[Swordfish]

3 months since the end of my decade long marriage, and it has been GREAT!

Well, I miss the kids a little and am still putting up a defensive A game to stop the ex from cleaning out my bank account, but that's not too bad. Main thing is that I am much happier now and walking around with a grin.

There was a brief depression period of a couple of weeks, but this forum was helpful in getting me back on my feet. Especially guys like that ray of sunshine Giovonny, and the constant flow of great advice on health and mental attitude by Fisto, Global Entry, Gmanifesto, etc.

So here's my small contribution, the takeaways which have helped me back on my feet.

1. Don't block depression. Go through it, but make it deep and quick. For me, it lasted about 2 weeks.

2. Once the worst of it is over, get your ass moving. I joined a gym, and worked out 3 times a week (its been 3 months now, so the routine is there). Before I got married, I was fit enough to do 40 chin-ups and perhaps 200 push-ups at a shot. When I started at the gym, I was down to 0 chin-ups and 30 push-ups. Now I am back to about 110 push ups.

3. I am in my late 30s, with long running back and knee problems. So i started yoga. Great thing. Not only did the back and knee pains go away, but yoga is an unbelievable place for gaming. I am usually the only make in a class of 20-30, and the girls who do yoga are a cut above the norm.

4. Start taking supplements. Zinc and taurin has had a noticeable effect. Also pay more care to physical appearance like clothes, skin, teeth.

5. I saw a lot of physical improvement after a few weeks. Confidence got a boost. I adjusted to thinking of myself as single.

6. Even without any game (I got married before the popularization of game), the change in confidence, appearance, and thinking was enough to attract interest from women. I have always been a friendly person, but now, the additional thing I needed to do when talking to women was to present very casually my sexual availability and they will take the bait.
Its very easy. Just do it with a light touch and the women will take the next step.

7. The only 'game' move I used from this website is to escalate sexually and it works like a charm. Blow me or blow me out is a great philosophy.
4 weeks after splitting with the ex I got my first bang from a 25 year old nurse. 10 weeks after splitting, notch count is at 8 and I am already building my first rotation.

8. As I absorb more game theory, I will get better. But the first three months has been excellent.

Any input from those who have successfully rebounded from very long term relationships would be welcome.

Thanks

[Glaucon]

Nice job! Keep the momentum going.

[Swordfish]

(02-09-2015 03:17 AM)Glaucon Wrote:  

Nice job! Keep the momentum going.

yes, a running start is important

whatever you do, don't waste a year moping because inertia can set in

[Swordfish]

for newbies like me who also happen to be old dogs who don't learn as quickly, the sheer amount of high quality information on this website can be overwhelming.

the first thing i learnt and used was 'blow me or blow me out'

now I need to learn a middle game.

I have a decent enough start game and a decent enough end game, but no middle game.

ie, I meet more people and get more numbers than I follow up on, and I know what to do once she even breathes on my bed......but between getting the number and getting her onto the bed....I have a lot of work to do.

[OSL]

-

I sometimes wonder if the 5 flag theory would be applicable to protecting one's assets from an ugly divorce.

For example...if you were to have most of your assets in a place like Singapore or Hong Kong, have a US passport, and then marry a woman from a place like Poland or Brazil in her home country...

...then wouldn't it be basically impossible for the government of the country in which you got married to seize your assets?

-

[heavy]

(02-09-2015 03:12 AM)Swordfish Wrote:  

3 months since the end of my decade long marriage, and it has been GREAT!
....
Main thing is that I am much happier now and walking around with a grin.

There was a brief depression period of a couple of weeks, but this forum was helpful in getting me back on my feet.
....
1. Don't block depression. Go through it, but make it deep and quick. For me, it lasted about 2 weeks.

Great post OP. #1, so true.

I was married 6 years, broke up at 28 years old, found The Game within weeks of splitting up. It took me exactly 7 months to get over the emotions after splitting up, and that was after over 3 years of counseling (probably typical), so if you're over it in 3 months I'm surprised, especially with kids (I don't have any).

For me there waves of ups and downs, I would say stages of growth from grief (I had more grief than depression) followed by fun and feeling great, then falling asleep on my back porch drunk again grieving my old married life.

Even at low points, I never wished I could go back, I never regretted being single again, just grieved the loss of my previous life. And then, 7 months after breaking up, it stopped. No more grief, no more tears.

I only post because I would have weeks of "This is GREAT, I'm so confident, I'm so over my marriage"...that was fake, only to come crashing down to reality.

That may not be you, but it was me. But you're 'doing better' than I did, you're moving faster. While I had The Game and Pickup Podcast, I hadn't discovered RVF or a group of guys. I also wasn't as successful as you as quickly.

Anywho, good to hear your story though. There's a lot of wisdom that comes from going through this shit. There's something about divorce that people who've never been through wouldn't understand.

[The Father]

As someone who went through the same thing, I guess I would add this: Don't expect this to be linear. You may feel great today, great tomorrow, but on Wednesday feel sad again. Women are experts at heightening this feeling, and they will use your kids and your money to do it!

Just remember that it gets easier each day, she gets a little less into your wallet each day, and you have a little more freedom and happiness each day. Also, the kids side with her now - but will side with you later, when they are adults. This is a HUGE point most women overlook. They are obsessed with having kids b/c they are too cowardly to grow old alone. But they don';t realize that blowing up their kids childhood and blaming it on daddy doesn't work in the long run. The kids end up pitying and resenting mom.

[Swordfish]

well heavy, it was easier for me because we had a routine of of breaking up every couple years and somehow finding ourselves back together. the writing has been on the wall for a while, and we did a few rehearsals over the course of 10 years.

the father, i always feel a little sad i won't see the kids grow up on a daily basis but never really sad about her

(02-09-2015 10:41 AM)heavy Wrote:  

(02-09-2015 03:12 AM)Swordfish Wrote:  

3 months since the end of my decade long marriage, and it has been GREAT!
....
Main thing is that I am much happier now and walking around with a grin.

There was a brief depression period of a couple of weeks, but this forum was helpful in getting me back on my feet.
....
1. Don't block depression. Go through it, but make it deep and quick. For me, it lasted about 2 weeks.

Great post OP. #1, so true.

I was married 6 years, broke up at 28 years old, found The Game within weeks of splitting up. It took me exactly 7 months to get over the emotions after splitting up, and that was after over 3 years of counseling (probably typical), so if you're over it in 3 months I'm surprised, especially with kids (I don't have any).

For me there waves of ups and downs, I would say stages of growth from grief (I had more grief than depression) followed by fun and feeling great, then falling asleep on my back porch drunk again grieving my old married life.

Even at low points, I never wished I could go back, I never regretted being single again, just grieved the loss of my previous life. And then, 7 months after breaking up, it stopped. No more grief, no more tears.

I only post because I would have weeks of "This is GREAT, I'm so confident, I'm so over my marriage"...that was fake, only to come crashing down to reality.

That may not be you, but it was me. But you're 'doing better' than I did, you're moving faster. While I had The Game and Pickup Podcast, I hadn't discovered RVF or a group of guys. I also wasn't as successful as you as quickly.

Anywho, good to hear your story though. There's a lot of wisdom that comes from going through this shit. There's something about divorce that people who've never been through wouldn't understand.

[Dr. Howard]

^ I agree with Heavy, and I think it depends on how hard the fall is. If a person was waiting for the shoe to drop there isn't much of an emotional cliff to fall off of. If a person were to be completely blindsided by the events, and/or blindsided by the personality traits (ie. stone cold bitch approach) or their spouse during the divorce I'm sure the emotional turmoil would be higher.