What nomad says. There is an old quote in the psychology field it says "people are how you find them" they rarely change.
"Go get yourself some"
Quote: (10-16-2014 10:17 AM)Days of Broken Arrows Wrote:
So, if you intend to keep your frame as a bachelor, I'd say limit relationships to around three years. Because that was how long I was with my college girlfriend and this sure didn't apply when that ended.
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The whole problem of love, it seems to me, is this: we need security to feel happy while we need insecurity to be in love. Happiness is based on trust while love demands doubt and anxiety. In short, basically, marriage was designed to make people happy, but not to stay in love. And falling in love is not the best way to find happiness; if that were the case, it would have been known since the dawn of time. I don't know if I'm being clear, but I understand myself: what I mean is that marriage mixes those things which don't go together very well
Quote: (10-16-2014 04:57 AM)RUIN Wrote:
Agreed, I wouldn't have picked JK Rowling for such a quote. But stranger things happen at sea.
As far as leading in a morally wholesome sense I think a big factor is the woman involved. While I won't stoop to a low level jus to try and prove who's boss (I don't think it works anyway) I think being inspiring and encouraging is only worthwhile to those who will benefit from it.
Quote: (10-15-2014 09:42 AM)poledaddy Wrote:
It seems like there's been an upward tick in reflection about relationships/end-game in the manosphere lately - Dagonet's break-up, Roosh's epilogue on Anna, VK's 34 post. Lizard of Oz's thread a while back.
I was struck by the similarity between Dagonet's "feeling that something is wrong" but being unable to pinpoint the precise reason, and Roosh's struggles with the feeling that he had everything "on paper", but that he still had a feeling of doubt, to the the point of hoping that she would be the one that acted to end things with him to avoid the regret of doing it himself.
The question I have, particularly for the post-30/40 guys on here - did you ever push through a rough patch in an LTR or Marriage, to the point that you were thinking about ending things, stayed with it, and do you feel that you were better off for staying? Regardless of whether that LTR ended anyway eventually, or you are still together to this day.
I expect the consensus on here, aside from the avoiding relationships/marriage altogether, will be to always move on at the first sign of doubt / imperfection - and I don't disagree with that. I'm just curious if there are any guys at all that can attest to being LTR in the past, having a phase of existential doubt, pushing through it, and can say today they made the correct choice in doing so.
Basically what I'm trying to do is re-validate the red pill script that you should always leave her first, and ask questions later - 100% of the time, no exceptions. That if you have the slightest level of doubt that you should stay, then it's time to hit the road, no matter how many emotional or logical reasons justify otherwise.
Quote: (10-17-2014 03:44 PM)General Stalin Wrote:
I can attest to the 3-years theory. Additionally, per my personal experience, I would present that the the infatuation/"puppy-love" phase that grips new couples generally lasts 4-6 months until at least one of the two parties is no longer as interested in impressing the other. It may be argued that it takes 4-6 months on average for a person to truly determine if someone would make a good long-term partner or is worth his/her effort.
My last 4 legitimate relationships lasted roughly 6 months each. One of them I ended and the other 3 were ended by the girl. The last month or 2 of each relationship it became quite obvious (to both parties) that the honeymoon was over and things were on the downhill.
Now the grand question: is it worth it? It really depends on the individual and how you interpret life and experiences I suppose. I'm in my late 20's and have not had a relationship last over 3.5 years. I like to tell myself I have no regrets, but every relationship I have been in, long and short, I feel like would have been better for me to save myself the heartache and ended them earlier. Perhaps I have learned a lot by pushing through hardships and forgiving the other person when maybe I shouldn't have, but have those lessons saved me from future heartache? I would say no. What we are essentially asking ourselves is if the risk of emotional agony of feeling lonely and feeling the void in your life after the close of a relationship worth being involved in the first place. In other words: is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?
As WIA said in the first reply: men tend to get behind something and roll with it through thick and thin. If you meet someone that piques your interest and goes out of her way for you and pleases you - after a brief period you will begin to foster warm feelings about that person and quickly begin to grow attached and comfortable with the closeness, intimacy, and dependability that you will continue to spend time with this person and enjoy their company and communication. As was referenced in the Love and Limerence writing - your mind will ignore the other person's shortcomings in favor of the desirable traits they have and you will become essentially "blinded by love."
Many manosphere folks would say getting into a LTR is a fool's errand. There is a lot of subjective context in that sentiment. On the one hand, and LTR is a huge liabilty. Emotionally, physically, socially, financially, you name it. Getting yourself wrapped up into another person's life will have a huge impact on every facet of your life. On he other hand, LTR's offer a lot of life experiences that can be extremely enjoyable and timeless that you will never experience outside of that kind of a relationship. It's a tough pill in our generation and in our culture.
I also just want to point out that this is a fantastic thread and there has been a lot of great dialogue shared here by many experienced, worldly, intellectual minds. Great read.