[DrewP]

I'm finding it incredibly difficult to create memorable dates living in the suburbs during the miserable winter weather.

Outdoor dates, from my experience, are vastly superior to indoor dates, as they naturally facilitate venue change, spontaneity, physical escalation, etc. But indoor dating in the suburbs basically amounts to sitting at a table for a couple hours. Any venue change would have to be painfully forced and totally pointless ("hey, there's another bar 10 minutes away if you wanna drive over and check it out"). The most physical escalation you can pull off without looking ridiculous is touching legs and feet under the table. Spontaneity and creativity are stifled. Length is limited (to about 2.5 hours in my experience) as you can only sit at a table for so long without it going stale. First date bangs are out of the question as almost no girl is going to agree to follow you by car 20 minutes back to your place. Even an attempt at a kiss is rough as it would have to occur in the middle of a parking lot.

So, if you live in the suburbs and weather limits you to indoor only dates, how do you create rapport, leave a lasting impression, and ultimately get her to come to your place for a subsequent date?

[kmhour]

aside from the obvious answers:
1) escalate more on the date, nobody says you have to wait until you get outside to go for a kiss
2) move

my approach off the cuff would be to focus on a shorter initial first date to feel out her buying temperature, with an artificial time constraint ("I'm meeting some friends at their place at 10:30") so things don't get awkward or boring but you can build enough confidence to pull her back the second time. drop hints about your vinyl collection, your mixed drink skills, the movie you've been dying to watch, the view from your place, whatever. something that provides a natural pivot.

other than that, there are other options for indoor dates outside of a bar. maybe something like a pool hall or bowling alley that serves booze. something that gives an opportunity for more physical contact and escalation.

[DrewP]

(02-06-2015 10:13 PM)kmhour Wrote:  

other than that, there are other options for indoor dates outside of a bar. maybe something like a pool hall or bowling alley that serves booze. something that gives an opportunity for more physical contact and escalation.

Bowling is something I've tried quite a bit in the past. It has its merits as you mentioned, but the problem is you drop $40 on a couple games that last like a half hour total, which somewhat sucks no matter what and colossally sucks if the girl turns out to be a dud. Convenience/driving distance is also an issue since bowling alleys aren't nearly as ubiquitous as bars. Pool halls I'll keep in mind, never thought of that.

(02-06-2015 10:13 PM)kmhour Wrote:  

aside from the obvious answers:
1) escalate more on the date, nobody says you have to wait until you get outside to go for a kiss
2) move

If you're sitting at a table in a bar/restaurant, how do you pull this off without looking like a dufus? Picking up my chair and moving it adjacent to hers is the only way to get physically closer enough, but needless to say it's not the smoothest move.

[ordinaryleastsquared]

(02-06-2015 09:55 PM)DrewP Wrote:  

I'm finding it incredibly difficult to create memorable dates living in the suburbs during the miserable winter weather.

Outdoor dates, from my experience, are vastly superior to indoor dates, as they naturally facilitate venue change, spontaneity, physical escalation, etc. But indoor dating in the suburbs basically amounts to sitting at a table for a couple hours. Any venue change would have to be painfully forced and totally pointless ("hey, there's another bar 10 minutes away if you wanna drive over and check it out"). The most physical escalation you can pull off without looking ridiculous is touching legs and feet under the table. Spontaneity and creativity are stifled. Length is limited (to about 2.5 hours in my experience) as you can only sit at a table for so long without it going stale. First date bangs are out of the question as almost no girl is going to agree to follow you by car 20 minutes back to your place. Even an attempt at a kiss is rough as it would have to occur in the middle of a parking lot.

So, if you live in the suburbs and weather limits you to indoor only dates, how do you create rapport, leave a lasting impression, and ultimately get her to come to your place for a subsequent date?

Here's what I do:

1) Try to find the most interesting venue/bar/coffee shop etc you can that is in a reasonable drive from your place. My go to is a pub with bookshelves and a couple fire places, and has good ambience for conversations.

2) Like with every date, try to be as interesting as possible, talk about travel, the last time you were on a warm beach, things you like to do in the summer etc. You can still make a lasting impression without venue changing. Also, I limit my first dates to 1 or 1.5 hours at most, one hour is plenty enough time. I agree with the adage that girls more or less know if they're willing to sleep with you in about minute.

3) I usually drop something about wanting to try out a new recipe or similiar activity that sets up a good 2nd date at my place.

4) What helps me most is meeting new girls frequently enough to get into a flow, such that I can meet up with a new girl even on an off day and still do pretty well. 'Dating' is starting to feel like muscle memory at this point, where I don't have to put much mental effort into the endeavor to get decent results.

Also, I wait to escalate (in most circumstances) until I get the girl back to my place. I'm not a pro, but I get decent results following this strategy where I live in the burbs.

[kmhour]

(02-06-2015 10:37 PM)DrewP Wrote:  

Bowling is something I've tried quite a bit in the past. It has its merits as you mentioned, but the problem is you drop $40 on a couple games that last like a half hour total, which somewhat sucks no matter what and colossally sucks if the girl turns out to be a dud. Convenience/driving distance is also an issue since bowling alleys aren't nearly as ubiquitous as bars. Pool halls I'll keep in mind, never thought of that.

Pool halls have the downside that a few people think they're in their own version of The Color of Money and take it super seriously. And if you're no good you've basically just made yourself look like a chump. Honestly, it's not someplace I've ever gone for a date. But hey, gotta work with what you've got.

For the bowling thing - it's as good an opportunity as any to legitimately change venues in the suburbs. Do a round or two, if she sucks bail, if not switch to a bar.

Quote:

If you're sitting at a table in a bar/restaurant, how do you pull this off without looking like a dufus? Picking up my chair and moving it adjacent to hers is the only way to get physically closer enough, but needless to say it's not the smoothest move.

Sit at the bar or in a corner table/booth. Obviously venue selection is an issue. A place that has the light turned down a bit more is going to be a better vibe. If you're sitting at the bar, a quiet Tuesday night is probably not a great idea for a makeout. But on a busy night, after a few drinks and the vibe is right? Go for it. Being cool with the bartender is a good idea here, I wouldn't skimp on your tipping.

On a quieter night, a corner booth or some kind of seating that gives you the opportunity to sit a little closer is good. Again, venue selection, don't sit at a TGI Fridays, don't go on a super quiet night when it's going to look awkward if you sit next to her instead of across. Don't try to switch seats to get close to her - this is a bad move. Start off there from the get-go. A decently busy bar means you can sit next to her because it's too loud to shout across a table.

[DrewP]

(02-06-2015 11:09 PM)ordinaryleastsquared Wrote:  

Here's what I do:

1) Try to find the most interesting venue/bar/coffee shop etc you can that is in a reasonable drive from your place. My go to is a pub with bookshelves and a couple fire places, and has good ambience for conversations.

2) Like with every date, try to be as interesting as possible, talk about travel, the last time you were on a warm beach, things you like to do in the summer etc. You can still make a lasting impression without venue changing. Also, I limit my first dates to 1 or 1.5 hours at most, one hour is plenty enough time. I agree with the adage that girls more or less know if they're willing to sleep with you in about minute.

3) I usually drop something about wanting to try out a new recipe or similiar activity that sets up a good 2nd date at my place.

4) What helps me most is meeting new girls frequently enough to get into a flow, such that I can meet up with a new girl even on an off day and still do pretty well. 'Dating' is starting to feel like muscle memory at this point, where I don't have to put much mental effort into the endeavor to get decent results.

Also, I wait to escalate (in most circumstances) until I get the girl back to my place. I'm not a pro, but I get decent results following this strategy where I live in the burbs.

This is essentially the approach I've been using, the only differences being that I prioritize venue convenience over interesting-ness, and I'll usually sit and talk at least 1.5 hours. My track record with it is horrific.

I'm able to have decent conversation, avoid awkward silence, avoid boring/forced small talk, make her laugh, and make the time go by pretty quickly, etc., but I've never once pulled a girl back to my place (or gotten to hers) for a subsequent date via this type of first meetup, whereas I've done it a whole bunch of times with outdoor first meetups that involve walking in some way. It's like the act of walking somewhere with a girl creates a bond that cannot be replicated at a table in some bar. My sample is large enough at this point that it can't be random chance that I happen to only have success with girls I first date in an outdoor setting.

Am I the only one who has this issue?