What you have told us is that you have a stock date protocol and some chicks respond to it well, some don't.
But in your own words, you say that you tell the same stories, and the same jokes.
What I am not hearing is what these chicks are saying to you, how they're getting involved, and getting invested during the date.
Actionable Advice
1. Set the Tone of the date to something conducive to her talking and chatting
2. Increase the heat by playing with tension.
3. Indulge her topics, but make interesting observations
4. draw her in, get her to invest
Once the conversation is enjoyable and going back and forth, when you get to the point where you can't think ahead of what to say next and it's totally spontaneous - that means you've made the connection.
At that point you can heat her up and fuck her.
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Quote: (11-09-2014 09:20 PM)ordinaryleastsquared Wrote:
Ok, I know 'chemistry' is not probably a word folks around here use often, as it certainly gets thrown around inappropriately in the blue pill world. That said, I have to say I've noticed that there are just some girls that don't respond to my game, for whatever reason.
I go out on a lot of dates, and as a result, have to keep a somewhat generic approach, tell many of the same stories, jokes, etc. Some seem to go great and I end up sleeping with the girl, others just kind of end ackwardly. For instance, on the aggregate dates I've had with 'bi' / super femmist girls have tended go much worse (slightly akward, no bang) than regular hetero girls, even though I do the exact same thing, my game is the same.
Anyway, game is about numbers, and ultimately not all (or most) women are going want to sleep with you, though as I've experienced, a suprising number will if you stay cool through the process.
What do you guys think, is chalking up a failure to 'bad chemistry' a cop out to improve your game, or should we just accept the fact that certain girls ain't gonna vibe, and use this knowledge as an impetus to increase our date/approach numbers?
My advice
Although I agree with the idea of chemistry, I don't agree with the idea that chemistry just comes out of nowhere.
You can have chemistry with chicks that agree with your views on life, and have chemistry with those who hate everything you stand for. In my case, i've happily banged Erykah Badu Types and Ann Coulter types.
You need to work on your "game".
Game is multifaceted and multi-layered
You're communicating on several levels
- Content - the topic of conversation. What you choose to talk about.
- Delivery - *How* you talk about the topics.
Seriously?
In a joking matter?
In an irreverent way?
- Your reactions - when she says things to you about those topics, how do you react
a) Intellectually
b) Emotionally
c) Body language wise
So when she says she has a 5 year old,
Do you acknowledge that fact?
Do you change your tone?
Do you flinch?
- your use of touch
Even in the opening bit of the conversation, you should be getting handsy, but with plausible deniability. Like sidling up to her @ the bar, or scooching her out of the way.
And then ramp it up as the conversation gets better...
But before I even go into that, the first thing you do when you see a chick for the first time during the date is SET THE TONE.
Now if a chick demands that you meet her at some stuffy French Restaurants where people are calling for "GAR-SAWN, MON-SEWER, LEMME GET SOME OF THEM ES-KAR-GOTZ", you have to get her out of that social context and bring her into your world.
If she wants to meet you at some sports bar where all the regulars are slapping her on the ass, and she knows everyone - you have to bring her out of that social reality and into yours.
That starts by setting the tone. I prefer the idea of setting the tone of the conversation than to call it "Frame", because people misuse the term "Frame" all the time.
Day 2 v. The Pick Up - Same Night Lay/One Night Stand
In the typical pick up situation, your 1st few words and your opener don't matter *that* much. The only thing that matters in the short game is to get her attention and get her chatting with you.
Whatever method you use, canned routine about "who's cuter Kim or Kourtney", or some improvised observation about the venue, or a cold read - it will be quickly forgotten once she opens up to chat with you.
(not actually forgotten, but the conversation won't revolve around you noticing that she looks like the person having the most fun)
The pick up and the day 2 are different animals. Typically the day 2 chick, is at slower pace, and she's blocked off a certain amount of time to spend with you (but typically has an escape plan if you're boring)
Tone
In the day 2/date situation, the tone you set is far more important than tone during the pick up.
If you approach the date like an interview, that's how she'll respond.
If you approach it like two old friends, that's how she'll respond.
If you approach it like she's your next victim, that's how shell respond.
If you come at it like two drinking buddies...
If you suggest that you're partners in crime...
Regarding the Serious/Intellectual Tone
Now I know a lot of you guys lean towards the more intellectual side of the map.
So things like vapid pop culture, small talk, feelings, and emotions aren't really in your wheelhouse.
I get that. The inability to engage in so-called deeper conversation about the issues of today seems impossible. More often than not, you'd end up talking to yourself. Or worse, you'd talk to someone that doesn't agree with you, but doesn't have the intellectual chops to argue with you.
So you can't talk to her about the things she likes and cares about.
She can't talk to you.
So you don't connect.
I'm not saying that OP is doing that but I notice that a lot of you guys do that.
The Tone You Should Set
Something that plays to your strengths, but her strengths.
The ways guys talk to each other
- boasting and bragging
- ragging on each other, playful insults
- solving each others problems
Now a lot has been written about how girls communicate...
But you should actually read girl blogs and girl forums to see how they ACTUALLY communicate. And then see how their styles change up when a man is introduced into the conversation.
That's how you build the connection.
Players of old use to rely on "chick crack"
- astrology
- palm reading
- celebrity stuff
- fuck, marry, kill
- people watching and commentary
The one I like, is Win, Lose, Deserve each other.
Rules - If you see a couple, if one partner is more attractive than each other, the ugly one is winning.
I always start the joke off as Winners and Losers. Explain the rules.
When she asks if they're equal, you tell her the couple deserves each other.
When she inevitably asks about the two of you, you can say that reply with whatever will move the emotional tenor the way you want it to .
...Anyway,
You need to get these chicks to really enjoy going back and forth with you.
At the same time the conversation is popping, you need to be pushing the sexual envelope. Increasing amount of touch, then take aways, to build the heat. Ramp up the conversation the same way.
I like that you have a set conversational playlist, but you have to incorporate interactive elements with her, especially when she's withdrawn/neutral/standoffish at the beginning.
If you've made the attempts to draw her in, get her talking about topics that she likes to yack about, and then played with those topics to the best of your ability and to her delight - and she still doesn't bang - Chemistry was off.
But the way you're playing the game now is that you put your baking soda in a beaker, and you're expecting her to get the acetic acid and pour it in.
My Perspective - I wrote this before I wrote was up above. Was gonna delete it, but why not let it stand?
I basically define chemistry aka "a connection" with
- me wanting to hear more of what she has to say
+
- her wanting to hear more of what I have to say
I've never been much of a drinker, so I can't really appreciate hooking up with someone w/o that actual connection. I've never had that "drunken Spring Break" sex experience with some strange hot to trot chick that digs me for my "muscles".
But that connection on the date/"day 2" prior to sex - it happens when I get her phone #.
As a guy who doesn't do much with online chicks, again, this is something that happens in person, when both of us basically have to "smell each other" like we we're dogs in heat. So a chick that digs what I have to say, but not what I actually look like, smell like, what my body language is - I don't deal with because i've already been ruled out when we met.
Nowadays, when I read about guys being flaked on
- they got #'s from drunk girls they met in person, but couldn't close
- they got #s from chicks they "met" online
Have I pulled a chick based on how I write? Sure. But that's only after a chick knows of me and likes my style of writing.
Whether it's true or not, if I can get a girl out on the date, SEX IS ON THE TABLE.
In my world, no girl goes out anywhere with a guy that she does not find attractive.
The date is only to find out more information, so that she can disqualify me.
That rarely happens.
Now her sex timetable might have a later date than mine, but that's what game is for.
Game puts you on her radar.
Game pulls them in.
Game puts the foot on the gas pedal.
WIA
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