad for most of these.
For instance, Mark and I booked our hotel the day of, and for four nights it only cost us $230. We were located right off the strip and in easy walking distance to all the main venues.
There's not much else to be said about logistics. Gatlinburg is a cheap place to stay, and if gaming is your number one pursuit here (which it really shouldn't be), there are plenty of places to stay.
Otherwise, booking one of the many amazing cabins in the surrounding wilderness is a great idea. There you can get the feel of the woods, and there are cabs that will get you at your secluded cabin to the strip (though I don't know what the fare is like). The cabs appear on the streets at last call (and only at last call).
Offering to bring some girls back for a hot tub soaking in the mountains is not a bad idea—but it'd be a good idea to have friends and approach a large set with this, because it could sound sketchy if you're pitching going off to some remote log cabin to a lonely girl.
Night Game
Venues
Hogg's Tavern
This bar is located above Pucker's on the strip, next to the McDonald's and across from the Ole Smokey Candy Kitchen. It sucks.
It's an old person kind of bar that sometimes has a spattering of young redneck types. Because it's one of the only night venues around, bachelorette parties will occasionally pass through there to get the attention of the old bikers, but they don't stay long.
To get there, you have to take precarious metal stairs that are almost impossible to navigate when you're drunk. Girls in heels fall off of them and fuck themselves up with depressing regularity.
During the week, Hogg's isn't worth going near. The old leathery women and fat redneck men who frequent it will be sure to repel you. It's still that way on the weekends, but as a last resort you can check it out to see if any young girls are passing through.
Overall though, Hogg's is a complete shit venue from what I can tell.
Pucker's
This is the club located directly beneath Hogg's. It has a small dance floor with booths along the walls, tables crowded amongst each other, and a pool table to the side just to act as a fire hazard.
Despite being a place so crowded with furniture that it's hard to walk around if there's even six people there, it's the number one place for picking up girls.
Because of the pop music and colorful lights, it's the first choice for girls looking to twerk on and make out with random guys. The shot girls are cute and fun too, and the place is typically packed with bachelorette parties on weekends.
Since it's so crowded, it's an easy place to approach. If you're going out in Gatlinburg, this is the first place to check out. You can gauge the whole town here—if the place is empty, then the whole town is dead.
Shamrock
Located down the drive next to Ripley's Believe it or Not! Odditorium, Shamrock is a chiller, darker version of Pucker's. It has a dance floor at the back and always has karaoke going on. It also has a little patio if you want to escape the loud music.
Here you'll find more old lurkers than Pucker's, but the competition over young girls is thinner. If so much as one bachelorette party slips in, it's not too hard to embed yourself in it and ride the wave.
It's rarely too crowded to not pull up a table next to a group of girls and the older people keep to themselves here (unlike Hogg's). The place is set up to basically give you access to every single hot girl.
The issue, though, is if there are hot girls there. The place gets far less attention than Pucker's, and early in the night you might find only really old people singing along to "Country Roads."
Overall, Shamrock is really hit or miss. Some nights it's dominated by fresh, other nights it's dominated by geriatrics.
Competition
The best thing about Gatlinburg is the competition basically doesn't exist. The vast majority of guys out at night are older dudes just trying to enjoy a beer, and the ones who do approach do so in an over-the-top, slobbery kind of way.
The young guys here generally dress like country hobos or hang out with each other and don't approach. Cold approaches at night are extremely rare with the younger crowd, and cold approaches during the day absolutely do not exist here (obviously).
The guys here who go out don't do much and they don't offer much. The ones who do offer anything in terms of style or boldness seem to be concerned with the outdoors and the various Ripley's Believe it or not! attractions, not approaching.
Thus, girls here are very receptive to game. They're impressed with boldness and social skill, and they take note of good looking guys since there are so few.
Types of Girls
The girls here boil down to two distinct varieties: southern girls and old, trashy southern women.
The young southern girls are typically from Indiana or Ohio (for some reason) and act like your typical basic white girls.
The only difference is they sometimes seem legitimately offended if you ask their age, their either really hot or really fat, and they like to wear boots.
The old, trashy women are the stuff of nightmares and make up 100% of the bar demographics on weekdays. On weekends, they make up 85%. These women consume the Gatlinburg nightlife and do their best to ruin it with their shot voice boxes and biker gang personas.
They are fat, they are leathery, they are rough, and they will eye fuck you away from any table around them.
These are the types of people who, in any other town, would have their own rundown bars to frequent. But since there's only so many seats at Hogg's, and so many of the leathery women, they spill out into the young people/attractive people spots.
Bachelorette Parties
Gatlinburg is a magnet for bachelorette parties. I don't know why, but every weekend bitches in sashes wander the streets hopping from venue to venue in search of thick dick.
Most of these girls are from Ohio or Indiana or somewhere else in the Midwest. I genuinely do not know why.
The bachelorette parties out here are extremely easy to cut into, and because there's so few guys worth a fuck, it's entirely plausible you'll be the one who gets approached.
If you want to take the passive route, go to Pucker's early Friday night (around 8-8:30) and pick the booth along the wall closest to the dance floor.
An hour later you'll be sure to see a bachelorette party take the table next to you. If that happens, then you can literally just sit there. If you're at least half as good looking as Redbeard, you'll get approached.
The Great Smokey Mountains Mother Hen
Of all the places I've ever been, this is the only one where I was mother hen'd by a literal fat mother.
Both times I've been sure to get the bang here, I've been mother hen'd. The problem is serious, especially with bachelorette parties.
The reason is because all the locals south of Knoxville like to come get fucked up here at night, but need a ride back home through the mountains. The party type girls don't seem to live near here, so fat friends (and sometimes literal mothers) will appear around last call to sweep up your girl, even if she throws a fit and tries to run away (I've seen it).
The first time I was mother hen'd was outside of Pucker's talking to a 7 and her friend. I had gamed the 7 a little bit earlier in the night, and I had talked to the fattest of her "divorce party" friends. I thought I had disengaged all the mother hens.
Getting outside, I was talking to the 7's friend and telling her we should all continue drinking at my hotel, since the night was young. She agreed. Then I pitched the idea to the 7. She agreed.
Then a fat girl I had yet to see appears, and says verbatim: "Hey, yeah I'm party mom. I'm their ride. Yeah we can't do anything tonight. We have to go home. Sorry."
Thinking I'm slick, I pulled out my Crazy Stupid Love trick and lifted the 7 in the air (very little persuasion was required). She came down from the air with her legs around me, her skirt almost splitting. She started making out with me. Then the fat girl grabbed her by her hand and pulled her into a car.
The SECOND time I was mother hen'd, we Mark and I were amongst a bachelorette party. There were a couple of idiot guys trying to infiltrate the group, but two got kicked out for being too drunk and the rest were getting AMOG'd by Mark and I.
I spent my time with one of the chubby ones to stay in the group, and would let the hot one grind on my dick from time to time. After about thirty minutes we were safely embedded in the group.
The slew of hot girls would cycle their attention through Mark and I as I stayed locked to the chubby one, hitting the hot ones with attention as they'd come to us.
At that point it was an endurance game—stay with them until last call, then go back with them to play their game of "topless hot tub" or whatever they were telling us about.
Then last call came and two huge whales—who happened to be mothers or "guardians" for every girl in a fifty mile radius—pull up in minivans to truck the girls away en mass.
In conclusion: Gatlinburg is the (per capita) capital of mother hens.
If you want to avoid the mother hen issue, the only thing you can do to guarantee you don't become a victim is game the bar tenders and shot girls.
That's not a bad idea, considering that the workers here are local girls who aren't used to high value men. They're used to the typical—old guys, fucked up young dudes and shy rednecks.
If you're even a normal guy with some social skills, talking to these girls is easy. They won't shy from conversation, and at the end of the early night you have a good shot at setting up a date back to her place.
If you're used to shot girls and bar tenders in LA, then you'll very much enjoy the more genuinely flirty girls working out here who don't just flirt to sell shots.
It also helps that there's a good amount of Eastern European workers here. So if you want a Ukrainian flag, you can get it here, but you'll probably have to hit on the bar tender.
Day Game
I didn't do any day gaming, mostly because everyone you see during the day is with family. It's a family oriented place in every sense of the term.
There are a couple spots conducive for day approaches, like the small rows of shops in The Village (you get to it from the strip by entering the alley next to the Pancake Pantry).
Overall though, day game seems pretty fruitless because of how few girls want to go to a little touristy mountain town. Most have to be dragged there by men. If they do go, it's usually at night for bachelorette parties because Gatlinburg has the best nightlife for anyone who lives in the woods and can't drive to Knoxville.
Conclusion
Approaching in Gatlinburg is not a high-percentage game. The nightlife is extremely hit or miss. Either you're one of the only working dicks in a hundred mile radius with midwestern girls jumping all over you, or you're in a ghost town. On bad nights literally hours can be spent here looking for a girl younger than 50.
And if you do happen upon one of the wandering groups of sexy southern sluts ready to swallow your dork, mother hens are sure to come out of the woodwork jusy to get between you and your nut.
Still, if you're here and want to game, it can be done. I've gotten a make out every weekend night I've been here, and while Mark and I haven't closed anyone, we've been in the red zone more than once.
So, come here for the beautiful outdoors and the buffalo burgers at the Mountain Edge Grill, and at night, you might as well try your luck and see what you can see.
At worst you'll be practicing game, and at best you'll be smashing a hot southern girl in the most masculine town east of the Mississippi.
This data sheet is about the pussy.
While our stay was relatively short, I feel it's safe to say we know everything about the nightlife and game opportunities here (at least for the late March/early April season).
It's a simple place to figure out.
Still we've spent countless hours scoping the place out and talking to bouncers, and after sweat-laced research and gaming, we return back to the world of RVF and wifi to report our findings.
Note: We only stayed a little less than a week, and on the off-season for tourists, so understand that this only applies to the off-season. Though based on what we've heard from locals, I don't see it being much different when tourism picks up.
General Summary
The tourist part of Gatlinburg, which involves the length of the Gatlinburg strip and not the actual Gatlinburg community, is a Smoky Mountains-themed rustic place. It sits in the Smokey Mountain national park (which is beautiful).
Here you'll find many old time shops, confederate flags in windows, moonshine distilleries, and white people. There are a good bit of Indians and Middle Eastern people here too, but that's very relative. The great majority of people here are white Southerners.
This is not the place to go if you're just looking to game. Last call is set at 1 am by law. The vast, vast, vast majority of girls are with their families. And there's only three real choices in night venues.
That's all because Gatlinburg is, of course, a family-oriented town. And they work hard to keep it that way. At night, cops are everywhere ready to bust people for public intoxication. The bars close ridiculously early. And of course the place is full of family friendly activities.
While I wouldn't suggest coming here just to game, if you happen to be out here enjoying the trails and badass food, you have options.
Logistics
The best place to stay in terms of bang logistics is at one of the many hotels right off the main strip. The cost isn't too bad for most of these.
For instance, Mark and I booked our hotel the day of, and for four nights it only cost us $230. We were located right off the strip and in easy walking distance to all the main venues.
There's not much else to be said about logistics. Gatlinburg is a cheap place to stay, and if gaming is your number one pursuit here (which it really shouldn't be), there are plenty of places to stay.
Otherwise, booking one of the many amazing cabins in the surrounding wilderness is a great idea. There you can get the feel of the woods, and there are cabs that will get you at your secluded cabin to the strip (though I don't know what the fare is like). The cabs appear on the streets at last call (and only at last call).
Offering to bring some girls back for a hot tub soaking in the mountains is not a bad idea—but it'd be a good idea to have friends and approach a large set with this, because it could sound sketchy if you're pitching going off to some remote log cabin to a lonely girl.
Night Game
Venues
Hogg's Tavern
This bar is located above Pucker's on the strip, next to the McDonald's and across from the Ole Smokey Candy Kitchen. It sucks.
It's an old person kind of bar that sometimes has a spattering of young redneck types. Because it's one of the only night venues around, bachelorette parties will occasionally pass through there to get the attention of the old bikers, but they don't stay long.
To get there, you have to take precarious metal stairs that are almost impossible to navigate when you're drunk. Girls in heels fall off of them and fuck themselves up with depressing regularity.
During the week, Hogg's isn't worth going near. The old leathery women and fat redneck men who frequent it will be sure to repel you. It's still that way on the weekends, but as a last resort you can check it out to see if any young girls are passing through.
Overall though, Hogg's is a complete shit venue from what I can tell.
Pucker's
This is the club located directly beneath Hogg's. It has a small dance floor with booths along the walls, tables crowded amongst each other, and a pool table to the side just to act as a fire hazard.
Despite being a place so crowded with furniture that it's hard to walk around if there's even six people there, it's the number one place for picking up girls.
Because of the pop music and colorful lights, it's the first choice for girls looking to twerk on and make out with random guys. The shot girls are cute and fun too, and the place is typically packed with bachelorette parties on weekends.
Since it's so crowded, it's an easy place to approach. If you're going out in Gatlinburg, this is the first place to check out. You can gauge the whole town here—if the place is empty, then the whole town is dead.
Shamrock
Located down the drive next to Ripley's Believe it or Not! Odditorium, Shamrock is a chiller, darker version of Pucker's. It has a dance floor at the back and always has karaoke going on. It also has a little patio if you want to escape the loud music.
Here you'll find more old lurkers than Pucker's, but the competition over young girls is thinner. If so much as one bachelorette party slips in, it's not too hard to embed yourself in it and ride the wave.
It's rarely too crowded to not pull up a table next to a group of girls and the older people keep to themselves here (unlike Hogg's). The place is set up to basically give you access to every single hot girl.
The issue, though, is if there are hot girls there. The place gets far less attention than Pucker's, and early in the night you might find only really old people singing along to "Country Roads."
Overall, Shamrock is really hit or miss. Some nights it's dominated by fresh, other nights it's dominated by geriatrics.
Competition
The best thing about Gatlinburg is the competition basically doesn't exist. The vast majority of guys out at night are older dudes just trying to enjoy a beer, and the ones who do approach do so in an over-the-top, slobbery kind of way.
The young guys here generally dress like country hobos or hang out with each other and don't approach. Cold approaches at night are extremely rare with the younger crowd, and cold approaches during the day absolutely do not exist here (obviously).
The guys here who go out don't do much and they don't offer much. The ones who do offer anything in terms of style or boldness seem to be concerned with the outdoors and the various Ripley's Believe it or not! attractions, not approaching.
Thus, girls here are very receptive to game. They're impressed with boldness and social skill, and they take note of good looking guys since there are so few.
Types of Girls
The girls here boil down to two distinct varieties: southern girls and old, trashy southern women.
The young southern girls are typically from Indiana or Ohio (for some reason) and act like your typical basic white girls.
The only difference is they sometimes seem legitimately offended if you ask their age, their either really hot or really fat, and they like to wear boots.
The old, trashy women are the stuff of nightmares and make up 100% of the bar demographics on weekdays. On weekends, they make up 85%. These women consume the Gatlinburg nightlife and do their best to ruin it with their shot voice boxes and biker gang personas.
They are fat, they are leathery, they are rough, and they will eye fuck you away from any table around them.
These are the types of people who, in any other town, would have their own rundown bars to frequent. But since there's only so many seats at Hogg's, and so many of the leathery women, they spill out into the young people/attractive people spots.
Bachelorette Parties
Gatlinburg is a magnet for bachelorette parties. I don't know why, but every weekend bitches in sashes wander the streets hopping from venue to venue in search of thick dick.
Most of these girls are from Ohio or Indiana or somewhere else in the Midwest. I genuinely do not know why.
The bachelorette parties out here are extremely easy to cut into, and because there's so few guys worth a fuck, it's entirely plausible you'll be the one who gets approached.
If you want to take the passive route, go to Pucker's early Friday night (around 8-8:30) and pick the booth along the wall closest to the dance floor.
An hour later you'll be sure to see a bachelorette party take the table next to you. If that happens, then you can literally just sit there. If you're at least half as good looking as Redbeard, you'll get approached.
The Great Smokey Mountains Mother Hen
Of all the places I've ever been, this is the only one where I was mother hen'd by a literal fat mother.
Both times I've been sure to get the bang here, I've been mother hen'd. The problem is serious, especially with bachelorette parties.
The reason is because all the locals south of Knoxville like to come get fucked up here at night, but need a ride back home through the mountains. The party type girls don't seem to live near here, so fat friends (and sometimes literal mothers) will appear around last call to sweep up your girl, even if she throws a fit and tries to run away (I've seen it).
The first time I was mother hen'd was outside of Pucker's talking to a 7 and her friend. I had gamed the 7 a little bit earlier in the night, and I had talked to the fattest of her "divorce party" friends. I thought I had disengaged all the mother hens.
Getting outside, I was talking to the 7's friend and telling her we should all continue drinking at my hotel, since the night was young. She agreed. Then I pitched the idea to the 7. She agreed.
Then a fat girl I had yet to see appears, and says verbatim: "Hey, yeah I'm party mom. I'm their ride. Yeah we can't do anything tonight. We have to go home. Sorry."
Thinking I'm slick, I pulled out my Crazy Stupid Love trick and lifted the 7 in the air (very little persuasion was required). She came down from the air with her legs around me, her skirt almost splitting. She started making out with me. Then the fat girl grabbed her by her hand and pulled her into a car.
The SECOND time I was mother hen'd, we Mark and I were amongst a bachelorette party. There were a couple of idiot guys trying to infiltrate the group, but two got kicked out for being too drunk and the rest were getting AMOG'd by Mark and I.
I spent my time with one of the chubby ones to stay in the group, and would let the hot one grind on my dick from time to time. After about thirty minutes we were safely embedded in the group.
The slew of hot girls would cycle their attention through Mark and I as I stayed locked to the chubby one, hitting the hot ones with attention as they'd come to us.
At that point it was an endurance game—stay with them until last call, then go back with them to play their game of "topless hot tub" or whatever they were telling us about.
Then last call came and two huge whales—who happened to be mothers or "guardians" for every girl in a fifty mile radius—pull up in minivans to truck the girls away en mass.
In conclusion: Gatlinburg is the (per capita) capital of mother hens.
If you want to avoid the mother hen issue, the only thing you can do to guarantee you don't become a victim is game the bar tenders and shot girls.
That's not a bad idea, considering that the workers here are local girls who aren't used to high value men. They're used to the typical—old guys, fucked up young dudes and shy rednecks.
If you're even a normal guy with some social skills, talking to these girls is easy. They won't shy from conversation, and at the end of the early night you have a good shot at setting up a date back to her place.
If you're used to shot girls and bar tenders in LA, then you'll very much enjoy the more genuinely flirty girls working out here who don't just flirt to sell shots.
It also helps that there's a good amount of Eastern European workers here. So if you want a Ukrainian flag, you can get it here, but you'll probably have to hit on the bar tender.
Day Game
I didn't do any day gaming, mostly because everyone you see during the day is with family. It's a family oriented place in every sense of the term.
There are a couple spots conducive for day approaches, like the small rows of shops in The Village (you get to it from the strip by entering the alley next to the Pancake Pantry).
Overall though, day game seems pretty fruitless because of how few girls want to go to a little touristy mountain town. Most have to be dragged there by men. If they do go, it's usually at night for bachelorette parties because Gatlinburg has the best nightlife for anyone who lives in the woods and can't drive to Knoxville.
Conclusion
Approaching in Gatlinburg is not a high-percentage game. The nightlife is extremely hit or miss. Either you're one of the only working dicks in a hundred mile radius with midwestern girls jumping all over you, or you're in a ghost town. On bad nights literally hours can be spent here looking for a girl younger than 50.
And if you do happen upon one of the wandering groups of sexy southern sluts ready to swallow your dork, mother hens are sure to come out of the woodwork jusy to get between you and your nut.
Still, if you're here and want to game, it can be done. I've gotten a make out every weekend night I've been here, and while Mark and I haven't closed anyone, we've been in the red zone more than once.
So, come here for the beautiful outdoors and the buffalo burgers at the Mountain Edge Grill, and at night, you might as well try your luck and see what you can see.
At worst you'll be practicing game, and at best you'll be smashing a hot southern girl in the most masculine town east of the Mississippi.
Quote:PapayaTapper Wrote:
you seem to have a penchant for sticking your dick in high drama retarded trash.
