[Pride male]

There are a lot of funny guys on this forum. To guys like Roosh and Heartiste witty lines come naturally. But I am very serious and cannot come up with puns and barbs.

Today I was talking to a 'playa' I know. He tells me he doesn't ask for a number. He says, 'How can I get a [hold] of you?' or 'just keep in [touch]'.

And we all knowChurchill's one liners.

Girl: you are ugly!
Ice Cube: if you dont like my face you can look at my car.

50cent: my watch saying hi girl we could be friends, my car saying quit playing girl get in.

To a goldigger: tell me what you like more my watch or me.

Snoop: you got a great future behind you.

Any replies ,videos that can be reused are welcome.

[AntiTrace]

Californication. Hank Moody has some of the witties comments I've ever heard.

One of my favorites when he and his teachers assistant showed up at the same time to a party at the deans house. The deans wife asked "Oh, did you guys come together?" Hank replies: "Not yet".

[Switch]

1. Watch every episode of Seinfeld.
2. Watch every episode of Californication.

Those shows will give you an idea of what is funny. Watch comedians whenever you have the chance. Late night talk shows (Letterman, Kimmel, Fallon, etc) are good for plays on words, etc.

I would bet that you actually have witty and innuendo-like jokes already going in your head, you just don't have the balls to say them (yet).

Here is a personal story that happened to me recently that I never would have been able to do before this forum.

Girl I was with (immitating a valley girl): OMG! Choke me with a spoon.

Me: I'l choke you with my dick.

Her: laughs.

Objectively speaking, that is not very funny at all, but a lot of laughs come from the simple shock factor of telling a girl something like you are going to choke her with your dick.

Fairly often, your comments will bomb. That is ok, though. Amuse yourself and you will start to amuse other people, too.

TL;DR
Watch witty television, have the balls to say innappropriate and funny things, and be sure to amuse yourself first, because it is your life, and everyone else is just living in it.

[Sidney Crosby]

Skip to 1:20

[Valhalla]

The wittiest non fictional man that I've seen with women is Russell Brand.

Just watch all his interviews with women. The guy is a modern day casanova.

[Pride male]

I was watching Die Another Day with James Bond. He sees Halle Berry by the beach and says, 'I like the view.'

[anal?]

Was at a wedding last month when one of the guests in her early 30's introduced herself to me as a big shot in some company after a few mins.

Her: Well i'm a managing partner at blah blah law firm.

Me: Oh i like a woman untop.

(forgot movie i heard it from but her reaction was priceles)

[davyjose]

They say to get good at copywriting you should take a load of the the best sales letters ever written (eg from the likes of Gary Halbert, Bencivenga etc) and write them out by hand.

Apparently the act of writing copy to paper has the effect of burning the style of writing deep into subconscious, making it easier to write killer copy. Bit like muscle memory for your brain I guess.

The same applies to wit. I don't think it's possible to teach it in a traditional fashion, you just have to know it when you see it and absorb it. One way would be do something similar as the advice that's given to aspiring copywriters.

I'd start with writing out 5 of Heartiste's posts by hand. He has a turn of phrase and wit unrivalled not just in the manopshere, but anywhere else for that matter.

Keep a journal and note witticisms as they crop up. Evernote is great for this.

Rinse, lather and repeat for other noted wits of recent times. Write daily and use you what see and hear in your own blog posts, or just your own private musings on life.

Only way I can think of to get that cutting, sharp level of wit from noted raconteurs like Brand, Hank Moody et al.

Someone above said (switch?) that we all have this ability to be witty deep within us. I concur. It just needs a certain level coaxing in order to flow freely.

[Flint]

Russell Brand on MSNBC. Pure dominance.

Fred MacMurray vs. Barbra Stanwyck in Double Indemnity (1944)

Bogart vs. Lauren Bacall in The Big Sleep

Christopher Hitchens was one of the most fascinating public speakers. Whether or not you agree with his political and non-religious views, every man can learn from his quick wit, vocabulary and rhetorical skills.

On YouTube you find many great analyses of Hank Moody's alpha male rhetorics.

[Abnormal]

Sexual innuendo is a hard topic to stay on top of. As a humor tool, it stands erect in the English language. While there are no hard and fast rules as to what constitutes sexual innuendo, many people have mass-debated over the ins-and-outs of the topic, and now the general principles at the root of the topic are firm and well-rounded. However, full penetration of the subject requires that the reader take a long, hard look at the target and be a cunning linguist in order to avoid limp phrases and imbibe the phrase with a large handful of meanings. The topic can become hot by attempting to grasp it, and the more one experiments with it, the more interested they become. Also, as the language changes innuendos must change in order to fill the newly created holes and satisfy listeners.

[game_ethic]

(11-26-2014 06:17 PM)Abnormal Wrote:  

Sexual innuendo is a hard topic to stay on top of. As a humor tool, it stands erect in the English language. While there are no hard and fast rules as to what constitutes sexual innuendo, many people have mass-debated over the ins-and-outs of the topic, and now the general principles at the root of the topic are firm and well-rounded. However, full penetration of the subject requires that the reader take a long, hard look at the target and be a cunning linguist in order to avoid limp phrases and imbibe the phrase with a large handful of meanings. The topic can become hot by attempting to grasp it, and the more one experiments with it, the more interested they become. Also, as the language changes innuendos must change in order to fill the newly created holes and satisfy listeners.

[Pride male]

@Abnormal. Holy shit! That was genius. How did you come up with that?!

[davyjose]

(11-27-2014 12:17 AM)Pride male Wrote:  

@Abnormal. Holy shit! That was genius. How did you come up with that?!

Dang! Only caught it the second time when I read it properly. Very clever Abmormal.

[SamuraiJack]

If you're having difficulty coming up with sexual innuendo's, then you can also use a technique recommended by Ross Jeffries called "Quotes."

With this technique, you are quoting what someone else has said. As a result, you are able to use very explicit sexual language, directed straight at the girl. No wit needed.

Here's an example from one of his writings:

Quote:

My friend said, "I think when a person begins to feel horny and think about it where it leads, you don't have to let those thoughts get really strong and imagine what's on your mind. Instead I find that when you just go for it and let it happen naturally, that's when you feel right about this.”

In that example, he is embedding a lot of commands: feel horny, think about it, let those thoughts get really strong, imagine, go for it, let it happen, feel right.

You can get more explicit. I've done something like this before when gaming a girl at a bar:

Quote:

I have to tell you a story my sister told me about. She said, one of her friends told her that some guy came up to her at a bar, looked at her and said to her, "Picture me ripping off your bra, kissing your breasts and sucking on your nipples, then imagine me pulling down your panties and eating your pussy until you're so wet that all you can think about is my big dick filling you up." I mean, come on, would that really make you want to go home with me?

This gets the imagery in her mind going. Consciously, she knows you aren't talking directly to her, but subconsciously the words are coming from you and the imagery in her mind has you doing those actions to her. I usually include command and suggestions (i.e. imagine, picture, think, etc) inside the quote and end something like that with a command or suggestion. In this case I would pause before saying "you want to go home with me". Without framing it as a quote, a I probably would have been slapped.

You can pretty much say whatever you want by simply framing it as a quote. It can be a quote from a friend, news article, movie, whatever. It very easy to get the conversation going in a sexual direction from this point. These are easy to make up on the spot or to have a couple pre-defined to pull out.

Hope this helps in those cases when you're not as witty as you would like.

[Abnormal]

Gentlemen, my apologies, should have cited the source: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Sexual_innuendo

Here is the continuation:

"A common problem with sexual innuendo is the recipient being unable to wrap their hands around the intended meaning. In this case, an individual using sexual innuendo will often start slow and eventually build up, increasing depth more and more until the recipient feels the actual thrust of the point and the innuendo climaxes. An innuendo is always the most pleasing when no one sees it coming, often by entering the mind through the rear.

Some skilled people are even able to use several sexual innuendos quickly in succession, resulting in multiple innuendo-esque climaxes. Key phrases can grasp the sentence by the ankles and part its long clauses allowing the orator to penetrate the essence of the sentence. In this regard, the key is to avoid stiff, rigid words, for ones that give the meaning of the sentence a firm rise in innuendic possibilities. Some regard sexual innuendo as an art form, and it goes without saying that one needs a certain level of oral skills in order for the fluidic exchange of innuendo to succeed. However, this is not enough to fill the requirements.

One needs to pay special attention to the region of the sentence to which the innuendo will enter. For lasting effects, it is most important to enter deep within the recipient's consciousness and to ensure that all of the seeds of humor have flowed forth. This is not an easy task for most people, so it is only through rigorous repetition of the insertion of sexual innuendo that one can fully master the uplifting effects it can have on vocabulary.

On another side note, one must remember that when practicing innuendo to somebody who has heard it for the first time, one must be ready to slowly enter in the tight quarters of the reader's mind, lest risk getting their ideas unpleasantly stuck within the annals of the reader's mind."


There is more in that link above.

[Bland]

The phrase "give you a tongue lashing" is great because women will misinterpret it.

[RatInTheWoods]

Ladies love the witty, cocky smooth banter and self assured sense of humour classically illustrated by Jason Stratham