[redonion]

I started dating this girl 3 months ago. It was a good time. Lots of common interests, great sex, and I enjoyed her company. We both liked each other, and there was some good chemistry going on. I was seeing her maybe once a week or so, trying to keep things casual.

For the past week or so she had been slower than normal to respond via text and flaked on one of our plans with a bs excuse. I called her out on it and she kept apologizing but my gut told me something was up.

Today, she called me and told me that things need to end. Apparently she reconnected with an ex recently and they decided they wanted to give it another shot and go exclusive. I handled it pretty well, basically saying "Ok thats fine. I had a good time and I wish you the best".

I'm not gonna lie - right now I feel shitty. My ego is bruised. I am upset that another guy was basically chosen over me. I thought we had a good thing going on and now it is gone.

I know the usual advice - spin other plates, hit the gym, etc. I'm actively spinning plates (have accrued 7 new notches since I first met this girl), I'm setting new PRs in the gym constantly. Life is good. What stings about this is that despite routinely dating/banging other girls, I found myself catching feelings for the girl in question and often thinking about her - even while being inside of other girls.

Anyway, I'm going out with my boys and some girls tonight. Should be a good time and I'll prob try to meet up with one of my fuck buddies if I can. Regardless, I have a bad mindset right now, and I really want to get this fixed. I am hoping that this forum can give me some advice to get this shit out of my head and get me back on track. Also just needed to vent a little. Thanks guys

[Cobra]

Venting is all good but documenting the negatives here more than the positives may make it worse.

One of the benefits of this forum to frame your situation more positively.

I mean 7 notches, nothing steady, going out constantly, in good shape and getting better.

Those are all positives man. As for the negative feeling, tell it to go fuck itself and focus on the above.

[Dalaran1991]

This is why oneitis is the bane of all players. You start to rationalize that your life is as fun without her, and that all girls pale in comparison to her.

Enough has been written about this matter already so I will not repeat.

The trend I see occurring time and times again is that, the girl that gave you oneitis is usually the hottest girl you've landed so far. Or she has something "special", like she let you rawdog/anal her, etc.

The fix is usually pretty straightforward if guys can be honest with themselves. Find out what makes you think she is so "special" especially since you are banging other girls. Then realize that it is actually not that special. You simply didn't even give other girls a chance.

[Euphoric_Breeze]

(01-31-2015 06:08 PM)redonion Wrote:  

I thought we had a good thing going on and now it is gone.

And you thought it was going to last for a while .
Women are hypergamous ; get used to it .
Yes hit the gym ; and approach higher quality chicks than the one who flaked on you .
Don't over analyze the situation and move on .

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

Realize and recognize women need and crave closure

You can't necessary read too much into the recent turn of events. It basically sounds like you could have been a rebound thing for her, in which case girls always leave the door cracked for that possibility.

It's always good to do a little research on new girls like this because they are flight risks

[Travesty]

Comes with the game if you live in the U.S..

Need to find a conservative chick that worships you like king to try and avoid this.

My question...

What red flags did she have?

Guy friends, party girl?

Dramatic slut girlfriends?

Lacking a good relationship with daddy?

Are you older than her by at least 5 years hopefully?

[Spider]

The fact that she 'reconnected' with her ex and is getting back together with him should really show you what type of girl she is.

Instead of feeling down about it, you should be thankful that she is now out of your life. What does 'reconnected' even mean? Does that mean while you two dated she was talking to her ex and being dishonest to you?

It seems like you've been improving your game and ability to bed new (and hopefully) quality girls...hopefully this will lead to you landing a chick who not only provides you good sex, but is also sweet, caring and loyal - of course we're all looking for that in a sense, so no need to settle for less. Be glad you can move on and find a better quality chick, and one who will respect you more.

With regards to finding the girl I describe above, in your pursuit of new lays and experiences gaming you will come to understand more about female nature and eventually be able to keep the good (rare) ones around, and one-time the others.

I just broke up today with my girlfriend of 4 months and the only reason I feel sad about it is because she treated me better than any girl I've ever met. I think that's what games about - being able to have sex with lots of attractive girls, and being able to settle down with a good girl (while weeding out the typical hoes) when you're ready for a relationship.

[redonion]

Spider - your post was awesome. thanks. at the time i thought this girl was treating me right and was something special, but clearly there was some level of disrespect going on here, and i dont need that.

Travesty - 1 or 2 guy friends. No slut gfs, possibly daddy issues? (never talked to deep about it, but i think her parents were divorced at the very least). im 3 years older (26 vs 23).

Anyway i went out tonight and got 3 numbers (all hotter than this chick) and 2 makeouts. already pretty excited to set up something with 2 of my digits.

Thanks for the tough love here. i love this forum. i was being a pussy earlier, but i feel great now. there are plenty fish in the sea.

I think as a guy it can be easy to over-analyze and get down sometimes (at least for me), but as long as you keep pushing and believe that you're the shit, things will work out in your favor.

[MongolianAbroad]

Stay positive, man.

Negative thoughts take up your mind-space, with deleterious effects on your productivity and personal growth.

You need that mind-space clutter-free in order to focus on all the positive aspects of your life and move continuously forward.

Nice work on the personal improvement in so many areas, man!

[sandman972]

(01-31-2015 06:08 PM)redonion Wrote:  

I started dating this girl 3 months ago. It was a good time. Lots of common interests, great sex, and I enjoyed her company. We both liked each other, and there was some good chemistry going on. I was seeing her maybe once a week or so, trying to keep things casual.

For the past week or so she had been slower than normal to respond via text and flaked on one of our plans with a bs excuse. I called her out on it and she kept apologizing but my gut told me something was up.

Today, she called me and told me that things need to end. Apparently she reconnected with an ex recently and they decided they wanted to give it another shot and go exclusive. I handled it pretty well, basically saying "Ok thats fine. I had a good time and I wish you the best".

I'm not gonna lie - right now I feel shitty. My ego is bruised. I am upset that another guy was basically chosen over me. I thought we had a good thing going on and now it is gone.

I know the usual advice - spin other plates, hit the gym, etc. I'm actively spinning plates (have accrued 7 new notches since I first met this girl), I'm setting new PRs in the gym constantly. Life is good. What stings about this is that despite routinely dating/banging other girls, I found myself catching feelings for the girl in question and often thinking about her - even while being inside of other girls.

Anyway, I'm going out with my boys and some girls tonight. Should be a good time and I'll prob try to meet up with one of my fuck buddies if I can. Regardless, I have a bad mindset right now, and I really want to get this fixed. I am hoping that this forum can give me some advice to get this shit out of my head and get me back on track. Also just needed to vent a little. Thanks guys

Went through a very similar situation except the girl told me at the last second that she wants to keep things casual and thought she was clear about that, which is total irrational female bullshit she was spewing.

Like you, I developed feelings for her. Getting emotionally attached fucking sucks when it goes the wrong way. At the beginning she was on my mind too much. I would wake up in the morning and boom, and constant thoughts about her daily.

Besides going out and trying to bang other women, especially hotter women than the girl you dated, the only thing left really is time. Time heals all. In the meantime, you need to try to not think about her. Every time a thought pops up in your head, discard it and try to turn your thoughts onto something else.

Eventually those feelings will fade off, and you start to see things in a much clearer light.

The end conclusion I came to is this:

If she runs back to me, Im obviously never going to take her back. If I chose, maybe one last fuck, then kick her out on her head. Play her the way she played me. But other than that, there's never going to be a second chance with us so all this dwelling and thinking about her is all for an end result that will never be a reality.

I saw my ex yesterday night sitting alone at this wine seller talking to the female employee while I was walking with my boy to a bar. I thought to my self : What a sad human being. She passed up the best thing that came across her for absolutely no reason and now look at her. While she sits in some wine store by herself , she could have been coming with me to a great bar and have a great time together. But too bad. She blew it. Now Im out on the town to find new pussy and thats just how its gonna be.

As Fisto described in a thread early on, a feeling like she beat you. It really is that. With time though, you realize just how much that isn't the case. You will get hotter. You will get better. I guarantee you she breaks off with the former ex in the near future and runs back to you. Thats when you can get the last word in (with your cock).
Pump her, dont cuddle at all after sex, and tell her she has to leave or tell her: "Alright Im off to the gym". She clears out feeling at loss. You are walking to the gym with a smile, and you have one of the best workout sessions of your life.

[Cheetah]

Quote:

Or she has something "special", like she let you rawdog/anal her, etc.

Raw dogging is rather rare in France? Girls don't like being on the pill?

[Frostbite]

I've recently experienced a loss of a girl I cared about, so can give you some advice - things that helped me.

Firstly, you've realised the relationship is done, which is good. Don't try to re-initiate contact. You need to work on letting go now, which is largely internal.

You've just experienced a loss, and are going through related emotions. Don't try and suppress these. Diffuse them as they come. Crying is one way to do this, as is strenuous physical activity. Any type of martial art would also be beneficial: lets out stress tremendously.

You will obviously think about her quite a bit just after breaking up. It's unavoidable. When you do, concentrate your mind on the positives: the fact that you had a good time, and it's now time to have good times elsewhere. You want to look back with a distant fondness. Time well spent. Try and avoid feelings of anger or bitterness.

It's good that you're keeping busy and seeing other girls. Keep doing so, and concentrate on whatever it is your focus / goals are in life.

Keep banging girls, and before you know it, she'll become increasingly emotionally distant to you.

Personally, I find writing poetry a great way to express myself, and clear my mind. I have an anonymous blog where I do this. You could try the same, or even just venting to someone who will listen.

Read stories on this forum to reinforce that you're not some pussy caught up over a girl - it happens to everyone.

Embrace it, understand it, and work through it. You'll be fine.

Good luck man,

Ever feeling down send me a PM.

[Sonsowey]

1. Fuck other girls
2. Forget about her

My first multi-year relationship when I was young ended with me being dumped, and I felt like shit for a long time. I didn't pursue other girls for a while cause I felt like shit.

Then I got involved with another girl, long-term, and suddenly, my mind was on her.

If you wallow in depression and don't move forward, you can only focus on the biggest event that happened to you recently, the breakup. Just get more girls in your life and your mental energy will be on them, and you will feel better.

[Nascimento]

Maybe a bit of advice that goes against the grain: don't feel like you need to be actively chasing other girls to help you overcome these feelings. If you'd like to the do so, but don't feel you have to be out there as if by compulsion. Everyone is different, in my case last time I felt this way I took a short break and it was wonderful.

Just recognize that what you are feeling is ok, be cool with it. Maintain your work in other areas as you have described.

Also, watch the movie Swingers. Again if you have already seen it. I can't stress the positive effect this movie has on you after a break-up.

[OGNorCal707]

I don't get how a guy who gets 7 notches in the 3 months that he was "dating" this chick, is getting all upset and catching oneitis. I'm not a super alpha player like a lot of the guys on the forum, but to me 7 notches in 3 months is a good bit, enough for a guy to not give a fuck about a particular girl. Also 3 months of dating is just scratching the surface of a relationship, 3 months is when you are still in the honeymoon phase and when things kind of slide from just dating to a relationship.

My guess is the O.P. has a fragile ego and is tripping over this chick "choosing" another guy, that or maybe he's a real good looking dude whose been getting chicks on easy street and is not used to rejection. Either way you been notching your belt with 7 other chicks while you been dating this one girl, then you really shouldn't be too upset, in my opinion a guy fucking that many other chicks wasn't very serious about his girl or the relationship to begin with. You can't get mad at her for being real and upfront with you, I seriously doubt your were real and upfront with her.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

(02-01-2015 01:29 PM)OGNorCal707 Wrote:  

I don't get how a guy who gets 7 notches in the 3 months that he was "dating" this chick, is getting all upset and catching oneitis. I'm not a super alpha player like a lot of the guys on the forum, but to me 7 notches in 3 months is a good bit, enough for a guy to not give a fuck about a particular girl. Also 3 months of dating is just scratching the surface of a relationship, 3 months is when you are still in the honeymoon phase and when things kind of slide from just dating to a relationship.

My guess is the O.P. has a fragile ego and is tripping over this chick "choosing" another guy, that or maybe he's a real good looking dude whose been getting chicks on easy street and is not used to rejection. Either way you been notching your belt with 7 other chicks while you been dating this one girl, then you really shouldn't be too upset, in my opinion a guy fucking that many other chicks wasn't very serious about his girl or the relationship to begin with. You can't get mad at her for being real and upfront with you, I seriously doubt your were real and upfront with her.

Great point

That much new trim should be helping you keep prospective

[Onto]

(02-01-2015 02:56 AM)redonion Wrote:  

Travesty - 1 or 2 guy friends.

That's 1 or 2 too many, if you are going to LTR a girl.

(02-01-2015 12:44 PM)Sonsowey Wrote:  

Then I got involved with another girl, long-term, and suddenly, my mind was on her.

I really like this observation by Sonsowey because I see it as poking a hole into the mirage that's "The One". The concept of "The One" means there are no others and could "never be" any others. Otherwise they are just "one of the many".

I've seen many friends and family member's fall in and out of love over and over. After hearing them gush about their new interest I would ask, "Oh, well what about so-and-so (the ex)? I remember how much you adored them." They would then dismiss that ex by saying something like, "Oh that? That was just infatuation, puppy-love, a phase, etc...but this, this is real!"

Ummm...ok, let's check back in a few years.

"The One" seems to just be the current person our mind, heart, loins, hopes and dreams are fixed on right now. The seeing of that and most especially while you are in the midst of it can give you a very real power over it, instead of it over you.

redonion, when you are ready you will find that new girl who just does it for you. When you do you will look back and laugh, "I can't believe I was all broken up about her". Doesn't seem like it now, but it's a guarantee. Paradoxically "The One" is the very medicine for the sickness it causes.

[General Mayhem]

I can understand how 7 notches while you were with a girl can seem insignificant. If you were dating a quality girl you would be hard pressed to find a bunch of other girls who matched up with her.

If you are going to date a girl she should be special enough to leave a mark when she goes.

I'm not into all that, "no bitches are special they are all meaningless and insignificant" shit. Some of them are a lot better than others.

Anything worth having is going to hurt a little when you let it go. Life isn't about avoiding the things that are going to hurt you.

The difference between being a bitch and being a man is the ability to take a shot and keep moving.

Once you realize there is no "one" things can go one of two ways. You can start believing that relationships are pointless, or you can use your knowledge to your advantage like Onto said.

[Parlay44]

Always be the dumper not the dumpee. Your response to being dumped should be complete radio silence.

[Captain Gh]

It's always good for thread like this to be made once in a while. Anyway it keeps me grounded about the fact that if you slip up, you could catch a oneitis and drain you out. Women can flip their emotions on a dime and they get called the relationship expert! Truly laughable when you really know what's going on like us. The saying is true: What doesn't kill you does make you stronger!

[bojangles]

I know 2 hardened players who have fallen to the debilitating disease that is oneitis. Don't worry though, it's curable. First off remove all memory of her from your life, your contacts, your social networks, anything. That'll help, another part is hitting on more girls however you could also take time out from the game and concentrate on projects/hobbies that actually make you happy.

Your ego should be bruised by every rejection but it also should solidify and become more enhanced from those. Try not to worry about and think of it as a learning experience. It may happen again in the future but because of this experience, you'll be more prepared for it.

[redonion]

OGNorCal707,

You're right. I got a fragile ego for sure. In fact I was considering making a thread on this recently. I don't like "losing". Not sure the best way to fix that.

[YoungAngel1]

I'm pretty sure this has happened to all of us. It's funny how it always ends just how you described it, taking long time to text,
Flaking, etc. Don't ignore those signs next time. Once they start doing that and you know you are attached, jump ship.

P.S She WILL come back. It's just a matter of when. Stand your ground, don't fall back into her trap. Right now she has the upper hand. I know a previous poster said to pump n dump, but be careful, those feelings can come back just like that. I think your best option is to just completely erase her and move on. Don't answer her phone calls or texts. like I said before, she has the upper hand and she knows it. She fucking knows it. Stay clear.

[sandman972]

^^^^ very true. It depends on the person. Everyone deals with this a bit differently.

For me, I already have realized how pathetic my ex is and I would never take her back, so for me Id rather get that last bang in and walk with my head held high. As mentioned above, be the dumper not the dumpee. When you are the dumpee its obviously much worse.

Something you had in your hands is gone in a blink, thats why its so much shittier when you get dumped, so its almost like a small part of me wants it back just for a split second and then I can truly never think about her again, whether that's smart or not is up for debate.