[fmman]

Hi everyone. Great forum. I came here having found the forum to get tips for holiday hookups which I like to do etc. I have a load to learn here its like a new world. Even the expressions 'game' etc are new to me since I am British, you USA guys have different ways of talking, in fact the whole dating and pick up scene is different. I think I need to tell you about me if I going to be here and learn.

Massive story I will go backwards from now and try to keep it short. I am now shagging my long term ex/FWB/Friend again, she basically comes around to my house for sex, and sex only. Its always amazing.

Before this I was dating other girls had other gf's. In fact we have been on-off since 2001, both of us at times dating other people but usually exclusive to each other at the time. Since last year she has got back with an ex and now she is cheating on him by sleeping with me, been happening since the summer. I don't feel guilt since I was there way before he was on the scene. But it bothers me that she is with him.

We have tried twice at a relationship in the past and I ended it because I felt pressured with her wanting to try for a baby so early on. (her body clock ticking) Before that it was FWB because she didn't want a bf due to past hurt from a ex fiance. But I think it was not just that, I think I did not go all out and be forceful to make her my gf in alpha style.

At the very beginning all she wanted was friendship and we had a long talk about it. 2 hours later we were in her room having sex for the first time.

Anyway so here we are today. I think I have a few options:

1. To get with this girl for good I would have to propose to her. To make it different from the past and prove that this time I will not split with her,

2. Just have the affair enjoy the sex and start hunting elsewhere. At the moment I have been way too busy with work etc to date anyone or even look.

I should add this girl is emotional and deep. She says she really loves me and I believe her... Its not just fucking in this affair - its making love and intense. But she is scared what her friends and family would say if she got back with me. I am secret from everyone.

That's enough from me what do you think>?

[kaotic]

It shouldn't bother you that she's with him, remember she's "cheating" on him with you. That's her problem not yours.

She pressured you into wanting a baby ? EJECT

1. You can't turn a hoe into a housewife, why bother ? She's cheating on her current B/F - you don't think she'll do that to you ? You're the lover (alpha fucks) and her bf is the provider (beta bucks)
2. Keep having the sex and milking it for what it's worth.


I have a feeling you have some intense oneitis for this girl.

Of course you're a secret, because she'd look like a hoe if the truth ever got out.


DO NOT pursue a relationship with this girl, you're dodging a bullet by not being with her.

Another option is to have an open relationship with her, set the ground rules and roll with that.

Personally, I'd just keep her a FWB.

[RUIN]

in addition to what kaotic said - she's keeping you a secret and that should be enough to send you running; from what you're saying her "love" for you seems like the hook to keep you there in case her other guy falls through or vice versa (he is there in case YOU fall through) - ask yourself the question if she loves you why she is still with him and if she gives half a rats arse about him why is she cheating on him with you, and if she cheats on her current bf with you what is to stop her from doing the same to you?? things you have to realize is that even if it's not her intention she has just revealed a damning character flaw AND she has revealed the chink in her armour that I like to call "the path to RUIN" (and it has nothing to do with my username). the path to ruin is an observation (my own personal observation) that says that of the three major facets of a relationship (Emotional, Sexual and Intellectual) people will have a leaning towards one over the others and put a majority weighting on that particular facet (i.e. Sexual or physical so you value sex and intimacy or physical displays to prove a relationship) when it is deficient in that particular area it becomes the chink by which someone is likely to stray. Long story short whatever the deficiency is with her current boyfriend there is nothing to say that you don't or won't develop the same deficiency and the cycle repeats only this time you are either married or have a child. To your comment about deep and emotional in her case sounds like "highly calculating and situational awareness" which brings me to my next point.

how old is she?? because if she is pressuring for a baby AND her body clock is ticking I would put her around the 29-32 bracket. If she is pressuring for a baby then you had best run now while you still can, because if my guess is right she won't leave it up to you to voluntarily pump a bub in her she will either walk or dupe you into being a dad.

All-in-all it sounds like you are hooked on the sex and because it is good it only spurs on the emotional conundrum you find yourself in now. I agree with kaotic keep her as a FWB, enjoy it for what it is and keep ties loose so you can eject very quickly.

[seabridge]

Maybe the reason why she 'loves' you is because its an affair. Why is she still together with the bf?? Girls like the drama.. Maybe if you were exclusive, the sex wouldnt be that intense, and become boring for her in the long run

[Thoroughbred]

(11-09-2014 06:20 PM)fmman Wrote:  

Since last year she has got back with an ex and now she is cheating on him by sleeping with me, been happening since the summer.

In what world is that relationship, let alone wife, material?

As for the rest, a mate of mine has a saying: "It's all good when we're horizontal, it's when we're standing up that there's problems."

Option number two son.

[RUIN]

from the way it reads it may explain why the sex is intense but this is from his perspective, it doesn't necessarily prove that the sex is just as good or better with him than it is with her ex (after removing familiarity etc.). also if they have prior history her attachment is still prevalent from their past meetings exclusive of this current situation.

[Lizard King]

Everyone has good sex with her?

[Rawmeo]

(11-09-2014 06:20 PM)fmman Wrote:  

Hi everyone. Great forum. I came here having found the forum to get tips for holiday hookups which I like to do etc. I have a load to learn here its like a new world. Even the expressions 'game' etc are new to me since I am British, you USA guys have different ways of talking, in fact the whole dating and pick up scene is different. I think I need to tell you about me if I going to be here and learn.

Massive story I will go backwards from now and try to keep it short. I am now shagging my long term ex/FWB/Friend again, she basically comes around to my house for sex, and sex only. Its always amazing.

Before this I was dating other girls had other gf's. In fact we have been on-off since 2001, both of us at times dating other people but usually exclusive to each other at the time. Since last year she has got back with an ex and now she is cheating on him by sleeping with me, been happening since the summer. I don't feel guilt since I was there way before he was on the scene. But it bothers me that she is with him.

We have tried twice at a relationship in the past and I ended it because I felt pressured with her wanting to try for a baby so early on. (her body clock ticking) Before that it was FWB because she didn't want a bf due to past hurt from a ex fiance. But I think it was not just that, I think I did not go all out and be forceful to make her my gf in alpha style.

At the very beginning all she wanted was friendship and we had a long talk about it. 2 hours later we were in her room having sex for the first time.

Anyway so here we are today. I think I have a few options:

1. To get with this girl for good I would have to propose to her. To make it different from the past and prove that this time I will not split with her,

2. Just have the affair enjoy the sex and start hunting elsewhere. At the moment I have been way too busy with work etc to date anyone or even look.

I should add this girl is emotional and deep. She says she really loves me and I believe her... Its not just fucking in this affair - its making love and intense. But she is scared what her friends and family would say if she got back with me. I am secret from everyone.

That's enough from me what do you think>?

Nuff said.

Toxic relationship. Just enjoy the sex till it lasts.

[Simeon_Strangelight]

Mate - this is a no-brainer as most of the guys here have said. She is a cheating girl that is over 30+ (since you know her since 2001) that you want to make her your wife. Why not shoot yourself in the nuts and be done with it - that would be more logical.

Read up on Rational Male and the phases a woman goes through in her life - you may be the Alpha Fucks in her life, but for fuck's sake - no Red Pill guy in his right mind would ever be in a LTR with her.

[amity]

(11-09-2014 08:30 PM)seabridge Wrote:  

Maybe the reason why she 'loves' you is because its an affair. Why is she still together with the bf?? Girls like the drama.. Maybe if you were exclusive, the sex wouldnt be that intense, and become boring for her in the long run

I think there's a lot of truth in this. I've known women who got off on the drama of affair sex (although they mostly denied this not surprisingly!).
Especially true for BPD chicks I find. If they think there's no other woman in your circle that you are banging (or at least could potentially be banging) then watch her lose interest and within a few months, they pull the plug (unless you get sick of her shit and ditch her first!)

[fmman]

(11-09-2014 08:30 PM)seabridge Wrote:  

Maybe the reason why she 'loves' you is because its an affair. Why is she still together with the bf?? Girls like the drama.. Maybe if you were exclusive, the sex wouldnt be that intense, and become boring for her in the long run

Hey thanks for the replies. We have been exclusive and the sex has always been as good its the only thing we always get right.

Other have asked this, why is she still with him? Here goes. She is 40 now. Bodyclock about to stop if it hasn't already and she is desperate for a child. When I split up with her over a year ago I told her to go and find someone to make babies with as she doesn't need a bf, she needs a sperm bank, such was her babies first relationship second mentality. So this is where her current bf comes in. They tried but not pregnant after many months. The sex can't be great otherwise she wouldn't be coming back to me now. I never fuck her without a condom I would never take the risk.

Regarding the cheating issue, none of us have ever cheated before... until now. It seems that she will cheat to see me and I have cheated on an gf in the past to see her. Emotionally and sexually this girl gives me far more than that gf ever could.

I guess its a sense of loyalty to him that's why shes still with him.

I hear your advice and warning bells.

[kaotic]

40 ? Jesus man you can do way better than that, how old are you by the way ?

She's got baby fever, thank god you're rocking condoms.

I'm even beginning to question being her fuck buddy, she says "love" but she means "i want a baby".

[RUIN]

Then you have answered your own questions. You only need to look objectively.

[Rawmeo]

Be careful of girls who want babies so fast. Her clock is almost stopped and she will probably do things like poking holes in condoms (I had a girl do that to me once, but I felt it when putting the condom in).

Fuck her if you want to, but don't LTR her.

[bojangles]

40? fucking hell, she's probably past being able to have babies. USE A CONDOM>

[Simeon_Strangelight]

(11-11-2014 09:13 AM)bojangles Wrote:  

40? fucking hell, she's probably past being able to have babies. USE A CONDOM>

Exactly - even if you are 55 and look like that you can do better.

Planning a family with a 40yo woman who is cheating on her current husband and wants to have a child with you instead of her husband - sounds like a catch for instant marriage. Afterwards you best abandon all hope and wish for death to claim you soon.

This post makes no sense unless written by the mentioned 40yo woman.... now you know what we think about it lady.

[germanico]

If you need to put "girl" in between quotes, then she is not "your" girl.

You owe her nothing. End that relationship and look for other options, or keep enjoying the sex and look for other options.

Plus, she is having sex with another man while having an affair with you. That should be enough for you not to ever consider her seriously.

[fmman]

(11-10-2014 05:45 AM)Zelcorpion Wrote:  

Mate - this is a no-brainer as most of the guys here have said. She is a cheating girl that is over 30+ (since you know her since 2001) that you want to make her your wife. Why not shoot yourself in the nuts and be done with it - that would be more logical.

Read up on Rational Male and the phases a woman goes through in her life - you may be the Alpha Fucks in her life, but for fuck's sake - no Red Pill guy in his right mind would ever be in a LTR with her.

I've been reading this site - very interesting. Too many abbreviations and red pill/blue pill shit (is it the matrix?) but very good.

(11-10-2014 07:11 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

40 ? Jesus man you can do way better than that, how old are you by the way ?

She's got baby fever, thank god you're rocking condoms.

I'm even beginning to question being her fuck buddy, she says "love" but she means "i want a baby".

I am 41. Luckily I could pass for 30. I still have all my hair and no grey. I'm not fat, if anything too skinny. I really ought to hit the gym and build muscle.

The girl in question is thinking she was the girl left on the shelf. She has actually told me that I should look elsewhere, she doesn't want to ruin my chances of happiness. She knows I am financially doing well whereas she has debts. I wonder if she says one thing and then means another.

Anyhow yes all you say makes sense, yet I still feel for her probably down the the length of time I've known her, I guess I would love it to all work out, am I just dreaming?

[Travesty]

You may have had hand much earlier. Now it's gone and she showed her true persnality which is a cheating hoe.

Use the time you spent with her to game and build muscle as you said.

You just like the drama like a woman would.

Please stop.

[kaotic]

(11-14-2014 12:37 PM)fmman Wrote:  

I am 41. Luckily I could pass for 30. I still have all my hair and no grey. I'm not fat, if anything too skinny. I really ought to hit the gym and build muscle.

The girl in question is thinking she was the girl left on the shelf. She has actually told me that I should look elsewhere, she doesn't want to ruin my chances of happiness. She knows I am financially doing well whereas she has debts. I wonder if she says one thing and then means another.

Anyhow yes all you say makes sense, yet I still feel for her probably down the the length of time I've known her, I guess I would love it to all work out, am I just dreaming?

You could do way better in a younger age bracket as well. If you look 30 you could pull 20 something girls.

Absolutely start eating right (and alot) and start working out man. It's great for your sex life and your mindset. I feel great when I workout and I see the results. Go out and do it !

Yeah I'd stay away from girls deep in debt, their debt ends up being yours, and you don't need that. Always watch a girl does, not what she says.

You're dreaming and your pedestalizingi her, you need to stop doing that, it's crippling your chances at finding other girls mate !

[RUIN]

Again you have answered your own question but you cannot seem to get over your emotional attachment.

For starters you need to put it down to facts (which have been highlighted here) and keep yourself safe. However do not make the mistake that it will be a happily ever after with this woman.

[fmman]

(11-14-2014 12:47 PM)Travesty444 Wrote:  

You may have had hand much earlier. Now it's gone and she showed her true persnality which is a cheating hoe.

Use the time you spent with her to game and build muscle as you said.

You just like the drama like a woman would.

Please stop.

As I said before, previously to now shes been a loyal girlfriend to anyone she's been with- I know all her history. Until she cheated on them for me. I have never cheated before on anyone before... until I did it to see her. Does that make us bad for each other or just two people who can't just get it together properly but really should be?

Drama goes with her, I'm used to it after this long time, knowing her is never boring. Out of all the girls I've known though over the years I do trust her the most to do anything for me and be loyal. Shes knows me very well as I know her.

Yes I probably could pull a girl in her mid to late twenties.. I think you guys are right - why is she still with her other guy if she says she loves me. I am her backup and her source of a decent fuck. Thanks guys

[RUIN]

Then by your own admission OP I'd say the matter of interpretation is now closed all that is left is to see the execution based on what you now know.

Keep us updated especially if you get a few notches with birds in their 20's.

[fmman]

Happy new year guys. An update from me, I think I need to tell you guys what I've done and be advised, yelled at, whatever. I'm afraid I proposed to her properly after I saw her for the first time in 6 weeks. So I popped the question she started crying, said my timing was awful and told me what was going on. After much discussion she said sorry no, as she seems to have something special with a new guy. I did not know that in the 6 weeks I had no contact with her, she has split with the BF but now met someone new. She got chatted up in town and they 'hit it off'! I think its crazy that she would put a man shes has known 5 minutes before me with all our 10 years + of history! Had I asked her just weeks before she admits she would have said yes.

So I'm really just trying to come to terms with all the hows, whys and the rejection. Would it have really worked? did she really love me if she can replace with with a 5 minute wonder? I should also tell you that she proposed to me a few years ago when I was not ready and she says we wouldn't be in this mess now if I had married her then. My ego is really bruised I am feeling really shit every since it happened. I always thought we would end up together. She knows me so well we have the connection that only that length of time can give. To be honest I'm scared of getting out there again dating etc. I just don't think I can find another her. No other girl has come close.

Comments? Spill

[Cobra]

fmman, welcome to the forum.

I'll be direct. You're on the forum and asked for advice. You then got great advice. I guess it turns out you decided NOT to follow it. And now you're asking for more advice. This forum has some great minds when it comes to women. So hopefully you'll take at least some heed this time around.

First step, re-read all the posts above so you can see what you should have considered and done.

(01-01-2015 08:00 AM)fmman Wrote:  

I think its crazy that she would put a man shes has known 5 minutes before me with all our 10 years + of history! Had I asked her just weeks before she admits she would have said yes.

You're making a strong assumption that "she would have said yes"; that has a basis which is manufactured in your mind, not reality. You never assume a girl says yes. When you do you put all your eggs in one basket and just gave it to her to drop at any moment. And you put an already inflated ego on the line. This is why self development is important. Simple but effective example is working out. You can always make an assumption that it will give you a better body because it's about YOU, not your view of someone else.

(01-01-2015 08:00 AM)fmman Wrote:  

So I'm really just trying to come to terms with all the hows, whys and the rejection. Would it have really worked? did she really love me if she can replace with with a 5 minute wonder?

No is the simple answer. She didn't love you. Get over it, please. Otherwise, you will not only waste posts on the forum but also your own sanity and dignity.

(01-01-2015 08:00 AM)fmman Wrote:  

I should also tell you that she proposed to me a few years ago when I was not ready and she says we wouldn't be in this mess now if I had married her then. My ego is really bruised I am feeling really shit every since it happened. I always thought we would end up together. She knows me so well we have the connection that only that length of time can give.

You are way too invested in this one girl and she gave you a little attention and pussy;that created an ego. It was boosted by your own assumptions about her, which you now know are not true. Read below.

(01-01-2015 08:00 AM)fmman Wrote:  

To be honest I'm scared of getting out there again dating etc. I just don't think I can find another her. No other girl has come close.

There's another assumption. You can find many girls like her and possibly even better. When you say "no other girl has come close," is that because you've been approaching girls or is that an assumption? See what I mean. You're letting your mind fuck you over.

Go out and approach some girls, get some numbers, get some dates. You'll get over this in no time. Remember that she's doing the same. AS a matter of fact, the guy that approached her is doing this. It's your turn now.

Let us know what your plan is and we'll help you through it.