Holdon's 100 approach thread
06-23-2015, 08:12 PM
I'm going to post approaches I wanted to make but didn't, as well as the ones I did make, just to keep myself accountable and as signposts for where I need work. I won't count them as actual approaches because well what do you know, they weren't actually approaches.
(blown, AA) #1: at the grocery store in the early afternoon, girl behind me waiting in line. she had 10 big jars of jerk seasoning on the belt which would have made an easy opener. got eye contact and a half-grin but it didn't process until I had already begun my transaction. nothing else more to say here.
(blown, AA) #2: redheaded barista at a coffee shop near my house. at least 3 solid eye contacts, a couple of smiles, I pussed out. Tried to go for the 2nd time in line trick, messed up my timing, and got one of the other baristas instead. after a while it felt like I was being too obvious looking up from my work so I went home.
#3 (blown, AA) girl at the gym. we followed each other back and forth around the gym but I definitely pussed out. gotta come up with more elderly chat templates.
#4, Real approach #1 (half done, didn’t cement feet) I’ve been interacting with this chick for weeks, but have always been too nervous (we work for the same company, different branches but very close by so there is interaction). I chatted her up a bit, asking about work etc. since we work at the same place, brought up my other two jobs as bait after she told me about hers, no response/her eyes glaze over (my other jobs are a bit more serious than our common one). on the spot sour graped on her as someone I wouldn't be interested in. Looking back at it sour graping was definitely just an excuse.
#5, real approach #2: work related approach, but still semi applicable. Did the elderly opener about the work related issue she was at the desk for. got a solid 3 min convo in, not much interest detected. most probably because she was in work mode. Maybe I smiled too often? problem is that I am also in work mode.
#6, real approach #3: number close
Pros: did the elderly approach at the gym, supposedly one of the hardest place to do so. Asked if I could work in for a set on the battle ropes, was conveniently actually doing shoulders. approach wise, physically, I think I did this correctly. not perfectly, but correctly. I approached from the front, stood at least 4 feet from her, (probably leaned in a bit too much though). Her form was awful, she asked me if she was doing it right and said I looked like a trainer. we did the exercises together, talked a bit. I missed a few bites of the bait she left me (her cousin picking her up, i just couldn’t hear her very well.)
KINO BIT: she asked me to untangle her earbuds from her necklace. Clearly an invitation for touching. I didn’t hesitate to do so, but i should have brushed her actual body some more, I only touched her once.
Told me she was a flight attendant. she didn’t bite at my dad being a pilot bait (brought up which airline too soon. should have been more vague). she did bite at the I’m moving soon bait. went into that a little bit, I volunteered the law school bit without prompting (should be less volunteering). talked about a law school related performance arts bit I'm interested in, she said I looked like I could be the artsy type. she went for the prop of the shoes on display, we talked about that a little bit but I didn’t really know what to say.
TRUE ELDERLY CONTINUATION would have been: picking up the shoe myself, testing it physically (bending, pushing it as an excuse to get closer) ???
I use the massage ball on the wall as an excuse to stick around. finally get the point where I’m done, she probably got fed up and volunteered her name. LESSON HERE: be assertive. you are a man. FIND OUT HER NAME.
finally, I closed. Asked for the number. she said that she would text me the next time she’s in town, “workout buddies”. handed her my phone, long distance thing tripped me a up a little bit as I went to call her (she asked me to), LESSON HERE LOGISITiCALLY: in the case of long distance numbers, put in the 1.
was proud of this one, although it probably means nothing given the out of town aspect (plus, I will also be leaving). Tried to follow up for drinks later that day but her schedule wouldn't allow. ended on her saying she would text me the next time she's in town. Not expecting much but it was good for my confidence.
#7, real approach #4
Fucking hell. ok. so one of the number one problems right now is planting. i don’t even think it’s as bad as approaching, although it probably comes close. This one was another girl working at the other branch of my workplace, a new girl who had just started as I hadn't seen her around before. Asked her if she was new, teased her about working Friday nights (I also work Friday nights which blows). She said "well what are you going to do?" I think i said something along the lines of "can't do much really" and looked at phone, said bye and walked out. THAT’S FUCKING CONVERSATION BAIT. KEEP THAT SHIT GOING. "don’t worry, i’ve been stuck with fridays for as long as I can remember, you get used to it." OH REALLY? HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING HERE? SEE HOW THIS GOES? I walked in with good body language and confidence, made great eye contact. KEEP YOUR FUCKING FEET PLANTED. i like the colour of your glasses, they’re the same colour as my guitar. FUCK there were so many possible avenues.
beat myself up about this one but i'll just wait for the next time I see this girl. workplace approaches are definitely a bit harder.
#8, real approach #5: half approach/botched/AA
go to the mall to get my sunglasses fixed. see the same two girls working at the eyewear store. there is a crazy customer screaming and making a scene. hand her my glasses, tell her the deal, some pretty solid IOIs (hair tuck, strong eye contact, etc.) as she walks by me to give my glasses to the dude in the back she definitely on purpose touches my arm. she tells me to come back in half an hour, i bail.
Come back 45 minutes later, crazy customer is gone, just the two girls, both with customers. girl sees me, goes to grab my glasses, and knocks over a bunch of shit in the display case. clearly nervous. she says something like "i didn't just do that" and I responded with "don't worry, I didn't see anything", smile, thank you and then bolt because she interrupted her interaction with her customer to grab my glasses.
Refusing to plant my feet seems to be the truly main issue at this point right now. I eject way too early. i wasn’t really in a rush. WHAT I NEED TO DO FROM THIS POINT: when you’re in a situation like this, plant your feet and make an excuse to stick around. there were two possible ones I thought up RIGHT AFTER i left:
-claim i was looking for glasses for my cousin who just graduated from university, which is at least partially true, could have asked for her “advice”. just needed to wait around a little bit for her to finish up with the current customer.
-cool, the screw on the right hinge is tight but now the left one feels loose in comparison, can you tighten them up?
another workplace approach that in retrospect should have capitalized on since I won't have any need to go back anytime soon.