[Mofasa]

So I've been seeing this girl for the past six weeks and she came over tonight with the intention of telling she doesn't like "the way I handle things." Basically she said she's getting frustrated because I'm too aggressive, dominant, and always do what I want to. She said she's tired of me telling her what to do and that she doesn't want me to assume I'm her sex toy every time she comes over. I took it as she's used to holding the reins with the majority of the guys she's been with and now doesn't know what to do when thats not the case. I'm not an asshole but playfully aggressive. Can you reach a level of being too dominant with a chick? Can it eventually work against you if you've been seeing the girl for awhile? Thoughts??

[Saweeep]

It is true; some girls just don't respond as well as others.

The fact that she specifically said she wasn't your sex toy has made me wonder whether you have calibrated your dominance correctly.

What I mean by that is that you need to be congruent, not just bossy and sexually dominant.

Being dominant means that you teach a girl, you improve her and make her feel that she wants to do your bidding; not 'have' to do it. She has to feel that by being submissive around you, you are making her life better.

Are you doing that? Be honest with yourself.

[Mofasa]

Umm no I don't believe that I have established that....I think she is fed up of doing my "bidding"

[Mofasa]

(05-05-2015 01:05 AM)CrashBangWallop Wrote:  

Being dominant means that you teach a girl, you improve her and make her feel that she wants to do your bidding; not 'have' to do it. She has to feel that by being submissive around you, you are making her life better.

Can you elaborate on how to establish that?

[Saweeep]

For a woman to give away all control and power i.e.. become submissive, she trust you and your choices implicitly. To gain this level of trust you need to prove, with every choice you make, that she will be rewarded for putting that trust in you.

Therefore, everything you do should be done for a reason, and that reason should always be positive.

Unless you can demonstrate this to a woman's satisfaction, that she will benefit from submission, she will never truly submit to you.

[Simeon_Strangelight]

The funny thing is that I never heard a woman complain about a guy being too dominant - unless it was related to jealousy and mate-guarding which is more a Beta- and lower Alpha tell than anything - men should let go of that desire.

The girls that complained and later left about their dominant men did so for the following reasons:

+ Dark Triad - he was not only dominant, but hit her etc. - I have women who put up years with that, but still no complaining about his dominance
+ Stupid dominant men - yes they exist, dumb as bread, but still wanting to make decisions on anything - giving his children unhealthy food and claiming it's healthy, giving his dogs chicken bones, making moronic financial decisions etc. - even in those LTRs the women did not complain about his dominance - just that he was making bad decisions
+ Incongruent behavior - 6 weeks in and she complains - well sometimes early on you may overdo it on the forward front and have forgotten about comfort. Treating a girl like fuck doll is all fine and well, but many guys know it's good to cuddle her afterwards - even if you know her 2 hours. Alphas with Game thus seldom get accused of rape, because they know how to make her feel good. Krauser even put some of that info in his Game literature, so it's not really new knowledge.

I remember especially when I was young that I showed plenty of incongruent behavior being passionate and more Alpha, but then switching often into the Nice Guy and romantic lover that I thought women wanted. Normally the comfort stuff is easy - most guys know how to do that.

But frankly your case might be something else - the girl actually seems to lead you on that she wants more from you than being your sex doll. If she did not end it with you, then it actually means that she wishes to be your girlfriend or move in that direction. Dominance is not the issue here.

[Dr. Howard]

My only follow up question here is...we know she complained/brought it up but what did she DO about it. Did you still bang her and do what you normally do or was she a cunt about it and subsequently stared at her phone all night, checking FB messages and tinder matches?

[Rutting Elephant]

^ she's allowed to have a smartphone?

[robreke]

I think it's also a question of how early you bring dominance into a relationship. On a first bang, you may not want to be as dominant and forceful (hair pulling , ass slapping) as you would after say, your third bang or so with the girl.

I've banged girls and been pretty dominant on first dates and I think it may have surprised them a bit. When I was able to get them on second dates, they seemed a little wary of me at first. I reassure them ( and practice) that we won't do anything they aren't comfortable with. I'm rethinking my practice of getting too dominant or man handling them on first bangs. I think if a man over does this in the early part of the relationship, he can cause her slut defense/buyer's remorse to kick in the next day as she thinks about it. It may cause her to not want to see you again , even though in the moment, it was great mutual sex and she was seemingly into it.

[XXL]

My first thought.. lack of rewarding expected behavior. If she's good to you she has to feel that your pleased with her.

I just had a conversation about that topic with my good buddy. He said the girl always has to feel she's useful to her man and that he's pleased with what she does. So telling a girl what to do or being bossy is fine as long as she feels validated obeying you like that. He also said that this is what all women want, to please their man and be appreciated doing it so it's crucial letting them know straight up what you expect from them and reward them when they behave as you wish. Otherwise they feel no drive to be as you want them to be.

So a little tenderness applied at the right time is needed too.

[Mofasa]

(05-05-2015 04:01 PM)Dr. Howard Wrote:  

My only follow up question here is...we know she complained/brought it up but what did she DO about it. Did you still bang her and do what you normally do or was she a cunt about it and subsequently stared at her phone all night, checking FB messages and tinder matches?

She had sent some BS text about how she doesn't like how I handle things a few days earlier. Then she called and was "in the area" so stopped by. A few minutes into the interaction I decided to bring up her text and she said she didn't want to talk about it. 20 min later I figured proceed as usual and tried to lead her into my bedroom. She refused to take my hand walked into my room and said she was gonna talk about it when she wanted to talk about it. Proceeded to tell me that I'm too full of myself and always do what I want to do. I've never hung out with this girl outside of my house. Day 1 I told her my intentions. Around 3rd or 4th hang out she said something about going out and "doing stuff." I had explained to her that as soon as we start "doing stuff" together the line that I drew might get blurred into relationship type stuff. She said the problem lies in that she doesn't want me to assume that we're having sex every time she comes over. Yahda yahda, I did not get the bang. Proceeded to tell her I'll stop being so aggressive and she said something along the lines of " You're not gonna change for me because in your eyes I'm nothing to change for." Chick bounced but left her bracelet sitting on my desk...

[Simeon_Strangelight]

(05-06-2015 01:56 AM)Mofasa Wrote:  

Proceeded to tell her I'll stop being so aggressive and she said something along the lines of " You're not gonna change for me because in your eyes I'm nothing to change for." Chick bounced but left her bracelet sitting on my desk...

Women if they are honest are perceptive enough to realize if the guy would want a LTR with her or not. Bunch of shit-tests and pussy embargo to get what she wants - submitting to it is worse than ignoring her words. Just as I thought - she wants to be your girlfriend, but assumes that you likely don't see her as being on the relationship ladder - just the fuck ladder. Probably right - and honestly if you think it's a good idea to go deeper with a woman like that - it usually is not, because if she throws hissy fits like that so early, then you can brace yourself for the coming winter if you wife that one up.

[barnbarn2k]

Step 1... repeat after me... "you've been talking to your friends again."

She's either trying to get hand in the relationship or she's trying to sabotage things. Either way the result is the same. She gets hand and doesn't respect u. She sabotages things then relationship goes bad.

Best course is if u actually like her to do something cheap with her... tell her to bring over a movie or something along that line. If you don't like her do nothing. She will prob still bang a few times or maybe a lot more. Hard to say with sloots these days.

[Sebastian]

Maybe she doesn't see you as a dominant person and is thinking it's in-congruent. you are the only one who can figure it out.

Everyone can act like Alpha (tell people what to do etc) but few will get the acceptance. hope it make sense.

[robreke]

(05-06-2015 01:56 AM)Mofasa Wrote:  

(05-05-2015 04:01 PM)Dr. Howard Wrote:  

My only follow up question here is...we know she complained/brought it up but what did she DO about it. Did you still bang her and do what you normally do or was she a cunt about it and subsequently stared at her phone all night, checking FB messages and tinder matches?

She had sent some BS text about how she doesn't like how I handle things a few days earlier. Then she called and was "in the area" so stopped by. A few minutes into the interaction I decided to bring up her text and she said she didn't want to talk about it. 20 min later I figured proceed as usual and tried to lead her into my bedroom. She refused to take my hand walked into my room and said she was gonna talk about it when she wanted to talk about it. Proceeded to tell me that I'm too full of myself and always do what I want to do. I've never hung out with this girl outside of my house. Day 1 I told her my intentions. Around 3rd or 4th hang out she said something about going out and "doing stuff." I had explained to her that as soon as we start "doing stuff" together the line that I drew might get blurred into relationship type stuff. She said the problem lies in that she doesn't want me to assume that we're having sex every time she comes over. Yahda yahda, I did not get the bang. Proceeded to tell her I'll stop being so aggressive and she said something along the lines of " You're not gonna change for me because in your eyes I'm nothing to change for." Chick bounced but left her bracelet sitting on my desk...

It probably wasn't a good idea to bring up her text. Women aren't rational agents.

It probably would have worked better just to be happy go lucky as if everything were peaches and cream and as if that 'drama' of the text had never happened. Then, proceeded to game and lead her toward the bang under that premise. By bringing up the text you were acknowledging her frame. By ignoring it and not mentioning it and proceeding in your own state of mind you would have been operating in your frame.

I used to want to ask girls that I eventually got with things like "how come you ignored my texts last week?" ( as we were now laying in bed post bang) Or why this or why that. It's not constructive. It may cause them to get defensive and you could be possibly cock blocking yourself.

It's okay to bring those things up later in an established relationship, but not at first when you're initially going for the first few bangs with a girl or trying to get her to "like" you.

[Vaun]

being dominant essentially boils down to how willing and often you say the word no, and how disagreeable you are. just say it every now and again, not to everything she says and does. and earlier in the dance you are still courting her, so you have to balance being a disagreeable dick with what you have to say and do to get into her pants.