Quote: (08-10-2015 01:35 PM)robreke Wrote:
I know, an almost cringeworthy title, but I am interested in feedback.
For me, the second half of the year, so far, is turning out to be more challenging than the first half; dating less slutty girls that aren't banging on the first dates. Paradoxically, this may be a good thing longer term.
Let's say you first date a girl but she won't do a first date bang. She may not even bounce with you to your pad after drinks. She is, however, willing to do kiss you and do a second date with you.
She may even say things like; "I take a while to warm up to new people" or as a 19 year old I'm working on for a 3rd date told me at our second date over wine after we had talked about intimacy in relationships "I need to date for a bit before I'd be ready for that" I assured her that was fine.
So , what activities to do on a 2nd or 3rd date for girls that you can sense that the bang is in the near future as long as you continue to earn her comfort and trust?
All of this assumes, of course, that the girl is attractive enough to put in the effort for multiple dates.
I think there's only so many 'meet me for a drink' dates you can do before you need to throw some activity or action in there for a 3rd date such as bowling, top golf, music venues, etc.
Thoughts?
1) NEVER ABANDON THE GAME
Honestly, I would not abandon a game mindset with a girl who wants to take it "slow". Provided that she's not a virgin, it's really just setting the mood, getting the right environment, and tapping into those young hormonal urges.
What went wrong with your date with the 19 year old is that you didn't spark that fire. What should happen is that from the second you see her, you're creating that burning feeling in her loins.
The whole point of a lot of the verbal gymnastics in game is like a expanded version of thumb wrestling.
You cockily put out your thumb, maybe even underneath hers, wait for her to press, and surprise, she's under your thumb - because you're smarter, faster, and stronger.
She likes that. The point of a lot of those games is making her feel like she's got a shot, but you're just better. And she gets drawn into playing games with you. She finds the whole thing enjoyable. But the competition between the two of you never ends. Even if she wins a battle here and there, she never wins the war - but she wants to keep playing.
With that said, sometimes as a player, you don't want to rush into sex.
I know I'd rather see more of what a chick is about nowadays, cause fast sex causes its own set of problems and issues.
2) The problem with the "courting mindset" is that it typically kicks in the social script where she is the person to judge, and you must keep slaying dragons for the fair lady, and then maybe she'll allow you to kiss her gloved hand.
It's all quid, no quo.
Defusing and confusing social scripts is game 101, though it's not really discussed in game 101 anymore. Guys think of it as chivalry, but there are tons of unwritten but understood rules of human engagement. If I see a 3 year old wandering a busy parking lot, i'm not a white knight if I usher him to the sidewalk. If I see a delivery man with a package, I hold the door open for him.
This is a very cultural thing, but other cultures have their own unwritten scripts.
When it comes to dating...man...we have a ton of them, and most of us don't know the rules. (or how individual women pick and choose what rules apply so as to benefit them personally)
But to bang her, you have to be the judge. She has to seek your approval. She needs to be thinking of things to make you happy.
I got a chick right now that was fucking up. Always late, always changing plans at the last minute, leaving me out there...et cetera.
I withdrew my attention, and she put 2 and 2 together, and is now clamoring to get at me. Sending me texts and pics, offering to do this and that.
I could drive over there and fuck her in the ass right now, if I were so inclined.
3)
Rocky Road type Dates
Tying together #1 - don't abandon your game mindset and #2 social scripts
You need to think about what sorts of dates are "vanilla" on the surface, but reinforce your game.
If you want to build heat - you bake competition into the game, but it has to be something where she thinks she has a shot.
If you want to elevate your "value" - then you need to take her to something and be the man. So it's not about beating her, but beating all others.
If you want to test her out - take her to something where you need to cooperate. If she can't be the line chef to your sous chef...., the robin to your batman - and she likes you - she'll try to make up the deficit.
If you want to set the leader role for yourself - take her on an "adventure" date. You tell her to show up, but don't tell her much about the date.
If you have a decent downtown, it'll be things like walking from the cool and cheap ethnic spot, stopping at the toy store or costume store and trying things on, and ending up at the bar/night cap/coffee shop.
I thought I had come up with that, but I'm reading old pua literature these days, and others had the very same idea. No idea is original.
One guy in particular, a PUA from NYC would set up a date like this.
He'd tell a chick
- bring goggles (or some other wacky item)
- wear that pair of pants you wore last time, but bring a different pair in case I don't those
- we might get dirty, bring another shirt...
- and some paprika (also wacky)
So a chick that was into him, would do all that shit.
They'd meet somewhere.
They'd do their little adventure date, which costs him little if anything.
End of the night comes, he invites her back to his place.
Well what do you know, she has a change of clothes to go to work/school in the morning. He's solved problems for her that she didn't know she had.
________________________________________________________________
For as long as cats have been on this board, they're not really thinking DEEPLY about getting chicks into bed.
It's all central location, working out, get her drunk, get physical, get her home. Then deal with LMR.
Effective enough, but NOT GOOD GAME.
Maybe that's all it takes in the Tinder era, but cats gonna hit their mid 30's and later and wonder why it's harder to bang chicks. Can't even find em anymore, don't know what to say to em, where to guide em, or who he should be.
On top of that, by always focusing on himself, he rarely learns what makes chicks tick. So he's always relying on extra shit, instead of the hard fought for knowledge about women and their behavior.
WIA
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