[WestIndianArchie]

WIA

[CleanSlate]

Rarely, I would think. Losing one's temper is a marker for lack of self control.

In the West: if you're married and you're on the way out, losing your temper is a ticket to a domestic violence charge and no custody if you have kids.

In more favorable countries like in Asia: you lose temper, you lose face, and may cause others around you to lose face also.

But you can show anger without losing your temper. It's not an easy line to walk, but you could raise your voice, speak firmly, and show displeasure. It's doable without throwing a glass at the wall, flipping a table over, kicking the chair over, and yelling random expletives to anyone within earshot.

[The Black Knight]

When she makes ANY reference to another man, even if not referring to anyone specifically by name, when you are in the middle of fucking her.

I won't lie. It happened to me once.
I won't lie. I got mad. Really mad.

She never did that again.

[Montana]

I lost my control 2 nights ago and went into the bedroom and scolded my gf for having double standards.

She scolded/nagged me for some inappropriate behavior (showed her naked texts jokes from co-worker dude on my phone @ restaurant.) I was drunk at it was my fault/lack of judgment.

Okay...so she has this guest board on her living room wall and a guy she got pumped and dumped by short-term months before I met her signed "keep twerking"...so she tries to scribble it out (bottom corner swirly)

and...she has multiple ex's on her facebook account all which are married up now. They've posted general "happy birthday" on her wall since we've been together.


I already know the scratch/board is disrespectful in my eyes...but what do you guys think about marrying a women with ex's on the ol' friends list??

[Montana]

guest board

[Montana]

gb

[heavy]

Never. In true alpha form, words are meaningless. And I've always thought 'losing temper' involve words or gestures.

If a situation involved intentional physical or property damage to me or my loved ones, I would take necessary actions against said person.

Example of me losing temper:

I lost my temper to a chic I was seeing a few years ago. The most serious relationship I've had since my divorce. I was dead tired and hungover mostly asleep. We were in my bed but she wanted a ride home. I ignored a few minutes, got up maybe 10 minutes later. She was gone, my truck was gone, my phone was missing, and my laptop was at work, leaving me completely unplugged from any communication.

So this beautiful early summer morning I ran to her house, roughly 3 miles, unlocked her house with the hide-a-key, grabbed her keys, drove her car back to my house to find her standing in my kitchen with two coffees in hand.

I didn't have to say anything. She had gone to grab smokes and coffee for us, but didn't have her phone so grabbed mine just in case. But she knew she screwed up. Actually, I think she was trying to push boundaries to piss me off. I told her to leave and never show her face around me again. (there was a little more to it than that and more exchanged...point is what she did was really stupid)

I was mad. I was justified. I have seen her around since and been friendly and cordial. The point is, my words were stupid. Best to have just told her to leave. The words were, like so many words are, empty.

Lesson learned. When that shit happens, get really, really mad (I was), then take a few breaths and calm down.

If physical or property damage is done to me or my loved ones...Understand it can't be undone. Take necessary relationship, social, legal, or other measures to punish her for it.

Black Knight, if that happened, my ideal reaction would be leave or kick her out with absolute apathy. I mean, I probably would react more than that, but that would be my ideal reaction.

Actually, I might smirk and tease her about it as I escorted her to the door...make sure she fully understood the slut she is and how much I love her sluttiness (smooth things over AND prevent her regret), then bang her on the back porch before she left.

This is simply based on my own experiences. I've been married. I've lost my temper to a wife and to a girlfriend. In every case, it stemmed from insecurity, no matter how extreme the cause or even if it was a justified reaction. I wouldn't say you "should never", I just don't think it's ever the ideal.

[Vienna]

(01-05-2016 11:20 AM)The Black Knight Wrote:  

When she makes ANY reference to another man, even if not referring to anyone specifically by name, when you are in the middle of fucking her.

I won't lie. It happened to me once.
I won't lie. I got mad. Really mad.

She never did that again.

Damn.

Are you willing to share exactly how you reacted?

[robreke]

Sometimes telling or better yet, roaring to a woman, who won't shut up or keeps going on and on to "Shut the Fuck Up!" works.

I've usually followed this up with walking out of the room and leaving for a while, preferably not to see them again until at least the next day.

I've also told them to stop crying. Saying something like "go ahead cry. I'm going to apologize and give into you now because you're crying" Amazingly, they sometimes stop crying on a dime.

For some women, it's the discipline they need. It's like a reset.

I'd say 9 times out of 10, calmly looking at them when they're ranting like she's a pitiful child with a lack or real understanding and then just leaving without saying a word and ghosting for a while is the best option. However for certain women or if you're married or it's someone you're living with, a brief look at your volcanic male anger can work.

It's always better to maintain composure if possible, but on certain women, no matter how alpha your comebacks are, she keeps going on and on. Also, we all know logic doesn't work.

[debeguiled]

(01-05-2016 12:40 PM)robreke Wrote:  

Sometimes telling or better yet, roaring to a woman, who won't shut up or keeps going on and on to "Shut the Fuck Up!" works.

Exactly.

We all know that getting mad all the time is a sign of weakness, but never?

Used sparingly, this is a great tactic. You get to express exactly how you feel in exactly the way you want, without apology.

Why deprive yourself of the option?

Should a lion never roar?

[General Stalin]

I don't think losing your temper with a girl is ever a "good idea." I've done it a few times in my life and it has never helped anything aside from personally allowing me to vent and let out some pent up stress and aggression.

Thats all losing your cool is. Its a selfish moment, not a conscious and calculated effort to assert your frame. It's blowing up because you were pushed over the edge.

The worst you can do to a woman is leave her. If you blow up at her, or even beat her up physically, but still stick around then she knows thats the worst you can do and she has control because you won't walk out. It tells her she can get away with shit. the worst she has to worry about when doing something shitty is you yelling and screaming a bit or taking a blow or two, getting shoved against a wall whatever. It will pass and you won't abandon her for her transgressions.

If a girl does something you don't like then let her know sternly that you won't stand for that. If she continues to do then leave because she won't comply. If she does something inexcusable then leave her on the spot. There are always other girls.

[Gmac]

When a woman crosses the line with regard to respecting me, my decision-making, or my authority, I might lose my temper for a brief moment, a split second... especially after I've warned the girl multiple times... then she gets put in her place. Often early on in the relationship it happens and then the behavior stops or she ends up getting dropped if it is a deal breaker. I try not to make a habit out of it, I'm usually very mild-tempered and it takes a lot for me to get that upset... we're talking maybe 2-3 times a year at most.

i.e.

1. Acts as a back seat driver after it's already established you have everything under control, despite multiple assurances (had one girl attempt this every single time I drove anywhere).
2. Barking orders in public or around your family/friends (seen this happen to friends but haven't experienced myself).
3. Tries to prevent you from pulling out while raw dogging (once ).
4. Drunkenly embarrasses you or herself in front of family and friends. Some guys may laugh this sort of stuff off, and it depends on the circumstances... I privately put my last ex in her place after some inappropriate shenanigans, sending her home (down the street) to sober up during a party I was hosting - this all happened hours after I picked her up outside a safeway in broad daylight drinking in public so I was already irritated.

When is it a good idea? Never. Still not planned. Still don't care. We all handle women differently. I guess I do it instinctively to re-establish authority and respect.

[Sooth]

There is a difference between losing your temper and righteous anger.

We should avoid losing our temper ever. It shows you don't have control of your emotions. You can and should be righteously angry when necessary, which should be followed by some sort of discipline and repentance from the other person.

If that happens often and without remorse from the girl then find one that isn't such a cunt.

[debeguiled]

(01-05-2016 05:52 PM)Sooth Wrote:  

There is a difference between losing your temper and righteous anger.

We should avoid losing our temper ever. It shows you don't have control of your emotions. You can and should be righteously angry when necessary, which should be followed by some sort of discipline and repentance from the other person.

If that happens often and without remorse from the girl then find one that isn't such a cunt.

Yeah, I think most of the disagreement on this thread is a bit of a semantic issue. Some guys are interpreting "losing your temper" as totally losing it, and others are really referring to "righteous anger," as you have clarified.

Totally losing it is never a good idea, obviously, though not always avoidable, and allowing a flash of righteous anger every now and then keeps her on her toes and reminds her there are limits. It's like seasoning a dish with saffron, which is too expensive to waste, but sometimes is the only thing that will do. (Only a cheap ass substitutes tumeric.)

[nek]

(01-05-2016 05:21 PM)Gmac Wrote:  

1. Acts as a back seat driver after it's already established you have everything under control, despite multiple assurances (had one girl attempt this every single time I drove anywhere).

Related: I was seeing a girl who, if I were saying that I going to do something that is good for me (i.e. I'm going to the gym), she had to tell me to go do it even though I just announced that I was going to do it. It's as if she needed feel that she was telling me to do something and that I wasn't doing it on my own. This bothers me to this day as I see it as her viewing herself as superior to me in some way, and felt the need to interject herself in my own decision-making. The most frustrating shit ever.

[nek]

(01-05-2016 06:03 PM)debeguiled Wrote:  

(01-05-2016 05:52 PM)Sooth Wrote:  

There is a difference between losing your temper and righteous anger.

We should avoid losing our temper ever. It shows you don't have control of your emotions. You can and should be righteously angry when necessary, which should be followed by some sort of discipline and repentance from the other person.

If that happens often and without remorse from the girl then find one that isn't such a cunt.

Yeah, I think most of the disagreement on this thread is a bit of a semantic issue. Some guys are interpreting "losing your temper" as totally losing it, and others are really referring to "righteous anger," as you have clarified.

Totally losing it is never a good idea, obviously, though not always avoidable, and allowing a flash of righteous anger every now and then keeps her on her toes and reminds her there are limits. It's like seasoning a dish with saffron, which is too expensive to waste, but sometimes is the only thing that will do. (Only a cheap ass substitutes tumeric.)

Agree with all this. One think I'd like to point out though, is that there are things worth getting angry about that - in the modern, western time and place - are trivialized as worth getting angry about. Blatant disrespect, by your girlfriend or even your "friends", is worth disliking. Some way, some how, being publicly demeaned has been labeled simply as banter, when it isn't, as it has effects more profound than a temporary joke. The guy on the receiving end of this amongst his friends writes it off as "that's just how we are". But when you observe these groups, you'll notice the jokes and insults usually flow one way.

[debeguiled]

(01-05-2016 06:17 PM)nek Wrote:  

I was seeing a girl who, if I were saying that I going to do something that is good for me (i.e. I'm going to the gym), she had to tell me to go do it even though I just announced that I was going to do it. It's as if she needed feel that she was telling me to do something and that I wasn't doing it on my own. This bothers me to this day as I see it as her viewing herself as superior to me in some way, and felt the need to interject herself in my own decision-making. The most frustrating shit ever.

She's framing it as if you were asking for permission. Patrice O'Neal talks a lot about this stuff in the first episode of the Black Phillip show. The basic point is that a woman does something that on the surface, appears harmless, but screws up your gut and makes you mad, and you have no real idea why.

His solution is to take the time to analyze it so you are ready next time a woman tries it. I have found that calling them out without emotion works the best in this kind of situation.

I had a family member, female of course, who always acted like, whatever I said, I was asking for her permission. So, I might say, look, we are going to stop at the store on the way to where we are going, and she would say, "That's fine'" and it would drive me nuts until I figured it out.

Then one day I just said, calmly, "I'm not asking for permission, I'm letting you know what is happening. When you say "That's fine," it sounds like you think I am asking for permission."

She denied it, of course, but didn't do it anymore, for a while at least, till she got reminded again.

It's kind of funny in a way, how sad women are, and how the idea of you doing something that doesn't involve them is so threatening that they have to pretend it is done for them.

[Stimulus]

(01-05-2016 12:40 PM)robreke Wrote:  

Sometimes telling or better yet, roaring to a woman, who won't shut up or keeps going on and on to "Shut the Fuck Up!" works.

I've usually followed this up with walking out of the room and leaving for a while, preferably not to see them again until at least the next day.

I've also told them to stop crying. Saying something like "go ahead cry. I'm going to apologize and give into you now because you're crying" Amazingly, they sometimes stop crying on a dime.

For some women, it's the discipline they need. It's like a reset.

I'd say 9 times out of 10, calmly looking at them when they're ranting like she's a pitiful child with a lack or real understanding and then just leaving without saying a word and ghosting for a while is the best option. However for certain women or if you're married or it's someone you're living with, a brief look at your volcanic male anger can work.

It's always better to maintain composure if possible, but on certain women, no matter how alpha your comebacks are, she keeps going on and on. Also, we all know logic doesn't work.

I'll be honest and say I one time (years and years ago) smashed up the livingroom when I was with my ex. I'm not proud of this but she really got my blood boiling at that moment and I simply exploded. Ofcourse, after reaching the peak of my anger regret took over.

After that one time I completely changed the way I handled it to what you are stating now. Tell her with a calm voice to drop it at that moment and "we'll talk about it later, when we had a chance of breaking down the argument in our mind." 9/10 times she didn't shut up and I just completely ignored her, even left the house if that was what it took.

I found women can't stand it being ignored, especially when they want to be 'heard' the most, at times like those. It was my most effective way of getting her to chill the fuck down and make her understand not to fuck with me.

I guess it's kind of a womens' 'thing' to discuss any problems right away, while most men (the ones I know) prefer to let the situation cool down first. Also, like you said, don't give in when she's crying. Crying is what baby's do to get attention, because they can't speak.

[Taco Illusionist]

At some point you will get angry at her, that's going to happen with ANY relationship. How you deal with this emotion (internal) and how you respond to the catalyst (external) is what's key.

There's a fine line between getting angry and losing your temper.

Loosing your temper is shows a lack of control and weakness, and is a sure fire way to eventually lose her respect.

You can portray anger in a calm and poised manner, in fact doing so when she does something wrong is the ideal response.

Even if she's throwing a massive bitch fit at you, remaining calm and posed (i.e. frame) will swing the balance of power in your favour as you demonstrate composure and control over the situation.

[CleanSlate]

Why do you ask... what's really behind the question, WIA?

[Beyond Borders]

^ If I know WIA it's just an exercise in thought based on something he read in another thread. Possibly the Hank Moody walkout story? I don't think there's a specific incident behind it

[Noir]

Having had anger issues, gone for therapy and sent multiple people to hospital over my rage, I remain quite calm now but when I get pissed off, I get really pissed off.

My partners know this and rarely really fuck with me. Nonetheless, I think it is healthy to display your anger every now and them, just to draw a line and set boundaries. The anger will usually be justified though, no point losing your shit over minor details.

It's also telling of your investment in your relationship.

[The Black Knight]

(01-05-2016 12:37 PM)DarianFrey Wrote:  

(01-05-2016 11:20 AM)The Black Knight Wrote:  

When she makes ANY reference to another man, even if not referring to anyone specifically by name, when you are in the middle of fucking her.

I won't lie. It happened to me once.
I won't lie. I got mad. Really mad.

She never did that again.

Damn.

Are you willing to share exactly how you reacted?

When she made the comment she did, I didn't really react immediately. The comment sort of just sank in for a moment or two. Because this chick had pissed me off with other impulsive actions or comments in the past, I eventually got off the bed after about a minute and really ripped into her verbally with about the most intense controlled anger possible (voice loud, forceful, and angry but in command) and demanded that she provide an explanation for her stupid ass timed comment. She had no answer for anything I asked and appeared very guilt-ridden about it but I didn't care. I got dress while she sat naked on the bed in tears and told her I'm going to another room in the house now and if she wasn't there in less than 60 seconds, dressed, and with a goddamn answer, I was walking out the door and never coming back. She came to the room with clothes on about 50 seconds later and we hashed it out.

She never did what she did again but it was one of those types of mini-relationships where when it was good it was really good but when it was bad it was really bad. I fucked her for a little bit after that incident but eventually kicked her ass to curb because she was, psychologically speaking, high-maintenance as hell to deal with. May God have mercy on the poor soul who wifes her up.

To the broader topic question: I don't know if totally losing it is ever a good idea unless you know the chick gets off on that kind of thing. There ARE some fucked up chicks that will only get tingles if you really get pissed with them. I'm not talking just being very angry and loud but in control like in my aforementioned story but where you are unleashing a barrage of vicious insults for XYZ reason. I suppose losing your temper with those sort of women will be a good idea in a sense since they will legit get off on it. But the result will be dealing with some really psychologically fucked up women and in the age of false rape/DV charges, this is serious risky business even for experienced players. The juice is never worth the squeeze in this particular case in my opinion.

That said, getting very pissed in a controlled manner every once in a blue moon I think can be helpful with a lot of chicks if they step too far out of bounds. But if I have do serious checking of a chick with any kind of frequency then that chick is bad news. Once in a while? Fine. Anything more and you are just getting yourself into something that is more trouble than its worth. Most American women, like the one in my aforementioned story, need more checking than it's worth. If you are lucky and the girl is young and impressible and your game is tight, you can sometimes guide these women via a few checks to fall in line within the range of acceptable behavior.

But the reality is you alone are not going to be able to unfuck two or three decades of anti-male/feminist/anti-family/narcissistic/entitled behavior via getting pissed with a chick a few times. That chick is a lost cause in the long run. At best, you will buy yourself some temporary good or desirable behavior but the woman will almost always eventually fall back to her original broken programming. It isn't like anything legally or culturally is helping you enforce the desirable behavior. In fact, it's the opposite; the legal and culture systems are actively working against you. In the end, only intense self-reflection and effort on her part over a period of years could ever hope to really alter her foundational behavior to something more desirable long-term. Good luck with that.

Franky, getting pissed off gets tiring and I also agree with others that the most effective/least energy intensive way to seriously check a chick is not to get angry or lose your temper but to simply walk out. Maybe you can show some mild anger right before walking out but hitting the exit without hesitation when a chick fucks up is probably one of the greatest combat tools in a players arsenal. This is what I do now by and large and my interactions with women are by far more peaceful and less draining than in the past.

[Pride male]

When she burns dinner or forgets to take your clothes to the dry cleaner. It should be something trivial to keep her on her toes.

[GlobalMan]