[articulatecool]

This girl I've been seeing for about 6 weeks now calls me tonight and decides she isn't ready for any type of relationship with me right now (our relationship was pretty much just dinners, some sort of activity and then sex at her place, cuddling and I leave). She is a resident physician so her schedule is ridiculous and shes constantly trying to catch up on sleep. Her reasons for dumping me were 1. she didn't want to invest emotionally and 2. she didn't want to keep me from meeting someone that I truly deserve. All bullshit reasons if you ask me; I'm sure she just wasn't that into me to keep it all of this going.

I saw her this past Tuesday and last Friday and I got the bangs and made her orgasm 2 times both nights. She seemed to enjoy it a lot. And I'll be honest, I've been pretty beta with her - I'd drop off food for her to take to work before her evening shift and I've planned about 60% of our dates in the past 6 weeks. We smashed on the 3rd date and every date after that. I thought I was playing it pretty cool, until I got the phone call tonight.

Now the kicker: she says she wants to keep in touch and I said, I'm totally fine with that and I said, "maybe you and I can have lunch next month or something". She responded with, "next month?!? why not sooner???" She's clearly planning on seeing me again in the future and I want to try to boomerang her back into my harem.

Now I know the next logical step would be to next her and try to fuck other chicks, and I'll be doing that. However, she and I have a pretty good connection and having sex with her is amazing. So I wouldn't mind investing a little to get her back in the rotation and keep it sexual with no strings attached. How would you seasoned players approach this?

My plan: Since she's planning to keep in touch with me, I'm hopeful that she'll restart text me just to catch up. And from there I'll be a lot more aggressive and ask to meet with her quickly for some "cuddle time" that same evening or very soon - just so she knows where I stand and what I want from her.

Advice from you all would be greatly appreciated.

[seabridge]

For me it sounds like the girl want you as a fuckbody, with no strings attached. Thats a good problem to have. If you can get sex from her once a week without emotional connection, then you have plenty of time to chase other girls too

[articulatecool]

Thanks for the response seabridge.

The thing is, we were pretty much fuck buddies. But you're right, maybe I was smothering her. But when I wasn't texting too much, she was afraid that I wasn't serious with her.

Somethings I didn't note: she is Chinese and mentioned she always thought she would marry a Chinese guy. I am Asian but not Chinese. Also she almost sounded like she was tearing up when she was ending things with me on the phone. I said, "why are you sad, if you're asking for this? lol" She said, "I can be sad!"

I want to let her know that she can have a sexual relationship with me without strings attached.

[seabridge]

Maybe she is not sure about what she wants herself. Women are confused. Play it cool, see how it goes

[Valhalla]

She wants a fuck buddy and you're being over bearing

Stop with the dates and chill with her only for sex. Do not be needy at all. Play it cool.

[iknowexactly]

I've had a similar problem because I am a Champion Beta. She wants to fuck but she's worried she's going to screw you up because you act like you care.

The one I'm dealing with likes it the more nastier and more degrading I am during sex. I think most chicks that really love you don't like this.

I thought about it ( I am into this chick more than she's into me) and I agree with the above commenters, no reason to next a girl who'll fuck regularly without a big downside.

It is, however, most important to keep adding new ones. This will both get you closer to what you seem to want , a closer relationship and also help you keep control over Chinese girl who ( speculation) probably is currently seeking Chinese husband to placate ethnocentric parents. She may already be planning a wedding.

Never, never believe the content of what a girl says. You can decipher something from the emotional tone however, as you did. She's crying, she's going to kiss ass for her Chinese-centric parents, she knows she's betraying you and doesn't like it but they are hyper-conformist. Women are completely willing to hide really important stuff for the sake of expediency, they hamsterize it as "being nice" rather than lying.

Or she may just be PMS--ing. They love drama breakups around that time.

[poutsara]

(11-30-2014 02:25 AM)articulatecool Wrote:  

This girl I've been seeing for about 6 weeks now calls me tonight and decides she isn't ready for any type of relationship with me right now (our relationship was pretty much just dinners, some sort of activity and then sex at her place, cuddling and I leave). ...

...
I saw her this past Tuesday and last Friday and I got the bangs ... We smashed on the 3rd date and every date after that. ...
she says she wants to keep in touch and I said, I'm totally fine with that and I said, "maybe you and I can have lunch next month or something". She responded with, "next month?!? why not sooner???" She's clearly planning on seeing me again in the future and I want to try to boomerang her back into my harem.

Advice from you all would be greatly appreciated.

Executive Summary:

She tells you the situation is good.

What's the issue?

Quote:

She responded with, "next month?!? why not sooner???"

Translation: "let's have sex sooner than next month."

[germanico]

The problem is that you have been giving her the "win you over" treatment when all she wanted was the "bend her over" treatment.

[Onto]

(11-30-2014 02:25 AM)articulatecool Wrote:  

Now the kicker: she says she wants to keep in touch and I said, I'm totally fine with that and I said, "maybe you and I can have lunch next month or something". She responded with, "next month?!? why not sooner???" She's clearly planning on seeing me again in the future and I want to try to boomerang her back into my harem.

I just wanted to point out that this is the perfect response at that perfect moment and you most likely did it instinctively. She was pushing your buttons by asking for distance. It didn't feel good I'm sure but instead of complaining about it or hoping at the first chance to be with her again, you showed her what it was like when someone puts distance up and acts like they might not care too much.

You never faulted her, instead you mirrored (role-modeled) her behavior. Of course now that she senses your confidence and emotional distance from her she will want to break that down and draw you back into feeling about her.

Nice job, keep that aloof-type distance up and you may find her dropping out of med school to sleep outside your door waiting for you to come home. Ok, kind of exaggerating, but you get the point.

When she starts texting you again don't make the mistake of pushing to see her quickly. That is her trap/test. Make it seem like you have other things going on, in fact have other things going on, and try to pencil her in somewhere's. That will drive her hamster bat-shit crazy.

[articulatecool]

UPDATE:

Before you guys tell me "nice job keeping distance", I have to say I gave in and text her first (6 days after she called to say she didn't want to pursue anything). Last Friday evening, I was out with another girl who wasn't going to give it up that night. So I decided, screw it, let's text Karen, and if she responds, then great - and I'll try to get the lay. If not, who cares.

She responds about an hour earlier saying she just got done with dinner with her resident friends and what I was up to. I asked "Can I stop by" without any emotion and she said "Sure, just got home. Is everything ok?" I call her to tell her I'm downstairs. She might've been worried that I wanted to talk and get closure, but I really just wanted to fuck her brains out one last time.

This was a very different type of meeting. We hugged upon meeting, and just a lot of shock from her end that I came to see her. We touched hands on her couch, talked as I ran my fingers through her hair like usual, I even planted a kiss, but there wasn't much reciprocation so it ended up just being a short peck from me. She was yawning a lot too since it was past 12am and she worked 10 hours that Friday. I didn't push for sex and I decided I should go. But as she was walking me out, she said she was very happy I hit her up and she said she was going to call me to see if everything was OK. Not sure if this was wise, but I responded with a "no you weren't!". She offered to walk me down like she usually does, but I declined. I told her she broke our sex contract (which was supposed to go till New Years) and she asked "what's my penalty?" I said, "I'll think of one". This was the first time we met up without having sex since I smashed on the 3rd date. We haven't talked since I left her place.

My reasons for restarting with her (please correct me if I'm in the wrong), I wanted to keep myself fresh in her mind. I'm sure she's starting to see other guys and I just want to remind her that I'm available for sex. I'm starting to slowly forget about her and not think about her like I usually do, but then I remember how good of a fuck she was. So I want it again.

My next plan: If she restarts or not, I'm going to say I thought of a penalty and say that she has to give me "bonus night". Bonus night is a reference to the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. show which means a couple that breaks up is to have sex one last time. She is a huge fan of the show, so I want to bring it up. This allows me to express what I want from her, and if she refuses, I can move on and "next" her ass. I plan to restart later this week if she doesn't.

[h3ltrsk3ltr]

Sounds like she's got another dude on the line

[tallandblonde]

You probably just caught the feels for someone that just doesn't really have time and/or desire to commit to you for a relationship. Clearly she wants to bang, but I would reel in any type of emotions you have for her. For sure keep her on the rotation, but it doesn't seem like she wants a committed relationship with you.

People in the medical field are insanely busy. I went on several dates with a girl in nursing school. Between classes, clinical, and sometimes also a job on the side, there just isn't much energy for anything else. Don't take it personally.

[articulatecool]

(12-09-2014 09:19 PM)tallandblonde Wrote:  

You probably just caught the feels for someone that just doesn't really have time and/or desire to commit to you for a relationship. Clearly she wants to bang, but I would reel in any type of emotions you have for her. For sure keep her on the rotation, but it doesn't seem like she wants a committed relationship with you.

People in the medical field are insanely busy. I went on several dates with a girl in nursing school. Between classes, clinical, and sometimes also a job on the side, there just isn't much energy for anything else. Don't take it personally.

Yeah, I know for sure that I caught feelings. I don't see her as wifey material, but she's someone that I want a mini-relationship with for sure. It's just the first time that a chick has pulled a 180 on me after having decent sex dates.

How can I keep her in the rotation if she and I don't really text anymore? I plan on restarting with her later this week to get one last bang.

[tallandblonde]

(12-10-2014 07:23 PM)articulatecool Wrote:  

(12-09-2014 09:19 PM)tallandblonde Wrote:  

You probably just caught the feels for someone that just doesn't really have time and/or desire to commit to you for a relationship. Clearly she wants to bang, but I would reel in any type of emotions you have for her. For sure keep her on the rotation, but it doesn't seem like she wants a committed relationship with you.

People in the medical field are insanely busy. I went on several dates with a girl in nursing school. Between classes, clinical, and sometimes also a job on the side, there just isn't much energy for anything else. Don't take it personally.

Yeah, I know for sure that I caught feelings. I don't see her as wifey material, but she's someone that I want a mini-relationship with for sure. It's just the first time that a chick has pulled a 180 on me after having decent sex dates.

How can I keep her in the rotation if she and I don't really text anymore? I plan on restarting with her later this week to get one last bang.

Well what is stopping you from texting her and having her come over for a movie and wine (code for banging)? Maybe wait a couple weeks, bang some other girl and then send her a message out of the blue when you're trying to get some.

From my vantage point it seems like you've given her a lot in terms of your time, emotional energy, and money when the only thing she has done to reciprocate is having sex with you. And that's fine, that doesn't make her a bad person but you should stop making her a #1 priority, because she is not making you one.

[articulatecool]

(12-10-2014 07:58 PM)tallandblonde Wrote:  

Well what is stopping you from texting her and having her come over for a movie and wine (code for banging)? Maybe wait a couple weeks, bang some other girl and then send her a message out of the blue when you're trying to get some.

From my vantage point it seems like you've given her a lot in terms of your time, emotional energy, and money when the only thing she has done to reciprocate is having sex with you. And that's fine, that doesn't make her a bad person but you should stop making her a #1 priority, because she is not making you one.

Great point - I have been making her too much of a priority. I'm sure I put her on a pedestal but she started becoming distant when she thought I wasn't emotionally invested and I wasn't texting a lot. So I turned it on a little but it bit me in the ass. Pretty much a double-edged sword. I smashed chick last night and today, so that will hold me off for a bit.

My problem with waiting weeks to text her is that she may start getting serious with another guy and the fire will die. I believe that the sooner I try to smash her, the more likely she'll relapse or give in to letting me hit it one more time. And that's why I was planning on restarting this week. Maybe I'll wait till next week but I feel that she's online dating and she's gonna get interested in another dude really quickly, start fucking him and my chances become even slimmer.

I know the ultimate solution is to forget about this chick but something about me just wants to hit it one more time. What are your thoughts, forum?

[tallandblonde]

(12-10-2014 08:28 PM)articulatecool Wrote:  

(12-10-2014 07:58 PM)tallandblonde Wrote:  

Well what is stopping you from texting her and having her come over for a movie and wine (code for banging)? Maybe wait a couple weeks, bang some other girl and then send her a message out of the blue when you're trying to get some.

From my vantage point it seems like you've given her a lot in terms of your time, emotional energy, and money when the only thing she has done to reciprocate is having sex with you. And that's fine, that doesn't make her a bad person but you should stop making her a #1 priority, because she is not making you one.

My problem with waiting weeks to text her is that she may start getting serious with another guy and the fire will die. I believe that the sooner I try to smash her, the more likely she'll relapse or give in to letting me hit it one more time.

Her finding another guy quite frankly is none of your problem nor concern. If you want to see her now, then text her and tell her to come over. Get right to the point. From the sound of it you want to send her a couple "Hey! How is your day going?" texts over the course of a couple days in order to smooth things over before you finally ask her to hang out.

If you want to see her and fuck her, then do what you need to do in order to make that happen. While I'm not sure how much you will actually get out of fucking her one last time, by all means go ahead if that's what you want.

[General Mayhem]

Just figure out when she's going to be drinking and booty call her.

That's a pretty subtle way to communicate that you just want to bang.

IMO you are thinking about this too rationally, like you are trying to negotiate for the bang which never works. You can't just present a case to a girl and expect her to be like, "Oh yeah that makes a lot of sense let's bang." Girls don't bang guys because it makes sense.

Tug on those heart strings a little more.

[ridiculous_nicholas]

I don't know how anyone can honestly say that she wants to fuck with no strings attached. Not saying she doesn't but it doesn't sound like its a given. Its obvious that OP has fallen for the girl to at least a small extent, if not more. I'm far from a game expert but when I look back at the times I was fucking the most girls and the girls completely out of my league, it was when I was extremely confident and truly didn't give a fuck. Unsurprisingly I went years without a relationship. There a yin and a yang to alpha and beta if you want a relationship, sounds like unfortunately you crossed too far into the beta, if only slightly.

Not sure there is much to do at this point except to be very standoffish, don't text first but more importantly I wouldn't go back to her place like you did. If it doesn't turn out well it makes you look even more weak. I would initiate any initial contact in public and sense the direction. If its not going the way you want then you can bail without losing face. A couple of times of it going nowhere then you know its going nowhere. Good luck, this situation is a shitty one to be in and can seem hopeless. Like they say in Swingers, there is nothing you can do to get a girl back, only things you can do to make her not want to come back.

[articulatecool]

Merry Christmas RV Forum!

After radio silence since December 5th, Karen texts me this morning: "Merry Christmas hope all is well with you"

Kinda cool that she restarted because I would've taken a stab in the dark next week just to see if I can meet up with her and smash again. Anyways, I want to ask you all what you guys would do to maximize the chances of getting her back in the rotation. I've been dating other chicks but I still think about the sex with her from time to time.

I'm thinking of responding later today, probably not after tonight because she knows when I deliberately ignore her texts. I'm sure she's been working a lot and may feel a little lonely on Christmas Day. Her next vacation isn't until next month.

You think her Merry Christmas text was just a formality? Or is she trying to re initiate contact?

[eradicator]

My honest response: text her. "merry Christmas and come over after work to get your present. It's long and hard."

Tie a ribbon around your cock. When she comes over just pick her up like a caveman carry her to your bed and take your pants off and tell her to unwrap her present. You are way too rational with the way you are handling this. When she says"this is so unlike you!" Which she surely will, Just tell her you realized what she needs.

[fmman]

(11-30-2014 02:48 AM)articulatecool Wrote:  

The thing is, we were pretty much fuck buddies. But you're right, maybe I was smothering her. But when I wasn't texting too much, she was afraid that I wasn't serious with her.

Its the classic being in control thing. Shes feeling ok when you are smothering her, if not worried about you getting hurt by her. But as soon as you act like you are really not bothered about her and you become distant/infrequent in your contact, she starts to get insecure about herself... even though she wanted you to treat her that way. She thinks, "You are not serious about me." She still wants to feel desired by you and in control. She's a woman they don't make sense especially in a FWB situation. In over 10 years I've seen every scenerio that could happen in an FWB.

(12-06-2014 02:01 PM)germanico Wrote:  

The problem is that you have been giving her the "win you over" treatment when all she wanted was the "bend her over" treatment.

Spot on. This quite possibly the case. Perhaps in time you two will trust and get to know each other better. FWB's are good and better than LTRs, the LTR woman expects you to not to go caveman on her. The FWB can demand it without feeling like a slutty girlfriend. You can really learn a lot about a girl sexually as a FWB that you would never find out if she were your G.