[h5757]

A lot of sources say that you need to build both attraction and comfort in a woman to get her to want to go out with you. If you’re doing online dating, should you build comfort over the online dating site messages before you ask for her number? Or should you build comfort over the phone? I’d prefer to talk to a woman on the phone before going out on a date with her. I’d prefer not to build comfort beginning on the first date because I’d prefer to get to know her as a person before we actually meet up; otherwise it would be a complete waste of time if I met up with her and found out that we’re completely incompatible.

Also, what are the best things to talk about to build comfort before the first date?

And what are things that you should talk about that don’t necessarily build comfort but that will help you land a first date? I guess some of this falls into attraction-building topics but are there other things? I’m very introverted, so I don’t have much to discuss to make me look high-status or more interesting than the majority of the guys who she has dated.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

The best way to get her offline is to build some artificial comfort through commonality

-Choose something off of her profile, and comment or better yet ask a question (easiest way to start dialogue) *Simple but overlooked

-Build a connection through common experiences 'I don't know about you, but these chicks on here are insane', every person who has ever done online dating has a crazy story or two

Parlay that into a brief conversation, create that artificial comfort and move the convo towards getting online - 'Look I'm not on here much, but I would like to chat some more to see what else we have in common. You free to meet up on Tuesday?' (This line also works to sift through the one's who are serious and the others who validation email queens)

If she is feeling you, the # is assumed. Ping her before you hang out to create some more comfort. Sure up plans for the meet up.

Far as filler material - ask questions based on what she shares, share your experiences. You should be fine

[Katdogbirdduck]

I'd say you should try your game out offline with women first, then if it fails see your chances online I'd say.

[Dr. Howard]

(12-31-2014 10:52 AM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:  

The best way to get her offline is to build some artificial comfort through commonality

-Choose something off of her profile, and comment or better yet ask a question (easiest way to start dialogue) *Simple but overlooked

-Build a connection through common experiences 'I don't know about you, but these chicks on here are insane', every person who has ever done online dating has a crazy story or two

Parlay that into a brief conversation, create that artificial comfort and move the convo towards getting online - 'Look I'm not on here much, but I would like to chat some more to see what else we have in common. You free to meet up on Tuesday?' (This line also works to sift through the one's who are serious and the others who validation email queens)

If she is feeling you, the # is assumed. Ping her before you hang out to create some more comfort. Sure up plans for the meet up.

Far as filler material - ask questions based on what she shares, share your experiences. You should be fine

^ This. I used to google hobbies or interests I didn't understand on girl's profiles and then pretend I was interested. It worked like a charm, and trust me google is all you need to be an equal expert in any girls hobby.

[kaotic]

MDP Has it dialed:
-Always point to something to her profile that is relateable.
-Common experiences (even if you're BSing).
-For tinder, there is a radius so I use a line like "2 miles away ? are you stalking me !?" etc, always elicits a laugh.
-If a girl is close, after relating to her I'll drop a line saying, since she's so close how come we haven't hungout yet.
-I'll also relate about the city, where she's been/partied/bar hopped.
-Plenty of ways to close the deal with a number, MDP's right - don't wast time, send that feeler text, if she bites, get the number.

As for after you get the number:
-Introduce yourself with something witty/funny/ridiculous - I use "hey it's kaotic that handsome (insert facial/talent/etc description) devil"
-Text her for a bit, build up some comfort (same as online), then go for logistics, and set the meet up asap.
-Text her when you KNOW you'll be free withing 1-3 days, otherwise the interest factor plummets FAST.
-I'll reach out to girls sunday evening and monday to make plans for the week.

There's a fine line to being relateable and liked vs. being a girls text friend for comfort.

Personally I'll use some comfort/build up in text but usually keep it to logistics.

[theblake]

Some great info here. As others have pointed out, if you get it right from the opening message in terms of hitting on a common hobby or something about all the crazies in online dating, it's a pretty simple process from there.

But definitely don't get in the habit of giving everything away up front. You have to leave some mystery. Once she's responding to your messages (5-7 is probably the most effective for me, but every chick is different), go for the number. If she's for real about meeting you, then you're set.

Again, once you get some experience with the process, it really does become easy. You'll be able to identify which girls are into you and which ones are just enjoying the attention.

[Phoenix]

(12-30-2014 09:11 PM)h5757 Wrote:  

should you build comfort over the online dating site messages before you ask for her number? Or should you build comfort over the phone? I’d prefer to talk to a woman on the phone before going out on a date with her. I’d prefer not to build comfort beginning on the first date because I’d prefer to get to know her as a person before we actually meet up; otherwise it would be a complete waste of time if I met up with her and found out that we’re completely incompatible.
...
I’m very introverted, so I don’t have much to discuss to make me look high-status or more interesting than the majority of the guys who she has dated.

Some things to keep in mind: on the dating website, she is getting bombarded by bulk messages. You are one message in a list of dozens.

Once you get her to your phone messaging app, she has read your profile and seen your pics, and considers you a guy acceptable enough to give her contact to (she could simply have ignored you). She is still, however, getting messaged by other guys. You are still just a 'bing bing' sound coming from her phone.

Once you talk to her on the phone (optional), you are now a voice. You are more 'real', but still just a voice on a telephone.

Once you are with her in person, you are a 'real guy', and the actual courtship begins.

You should try to progress through these stages as fast as possible. The amount of comfort required is not that large - if she is on an online dating site she is generally looking to meet someone. As a gauge - I will generally have asked her on a date by the 5th message exchange (any medium), and the rest after that is planning, unless she is busy.

Drop the requirement of 'compatibility'. This is just your introversion acting in disguise. You are highly introverted, and you require compatibility? Would not the highest compatibility thus be with other highly introverted girls? This is the path to no-one actually meeting.

If you meet a girl who's personality doesn't fit you, it is not a 'complete waste of time'. It is valuable. You gain experience in the courtship process.