[jariel]

This morning on my way back from Whole Foods, I was thinking about a few random thoughts I've had recently about the game, and I ended up deciding to start this new series within the Real Talk Sessions, that will be known as "The Grown Man Hour".

In these editions, I'll touch on a few topics at a time, and my hope is that we can have some substantive dialogue about these topics, as once again, I aim to touch on game topics that aren't often discussed.

This "hour" of real talk will force you to take a look at the relationships you have and don't have in your life and look at them for what they really are.

This is for grown men only.

If You're Not Committed, Oneitis Doesn't Make Sense
I'm going to start this one off by posing a question: If you're not in a committed relationship, how could you possibly have oneits?

Last night I went out, and I'm always amazed because I live in a big city, and I've partied hard in it ever since I moved here, yet I don't feel like I have really scratched the surface of the party scene. Some guys hit me up via private message when they're visiting, "Hey where should I go on Tuesday night?" Fortunately, I'm able to be of assistance, but one of the interesting things about this city is that there are so many different scenes, so many different places to actually party, and even though I've been all over it, there are still so many places and scenes I have yet to experience.

Before I called it a night, I literally drove around to different parts of the city just to see what was going on. I drove by traditional nightclubs, restaurants that turn into nightclubs after hours, banquet halls, strip clubs, etc. The common denominator with all of these places that I noticed is that no matter what type of venue, they were crawling with women.

Women are fucking everywhere.

One of the things I love about my city is that if I have a certain type of woman that I'm looking, I can go to her part of the city and party where she would party at. I know where to find a Colombian chick. I know where to find a Dominican chick. I know where to find a Venezuelan chick. I know where her people live and within those neighborhoods I know where the party is at.

Because I know women are fucking everywhere, I don't see how it's possible for me to develop "oneitis". How can I make my world revolve around one bitch when my world can revolve around so many bitches?

In game, we call it an abundance mentality. However, an abundance mentality isn't really enough. I prefer to have an abundance reality. At the end of the day, life is all about options. When you have options, you can choose to deal with whatever it is you don't mind dealing with, and when you don't have options, you deal with what you're forced to deal with.

The fact that you have 20 numbers in your phone doesn't mean anything if you can't get any of those girls over to your house in a moment's notice.

They are possibilities, but they're not options.

If you know three of those numbers will come as soon as you say the word, then you have options.

For those of us who don't have neither an abundance mentality or abundance reality, we might have one chick who we depend on for our wants and needs, and we revolve everything around that chick. But some of you are playing that game without even really being committed to the chick.

Recently, a poster shared with us that he had been seeing this one particular latina for years, even though their relationship was low-quality, even though she was low-quality, even though he had broken the relationship off so many times.

I had quite a few things to say about that.

But I'll add some more regarding that particular situation -- and others akin to it: Even though you may be able to get other bitches to be a part of your life, you still have oneitis because you keep going back to the failed bitch. The reason you keep going back is because you intentionally go after bitches who can't actually supplant her. This is a common tactic for men who cheat when they're in relationships. Women sometimes wonder why a man fucks a fat bitch while he's dating a "7", and the reason is quite simple. Sometimes men just want to go out and have some different pussy, and that desire has nothing to do with replacing the bitch he has.

Our RVFer has never truly had a desire to be with a better bitch than that latina, whether he was conscious of it or not, he was intentionally fucking with chicks who weren't any better than she is. When men are in low-quality relationships, and they meet better bitches, they leave. When men are in low-quality relationships, and they meet similar or lesser bitches, they have no reason/motivation to leave, just to have some different experiences with those other bitches because sometimes you just need something different in your life. It's really that simple. So If you're Swizz Beatz, hell yeah you're leaving Mashonda for Alicia Keys, on the other hand, if you're Steve McNair, you're not leaving your wife and mother of your children for some young, dumb nobody who's busing tables at Dave and Buster's -- RIP.

If you're going to have oneitis, then own it, and commit to the chick you're with. That doesn't mean you have to marry her and start a family with her, but be honest with yourself and with her about how you feel. Otherwise, be a man about yours, acknowledge that your bout of oneitis doesn't make any fucking sense and go do better for yourself, trust me, it's out there, you don't even have to look that hard.

First Class Ticket To Heartbreak
Some of you are some selfish motherfuckers. You're loitering around pussy. The problem I have with that is that some of that pussy is decent. You're playing it cool, you're not really committing or defining the relationship you have with the girl, and that's cool, she really likes you, so she's rolling with the program for now, but I'm warning you, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak.

Sometimes in life we just happen to catch things, people, at the right time -- timing is everything. You meet a girl, she's cool, sex is cool, you're not really ready to lock it down, and she just started her career or grad school is pretty intense, so she's not really trying to be locked down anyway. But it's not going to stay that way forever.

The problem for you is that guys know a decent bitch when they meet one, and they don't see a ring on her finger, and she's not constantly talking about a boyfriend -- while also not proclaiming that she's single -- and guys who have better game than you can since that she's available, and her availability makes her vulnerable. These guys won't go HAM, because that's not always the right play with a decent bitch. They might work together, ride the same train to work, share a class, in other words, the guy is going to run convenience game to get in where he fits in.

Some guys know what they want. Some guys want a girlfriend, not just a fuck buddy. They're actually looking for a teammate. All of these guys are not betas. The more your whatever you want to call her gets a whiff of one of these guys, the better it starts to smell. The next thing you know, you will have lost her. There won't be any fighting. You won't have done anything "wrong", but she will tell you, she's in a different place in her life now, her job is getting crazy and she just doesn't have the same free time that she used to have, any excuse to let you down easy and in the process let you know that your days of just loitering around the pussy are over, and they're over because she got scooped by a better dude with a plan and a real place for her in his life.

Keep It 100
I've always had a personal saying that even if I couldn't keep it real with others, I would at least keep it real with myself. Some of you are lying to yourselves and others. You're being territorial about fuck buddies, but you don't want to be with them. You're mis-assessing your sexual market value, so you're stepping to 7s, when you can really only pull 5s. You're calling yourself a player, but you're stuck on one chick. You're saying you're a student of game, but you don't go out. I could go on and on.

One of the first things you have to do when you enter this game is leave your ego at the door. Sometimes you're going to get rejected, sometimes you're going to get accepted. Sometimes you're going to get dumped, something you're going to do the dumping. You'll often find yourself on both sides of the coin, so it's imperative to leave you ego out of it.

One of the reasons women have so many problems in the game is simply because they can't leave their egos out of this shit.

She's upset when you're looking at another bitch? Well the bitch you were looking at is 19 and looks like she works out six days a week, meanwhile your bitch looks like she's working on a box of Krispy Kreme six days a week, what does she expect?

She's upset that you're leaving her? Well she wasn't really doing anything to make your life better, and you're in the course of an extensive self-improvement plan, while she's still the same bitch you met two years ago, what does she expect?

Women run away from responsibility all of the time. It's much easier for them to say they were a victim, rather than accept that they had something to do with the undesired outcome.

I've always said, when a relationship ends, there are some things that you probably could have done better, there are some things that she probably could have done better, but those things didn't happen, so it's over.

Be honest with yourself about where you are in life -- if you're not where you want to be, the time is now.

Be honest with yourself about the nature of your relationships -- some of you have fuckbuddies, but you're treating them like girlfriends, so they actually believe they're your girlfriend, prepare for the impending head-on collision when you try to dial that back.

The message here is to just keep it 100, another imperative if you're actually going to be a real player in this game.

[brick tamland]

Another useful treatise. Your witticisms should strike home for anyone who's been around for long enough.

[philosophical_recovery]

First, Jariel, if you wrote a book, I'd buy it.

(03-29-2015 10:42 AM)jariel Wrote:  

The fact that you have 20 numbers in your phone doesn't mean anything if you can't get any of those girls over to your house in a moment's notice.

They are possibilities, but they're not options.

If you know three of those numbers will come as soon as you say the word, then you have options.

This is exactly why I just nuke numbers at a certain point. It was learned, and I had to drag myself into that habit after much pain. It took so much effort in the past to just get a number, I remember those days of scarcity. But, the first time I did it, it was a relief. I knew those bitches weren't worth the time of day and that proved it to me.

Quote:

For those of us who don't have neither an abundance mentality or abundance reality, we might have one chick who we depend on for our wants and needs, and we revolve everything around that chick. But some of you are playing that game without even really being committed to the chick.

This is solid truth, and I've been vulnerable to this. In particular, last year, I got into the habit of meeting chicks, giving them several good fucking sessions, and then refocusing my needs on that girl. There is a sickness to that behavior. It's also a sign of lack of being in tune with your own skills with game, as you address.

Quote:

Our RVFer has never truly had a desire to be with a better bitch than that latina, whether he was conscious of it or not, he was intentionally fucking with chicks who weren't any better than she is. When men are in low-quality relationships, and they meet better bitches, they leave. When men are in low-quality relationships, and they meet similar or lesser bitches, they have no reason/motivation to leave, just to have some different experiences with those other bitches because sometimes you just need something different in your life. It's really that simple. So If you're Swizz Beatz, hell yeah you're leaving Mashonda for Alicia Keys, on the other hand, if you're Steve McNair, you're not leaving your wife and mother of your children for some young, dumb nobody who's busing tables at Dave and Buster's -- RIP.

If you're going to have oneitis, then own it, and commit to the chick you're with. That doesn't mean you have to marry her and start a family with her, but be honest with yourself and with her about how you feel. Otherwise, be a man about yours, acknowledge that your bout of oneitis doesn't make any fucking sense and go do better for yourself, trust me, it's out there, you don't even have to look that hard.

This is key. It takes effort, and that's what a lot of people like me fear. It's the sheer amount of effort we have to expend to get a replacement. Some places are worse than others. The West Coast in particular isn't that great of a hunting ground compared to others, but you can still find another.

Quote:

The problem for you is that guys know a decent bitch when they meet one, and they don't see a ring on her finger, and she's not constantly talking about a boyfriend -- while also not proclaiming that she's single -- and guys who have better game than you can since that she's available, and her availability makes her vulnerable. These guys won't go HAM, because that's not always the right play with a decent bitch. They might work together, ride the same train to work, share a class, in other words, the guy is going to run convenience game to get in where he fits in.

Some guys know what they want. Some guys want a girlfriend, not just a fuck buddy. They're actually looking for a teammate. All of these guys are not betas. The more your whatever you want to call her gets a whiff of one of these guys, the better it starts to smell. The next thing you know, you will have lost her. There won't be any fighting. You won't have done anything "wrong", but she will tell you, she's in a different place in her life now, her job is getting crazy and she just doesn't have the same free time that she used to have, any excuse to let you down easy and in the process let you know that your days of just loitering around the pussy are over, and they're over because she got scooped by a better dude with a plan and a real place for her in his life.

Strongly agree. It's easy to project onto girls what we think may be influencing their decisions, but sometimes it's just better circumstances for her. That extra hardship to reach you just isn't worth it to her. She's got the abundance mentality, even if she's just a 6.

Quote:

Be honest with yourself about where you are in life -- if you're not where you want to be, the time is now.

Be honest with yourself about the nature of your relationships -- some of you have fuckbuddies, but you're treating them like girlfriends, so they actually believe they're your girlfriend, prepare for the impending head-on collision when you try to dial that back.

I just recently escaped this. If I kept banging this girl, I would start treating her better, and I knew I could do a lot better and I wanted to. Better to cut it off early than to let it drag out and get feelings involved. I'd rather just deal with the potential dryspell.

[Pride male]

Rollo Tomassi's epic post, Buffers explained that most dating problems stem from a fear of rejection. Oneitis allows you to hide behind that one girl instead of moving on to new targets because of the fear of getting rebuffed.

[Fortis]

Jariel. You need your own blog.

[WestIndianArchie]

@Pride you gotta link for that Rollo piece?

@Fortis, he needs a talk show!

As much as guys harp on inner game and mindset, it's never enough.

The right esteem, the right mindset, suddenly you're not worried about technique or a Hail Mary text, but whether the course of action you're about to embark on is worthy in the first place.

WIA

[jariel]

(03-29-2015 05:22 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

@Pride you gotta link for that Rollo piece?

http://therationalmale.com/2011/08/26/buffers/

[Exquirenoir]

Damn Jariel, You speak the truth once again . Lesson learned and Archived

[Windom Earle]

(03-29-2015 10:42 AM)jariel Wrote:  

Keep It 100
Some of you are lying to yourselves and others. You're being territorial about fuck buddies, but you don't want to be with them. You're mis-assessing your sexual market value, so you're stepping to 7s, when you can really only pull 5s. You're calling yourself a player, but you're stuck on one chick. You're saying you're a student of game, but you don't go out. I could go on and on.

Everything in the OP was insightful, except the above. It's misdirected in my opinion.

It may apply to the average man on the street, but we here, are not average men.

I appreciate that they are presented as examples of not being honest with one's self, but they are the very antithesis of "Red Pill" - something we all strive for and subscribe to.

If anyone here actually has their head in the sand as depicted above, then their membership is merely a token one, since their ethos, attitude and behaviour is grossly misaligned with that of the majority.

[jariel]

(03-29-2015 08:50 PM)Windom Earle Wrote:  

(03-29-2015 10:42 AM)jariel Wrote:  

Keep It 100
Some of you are lying to yourselves and others. You're being territorial about fuck buddies, but you don't want to be with them. You're mis-assessing your sexual market value, so you're stepping to 7s, when you can really only pull 5s. You're calling yourself a player, but you're stuck on one chick. You're saying you're a student of game, but you don't go out. I could go on and on.

Everything in the OP was insightful, except the above. It's misdirected in my opinion.

It may apply to the average man on the street, but we here, are not average men.

I appreciate that they are presented as examples of not being honest with one's self, but they are the very antithesis of "Red Pill" - something we all strive for and subscribe to.

If anyone here actually has their head in the sand as depicted above, then their membership is merely a token one, since their ethos, attitude and behaviour is grossly misaligned with that of the majority.

It's true that we're all here, in the sense that we're all taking in this information and contributing what we can, where we can, but your assumption that we're all on the same level just because we're here is faulty.

There are members of our community who are guilty of what I stated in the post, in fact, I even presented a prime example in the post.

[Dalaran1991]

Jariel s got a point. Some of us are constantly lying to ourselves without even realizing it. Its hard because after a while you start to believe in your own lies and see the world through it. Kind of male hamster.

Sometimes its even necessary. Its difficult to distinguish between lies and hope. A guy who has been a failure with women all his life till his 30 s, now getting into game and has to tell himself one day he can bed beautiful women. Is that lies or hope? He doesn't hav the experience to tell either way.

It gets harder when you can't tell if the lies are helping you or hurting you.

[Fortis]

This is definitely some pretty high level stuff. Has me thinking about my own approach to the game and my lazy ways.

[jariel]

(03-29-2015 04:41 PM)Fortis Wrote:  

Jariel. You need your own blog.

Well at this point, I'm starting to feel like Timbaland and Missy in the early 2000s, I'm all over the game board, and I'm just trying to contribute to the great content here, not take it over, so my own space in addition to my contributions here may be in order, even though that was not my plan at all.

I'm glad you guys are enjoying the posts and finding them helpful.

[kaotic]

@jariel you always drop some solid ass knowledge

I feel like I'm in the middle of this mix, I wouldn't label myself in a low-quality relationship.

However I just don't feel like I need to "be" committed, even thought I pretty much am.

I've got a great girl who loves me and would do anything for me. She's a smokeshow and decently feminine.

We've been legit for over a year, but see eachother twice a week at most. She's busy, as am I, however we do blend together, I don't get any lip or pushback, I have command of the relationship.

Some may say, how is this legit ? How is what you're doing even remotely close to a monogamous relationship ?

I say, because my emotions are only invested in her, the others I'll treat like a friend who I like to fuck, granted I do show some feelings, of course this leads to their feelings getting hurt (see my last post in the players lounge).

However, (maybe this is rationalization hamster at work) I believe gaming other girls (if they are on par with my main, perhaps a bit sub par) helps improve my LTR game, keeps my game from getting rusty, and putting pussy on the pedestal.

I personally don't see anything wrong with banging other girls while in an LTR, I absolutely see your point in saying "Hey ! If she's that great, sack up and commit with her only".

But does one really want to play all their chips for one hand ?

This post does raise questions about my relationship, my views on game.

I have a feeling we'll find some differentiating opinions on this post.

I may be rambling a bit much right now, I'm interested more on your thoughts and opinions on the subject.

[jariel]

(03-30-2015 03:39 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

@jariel you always drop some solid ass knowledge

I feel like I'm in the middle of this mix, I wouldn't label myself in a low-quality relationship.

However I just don't feel like I need to "be" committed, even thought I pretty much am.

I've got a great girl who loves me and would do anything for me. She's a smokeshow and decently feminine.

We've been legit for over a year, but see eachother twice a week at most. She's busy, as am I, however we do blend together, I don't get any lip or pushback, I have command of the relationship.

Some may say, how is this legit ? How is what you're doing even remotely close to a monogamous relationship ?

I say, because my emotions are only invested in her, the others I'll treat like a friend who I like to fuck, granted I do show some feelings, of course this leads to their feelings getting hurt (see my last post in the players lounge).

However, (maybe this is rationalization hamster at work) I believe gaming other girls (if they are on par with my main, perhaps a bit sub par) helps improve my LTR game, keeps my game from getting rusty, and putting pussy on the pedestal.

I personally don't see anything wrong with banging other girls while in an LTR, I absolutely see your point in saying "Hey ! If she's that great, sack up and commit with her only".

But does one really want to play all their chips for one hand ?

This post does raise questions about my relationship, my views on game.

I have a feeling we'll find some differentiating opinions on this post.

I may be rambling a bit much right now, I'm interested more on your thoughts and opinions on the subject.

Kaotic,

Thanks for bringing this up, I will make a post about your situation, it's a common one that plays out and I think it's being mishandled.

I'll drop it sometime this week.

[kaotic]

Just go easy on me

Always look forward to your posts brother !

[Fortis]

(03-30-2015 02:48 PM)jariel Wrote:  

(03-29-2015 04:41 PM)Fortis Wrote:  

Jariel. You need your own blog.

Well at this point, I'm starting to feel like Timbaland and Missy in the early 2000s, I'm all over the game board, and I'm just trying to contribute to the great content here, not take it over, so my own space in addition to my contributions here may be in order, even though that was not my plan at all.

I'm glad you guys are enjoying the posts and finding them helpful.

Definitely. Although, if you had your own blog that might be annoying because then I can't just look up your posts on RVF anymore. There is something to be said about ease of access.

[jariel]

(03-30-2015 03:39 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

I say, because my emotions are only invested in her, the others I'll treat like a friend who I like to fuck, granted I do show some feelings, of course this leads to their feelings getting hurt (see my last post in the players lounge).

However, (maybe this is rationalization hamster at work) I believe gaming other girls (if they are on par with my main, perhaps a bit sub par) helps improve my LTR game, keeps my game from getting rusty, and putting pussy on the pedestal.

(03-29-2015 10:42 AM)jariel Wrote:  

Our RVFer has never truly had a desire to be with a better bitch than that latina, whether he was conscious of it or not, he was intentionally fucking with chicks who weren't any better than she is. When men are in low-quality relationships, and they meet better bitches, they leave. When men are in low-quality relationships, and they meet similar or lesser bitches, they have no reason/motivation to leave, just to have some different experiences with those other bitches because sometimes you just need something different in your life.

[kaotic]

(03-30-2015 05:04 PM)jariel Wrote:  

(03-30-2015 03:39 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

I say, because my emotions are only invested in her, the others I'll treat like a friend who I like to fuck, granted I do show some feelings, of course this leads to their feelings getting hurt (see my last post in the players lounge).

However, (maybe this is rationalization hamster at work) I believe gaming other girls (if they are on par with my main, perhaps a bit sub par) helps improve my LTR game, keeps my game from getting rusty, and putting pussy on the pedestal.

(03-29-2015 10:42 AM)jariel Wrote:  

Our RVFer has never truly had a desire to be with a better bitch than that latina, whether he was conscious of it or not, he was intentionally fucking with chicks who weren't any better than she is. When men are in low-quality relationships, and they meet better bitches, they leave. When men are in low-quality relationships, and they meet similar or lesser bitches, they have no reason/motivation to leave, just to have some different experiences with those other bitches because sometimes you just need something different in your life.

Here's the specific thing about this, I'm not going back and forth nor running back home to a girl I broke up with.

I don't think I have a low quality relationship with my main LTR, in my eyes it's pretty intense in a good way.

Are you suggesting, "hey if it's that's good, why are you chasing other girls ?"

Do you think it's wrong to be in an LTR and get pussy on the side ? Or do you see this as weakness in the relationship, since you are getting pussy on the side ?

If so, why do you think it's bad to get pussy outside of a relationship.

Say your LTR girl is an 7, but you fuck an 8 or a 9 who doesn't have the greatest attitude and you know wouldn't be LTR material. That's what I'm getting at.

[jariel]

(03-30-2015 05:22 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

However, (maybe this is rationalization hamster at work) I believe gaming other girls (if they are on par with my main, perhaps a bit sub par) helps improve my LTR game, keeps my game from getting rusty, and putting pussy on the pedestal.

I was focusing on the quoted part of your post because I talked about it in my post.

You admitted that you go after girls who are at best on-par with, if not sub-par, than the girl you already have.

I actually understand your situation quite well, to be honest with you, you're doing the right thing, because everything in the situation is great, but a woman can't expect your monogamy when you she can only afford to spend two days a week with you.

What are you supposed to do on the other days?

Are you guys fucking every time you see each other? Probably not.

Would it be accurate to say that for every four visits, you fuck once, maybe twice?

Let's extrapolate that out over a month, for every 30 day time period, she fucks you 4-5 times, I mean what are you supposed to do those other days, just watch porn?

So my response wasn't meant as criticism towards you, it was to highlight that you mentioned something that I touched on in my original post.

[kaotic]

(03-30-2015 05:27 PM)jariel Wrote:  

(03-30-2015 05:22 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

However, (maybe this is rationalization hamster at work) I believe gaming other girls (if they are on par with my main, perhaps a bit sub par) helps improve my LTR game, keeps my game from getting rusty, and putting pussy on the pedestal.

I was focusing on the quoted part of your post because I talked about it in my post.

You admitted that you go after girls who are at best on-par with, if not sub-par, than the girl you already have.

I actually understand your situation quite well, to be honest with you, you're doing the right thing, because everything in the situation is great, but a woman can't expect your monogamy when you she can only afford to spend two days a week with you.

What are you supposed to do on the other days?

Are you guys fucking every time you see each other? Probably not.

Would it be accurate to say that for every four visits, you fuck once, maybe twice?

Let's extrapolate that out over a month, for every 30 day time period, she fucks you 4-5 times, I mean what are you supposed to do those other days, just watch porn?

So my response wasn't meant as criticism towards you, it was to highlight that you mentioned something that I touched on in my original post.

No offense taken at all my friend ! I actually enjoy talking about this, it makes me aware of things I wasn't aware of before.

Quote:

What are you supposed to do on the other days?

Absolutely right, and usually I lift and have a little time before bed.

Quote:

Are you guys fucking every time you see each other? Probably not.

Actually so far the sex is pretty consistent....even on her period. She has a high sex drive, unless we're completely wasted, but even then we try. We'll see if this continues, I've actually been gauging the sex.

Quote:

Would it be accurate to say that for every four visits, you fuck once, maybe twice?

Like I said above I'd say 4 for 4 but, yeah it could be 2 to 3 times.

Quote:

Let's extrapolate that out over a month, for every 30 day time period, she fucks you 4-5 times, I mean what are you supposed to do those other days, just watch porn?

Yeah exactly, I'm not going to watch porn I'm going to want to bang, so I go out hunting.

No chump should be left with his dick in his hand like that.

Quote:

You admitted that you go after girls who are at best on-par with, if not sub-par, than the girl you already have.

I think you just discovered a new goal for me, eliminate plates that aren't up to par, and only bang girls HOTTER than mine right now.

If I stick to this then it looks like I'll be doing alot more reading and learning.

[jariel]

(03-30-2015 05:41 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

I think you just discovered a new goal for me, eliminate plates that aren't up to par, and only bang girls HOTTER than mine right now.

Which takes us back to my original point, if and when you find a girl whose hotter and is more accessible, that other girl is going to get replaced.

[kaotic]

Game blouses.



You're onto something big man, I can't wait for your next posts. Screw a blog, write a book and have us review it man !