[Brian Shima]

(08-22-2015 11:38 PM)Sweet Pea Wrote:  

Yeah I would have to completely disagree with the gym one. Even when I'm at gyms where I am one of the smallest guys there, I've never felt like guys were trying to fuck with me. I think maybe this is a self-esteem or body language issue on your end.

Agreed. I have never had someone someone at a gym do anything remotely like this. I have only seen it happen when someone tries to look or act tough.

[wi30]

There is a reason this thread got moved to the newbie forum.

No man is "shit-testing your status as a man".

Well adjusted men may test you for trustfulness, honor, or capability, but men don't shit-test. The OP reads as a social mis-calibration and nothing more.


Edit: This sentence explains the entire thread. "I compliment her attitude and her work ethic a lot."

[puckerman]

(08-23-2015 01:55 PM)TravelerKai Wrote:  

Situation #1: You could have gone with something to the effect of if she does not like the compliments and conversation as much, she is an adult and can let me know own herself. That said, you do need to have a good feel on how much this chick is into you or not. I would ignore a clown like that. He could fight me at his own risk or peril as far as I am concerned. The reason to not concede to this dickhead's demand is for masculine frame purposes. It's more about you than him or her. As long as your safety is not an issue, never let another dude talk to you like that.

The girl is in the position of a "hired gun." She may not say those things for fear of offending a customer. She's a bartender at a kava bar. Considering that, I don't know if she's into me or not.

I didn't concede to his demand, but I didn't pick a fight with him. He didn't seem like he was looking for a fight. He seemed like an okay guy.

The main problem with situations like this is that they are always a total surprise when they happen. I'm not prepared for them.

Quote:

I tend to use alot of humor but if you go these routes, be able to back it up physically, and send the same vibe back that they may not want any part of you. I think I would have told the first guy either:

1. Aww that's cute. How long have you two been friends like this?
2. You do not seem very confident in your relationship. I feel bad for you bro. I don't think you have her under your control as well as you think you do. (be ready to cut her loose if you say shit like that)
3. Oh my bad bro, I did not see an engagement ring or any diamonds on her hand. (The nicest way to jab back without souring the well with her.)
4. If you are really the man in that relationship, you should be telling her what your rules are. You are barking up the wrong tree.
5. What are you going to do about it? Seems like you are the bitch in that relationship. You cannot control another man, you better control your bitch. (Talk like this if you can back it up physically)

Unfortunately, humor isn't my first instinct in these times. Number 2 is nice, but it's also the kind of thing that might provoke the guy to escalate. Number 3 and number 5 could also go that way. Number 4 doesn't work at all because the girl has to talk to me.

I did point out that the girl is a smoker and that disqualifies her in my book anyway. I do sometimes flirt with smokers though because my lack of interest makes it easy to relax.

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Situation #2:

1. I thought she was your mother. I was trying to figure out how old she was when she had you.
2. Shake your head at him very slowly with the "I don't know you man, don't talk to me as if you know me." eye stare. (You may even want to say too.)
3. A simple cold looking eye stare with no response at all until he shuts up.
4. If she works out with me, you won't get her back. Is that alright with you?
5. Oh. Yeah she does have a nice ass (lie). (He might laugh it up and after some chit chat, he will go away) (If he gets upset, see #1-4)

This situation was also a complete surprise, and I didn't even know the girl existed. I think my frame actually worked pretty well here.

Quote:

Also, Puckerman you should take a long examination about your own vibe, frame, image, posture, the way you carry yourself, your weaknesses as well. You may be giving off a vibe that you are soft. No dude in their right mind fucks with other men that look like they could kill them. Guys pick on skinny jeans wearing dudes with effeminate vibes all the time. Maybe you are a pretty boy, I don't know but you need to use a tall mirror and check out what your posture looks like or maybe work on a plan to add more muscle especially around your chest, shoulders, thighs, and back areas. If you are not very tall or domineering in your stature, you may need to compensate it. Consider taking up a good martial art or boxing as well. That builds confidence that you will not pay attention to, because it will be part of who you are, because of what you could do to a motherfucker. Men have to have their own version of wolf piss. Alpha is not just 100% state of mind. You have to be willing to show it or demonstrate it, to go along with the mindset.

I have long had a problem of attracting predatory behavior. As you pointed out, most men won't initiate conversations like this with just anyone. But they will if they think they can "get away" with it.

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Also don't give women too many compliments at all, especially Western women. Too much of that shit gives off beta orbiter vibe, which is what gave him the impression he could come follow you outside and fuck with you like that. He had absolutely no fear of you at all.

That is true. But I think he'd seen me enough that he probably figured I wouldn't start a fight. He knew my name, after all. Of course, I had never noticed him.

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If any woman requires more than a week of flirting or gaming techniques, she needs to be put on ignore status, or next'd.

In the case of this girl, she is a "hired gun." I'm going to bump into her now and then as long as she's in the job.

[PapayaTapper]

(08-22-2015 09:17 PM)puckerman Wrote:  

In another case, I was at the gym. I was sitting on a bench, and a guy approached me out of nowhere. He first said something like: "Can my girl friend work out?"

"What?" I said.

"You keep staring at my girl friend," he said.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

Of course, I didn't even know that this guy's girl friend existed until he said something to me. I think he could tell that I was rather annoyed with the conversation and didn't really appreciate my routine being interrupted over something as idiotic as this. I finally did look over, and his girl friend wasn't even particularly attractive.

Both situations sound like the guys were just neo maxi-chodes, but neither was a shit test to you.

However situation #2 sounds like the evil cunt was testing her dude and instigating drama for her validation ("My pussy is so magical that guys fight over it") without any consideration as to the possible real life consequences. (imagine that) Imagine if you guys had actually thrown down. (Injury, jail, banned from gym, etc) I'd of been pissed at her

Here's Key & Peele with funny version of what I'm talking about

Edit:

Next time this shit happens at the gym say,

"Do you come to the gym to start drama? Do you even lift bro?"

[Marmite]

I don't know if it could be categorised as a shit test, but I had something similar happen.

When I was starting at university a few years back, I attended a pre-university open event for mature students which was split down into groups based on subject. There were about five other students in my group, and a third year female student (at best a six) acting as the student rep.

At the end of the two day event, everyone in the group swapped numbers and went on their way. I exchanged a few texts with the student rep which she initiated. She had been talking about how she was having an Ann Summers party that weekend, so my last text message to her was something along the lines of 'enjoy your orgy', and that was that. I wasn't in the least bit interested in her, so didn't follow up.

About a month passed, and I was just getting ready to go to bed about three am. My phone starts ringing, and it is her number. I answer the phone a bit confused as to why she would be calling me, let alone at that hour (on a school night I might add), only to find that it was her boyfriend calling to give me shit. I de-escalated the situation to the point where I had him feeling like shit for calling me, then blocked her number as I can't be doing with drama, especially relating to a girl I'm not even fucking. About a year later I bump into her again, and she was extremely apologetic about what happened.

He had obviously been going through her phone, probably without her knowing. Then from a place of jealousy, insecurity, and low self esteem called me to give me shit.