[Killface]

Most of the guys on this forum are dedicated to self improvement, or at least interested in it. If you're going to go down that route, you implicitly acknowledge that you are not currently your best self, and there are people out there who are better at certain things than you are.

How do you avoid comparing yourself to others?

This is probably the primary cause of dissatisfaction in my life. I have been fortunate enough to meet quite a few ridiculously successful entrepreneurs, and it has improved my life tremendously. However, the downside is, I'll see a guy in his early twenties making millions per year, or people in my own age bracket making tens of millions. When I meet them, I find that they are not that much different from me or most of the people I know. Then I beat myself up trying to figure out why I haven't accomplished as much.

It doesn't seem like it's related to materialism or "the joneses" in the conventional sense...I live in an RV for christ's sake, and have basically no use for millions of dollars, but it sort of feels like a never ending game and there is some vague point at which I will feel "successful."

But does anyone reach that point. Recently a close friend of mine who is 27 and currently making high six figures annually from a business he started on the side while WAITING TABLES for a living, who has accomplished more than 99.99999% of humans in history, had a birthday and got depressed. I asked why, and it was because he didn't feel like he is where he "should be." I pointed out his success to him, and he said it's still not enough.

Some of you remember my story from a controversial thread in January. I am monufuckingmentally better off than I was a year or so ago. I multiplied my income and net worth, achieved a good level of fitness, and freed myself from needing a job after living as a broke, out of shape office slave for years. By most standards I should be extremely happy with my current position. However, I get gnawing anxiety if, for instance, I am not stacking enough cash to buy a new rental property every two months or so. This means I'm saving five figures per month, whereas before I unplugged from the matrix I thought I was doing great by socking away maybe $200 a month in some mutual fund.

But I feel like I am not living up to my potential, especially when you see people on social media flaunting the trappings of money I will probably never have.

So again, how do you guys stop yourselves from comparing yourself to other people and experiencing dissatisfaction for no rational reason? Whether it is physically, financially, socially, etc.

[h3ltrsk3ltr]

Internal game. It's like racing against the clock. You find what's important to you and strive to be that. I don't compare myself to others as much as I used to sine I made self improvement my goal.

If you're comparing yourself to others, you're probably not going after your own fear.

[jamaicabound]

I think an important thing to keep in mind is improving yourself doesn't mean transforming yourself into someone else. I want to improve my income, my business, etc. That said I'm not going to be comparing myself to Mark Cuban, I want to be my best self and that doesn't really need to be in relation to someone else.

I think Facebook is one of the worst things for people who think life has a blueprint or who compare theirself to their peers. I don't do Facebook, really never have except for maybe a few months in the early days but havn't been on in years and years and years.

Most people on facebook take great care in crafting a certain vision or image of their life. What happens? People look at someone on vacation, out partying and think man this guy lives such a cool life, he's always out partying, taking tips. In reality that may be the one vacation of the year they get to take. That partying could be the one night of the month they went out but all you see is those fun things. Its kinda like watching a tv show like friends or how I met your mother and saying why can't I sit around a bar with a cool group of 6 or 8 friends and never go to work. thats not reality its a tv show and facebook isn't reality its a crafted presentation of peopl'es lives for many people.

If you want to get more fit set a goal to do 150 pushups a day, don't say I wanna look like Mark Wahlberg in 6 weeks. If you want to eanr more money say I want $5,000 in savings by the end of the year, don't say I wanna be Mark Cuban.

Set goals for yourself don't try to be someone else. I'm guilty of this as everyone is at times, comparing myself to others. I think once you start improving yourself and see results you'll be less concerned wiht what others are doing and can just appreciate your own progress.

[AntiTrace]

I compare myself to myself.

I use excel for a few things. One sheet has the dates of the month in the rows, and the activities I want to focus on in columns. For example: workout, study, guitar, stick to diet on the top. Every day I accomplish an activity I will turn the corresponding box to green. If I didn't do the activity that day, I turn the box to red. One quick scan through and I can see how I am doing. Periods where I see consistent runs of red are bad and I figure what I have to do to fix it.

For the gym I keep a log of every workout. I input my lifts into an excel worksheet. Sometimes when I feel like I'm not progressing, I flip through my log to a few months ago. When I realize I can bench 20lbs more now than a few months ago, it reaffirms myself that I am progressing in the direction I want. Or I just open the excel spreadsheet and look at the line chart of the exercises, as long as I see a steady trend upwards I am happy.

Same concept for networth.

You can not compare yourself to others. There are way to many variables that you can not control, and focusing on things you can not control is just going to stress you out even more.

[jake1720]

Huge problem for me recently.

Although I'm doing well for where I'm at the multi millionaire 20 something entrepreneurs really get me.

I guess it's your own journey.

[Peregrine]

Quote:

If you're going to go down that route, you implicitly acknowledge that you are not currently your best self, and there are people out there who are better at certain things than you are.

Self improvement is an acknowledgement that you are not your best self, but it has nothing to do with other people. You could theoretically be your "best self" (which you never will be, because it's an ideal Form that is unachievable) and there will still be tons of people who are better than you at X.

[Nascimento]

Against the grain of the usual, I do think it's important to compare yourself to others, albeit not all the time.

It's human nature to compare and want to be above others.

It's important to measure yourself against other people, to a certain extent. You want to be in the top 20% of people in competence in that area, and it's good to see how you stack up against the people around you.

Are you in the 80th percentile and above for the following:

- skill in your profession
- chosen sport you play recreationally or competitively
- fitness and physique
- game and competence with women
- social skill and social influence
- charisma and vibe
- clothing and style
- travel experience

Some examples above. Once you put yourself in that top shelf, then you can focus more inward and try to push yourself further. Once you're at the top from time to time you can measure yourself to see how you stack against the others, to make sure you are still well above normative.

At the top, there is always enough spoils for the above average to split amongst themselves. Best example is the well known 80/20 principle in regards to women. 80% of the girls in college are sleeping around with 20% of the guys.

Your best competition is yourself, but only if you ensure you are at the top to begin with. To get there, you must be objective about your value and that is where you should make comparisons to your peers.

[Sebastian]

This is why people with similar class stick together.

A rich guy could look down on a less fortunate guy or a less fortunate guy could act bitter around richer guys.

In your case, you are in the latter. Those rich guys are generous enough to hang out with you.
I'm sure you can pick their brains while hanging out with him. You have an awesome opportunity most guys don't have. But you just choose to get bitter about their success.
If they suspects that, they will drop you immediately. I wouldn't appreciate such friends.


Anyways, how about hangingout with less fortunate guys to feel better then? huh?

[Wahawahwah]

Quote:

Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction...

[DjembaDjemba]

I compare myself to myself of the past for the most part. Am I a better person today than I was 12 months ago, 24 months ago, etc?

[Dalaran1991]

This is something I'm struggling with myself.

I used to compare myself to others in a self-defeating way. Now that I know about game and has my confidence up, I find myself comparing myself to others A LOT MORE, but in a different way.

It's almost automatic. I see a guy with a girl, and it's like I'm running a military-style threat assessment analysis on him: how is he dressed? Is his body language good? Is he good looking? Does he act like a dumbass etc. And then it would end with something "how does a guy like that go out with a girl like this?" If the guy is dating down I feel disgust. If he's dating up I give him a mental high five and make a note in my head to do better. Then I try to measure his success against mine.

It's fucking ridiculous because all that stuff doesn't has anything to do with him being better or worse than me.

I guess it comes in handy when observing and learning successful guys (I spent a good deal of my early days in game watching good players), but doing it in an OCD ways on every guy I see, it's stupid.

[Killface]

Quote:

Posted by Sebastian - Yesterday 08:25 PM
This is why people with similar class stick together.

A rich guy could look down on a less fortunate guy or a less fortunate guy could act bitter around richer guys.

In your case, you are in the latter. Those rich guys are generous enough to hang out with you.
I'm sure you can pick their brains while hanging out with him. You have an awesome opportunity most guys don't have. But you just choose to get bitter about their success.
If they suspects that, they will drop you immediately. I wouldn't appreciate such friends.


Anyways, how about hangingout with less fortunate guys to feel better then? huh?

I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.

[Phoenix]

There's no problem comparing yourself with others if you have the right attitude towards it. Envy should be harnessed as a motivator. You should study your competitor and analyze where his success is coming from and how you can improve in those areas.

It was through asking this 'how am I being beaten?' that I prepared my self-improvement goals for the year. It also forced me to analyze competitors carefully and made me learn a great deal. I think this analysis of others and their actions is part of what 'naturals' do when they are young, allowing them to home-in on success faster.

It is important though to make sure you also reminisce on your previous position, to feel the comfort of how far you've come, otherwise you risk interpreting the envy in a desperate way.

[The Beast1]

(03-21-2015 11:18 AM)Killface Wrote:  

Most of the guys on this forum are dedicated to self improvement, or at least interested in it. If you're going to go down that route, you implicitly acknowledge that you are not currently your best self, and there are people out there who are better at certain things than you are.

How do you avoid comparing yourself to others?

This is probably the primary cause of dissatisfaction in my life. I have been fortunate enough to meet quite a few ridiculously successful entrepreneurs, and it has improved my life tremendously. However, the downside is, I'll see a guy in his early twenties making millions per year, or people in my own age bracket making tens of millions. When I meet them, I find that they are not that much different from me or most of the people I know. Then I beat myself up trying to figure out why I haven't accomplished as much.

It doesn't seem like it's related to materialism or "the joneses" in the conventional sense...I live in an RV for christ's sake, and have basically no use for millions of dollars, but it sort of feels like a never ending game and there is some vague point at which I will feel "successful."

But does anyone reach that point. Recently a close friend of mine who is 27 and currently making high six figures annually from a business he started on the side while WAITING TABLES for a living, who has accomplished more than 99.99999% of humans in history, had a birthday and got depressed. I asked why, and it was because he didn't feel like he is where he "should be." I pointed out his success to him, and he said it's still not enough.

Some of you remember my story from a controversial thread in January. I am monufuckingmentally better off than I was a year or so ago. I multiplied my income and net worth, achieved a good level of fitness, and freed myself from needing a job after living as a broke, out of shape office slave for years. By most standards I should be extremely happy with my current position. However, I get gnawing anxiety if, for instance, I am not stacking enough cash to buy a new rental property every two months or so. This means I'm saving five figures per month, whereas before I unplugged from the matrix I thought I was doing great by socking away maybe $200 a month in some mutual fund.

But I feel like I am not living up to my potential, especially when you see people on social media flaunting the trappings of money I will probably never have.

So again, how do you guys stop yourselves from comparing yourself to other people and experiencing dissatisfaction for no rational reason? Whether it is physically, financially, socially, etc.

Who are you working for? Are you working for your own satisfaction or for the admiration of others?

You should feel satisfaction for your accomplishments. Look in the mirror, look at your bankroll. Feel good about that.

What you're feeling is envy.

The way you've gone about dealing with it isn't as bad as one would think. Feel insecure around other people's trappings of wealth? Work harder to get that feeling of accomplishment.

However that's going to be a never ending vicious cycle of work -> goal reached -> see someone else with $$$ -> work -> goal reached -> etc
That's not necessarily a bad thing as you've stated and you will go far, but it keeps the spirit in a never ending cycle of anxiety. That might probably be worse for your overall health. Living like an insecure ninny under a shell of bravado isn't fulfilling.

You might glance over this part depending on your background, but I find that religion has the tools needed to redirect that envy towards a healthier end. This is a spiritual problem in need of a spiritual solution. Materialism and hard work will not quench that insecurity. You don't want to eliminate your drive. Instead identify parts of your psyche that are clearly hurting, acknowledge the hurt, and move on.

The task i've set before you will probably be the hardest task you will ever set yourself down. It's something I struggle with to this day.

From your earlier post, it sounded like you had a hard childhood. How much you discuss with us is up to you. Have your forgiven your past yet (harder than it sounds)?

[Biz]

(03-21-2015 11:30 AM)AntiTrace Wrote:  

Every day I accomplish an activity I will turn the corresponding box to green. If I didn't do the activity that day, I turn the box to red. One quick scan through and I can see how I am doing. Periods where I see consistent runs of red are bad and I figure what I have to do to fix it.

I like this strategy I think I'm going to adopt this immediately

[Constitution45]

Had this conversation today with a friend and I thought of this topic. There is a lot to be said by this and I believe its on a whole a good sign. You take yourself seriously as well as your projects, eventually you reap what you sow in life.

Although burning yourself out, over analysing things and being too hard on yourself is going to make you less productive in the long run.

[maharajj]

Looking at some of my heroes - John D. Rockefeller, Ratan Tata, & Andrew Carnegie. They made billions, and they also gave away billions and, in doing so, moved humanity forward. I want to do this (even if it's at a smaller scale). So, I'm working at it. I ask myself - "Have I done more today, than what I did yesterday?", "Have I done more this month, than what I did last month?". Same with my physical health. This is how I cope

(03-23-2015 07:59 AM)The Beast1 Wrote:  

Have your forgiven your past yet (harder than it sounds)?

How do you do this?