[JohannesAusPrag]

Hey,

I thought that my first post here will be something from my brighter side, like game success or anything related.

But I have realized that no matter what advices I could give I can't do that unless I will make peace terms with my own mind.
Just to make things clear I am long past blue pill and I don't expect that this decision which has to be made by myself will anyone do for me, I am simply asking for as much point of views I can get - I have literally zero real life friends and almost none known people I could ask about it.

So to the topic when I was at elementary school and for a while on high school (in my country that means (in this case) 11 - 16 age) very enthusiastic about skateboarding and I most like would be way longer if I would not done terrible decision which one of consequences was stop the flow of money from parents and also loss of social life, friends and basically male style life until almost 6 years later and which I am still repairing now.

The thing is that after this I had my "goth" phase as result of things go to shit and when I woke up from it I made decision (Yes, I really asked mysefl what style I want to be in) and became something what we call "disco guy" basically young metrosexual like clib frequenter.
And I basically forced myself into it, I can't say that I did not liked it, I get some acquantainces and my life got slightly better with exception of income.

this is basically what was in the beginning of my current deep problem and most likely core of my depression (the real one, had to take strong pills to even get up from bed at one point) and thing which I think that when I solve it, I would make peace with my past and would be able to function like adult male and return help/advices to others.

So the problem is that at this moment in my age of freshly 26 I still feel quite a large crave for skateboarding despite not being active for 10 years, gaining way too much kilos and stuff.
I tried to return seriously two times but after a while I couldnt continue, the mixed reasons were both times same - no friends, I was angry at myself for not being able to ride at same level which became boring and I moved on a lot different way mentally - from liberal to conservative so my views are usually totally different from views of others.
I also feel like I am too old for this now, but this is the point of view I dont like.

I also done other things, most noticeable for me was mma, I actually still got my gym pass (2 years from last visit) and my gear.
I often when I had sane moment tried to count +/- for both sports and always from brain side won mma - especially from side of my height about 170 cms and the thing that I got really fat.
But I never could find the same passion in anything like I had about skate.

So that is why I am looking for people with similar experience or for point of view from someone who could write/say something that would help me solve my past and focus on current/future time.



Just to write what I am thinking about this by myself so far and why I think that I even have this problem:

When I used to skate it was best part of my life, I had friends, I was popular "rebel" in both ele and high school, I was doing somethign everyday with passion.
Now or from time when I had to end my life is shit, mainly because of my terrible decisions so I am sure that I look to ride as something that would bring my past back even that its not possible.
I even few months ago with my 2nd try realized that I really cant skate anymore like I did, not with my physique and with noticeably smaller balls, but also not with the same passion I had back then.

MMA would help me regain my balls, physique and it even feels like more adult sport at this moment to me.
But problem is like I wrote that I had no passion for it (not that I had it for anything these times).

Also I am and I was for all my life attention seeking exhbicionist and skateboarding satisfied my needs for attention really well - no matter if on street or at contests.



I think that I am really looking for someone who would tell me that it is really nothing else but craving for past and my incapability to comply with current situation and instead of focusing on present I focus on past.

There is also one thing that would support this, I have same craving about video games, I want to play them a lot, because that is what i did after I had to stop skateboarding and no matter that I played myself into loser I am today I still want to play.
But then after I really do after a while a realize that I dont like them anymore and I just play because of past.

Also I would like to move to SE Asia after ending my bachelors degree in CS, and I think that as a hobby mma would help me to game me some pussy.
But then again so could skateboarding in some kind if "alternative" social circle.



Anyway this is something I am really looking for help with, I have written way too much paper alone to be able to solve it without outside help and to be honest I wasted about 10 years of my life and majority of it was when I was supposed to be with people not regretting past and staying at home being unable to decide while jerking to hentai and playing wow.

I will be really thankful for any advice or different point of view.

PS: hope it is in right forum.
PPS: I know that I am like overgrown child, which I most likely am - the child stuck in past.

[Unfadable]

Your post is a little confusing to be honest, what are you looking for advice on? What do you do for work? Are you just unhappy? If it is for some reassurance that you will be OK or you need a pat on the back, this forum is unforgiving in that respect.

That being said, you are acting like a little bitch. Grab your balls and act like a man. There is nothing wrong with skateboarding and video games as a hobby, but being sad that your passion for them is gone and you have wasted your life is a waste of time. Forget about it all. That goth shit and your rebel popular high school phase is done and over, it doesn't mean anything anymore. Ditch your loser friends, throw away all of your junk food and start working out, clean up your place and throw away all of the useless bullshit you have laying around, budget your money and try to save what you can, make a list of books to read, donate your faggy clothes and start dressing like a man.

I know this may seem a bit harsh to you, but you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself dude. Instead of acting out and worrying about attention, you need to get your life in order.

[The Beast1]

I stopped reading when I saw "goth phase".

The red pill panacea (to everything).
1. Eat clean
2. Hit the gym

Everything else, including MMA is ancillary especially if you're out of shape. Doing MMA won't help anything if you're fueling your body with trash.

Next, figure out your life and direction. You're aimless and depressed. Depression is mental, physical, and spiritual stagnation, nothing more. Get a job, get paper, and see the world.

[TheMaleBrain]

As I understand, you are asking for support and attention.
Understood.

From what you wrote - skating was "your life". You want to go back to that thrill.
Go for it.
Advice: Do a FB lookup of skating groups, join and hang with them. You can do the lookup on any medium.

Being RP, means sometime "doing your own thing, and everyone else can go F@#k themselves".

After you give it a serious try, you may get it out of your system.

I use to play pro-ball. I sometimes get the itch. I choose to do other things (hit the gym and swim). No biggie.

[Vienna]

Have you asked yourself why you need a style?

You don't need to put a label on yourself. Doing so only makes your world smaller.

"I'm so goth. But man, that new Fall Out Boy album rocks. What if my goth friends found out I like that?"

Sometimes in order to find out who you are, you need to find out what you are not.

You are not goth guy. You are not an MMA guy. You're probably not a skater guy.

You will realize that you don't need to be anything except a man striving to improve himself. And that is a never-ending state of becoming.

Start with the basics. Improve your body. Improve your nutrition. Improve your knowledge. Improve your mindset*.

You're already on this forum. Apply even one random piece of real advice in any thread on here, and trust me: you will see results.

*(For a kickstart in changing your mindset, I'd recommend Gorilla Mindset by Mike Cernovich and A Guide to the Good Life by William Irvine).

[JohannesAusPrag]

(10-07-2015 10:25 PM)Unfadable Wrote:  

...

I need unforgiving opinions, hopefully not from keyboard jockeys but still it is great motivation, I was never friend of safe spaces anyway.

And yes, I agree with rest of your post, same like with other respondents. If I wont stop acting like bitch then I am done for.

(10-08-2015 04:00 AM)The Beast1 Wrote:  

...

I was not exact, MMA is goal - for me it is something I want and have to train, to be honest I have chance of being trained by best of best in Czech Rep. there is hardly anything more masculine available for me at this moment.
Before I would make move to MMA I will returne to gym as Thai Box fighter under training of our best trainer.

But yes, generaly I must agree that this is direction I have to move - to improve and to stop stagnating.

(10-08-2015 04:41 AM)TheMaleBrain Wrote:  

...

To be honest I quite hoped for response in way that skateboarding is not for me anymore - maybe not exactly like this, but in a way.
I think that I can still go sometimes ride some hills (part of Prague where I live has many of thems with good asphalt and no traffic) and maybe occasionally do some bowls, it can be good cardio and squat training anyway.

But I dont think that at this moment I will be able to return fully, I am too fat and too weak to ride and destroy. Still I have to focus on getting general physique back, sports will come later.

(10-08-2015 11:01 AM)DarianFrey Wrote:  

...

Why I need style? I am Czech born at 89, unfortunately under Russia influence there was at my youth school years strong attitude towards brands and labels, who had no style was nothing. It is strong limiting mindset I struggle to get rid of.

Yes, after time I spent thinking about (not only these replies) there is nothing else I can do at this moment than to start focusing only on improvement, repaying debt and finishing my studies.
(also thank you for those book suggestions , I will look them up and read them)

-----

Thank you for these replies, they forced me to rethink some stuff and I know what I have to do now, do instead of thinking.

As start I sold all my games (with exception of steam, I will rather use it as cold turkey quit training instead of selling it under price) and bought tickets to some concert and festival so I will be with people instead of at home.

I have also started with some rituals I wanted to, like morning workout, self brain storming and meditation. After I will get at least little cardio back then I will return to do thai box and occasional sk8 for fun.
Later I hope I will force myself to start with weights.
Of course finishing my last few months of uni and getting better job as programmer than I have now.

This is my plan for next months, I think that it will be more than enough until I graduate, so thank you again for your views.


PS: I forgot about game, I think that it is time to stop being pussy about talking to girls.

[The Lizard of Oz]

Johannes,

I feel that you have too many thoughts racing through your head and too much complexity you are trying to deal with at once. That is not a good idea as you try to recover your mental health and set your life on a good course.

Instead, you should try to simplify your life and concentrate on just a few basic things. That is the best plan for recovery.

Here is what you should do:

-- First, make sure you get your computer science degree, and after that try to get a job as a programmer. Don't worry about Asia or anything like that; try to get a job close to home in a place that is familiar to you. Dedicate yourself to programming and try to become good at it. It is something you can do throughout your life to make money, and which can be always challenging and interesting.

-- Try to make your lifestyle very regular, simple, and healthy. Get up early every morning, and go to bed early every night. Eat good wholesome food. Walk outside, take some walks in nature; don't stay in all day playing video games (or stay up all night). Do some exercise, but don't worry about MMA or anything intense like that; that is not helpful for recovery, and the last thing you need in your position is to receive blows to the head.

-- Make sure you don't take any substances that are too stimulating or intense; no alcohol, no caffeine, not too much sugar. These things are all bad for someone who needs to recover his mental health and get his life on a good path.

-- Don't worry about "gaming pussy" or anything like that for now. You need to reestablish some basic social skills first, make some friends and meet some people you can just talk to. This doesn't need to happen all at once, but over time, just let yourself talk to people in a friendly way, both men and women. Try to show some interest, be nice to them, maintain a conversation. Over time, maybe you will meet some people you can talk to and who you can relate to. Before you worry about "gaming" girls, you need to restore those social skills and become less lonely and less isolated.

-- While you probably can't do anything like skateboarding as an adult, especially if you are very overweight, you should try to find another hobby of some kind that takes you outdoors. It could be one of many things, as simple as riding a bike or as unusual as flying model planes. But find some outdoors activity that you enjoy and can do regularly.

If you concentrate on doing these few basic things, and generally keep you life as simple and as habitual as possible, you will find that in a few years from now you may be in a better position, and you can then think about setting yourself more ambitious goals. But not now -- one step at a time. The key right now is to keep it simple and do the things that will allow you to recover and set up a firm foundation. Good luck.