[jariel]

Quote:

Colin Adamo, creator of the website Hooking Up & Staying Hooked (HUSH), wants to change how heterosexual teenage boys learn about sex. Namely, the 26-year-old, who helped organize Sex Week at Yale while a student there, offers the opposite of a pickup artist guide. One the website, he provides practical dating and, of course, hookup advice, such as, “Whenever you get resistance move your hand away from where it’s landed. Only touch where she wants you to and soon enough she’ll urge your hands to travel further. Try prematurely for a handful and she’ll have you put to the curb.”

Now, to reach more teenagers, he’s launched a Kickstarter campaign to fund a graphic novel, illustrated by James Gilmer, that he plans to distribute free online in early 2016. While the website is a factual resource, Adam told Salon of his planned project, “the graphic novel literally illustrates what it would look like for a reader to navigate the world of dating, relationships and sexual decision making in high school. The illustrated pages will follow multiple characters as they improve themselves, initiate and build healthy relationships, make decisions about sex, and grapple with conflict.” We emailed with Adamo about what was missing from his sex education, the role of pornography in teens’ introduction to sex and why “do the right thing” isn’t the right message.

What kind of sex education did you get as a teenager? What was missing from it?

I was lucky enough to grow up in a state that took sex ed relatively seriously. In my suburban town in New Jersey we got a healthy mix of contraception and abstinence, a decent discussion of STDs, and a weird encouragement for marriage — about as good as you can ask for in America right now. The only formal talking to about sex I got from my parents was a very firm “Not in my damn house” from my mother during the drive to school one morning.

The unfortunate reality of growing up as a guy in a world that is so hyper-sexualized and intent on objectifying women’s bodies is that so many peers and mentors who might mean well convey an emphasis on the physical acts of sex. What was missing was any useful information or guidance around relationships. It seemed odd to me [so often] other people acknowledged that sexual activity was taking place in the context of some form of a relationship between two people, but no one ever mentioned what that relationship looked like, what it needed to be healthy or enjoyable, or how to make yourself and someone else happy within one of them.

You’ve taught sexuality health education in urban public schools; what are the most common questions you’ve gotten from students? Where are they mainly getting their information?

What makes providing young people with quality information about sex and relationships difficult is that they are currently receiving information from everywhere. If you want a young person to learn about trigonometry, their trigonometry teacher is probably the only one helping them understand what this concept means and how to master it. When it comes to sex, young people are bombarded with contrasting values, messages, statistics, pseudo-science and medical information, all of which is usually presented with some sort of motive.

The most common questions I received while teaching classes and through the anonymous question section of HUSH have always been in the vein of “how?” How do I tell my [boyfriend/girlfriend] I’m ready/not ready for sex? How do I ask someone to use a condom? How do I ask someone if they’ve been tested? How do I ask someone if they want to have sex?

This always struck me as evidence that what was missing from all of our lessons, as well as from our nation’s educational institutions, was information on interpersonal interaction. Understanding the importance of condoms, consent, or STI status is crucial, but if you can’t put any of that into action by communicating with a partner, than how useful is anything you’ve learned about sex?

What is the main thing you see as missing from most sex advice for straight teen boys?

In sex ed we simply ask young people to always do the “right” thing simply because it’s the “right” thing to do. If you’ve ever failed to recycle, wear a seatbelt, or floss before bed, you know personally this is not the way we as human beings manage our own behavior.

When it comes to teaching young men to respect women or make responsible decisions about sex, other resources fail to address the extremely complex milieu young men are acting in. When we ask them to do the “right” thing, often this goes against dominant norms of what it means to be a man or young or both. I want young men to be respectful and responsible but I want to help them figure out what that might look like in their lives. If we merely demand better of young men without helping them make sense of the competing forces that influence their behavior, their failure to do better is on us.

Why did you decide to use the graphic novel format for HUSH?

First, with a narrative that is visually represented, we have the opportunity to contextualize our information and advice even further. Readers get the chance to see what all of this looks like played out on the page. The artwork, the story and the presentation are all reason enough to engage with this resource or share it with a friend. We believe this will provide a reason to read this guide to guys who might not have sought out this info on their own.

Why is the focus only on straight teens?

Part of my focus on straight guys is just writing about what you know. What gives the current guide a leg up is that I understand what it means to put all of this information into action. Having grown up as a straight cis guy in high school, I don’t think it’s my place to pretend I know what it means to face the challenges that young LGBTQ people do.

But what drove me to create this resource in the first place was that I didn’t see anything out there that was speaking to young straight men. They’re at the intersection of so many issues we’re trying to address in the fight for sexual health, gender equity and LGBTQ rights. Young straight men are usually involved in one way or another in matters of unplanned pregnancy, STI transmission, sexual assault, dating violence, or homophobic/transphobic bullying. While there were a number of resources that I could point to that were specific to young straight women or queer youth, I hadn’t seen anything that was built for straight guys. If no one is speaking to young straight men directly about these issues it is too easy for them to ignore the importance of their role in the movement.

Pornography is often blamed as the culprit in where young men are getting their sexual cues. How does porn fit into the information you want to provide with HUSH?

Sometimes when people bemoan pornography as the source of young men’s unhealthy attitudes about sex and women I want to ask them if they have blinders on to every other medium of entertainment. Porn absolutely has a negative relationship with women, but what aspect of our culture doesn’t?

I want to provide men with the tools to think critically about the type of person they want to be, the pressures they might face, the desires they might feel, the decisions they make, and the consequences of those decisions when it comes to sex and relationships. Because of porn’s ubiquity today, it’s hard to untangle it from the sexuality of any digitally connected young person. The goal remains the same: figure out what we need to do to prepare guys to think critically and act responsibly in their relationship to pornography.

Though HUSH is geared toward young men, would you say it’s a feminist project? What impact do you hope it will have on straight teen girls’ relationships?

I absolutely see this project as feminist influenced. This guide is built to help guys be more communicative, respectful and responsible in their romantic and sexual relationships with women. If young men are prepared to communicate about needs and boundaries, young women will see the benefits just as much as the boys.

What I hope HUSH can accomplish is to alleviate the insecurity young men sometimes feel when approaching dating or hooking up. Our culture expects young men to be competent and competitive, yet provides them with poor examples and unhealthy beliefs about how to treat women or build strong relationships. When guys are ill-equipped to navigate these complicated issues, it might be expected that they’d make harmful choices. I want them to feel prepared for success in their interactions with women.

http://www.salon.com/2015/02/07/the_anti..._hook_ups/

[getdownonit]

[Flint]

Quote:

In sex ed we simply ask young people to always do the “right” thing simply because it’s the “right” thing to do. If you’ve ever failed to recycle, wear a seatbelt, or floss before bed, you know personally this is not the way we as human beings manage our own behavior.

When it comes to teaching young men to respect women or make responsible decisions about sex, other resources fail to address the extremely complex milieu young men are acting in. When we ask them to do the “right” thing, often this goes against dominant norms of what it means to be a man or young or both. I want young men to be respectful and responsible but I want to help them figure out what that might look like in their lives. If we merely demand better of young men without helping them make sense of the competing forces that influence their behavior, their failure to do better is on us.

Before young guys will give two shits about lectures on being responsible and and respectful by a Yale student, they need to know the basic principles of being self-confident, approaching girl and escalating their interactions with the other sex into a decent roll in the hay. Propagating this mangina shit will only increase insecurity and omega behavior among young male teens. Nothing of what he said in the interview will ever get one 16-year old virgin closer to the bang.

[Sp5]

Without seeing the work, I'm disinclined to condemn it, however he's framing it for Kickstarter raising funds. Props for him for getting this much publicity.

First, there is a need for basic sex education and mindfulness for young guys.

Second, it sounds like he's attempting to provide a guide for young guys to stop playing games and watching porn, and going out and approaching girls.

[heavy]

Quote:

Colin Adamo, creator of the website Hooking Up & Staying Hooked (HUSH), wants to change how heterosexual teenage boys learn about sex. Namely, the 26-year-old, who helped organize Sex Week at Yale while a student there, offers the opposite of a pickup artist guide. One the website, he provides practical dating and, of course, hookup advice, such as, “Whenever you get resistance move your hand away from where it’s landed. Only touch where she wants you to and soon enough she’ll urge your hands to travel further. Try prematurely for a handful and she’ll have you put to the curb.”

He really thinks teenage boys actually need advice to do this. He must be preaching to the 1% of natural 15 year olds. Most teenage boys are shy about this stuff.

When I was a teenager: "Oh so sorry, I didn't mean to push you into anything, I was just...I'm so sorry. I'll drive you back to your parents."

[Aphex]

The name of the project is HUSH. That pretty much tells me all I need to know about what this guy is teaching young men about sex and being a man.

[Flint]

And here is the ultimate game blog:

http://www.hookingupandstayinghooked.com/about/

Quote:

Hooking Up & Staying Hooked (HUSH) is the secret advice passed down by older brothers, teammates, and neighborhood friends to guys figuring out high school relationships. This is the guide every guy who graduated high school wishes he had when he began. This is the wisdom meant to help you get what you want in high school: girls.

Great idea for a date:

Quote:

In-Home Movie. Sure, somebody’s parents are going to demand the door be kept open or pop their head in occasionally. But as long as you two aren’t on top of each other you’ll survive. Watching a movie at home means you get to talk over it whenever you want to and you can dodge all the awful date snacks that cost a fortune and get stuck in your teeth (read: popcorn or Mike ‘n’ Ikes). Sit down next to each other. Gesture with your hands when you talk and find a way to let your hand land on her leg. If she doesn’t cringe or fling it off it’s a sign the date is going great even if you’re just sitting around on a couch. Finding something to eat in the fridge afterward is a great way to extend the date and, if you linger there for a while, sneak a kiss at a less obvious and awkward moment than at the climax of the film. No gun-toting, explosive action flicks. Keep it light and fun or if you’re both adventurous a horror movie that isn’t overly grotesque.

[Dusty]

Stopped reading after "Male Feminist"

[WanderingSoul]

(02-09-2015 12:20 PM)Flint Wrote:  

Quote:

In-Home Movie. Sure, somebody’s parents are going to demand the door be kept open or pop their head in occasionally. But as long as you two aren’t on top of each other you’ll survive. Watching a movie at home means you get to talk over it whenever you want to and you can dodge all the awful date snacks that cost a fortune and get stuck in your teeth (read: popcorn or Mike ‘n’ Ikes). Sit down next to each other. Gesture with your hands when you talk and find a way to let your hand land on her leg. If she doesn’t cringe or fling it off it’s a sign the date is going great even if you’re just sitting around on a couch. Finding something to eat in the fridge afterward is a great way to extend the date and, if you linger there for a while, sneak a kiss at a less obvious and awkward moment than at the climax of the film. No gun-toting, explosive action flicks. Keep it light and fun or if you’re both adventurous a horror movie that isn’t overly grotesque.

I would always invite girls over to our parties and get them drunk on Boone's Farm and Apple Pucker.

Those were good times.

[RockHard]

Quote:

I was lucky enough to grow up in a state that took sex ed relatively seriously. In my suburban town in New Jersey we got a healthy mix of contraception and abstinence, a decent discussion of STDs, and a weird encouragement for marriage — about as good as you can ask for in America right now. The only formal talking to about sex I got from my parents was a very firm “Not in my damn house” from my mother during the drive to school one morning.

Oh Jesus. I grew up in NJ, probably 20 years before this guy, and I'll grant that his description of sex ed in NJ is right on. They started in 5th grade and every year they had a unit on it. By the time I was 18 (right when AIDS was becoming the next big bogeyman), I knew everything there was to know about it. Except how to get it. I knew "no means no". I knew about all the diseases you could catch. I knew about every NEGATIVE consequence. In the end, I might as well have gone to Catholic school and had the nuns threaten me with eternal damnation for my sexual desire.

Sex Ed was fine as far as disseminating facts, but there was a lot of joking around on the playground after that, and a whole lot of it came from the girls. I had already been pegged as a budding incel and the girls gave me an earful.

I'm not saying this as an "oh poor me" story. It is what it is. That's where my head was at when I was 18. Be responsible, don't get in trouble, never never hurt a woman. I heard all the stories about what went on at parties or with kids just hanging out. It wasn't a bunch of guys in gym pretending to know. Everybody knew who was fucking whom. But I was going to Do The Right Thing.

Quote:

The unfortunate reality of growing up as a guy in a world that is so hyper-sexualized and intent on objectifying women’s bodies is that so many peers and mentors who might mean well convey an emphasis on the physical acts of sex. What was missing was any useful information or guidance around relationships. It seemed odd to me [so often] other people acknowledged that sexual activity was taking place in the context of some form of a relationship between two people, but no one ever mentioned what that relationship looked like, what it needed to be healthy or enjoyable, or how to make yourself and someone else happy within one of them.

That's actually not a bad goal, it's just that he's going to get it all wrong. How about a cardinal principle like "if you want a sexual relationship with a woman, you will have to initiate it"? There's a fundamental thing that he's not going to touch because, OMG, rape. Meanwhile, girls just need to learn how to not get pregnant and about making regular visits to the doctor, because girls are naturals at relationships, right?

Yeah, this is going to end well. There are big truths like:
* Women are the gatekeepers to sex, men are gatekeepers to commitment.
* Men have to initiate. Women will initiate something like 1% of the time. If you're waiting for her, you'll wait forever.
* Women will absolutely use their looks and pussy to get what they want.
* What women say they want and what their actions demonstrate they want are not the same thing.
* "Hooking up and staying hooked" is completely at odds with sexual strategies of 18-28 year old women.

This stuff is really important because some kids take authority figures seriously. If you're going to have real talk about sex, make it real, already.

Incidentally I looked at his site. There's a banner off to the side "Parents, get out. (but read this first)" In other words, leave your offspring to us, we know best. Oh, and in the About the author:

Quote:

Adamo is a recent graduate of Yale University where he was a double major in Psychology and Women’s, Gender and Sexuality Studies.

Fucking wonderful, but unsurprising. Lots of credentials except maybe something like "Colin has been married for 5 years to the love of his life", or something indicating that maybe he's actually successful in relationships. Wouldn't want actual results to get in the way of Woman's study hypotheses.

Kickstarter: $7140 of $25K with 11 days to go. There's some hope yet.

[Grange]

The real question is not if this is not as good an introduction as Bang, but if it's a better introduction than what teenage boys have now. It's hard to tell for the average boy. I would have been further along getting this as a teenager than I was from the sex education-broadly defined-that I got, but I am probably not typical. Also nice to see something targeted at straight male teens that isn't just telling them they're monsters with rapey desires to, you know, actually take a peek at all the empowered sluts all around them.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

I shudder to think that if I had been born and growing up only 10 years later than I did, I would have probably become inescapably Omega thanks to guys like this and eventually committed suicide.

[Quintus Curtius]

This isn't a "guide" in any real sense. That is, it's not meant to "help" any boy in any rational sense. It's something else: it's an indoctrination manual. It's laying down the PC line on what is ideologically permitted, and what is not.

As everyone here knows, the greatest evils come not from the female feminist, but the male feminist, the mangina, and the white knight.

This creature (the male feminist) is an opportunist, a scavenger, a traitor, and a commissar: they'll sell out their fellow man at the drop of a hat, in order to get a few scraps from the table of their masters. They enforce--often with terror or the threat of terror--the feminist, PC party line.

And they convince themselves that they're doing "good things."

I have nothing for them but utter contempt.

.

[ChazKGB]

Reminds me of one time I had date and girl's parents found us making out big time. I got banished. I survived. No regret.

[N°6]

He looks like he was castrated and groomed by the previous generation of pederasts.

[blairnaso]

I grew up in Tennessee public schools. In middle school and high school, I got abstinence week THREE times. Not abstinence day. Week. Two of which were school-wide.

They didn't technically lie, but they heavily implied that condoms won't protect you from pregnancy or STDs. Yeah, lot of sluts in that school. So many pregnancies they had to hire a nurse my senior year.

[Simeon_Strangelight]

(02-09-2015 01:00 PM)Quintus Curtius Wrote:  

This isn't a "guide" in any real sense. That is, it's not meant to "help" any boy in any rational sense. It's something else: it's an indoctrination manual. It's laying down the PC line on what is ideologically permitted, and what is not.

As everyone here knows, the greatest evils come not from the female feminist, but the male feminist, the mangina, and the white knight.

This creature (the male feminist) is an opportunist, a scavenger, a traitor, and a commissar: they'll sell out their fellow man at the drop of a hat, in order to get a few scraps from the table of their masters. They enforce--often with terror or the threat of terror--the feminist, PC party line.

And they convince themselves that they're doing "good things."

I have nothing for them but utter contempt.

I concur.

Also the guy is a potentially highly good-looking man - also probably very tall:



So he automatically gets plenty of attention from girls. Unfortunately he ruins it via his posture, lack of Game, trying to be a nice guy - it's even visible in his bloody expressions he makes:



He is essentially a perfect Tinder guy - good-looking enough to attract girls, but too wishy-washy to build strong attraction.

What is of course missing on his site is the abject lack of workable advice regarding female behavior - he completely misses what women want and how best to interact with them - that is Game.

Ah - well nothing new under the sun. Even Game of Thrones writer Martin recently showed that he has no clue what works on women - another male feminist:

   

[blairnaso]

Quote:

Adamo is a recent graduate of Yale University where he was a double major in Psychology and Women’s, Gender and Sexuality Studies.

What was that about him being a "straight cis male" again? Then again, liberalism always has its darkside. Like the 1960s hippie in Forrest Gump who would slap Jenny at a Black Panther meeting. I bet he slays pussy all the time at the abortion rallies. And I bet he never uses affirmative consent.

Quote:

Break-ups: This means no txt msg brk ups, no facebook chat convos, and no e-mails. I know they are all tempting options but you will be deemed an outcast if you don’t at least give her a call. Face-to-face is the best even if it’s the scariest.

That's a complete lie. I mean, sure, morally you probably shouldn't break up with someone over a text message. But it's laughable to think you'll lose all your friends.

It seems like this guide is aimed at teaching young men morality under the guise of functionality. But in the end, people only adopt morals that give them a purpose. So this guide will fail once the readers find the path of least resistance.

Quote:

...if it gets out that you’re the kind of guy who calls his girlfriend dirty words you’re ruining your chances with any other girls in the future.

I'm sure Betty Anne won't go with you to the Undersea Ball or corner drugstore for a malt if she finds out you speak like every other male in your school. You need to talk like a good church boy if you want to do some heavy petting in your corvette.

Because teenage girls are never desperate and willing to settle for whatever comes along...

Also, he gives waaaay too much advice about how to kiss. You can't think through 17 steps on your first kiss. You just go for it and hope it's not terrible, which it will be.

Quote:

Asking her out shouldn’t be nearly as scary as it sounds. Think about how you would suggest your best friend came over to play video games tomorrow after school. When you ask her to hang out you should do it with the same level of nonchalance.

Oh, I've done that. Pretend like you're going to hang and then, surprise!, it's actually a date. Never got me very far.

Quote:

Don’t push it. If she doesn’t seem too interested back off before you seem creepy. If she has shut down your initial suggestions don’t keep throwing in more – you will only make yourself look desperate.

I have no idea what the word "creepy" means. I think it's a catch-all insult, like "misogynist" or "close-minded".

Oh, and he gives some advice about how to send sexual text messages. That sounds like a good idea.

If I could talk to my 16 year old self and give him advice? "Approach girls and ask them out---even if you aren't interested---until you grow over your fear of rejection or your timidity. Don't worry about "making it awkward". The goal isn't to make friends but to get in her pants. Remember what women are there for. Focus on your happiness and let her worry about hers." That's all I'd say, and the rest would naturally fall into place.

[ChazKGB]

Creepy is a term used by girls to describe undesirable game.

[Pontifex Maximus]

(02-09-2015 01:25 PM)Zelcorpion Wrote:  

So he automatically gets plenty of attention from girls. Unfortunately he ruins it via his posture, lack of Game, trying to be a nice guy - it's even visible in his bloody expressions he makes:



He is essentially a perfect Tinder guy - good-looking enough to attract girls, but too wishy-washy to build strong attraction.

What is of course missing on his site is the abject lack of workable advice regarding female behavior - he completely misses what women want and how best to interact with them - that is Game.

Spot on. I've noticed that you can identify behavior based on their facial structure. Notice how his eyes are those of a child, lacks stereotypical tells of ambition, toughness and masculinity. This guy has the exact soft facial structure and baby face as Hollywood jester Jason Segal.



He is perfect "boyfriend material". Notice how Segal is always typecast as a jester, he'll never be a Bond villain. I know a lot of college girls who watch "How I Met Your Mother" who want to lock down a Marshall (Segel's character) when they're 26. This guy looks like a Tinder match who would invite a girl over for macaroni and cheese and a Rom-Com, and won't touch her for two months.

He would do so well if he developed some hyper-aloofness. His warm eyes would bait in a beta-hunting bitch expecting an easy lockdown, then his sudden impulsive cockiness would take her by surprise. Lose some fat to chisel his face and develop the Ryan Gosling smirk and he'll be drowning his pussy. Let's see how the comic book material changes after.

[RockHard]

Still shaking my head over the whole concept of telling guys about "hooking up and staying hooked" when Sheryl Sandberg is advising girls that

Quote:

When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.

So while these guys are trying to put a ring on it, she's read Sandberg's book and is off "dating" every guy she can find.

[Simeon_Strangelight]

At least he got the SJW money-making down-pat. It goes like : "Gimme money to support the good cause!"

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/155...comic-book

Quote:

149
backers
$7,245
pledged of $25,000 goal
11
days to go

He should add some catchy phrases like "Help me build an awesome site so young boys don't become douche-bags, pick-up-artists or rapists!"

Most who attempt his "tips" will be firmly friend-zoned - the age groupe it might work are 28+ year olds with a career, who get hunted by pre-wall women for the Beta Bucks.

[jariel]

(02-09-2015 01:25 PM)Zelcorpion Wrote:  

He is essentially a perfect Tinder guy - good-looking enough to attract girls

His hair is nappy.

[philosophical_recovery]

Looks like gayface to me. I have a hard time believing he's 100% straight.

[jariel]