Attraction and passion are non-negotiable
When your girl flirts with your friends in front of you
Firstly, my advice is to NEVER flirt with other women in front of your girlfriend. It's distinctly possible that the reason she's flirting in front of is retaliation.
The reason why I'd recommend that you never flirt in front of your girlfriend is because it makes you look like a douchebag and an idiot.
I'm not saying be rude, but always appear to be a "good boyfriend" to all of her friends and your extended social circle.
1. You will cultivate an aura of mystery and strength.
2. You will make yourself unavailable to other women who will find this attractive (and the real interesting ones will see this as a challenge.)
3. It will put your girlfriend (unless she's crazy) at greater ease, which will allow you greater freedom to screw around behind her back (if that's what you want to do.)
4. It will establish you in the eyes of other available women in your social circle as socially acceptable to date in the eyes of their friends. (By not being known as "a cheater." There's no upside to that.)
As far as how should you respond to her flirting; It's a pretty horrific offense and ordinarily, I'd say, dump the whore. But, I think your behavior makes it impossible to glean anything negative about her character. She certainly deserves a second chance.
What you should have done right there is said to her (while everyone else was there, with a tone of controlled anger) "Can I speak with you in private?" and then walked out front.
You should then have said, in private, "Please don't speak until I've finished. This is important and I want you to hear it. You are my girl. It makes me look like a chump and you look like a.... (Don't use the word, just trail off...) I love (or care about, whatever applies) you, but if I ever see you embarrass the two of us like that again, we're over. Now, all I want to hear is that you understand and you take me seriously."
If you get anything other than a nod, then ask her if she's ok getting a ride home from one of her friends, turn around and confidently walk away.
If she nods, then tell her "text your friends, we're leaving now." Don't go back and see the group. Just take her back to your place and make her spend the next few hours earning back the right to be your girlfriend.
The reason why I'd recommend that you never flirt in front of your girlfriend is because it makes you look like a douchebag and an idiot.
I'm not saying be rude, but always appear to be a "good boyfriend" to all of her friends and your extended social circle.
1. You will cultivate an aura of mystery and strength.
2. You will make yourself unavailable to other women who will find this attractive (and the real interesting ones will see this as a challenge.)
3. It will put your girlfriend (unless she's crazy) at greater ease, which will allow you greater freedom to screw around behind her back (if that's what you want to do.)
4. It will establish you in the eyes of other available women in your social circle as socially acceptable to date in the eyes of their friends. (By not being known as "a cheater." There's no upside to that.)
As far as how should you respond to her flirting; It's a pretty horrific offense and ordinarily, I'd say, dump the whore. But, I think your behavior makes it impossible to glean anything negative about her character. She certainly deserves a second chance.
What you should have done right there is said to her (while everyone else was there, with a tone of controlled anger) "Can I speak with you in private?" and then walked out front.
You should then have said, in private, "Please don't speak until I've finished. This is important and I want you to hear it. You are my girl. It makes me look like a chump and you look like a.... (Don't use the word, just trail off...) I love (or care about, whatever applies) you, but if I ever see you embarrass the two of us like that again, we're over. Now, all I want to hear is that you understand and you take me seriously."
If you get anything other than a nod, then ask her if she's ok getting a ride home from one of her friends, turn around and confidently walk away.
If she nods, then tell her "text your friends, we're leaving now." Don't go back and see the group. Just take her back to your place and make her spend the next few hours earning back the right to be your girlfriend.
Shes messaging me asking me if I'm mad now
Tell her you're disappointed.
Quote: (11-04-2014 06:38 AM)MidWest Wrote:I would have loved to have seen this during my last relationship where this happened basically all the time, and pissed me off no end.
Yeah I wouldn't wait to check her on that.
You are going to have to let her know that that's not going to slide with you and keep her in check.
Of course its a shit test. Girls do shit like this even in relationships. Flirting with other guys in front of you is extremely disrespectful and should not be tolerated.
But then again if you let it get to this level where she is flirting with other guys, then it essentially means its almost over for you two. It means that you have not passed all the shit tests she had for you before and you probably let them all slide. In a relationship, girls test you to see how much they can get away with you, and if you don't pass them, she ups it even more the next time until she eventually cheats on you because she has no respect for you in the end.
You have to have the heart of a player and be almost brutal with it. I try to end the relationship on the spot when that happens to me. I say "bitch, if you are going to act that way in front of me and disrespect me like that, then its time to end it here, I'm not the type of cat to tolerate that bullshit"
You have to be willing to end it and not be a victim of her vagina by kissing her ass all the time. You have to show that her vagina is unimportant and that you can get it elsewhere. I know its hard at first, but it has to be done. You'll be surprised the reaction you get from that. I've had a girl cry once and begged me for forgiveness.
By doing this, it will shift the power onto you. That's the true heart of being a player. Your priority should be your self-respect not her pussy. There are guys who are willing to stay in fucked up relationships and take it all just because they think they wont get any pussy later or are afraid to lose the big ass they have.
Again, don't tolerate that BS.
"As wolves among sheep we have wandered"
I am going to disagree with the consensus on this topic...I don't think your girl flirting with another dude is a big deal and I think getting rattled by it and flipping out is a chump move. This is a shit test, nothing more, and if you show her that she hit a sensitive spot you have already lost. This actually happens so often that I have a great formula for it and to be honest I like when a girl tries to pull this because it is an easy way to show her that socially my skills are out of her league and that I can play this game way better then she can:
1) When she begins to flirt with the dude, Do not show even a hint of jealousy. Not even a hint. This is going to be fun.
2) Turn away from her right away provided you can do so without it being awkward or looking unnatural. The vibe is "OK I get that you want to mingle and meet people, so do I".
3) Find nearest woman and chat her up. Preferably introduce yourself to someone new....at a party this should be easy. Kino with an arm touch or something like that as soon as possible. Be laughing and having a good time...hey your ball and chain just gave you an opening to go meet other women.
4) When she comes back, and she will, do not say anything about it. Act like you didn't even notice. She will know that you noticed, she will know that you "won" that exchange and often she will make a non-apology/apology such as "oh my god how come you didn't save me from that conversation" or "hey sorry that dude was a bit chatty"....at which point you will pretend you didn't notice and it wasn't a big deal "no problem, Susan and I were having fun...have you met Susan? <introduce her>"
5) Do this every time and she will stop this behaviour...and if she doesn't then this will be a great opportunity for you that will eventually result in you fucking some of her friends and destroying her social circle. In fact, I have been in situations where girls I was sleeping with were crazy party girls, so I ended up having to do stuff like this a lot, and if it happens a few times with the same crowd and you handle it well it is as inevitable as clockwork that one of her single friends will be like "she is crazy, you are a catch, and you shouldn't stand for that...." <it is on>
1) When she begins to flirt with the dude, Do not show even a hint of jealousy. Not even a hint. This is going to be fun.
2) Turn away from her right away provided you can do so without it being awkward or looking unnatural. The vibe is "OK I get that you want to mingle and meet people, so do I".
3) Find nearest woman and chat her up. Preferably introduce yourself to someone new....at a party this should be easy. Kino with an arm touch or something like that as soon as possible. Be laughing and having a good time...hey your ball and chain just gave you an opening to go meet other women.
4) When she comes back, and she will, do not say anything about it. Act like you didn't even notice. She will know that you noticed, she will know that you "won" that exchange and often she will make a non-apology/apology such as "oh my god how come you didn't save me from that conversation" or "hey sorry that dude was a bit chatty"....at which point you will pretend you didn't notice and it wasn't a big deal "no problem, Susan and I were having fun...have you met Susan? <introduce her>"
5) Do this every time and she will stop this behaviour...and if she doesn't then this will be a great opportunity for you that will eventually result in you fucking some of her friends and destroying her social circle. In fact, I have been in situations where girls I was sleeping with were crazy party girls, so I ended up having to do stuff like this a lot, and if it happens a few times with the same crowd and you handle it well it is as inevitable as clockwork that one of her single friends will be like "she is crazy, you are a catch, and you shouldn't stand for that...." <it is on>
I've had mixed results with "2 Can Play at That Game"
1) Chick that was "flirting" doesn't see what she's doing as bad, but if I do it, it's a capital offense. It made her jealous, but killed some of the trust that had been built up. Double standard for sure, but that's the name of the game when dealing with chicks.
2) Chick recognizes the weakness for what it is. She can beat you by getting a dude that's visually better than you are, and a whole lot more attention. Why? Guys are thirsty
And once you start in with jealousy plot lines, it never ends.
If your chick flirts with a guy in front of you, she's not YOUR chick.
The whole scenario is trying to put out a 4 alarm fire when the solution was to not play with matches in a wooden house.
WIA
1) Chick that was "flirting" doesn't see what she's doing as bad, but if I do it, it's a capital offense. It made her jealous, but killed some of the trust that had been built up. Double standard for sure, but that's the name of the game when dealing with chicks.
2) Chick recognizes the weakness for what it is. She can beat you by getting a dude that's visually better than you are, and a whole lot more attention. Why? Guys are thirsty
And once you start in with jealousy plot lines, it never ends.
If your chick flirts with a guy in front of you, she's not YOUR chick.
The whole scenario is trying to put out a 4 alarm fire when the solution was to not play with matches in a wooden house.
WIA
Quote: (11-04-2014 02:56 PM)tbone46 Wrote:
\n5) Do this every time and she will stop this behaviour...and if she doesn't then this will be a great opportunity for you that will eventually result in you fucking some of her friends and destroying her social circle. In fact, I have been in situations where girls I was sleeping with were crazy party girls, so I ended up having to do stuff like this a lot, and if it happens a few times with the same crowd and you handle it well it is as inevitable as clockwork that one of her single friends will be like "she is crazy, you are a catch, and you shouldn't stand for that...." <it is on>
Quote: (11-04-2014 03:28 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:
I've had mixed results with "2 Can Play at That Game"
1) Chick that was "flirting" doesn't see what she's doing as bad, but if I do it, it's a capital offense. It made her jealous, but killed some of the trust that had been built up. Double standard for sure, but that's the name of the game when dealing with chicks.
2) Chick recognizes the weakness for what it is. She can beat you by getting a dude that's visually better than you are, and a whole lot more attention. Why? Guys are thirsty
And once you start in with jealousy plot lines, it never ends.
If your chick flirts with a guy in front of you, she's not YOUR chick.
The whole scenario is trying to put out a 4 alarm fire when the solution was to not play with matches in a wooden house.
WIA
Quote: (11-04-2014 02:56 PM)tbone46 Wrote:
\n5) Do this every time and she will stop this behaviour...and if she doesn't then this will be a great opportunity for you that will eventually result in you fucking some of her friends and destroying her social circle. In fact, I have been in situations where girls I was sleeping with were crazy party girls, so I ended up having to do stuff like this a lot, and if it happens a few times with the same crowd and you handle it well it is as inevitable as clockwork that one of her single friends will be like "she is crazy, you are a catch, and you shouldn't stand for that...." <it is on>
I like your posts and I respect your opinion, but I will paraphrase a very smart man who said something like "Whoever cares the least in a relationship has the most power". By flipping out and losing your cool you show her that you care more and therefore she has you by the balls. Men have thrist but women are just as thirsty in different ways. Show her that one of her "frenemies" would fuck you and you will see thirst from that woman that can match that of even the most desperate man on the planet....and do it in a way that is subtle and is in the context of a normal, correct social behaviour (one that she has even "started") and you will get a serious attitude correction immediately and a massive amount of power in the relationship. Is it hard to smile and go flirt with another girl when "your girl" is leading on some other dude? Of course, but the rewards of playing this cool are very high if you do it right...that is why I say I welcome this behaviour and my smile is genuine when a girl does it.
How do I bring it up to my buddy without seeming butthurt
Quote: (11-04-2014 05:20 PM)trickdaddy Wrote:
How do I bring it up to my buddy without seeming butthurt
You said your buddy does this to every girl that comes around. So you already knew what he was capable of.
The problem is with the girl, not him, don't bring it up with him.
A way to avoid this is by creating better attraction to the girl where she won't flirt with him and be all over you.
Dump her OP, these lizards ain't loyal
RELEVANT
RELEVANT
I think you should rather improve your red pill traits .You can tolerate the fact that she's chatting your friend but not flirting .
It's a double red flag :
1- You, being insecure and jealous.
2- Her, playing you and waiting for your reaction when she's speaking to a competing male.
I might be wrong , but aren't red pillers suppose to stab as many vaginas as they can instead of engaging in a boring LTR .
I see so many threads like these and it breaks my heart.
It's a double red flag :
1- You, being insecure and jealous.
2- Her, playing you and waiting for your reaction when she's speaking to a competing male.
I might be wrong , but aren't red pillers suppose to stab as many vaginas as they can instead of engaging in a boring LTR .
I see so many threads like these and it breaks my heart.
Quote: (11-04-2014 03:44 PM)tbone46 Wrote:
I like your posts and I respect your opinion, but I will paraphrase a very smart man who said something like "Whoever cares the least in a relationship has the most power". By flipping out and losing your cool you show her that you care more and therefore she has you by the balls. Men have thrist but women are just as thirsty in different ways. Show her that one of her "frenemies" would fuck you and you will see thirst from that woman that can match that of even the most desperate man on the planet....and do it in a way that is subtle and is in the context of a normal, correct social behaviour (one that she has even "started") and you will get a serious attitude correction immediately and a massive amount of power in the relationship. Is it hard to smile and go flirt with another girl when "your girl" is leading on some other dude? Of course, but the rewards of playing this cool are very high if you do it right...that is why I say I welcome this behaviour and my smile is genuine when a girl does it.
What is more prudent?
1) Dropping a girl who's going to flirt with some random dude
2) getting into a protracted game of trying to one up her?
Why would you allow a toxic chick in your life, where you constantly have to keep her in check by threatening to fuck/actually fucking her friends?
That's hustling backwards.
The real problem here is not that the girl is flirting, but that he's
- letting this kind of chick in his life
- letting her behavior mess with his G
- he didn't set the tone of the relationship early on
- he's bringing his chick around known lady killers
He's not in a position to play Pimp, so it's better to cut the chick out and take stock in his game.
Now if he could pimp her out and get some money off of it, that's one thing - but who wants to be that detached and sociopathic?
There's a difference between having game and playing games.
WIA
Quote: (11-04-2014 05:20 PM)trickdaddy Wrote:
How do I bring it up to my buddy without seeming butthurt
Unless you can take a swing at his chicks, he's playing you too.
He doesn't respect you if he
1) flirts with your chick
2) allows your chick to flirt with him.
A real homey would not disrespect you like that, and shut a chick down that tries to use pussy to get between brothers.
You gotta ask yourself this question
What is more important, how people treat me or getting to hang out with these people?
There's no shame in having standards, especially for your boys, and definitely for the women in your life.
WIA
I made the mistake of dating a 5 star slut for two years who pulled this type of crap on me all of the time. I was supposed to be ok with her macking on guys and then coming back to me.
I would go and flirt with other girls which would drive her up the wall.
Nowadays, I don't put up with that crap. Girls who openly flirt with other men are not worthy of a LTR. There's clearly a set of double standards here and i'm the one who is going to be the one to benefit from it.
If you want you can talk to her about it, but at this point you've already lost. I've dated enough women to know that the truly loyal ones don't flirt in front of you period.
The fact that she put you in a position like this signals that she has poor impulse control. Next it'll be "only a blowjob, why are you jealous?"
Keep banging/dating her, but set an expiration date for three months. Check back with us then to see if she is still acting the same.
I would go and flirt with other girls which would drive her up the wall.
Nowadays, I don't put up with that crap. Girls who openly flirt with other men are not worthy of a LTR. There's clearly a set of double standards here and i'm the one who is going to be the one to benefit from it.
If you want you can talk to her about it, but at this point you've already lost. I've dated enough women to know that the truly loyal ones don't flirt in front of you period.
The fact that she put you in a position like this signals that she has poor impulse control. Next it'll be "only a blowjob, why are you jealous?"
Keep banging/dating her, but set an expiration date for three months. Check back with us then to see if she is still acting the same.
Quote: (11-05-2014 08:56 AM)frenchie Wrote:
I made the mistake of dating a 5 star slut for two years who pulled this type of crap on me all of the time. I was supposed to be ok with her macking on guys and then coming back to me.
I would go and flirt with other girls which would drive her up the wall.
Nowadays, I don't put up with that crap. Girls who openly flirt with other men are not worthy of a LTR. There's clearly a set of double standards here and i'm the one who is going to be the one to benefit from it.
If you want you can talk to her about it, but at this point you've already lost. I've dated enough women to know that the truly loyal ones don't flirt in front of you period.
The fact that she put you in a position like this signals that she has poor impulse control. Next it'll be "only a blowjob, why are you jealous?"
Keep banging/dating her, but set an expiration date for three months. Check back with us then to see if she is still acting the same.
+1 LTR'ing a girl who doesn't understand what respect is about is asking for trouble.
A woman that understands respect will cheat on you in secret and monkey branch out of the relationship with something like "we've grown apart" and then introduce her friends to her 'new boyfriend' that she's probably been banging for a while anyway.
A woman that doesn't understand respect will flirt with dudes in front of you, share pictures of the dicks she's sucked behind your back with her friends and throw tantrums like fake domestic assault police calls or breaking things when confronted.
Respect doesn't make a good woman but it does mean that she values her own image enough to not scrape the bottom of the barrel in romantic warfare.
Why do the heathen rage and the people imagine a vain thing? Psalm 2:1 KJV
Quote: (11-04-2014 02:56 PM)tbone46 Wrote:
I am going to disagree with the consensus on this topic...I don't think your girl flirting with another dude is a big deal and I think getting rattled by it and flipping out is a chump move. This is a shit test, nothing more, and if you show her that she hit a sensitive spot you have already lost. This actually happens so often that I have a great formula for it and to be honest I like when a girl tries to pull this because it is an easy way to show her that socially my skills are out of her league and that I can play this game way better then she can:
1) When she begins to flirt with the dude, Do not show even a hint of jealousy. Not even a hint. This is going to be fun.
2) Turn away from her right away provided you can do so without it being awkward or looking unnatural. The vibe is "OK I get that you want to mingle and meet people, so do I".
3) Find nearest woman and chat her up. Preferably introduce yourself to someone new....at a party this should be easy. Kino with an arm touch or something like that as soon as possible. Be laughing and having a good time...hey your ball and chain just gave you an opening to go meet other women.
4) When she comes back, and she will, do not say anything about it. Act like you didn't even notice. She will know that you noticed, she will know that you "won" that exchange and often she will make a non-apology/apology such as "oh my god how come you didn't save me from that conversation" or "hey sorry that dude was a bit chatty"....at which point you will pretend you didn't notice and it wasn't a big deal "no problem, Susan and I were having fun...have you met Susan? <introduce her>"
5) Do this every time and she will stop this behaviour...and if she doesn't then this will be a great opportunity for you that will eventually result in you fucking some of her friends and destroying her social circle. In fact, I have been in situations where girls I was sleeping with were crazy party girls, so I ended up having to do stuff like this a lot, and if it happens a few times with the same crowd and you handle it well it is as inevitable as clockwork that one of her single friends will be like "she is crazy, you are a catch, and you shouldn't stand for that...." <it is on>
You're going to the extreme, calling her out on it isn't 'flipping out', we aren't telling him to go all War Machine on her like she's Christy Mack. You can still be smooth and you know hold an ounce of respect for your own dignity by telling her straight exactly what you think.
On the other hand what you suggest may seem fun but you're just playing games.
Don't forget to check out my latest post on Return of Kings - 6 Things Indian Guys Need To Understand About Game
Desi Casanova
The 3 Bromigos
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