[Jack198]

A 30-ish Asian woman I know is new in town, makes great money, works a shitload, had zero luck on match.com and most of her work friends and neighbors are gay. She needs help finding a man (I'm already attached; she is friends (but not close friends) with my SO).

A group of us went out last Friday and I had a buddy close to her age who I thought might be interested stop in so they could meet. After they met and drank a bit, she texted another (less attractive but not fat or ugly) girl to show up at the bar, possibly to make herself look even more attractive to my friend. Anyway, he gave her a ride home at closing time but didn't close the deal; though I thought they hit it off pretty well.

Then Sunday she's messaging back and forth with me and jumped at the idea of going out the following week to another bar, since she doesn't know a lot of places that were not gay bars, etc.

I heard later on through the grape vine that she was kind of put off by my friend having too many girlfriends - she's Asian and very traditional, so this could be true.

Today, she invites me (via text) to a bar this Friday to see a mutual friend play in a band. She asks if I have any plans afterwards; I say no, not presently - did you want to go out after the show?

She says yes and suggests we go to a bar after the show in a happening area of town where we'll run into another male friend of hers - one which she clearly stated she has no interest in, but owes a drink since she missed him last time he was in town.

Funny thing is she seems to have a thing for older guys - her last boyfriend was 15 years older than her and she caught him cheating on her twice. Not sure when it ended but the fact she stuck around after the first time is odd. My significant other is out of town for a few days, I'm at least 15 years older than her - soooo..... is she planning something here? And what's the deal with putting up with an older guy who cheats on her? Daddie issues?

I know women are ALWAYS planning... but what do you guys make of this situation?

[Tuthmosis]

We don't use vague or clickbait thread titles here.

[Jack198]

Ok, well I don't think I can modify that... How about

"Situation with Asian who I think has daddie issues and is trying to set me up."

[AneroidOcean]

(10-08-2014 04:45 PM)Jack198 Wrote:  

A 30-ish Asian woman I know is new in town, makes great money, works a shitload, had zero luck on match.com and most of her work friends and neighbors are gay. She needs help finding a man (I'm already attached; she is friends (but not close friends) with my SO).

There sounds to be zero benefit to you in setting this woman up. Why are you?

(10-08-2014 04:45 PM)Jack198 Wrote:  

A group of us went out last Friday and I had a buddy close to her age who I tho
ught might be interested stop in so they could meet. After they met and drank a bit, she texted another (less attractive but not fat or ugly) girl to show up at the bar, possibly to make herself look even more attractive to my friend. Anyway, he gave her a ride home at closing time but didn't close the deal; though I thought they hit it off pretty well.

Her inviting her friend out is a sign of NOT being attracted.

(10-08-2014 04:45 PM)Jack198 Wrote:  

Then Sunday she's messaging back and forth with me and jumped at the idea of going out the following week to another bar, since she doesn't know a lot of places that were not gay bars, etc.

I heard later on through the grape vine that she was kind of put off by my friend having too many girlfriends - she's Asian and very traditional, so this could be true.

No. She was not attracted to him and no way is she traditional. A 30ish asian woman is married already, not looking for boyfriends at that age.

(10-08-2014 04:45 PM)Jack198 Wrote:  

Today, she invites me (via text) to a bar this Friday to see a mutual friend play in a band. She asks if I have any plans afterwards; I say no, not presently - did you want to go out after the show?

She says yes and suggests we go to a bar after the show in a happening area of town where we'll run into another male friend of hers - one which she clearly stated she has no interest in, but owes a drink since she missed him last time he was in town.

Funny thing is she seems to have a thing for older guys - her last boyfriend was 15 years older than her and she caught him cheating on her twice. Not sure when it ended but the fact she stuck around after the first time is odd. My significant other is out of town for a few days, I'm at least 15 years older than her - soooo..... is she planning something here? And what's the deal with putting up with an older guy who cheats on her? Daddie issues?

I know women are ALWAYS planning... but what do you guys make of this situation?

The only funny thing is that you're accompanying a boring fag-hag asian woman around, going out with her to meet with a guy that she owes a drink to. I see a lot larger problem with your self-respect of your time and your priorities than with this woman's issues. You are wasting your time wondering about her intentions and keeping her company for no reason.

[Rawmeo]

^this. Could be a good idea.

Anyway to answer your question. I used to say, "what we don't know doesn't hurt". Don't tell your missus about that and just go in to close the deal. You might want to have a one-night stand and pretend it was a mistake, and still help her find someone. It all depends how comfortable you are about playing this game.

Edit: Just saw AneroidOcen's post. I agree that this girl, in the long term, will not be viable. You have your own problems to take care of; forget other people's. You can try a bit to help someone, but don't make it your priority. You are putting yourself in the friendzone.

   

[Jack198]

(10-08-2014 06:42 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

There sounds to be zero benefit to you in setting this woman up. Why are you?

Ok, let me clarify - she's part of a group of professionals and friends of varying degrees, including my SO (but not closely). We were all going out for drinks anyway - time I would have spent with or without her presence.

(10-08-2014 06:42 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

Her inviting her friend out is a sign of NOT being attracted.

Had not thought of that; ordinarily it makes sense. Here though, the next day she said to one of her friends that she actually DID like my buddy and wants to see him again, but thinks she botched the goodnight part just a bit.

(10-08-2014 06:42 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

No. She was not attracted to him and no way is she traditional. A 30ish asian woman is married already, not looking for boyfriends at that age.

Right, traditional is not the correct word - maybe just slightly FOB-ish. She's been in the US a few years but still doesn't like playboys.

(10-08-2014 06:42 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

The only funny thing is that you're accompanying a boring fag-hag asian woman around, going out with her to meet with a guy that she owes a drink to. I see a lot larger problem with your self-respect of your time and your priorities than with this woman's issues. You are wasting your time wondering about her intentions and keeping her company for no reason.

Again, its a friends band - I'd go see them play regardless, I'm going to be in town anyway while the SO is not and duh, if a bang presented itself it'd be all I could do not to fall right into it.

[Jack198]

(10-08-2014 06:55 PM)alex3948 Wrote:  

^this. Could be a good idea.

Anyway to answer your question. I used to say, "what we don't know doesn't hurt". Don't tell your missus about that and just go in to close the deal. You might want to have a one-night stand and pretend it was a mistake, and still help her find someone. It all depends how comfortable you are about playing this game.

Edit: Just saw AneroidOcen's post. I agree that this girl, in the long term, will not be viable. You have your own problems to take care of; forget other people's. You can try a bit to help someone, but don't make it your priority. You are putting yourself in the friendzone.

Thanks, but do you really think I give a shit about her man-finding problems? And I couldn't care less if she likes my buddy or not, or if she'd rather stay at home with the cats all night - she is pushing ME to go out for reasons that don't make any sense, so I think she's calculating something. I just can't figure out why she's bothering with me. she KNOWS my SO (not a missus, but might as well be) is out of town. Whatever it is, long run it'd probably be a train wreck, yeah.

[Rawmeo]

So enjoy 'til it lasts.

[AneroidOcean]

(10-08-2014 07:13 PM)Jack198 Wrote:  

Right, traditional is not the correct word - maybe just slightly FOB-ish. She's been in the US a few years but still doesn't like playboys.

I appreciate your clarifications. Some may be excuses, maybe none are. I still think even if none of them are excuses that you have better things you could be doing with your time. All in the name of improving yourself, remember I have no vested interest in talking down to you. I'm only trying to help you.

On the topic of her not liking playboys, I think you're missing a BIG thing. What she says means VERY little compared to her actions.

She says she doesn't like playboys.

Her actions say she stuck with a cheater/playboy.

We don't know really how it went down between the guy and her, so we can't really know, but we know that if she doesn't like playboys, she didn't need to let one drive her home and then later say she did like him but maybe she fucked up the good night.

Seems suspect to me. You came here asking, we're answering.

[Jack198]

(10-08-2014 07:49 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

On the topic of her not liking playboys, I think you're missing a BIG thing. What she says means VERY little compared to her actions.

She says she doesn't like playboys.

Her actions say she stuck with a cheater/playboy.

We don't know really how it went down between the guy and her, so we can't really know, but we know that if she doesn't like playboys, she didn't need to let one drive her home and then later say she did like him but maybe she fucked up the good night.

Seems suspect to me. You came here asking, we're answering.

Excellent observation - I missed that; thanks!
She friend zones my playboy buddy, then regrets it the next day by saying she really does like him and wants him to call. Presumably she's afraid of getting burned again, but a tiger doesn't change its stripes.

So... it's probably nothing more than responding to what she sees as alpha, like she did with the serial cheater for x number of years. All the words in between are of course, bullshit.



Now, the last thing I do is tell my buddy "Yeah, she's still into you - go for it!" At least not till after I've banged her first.