[jariel]

A lot of times when we're dealing with women, at least initially, we look at the good things, and because we're so focused on looking at the positives, we're kind of ignorant to the negatives.

As time goes on, the honeymoon ends, and some of those positives start to fade, mostly because the girl stops being overly concerned about putting her best foot forward because after a certain amount of time, she feels she's "won" you, so she let's her game slip and the negatives start to appear more and more.

What a lot of us tend to do, is take the good with the bad, and we rationalize things, and keep rocking with the girl.

The reason this level of action is bad for you is because what's happening is you're denying to yourself that the girl just isn't good enough for you.

That doesn't mean the girl is bad. It just means that the non-negotiable things that you need her to be, she's just not.

Everybody who tries out for the team, doesn't make it, so you're not obligated to keep her on the roster just because she's there.

She has to earn her place, all the time.

She has to be the things you're looking for, all the time.

If she's not capable of providing what you want and need, then she gets cut.

If you're not happy with the type of woman you're dealing with, then work on yourself to become the type of man that can get the type of woman he wants.

You don't have to settle for taking the good and bad, because you can get what it is that you want.

Either way, the choice is yours.

[Old Fritz]

I actually focus more on the negatives to be honest. I actively look for the things that would turn me off automatically. If I don't find them.. then I'm willing to put up with the girl for a bit.

[nek]

I like this alot. A big problem with alot of relationships in life, be it girls or friends, is that people take a "something is better than nothing approach", and that's simply not true. This is why women serial date, b/c to them, having A guy is better than no guy at all. But this leads them down the road of becoming bitter. Quality first, for everything in life.

[BadgerHut]

" If you're not happy with the type of woman you're dealing with, then work on yourself to become the type of man that can get the type of woman he wants."

This is exactly what I tell myself whenever I think that the girls I'm seeing aren't good enough. Then I get off my duff and start improving.

[Parlay44]

As her looks fade over time(and they will) she has to bring more to the table to keep a man's interest and earn her keep.

[boinerd]

We are like wine.

[funkyzeit]

My advice is to follow your gut.

I dated a girl that was a definition of butterface: 10/10 fitness model body with amazing ass but 5/10 face with manjaw. Mindblowing sex, protein shakes on demand, healthy meals cooked whenever i came to her house, lifting weights together, shitload of mutual topics for conversation, we even browsed 4chan's /fit/ together and knew all the jokes and "no homo" shit going on there. I ended it and broke her heart because I had a chance of scoring a girl with 8/10 body and almost perfect model level face. I banged the model chick once and had nothing, and I mean NOTHING else to do with her. Boring as fuck, pretty stupid, lazy to go out so not even useful as an arm candy, glued to facebook constantly, no ambitions and goals in life because she never had to do anything to get stuff she wanted. If I followed my gut instead on calculating pluses and minuses on looks scales I would be with a girl who is a legit wife material.

[jariel]

(09-15-2014 03:21 AM)funkyzeit Wrote:  

If I followed my gut instead on calculating pluses and minuses on looks scales I would be with a girl who is a legit wife material.

A woman's looks might get her in the door, but it's the other shit that will determine whether or not she gets to stay inside when we close it.

Sometimes we get that "grass is greener" mentality and we don't realize what we have. You can't discount when you have a legitimately strong relationship with a woman. In your case, you not only had a lover, but someone you actually enjoyed spending time with and sharing certain aspects of your life with, so she was also a friend, and she was doing the things a woman needs to do to keep the relationship healthy and moving forward.

I also found myself in your situation once. I had the chance to fuck a chick whose species I didn't even know existed (latin/asian/black mix), and I did not turn it down.

It was actually incredible sex, but she personally was a mess, and thus not relationship material.

I did have her on the side for a while before releasing her after a few months, but my honest belief is if you have a decent woman in your life, and you can't say you're not happy with her, it only makes sense to leave her after you've found a woman that's better than her in damn near every facet that matters to you.

Women don't seem to understand that if they want us, they have to lock us down. Just like they have options, we do too. If a woman doesn't lock you down, then she is contributing to your decisions to stray.

When we do, they try to shame us as if we did something morally wrong, when really all we did was allow ourselves to be open to something else, and that's because from their end they weren't doing what they needed to do to influence us to stay out of the game.

Cheating requires opportunity and desire. A man who's happy with his woman may have the opportunity just because he's desired by other women, but whether or not he has the desire to take advantage of other opportunities will mostly have to do with her.

Today's female has no sense of pride. She may want a man to fulfill her needs on some level, but she doesn't think twice about the fact that no man really wants her.

Where's that woman that actually wants a man and is willing to do everything she can to show him that she can hold him down and he won't need anybody else?

She doesn't want to do that work, because that work is really hard. It's harder than any degree she'll ever earn, but the payoff is better than any degree she'll ever earn. But she doesn't realize that. She rather play victim, and blame you for being a dog, player, whatever, yet she still won't let you go, because she has no sense of pride. She doesn't think about the fact that while you're thrusting into her pussy, one of your other jumpoff's pussy juice is going in too.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

(09-15-2014 05:23 AM)jariel Wrote:  

(09-15-2014 03:21 AM)funkyzeit Wrote:  

If I followed my gut instead on calculating pluses and minuses on looks scales I would be with a girl who is a legit wife material.

A woman's looks might get her in the door, but it's the other shit that will determine whether or not she gets to stay inside when we close it.

Sometimes we get that "grass is greener" mentality and we don't realize what we have. You can't discount when you have a legitimately strong relationship with a woman. In your case, you not only had a lover, but someone you actually enjoyed spending time with and sharing certain aspects of your life with, so she was also a friend, and she was doing the things a woman needs to do to keep the relationship healthy and moving forward.

I also found myself in your situation once. I had the chance to fuck a chick whose species I didn't even know existed (latin/asian/black mix), and I did not turn it down.

It was actually incredible sex, but she personally was a mess, and thus not relationship material.

I did have her on the side for a while before releasing her after a few months, but my honest belief is if you have a decent woman in your life, and you can't say you're not happy with her, it only makes sense to leave her after you've found a woman that's better than her in damn near every facet that matters to you.

Women don't seem to understand that if they want us, they have to lock us down. Just like they have options, we do too. If a woman doesn't lock you down, then she is contributing to your decisions to stray.

When we do, they try to shame us as if we did something morally wrong, when really all we did was allow ourselves to be open to something else, and that's because from their end they weren't doing what they needed to do to influence us to stay out of the game.

Cheating requires opportunity and desire. A man who's happy with his woman may have the opportunity just because he's desired by other women, but whether or not he has the desire to take advantage of other opportunities will mostly have to do with her.

Today's female has no sense of pride. She may want a man to fulfill her needs on some level, but she doesn't think twice about the fact that no man really wants her.

Where's that woman that actually wants a man and is willing to do everything she can to show him that she can hold him down and he won't need anybody else?

She doesn't want to do that work, because that work is really hard. It's harder than any degree she'll ever earn, but the payoff is better than any degree she'll ever earn. But she doesn't realize that. She rather play victim, and blame you for being a dog, player, whatever, yet she still won't let you go, because she has no sense of pride. She doesn't think about the fact that while you're thrusting into her pussy, one of your other jumpoff's pussy juice is going in too.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

Couldn't expressed that much better

It's because people can only hold up their facade for SO LONG

And it's why most marriages/LTR's end because one (both) partners don't want to do the day in and day out work of maintenance

I've had situations where the ONLY thing that a chick would respond to was Dread game, and once confronted with the real possibility of losing me that was enough to snap them back to reality and place her back in check

Truthfully, that becomes too exhausting and mentally taxing; not to mention to much negative reinforcement

When the only thing she responds to is negative reinforcement - it's time to send her packing

[kaotic]

(09-15-2014 08:18 AM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:  

Couldn't expressed that much better

It's because people can only hold up their facade for SO LONG

And it's why most marriages/LTR's end because one (both) partners don't want to do the day in and day out work of maintenance

I've had situations where the ONLY thing that a chick would respond to was Dread game, and once confronted with the real possibility of losing me that was enough to snap them back to reality and place her back in check

Truthfully, that becomes too exhausting and mentally taxing; not to mention to much negative reinforcementt

When the only thing she responds to is negative reinforcement - it's time to send her packing

EXACTLY...and you shouldn't have to resort to negative reinforcement. I think rewarding a girl for being what you want is a great thing (reason being because I WANT to do that).

Granted we should be aware of the negatives coming out, but if a woman is complementing your life you should focus on the positive (not putting pussy on the pedestal, it can be done).

You/re right, having to be negative all the time (read: dread game) is exhausting, why even bother ?

[Travesty]

The clearest indications of how happy
I'll be spending time with a girl after she passes the looks test lately are:

1) How soon does she respond to my text setting up a date.

2) How wiling is she to keep her schedule open a bit knowing ahead of time I will be wanting to see her at some point in the coming week.

If she makes seeing her a breeze and not a battle it is directly related to much we enjoy each others' company in person.

[jariel]

(09-15-2014 11:52 AM)Travesty444 Wrote:  

The clearest indications of how happy
I'll be spending time with a girl after she passes the looks test lately are:

1) How soon does she respond to my text setting up a date.

2) How wiling is she to keep her schedule open a bit knowing ahead of time I will be wanting to see her at some point in the coming week.

If she makes seeing her a breeze and not a battle it is directly related to much we enjoy each others' company in person.

This is very true.

If you have any resistance on this front, usually early on in the interaction, it's because she's juggling dudes.

She may just be serial dating, having as much fun i.e. getting as much attention and dick as she can because she's making up for just getting out of a shitty relationship or she may be on her way out of a relationship, so while she's excited about the potential you two may have, she's still dealing with the fact she's going through the break up process with someone else.

The latter is not necessarily a bad thing, you can't always expect to meet someone when they don't have any encumbrances.

However, you should be able to peep game and understand what's going on, and be willing to call them out on it, and make them communicate to you their situation -- hey I like you, but I'm with someone right now, and I'm just trying to get out of that situation -- girls in that type of situation, tend to not answer your calls, but immediately respond to your texts.

Girls don't like to be alone. Most would rather be in a bad relationship, and be able to say to themselves and their friends, that they have someone, than be alone, and have to go out and find someone new who will accept them. They usually move on pretty quickly though when they find someone better than the guy they are in a relationship of convenience with.

[Travesty]

^

I just direct approached a girl earlier today. She was very flattered, she was running late.

I suggest coffee and she says:

"i have a boyfriend though does that make a difference?"

I don't bother with these girls but maybe I should. On the other hand I could never trust a girl willing to hang out with a guy being direct with her behind her BF's back. Even if it is just an "innocent" coffee. It turns me off from the girl off the bat.

This girl had the classic shy sweetheart good girl aura going on too.

How do you handle these Jariel?

[kaotic]

(09-15-2014 01:19 PM)Travesty444 Wrote:  

^

I just direct approached a girl earlier today. She was very flattered, she was running late.

I suggest coffee and she says:

"i have a boyfriend though does that make a difference?"

I don't bother with these girls but maybe I should. On the other hand I could never trust a girl willing to hang out with a guy being direct with her behind her BF's back. Even if it is just an "innocent" coffee. It turns me off from the girl off the bat.

This girl had the classic shy sweetheart good girl aura going on too.

How do you handle these Jariel?

Can I give my 2 cents ?

I would follow up with these girls as long as they knew exactly what my intentions were. I think that "I have a boyfriend, does that make a difference" can be a shit test, and if you pass you're definitely in.

If you're looking for mini LTR's, LTR's, wife material (no fly zone to me) then yes avoid them.

If you're looking for dtf or fwb then I don't see a problem, some girls want that excitement they aren't getting with their BF's. It's not my problem they're cheating on them with me. (I've done this only a few times, I don't make it a habit.)

[Travesty]

^ Yeah my gut is regretting not getting her number.

She may have been looking for an exciting fuck, but I don't like the idea of making it harder for people to form relationships than it already is.

I guess I shouldn't be so soft.

[kaotic]

(09-15-2014 01:35 PM)Travesty444 Wrote:  

^ Yeah my gut is regretting not getting her number.

She may have been looking for an exciting fuck, but I don't like the idea of making it harder for people to form relationships than it already is.

I guess I shouldn't be so soft.

I believe that's a different thought of gaming or clean gaming.

Not interfering with other relationships, not fucking anyone over, just having fun, and developing your game. I see nothing wrong with this line of thought.

[jariel]

(09-15-2014 01:19 PM)Travesty444 Wrote:  

^

I just direct approached a girl earlier today. She was very flattered, she was running late.

I suggest coffee and she says:

"i have a boyfriend though does that make a difference?"

I don't bother with these girls but maybe I should. On the other hand I could never trust a girl willing to hang out with a guy being direct with her behind her BF's back. Even if it is just an "innocent" coffee. It turns me off from the girl off the bat.

This girl had the classic shy sweetheart good girl aura going on too.

How do you handle these Jariel?

Play the game by your rules.

If that's a turn off for you, then you did the right thing.

[Courage Reborn]

(09-14-2014 07:15 PM)jariel Wrote:  

Everybody who tries out for the team, doesn't make it, so you're not obligated to keep her on the roster just because she's there.

[BadgerHut]

(09-15-2014 03:21 AM)funkyzeit Wrote:  

My advice is to follow your gut.

I dated a girl that was a definition of butterface: 10/10 fitness model body with amazing ass but 5/10 face with manjaw. Mindblowing sex, protein shakes on demand, healthy meals cooked whenever i came to her house, lifting weights together, shitload of mutual topics for conversation, we even browsed 4chan's /fit/ together and knew all the jokes and "no homo" shit going on there. I ended it and broke her heart because I had a chance of scoring a girl with 8/10 body and almost perfect model level face. I banged the model chick once and had nothing, and I mean NOTHING else to do with her. Boring as fuck, pretty stupid, lazy to go out so not even useful as an arm candy, glued to facebook constantly, no ambitions and goals in life because she never had to do anything to get stuff she wanted. If I followed my gut instead on calculating pluses and minuses on looks scales I would be with a girl who is a legit wife material.

That totally sucks man. Very poignant story though - the grass is rarely greener. I've been where you are. Experience in life teaches us to differentiate between things that are really missing ("I can't be with a girl who lacks X") and things that are idle attractions/interests ("I wonder what it's like to be with a girl who...").

[BadgerHut]

(09-15-2014 01:46 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

(09-15-2014 01:35 PM)Travesty444 Wrote:  

^ Yeah my gut is regretting not getting her number.

She may have been looking for an exciting fuck, but I don't like the idea of making it harder for people to form relationships than it already is.

I guess I shouldn't be so soft.

I believe that's a different thought of gaming or clean gaming.

Not interfering with other relationships, not fucking anyone over, just having fun, and developing your game. I see nothing wrong with this line of thought.

I agree - Travesty, you probably made the right move. If she does have a boyfriend, you certainly can't trust her if she's creeping on him...if she's shit-testing you with a fake IHAB line in a daygame scenario, it's more drama than it's worth beyond a good roll in the hay.

[jariel]

(09-16-2014 09:38 PM)BadgerHut Wrote:  

I agree - Travesty, you probably made the right move. If she does have a boyfriend, you certainly can't trust her if she's creeping on him...if she's shit-testing you with a fake IHAB line in a daygame scenario, it's more drama than it's worth beyond a good roll in the hay.

I've always said that when a girl is really interested in a guy she won't do anything to sabotage the effort to get him.

Maybe it wasn't her intention, but the IHAB line does exactly that.

[kinjutsu]

Currently there's a girl in my rotation that has low self-esteem.
This basically means she's doubting herself all the damn time when she's around me. I basically have to kick her out or dip after i nut.
I can't stand that "woe id me" non-sense.
The only reason she is around is because she's extremely attractive to me. Very similar looks as my main girl but big boobs and a few years younger.

I've dropped boring girls in the past and will do in the future.
Sex is just sex. If a girl i meet is hot and wants to fuck i'll do it but for her to keep me around for pre and post sex she's gonna have to use more than her mouth and her 2 holes to do it.

[Sp5]

Important question for me. Being divorced and in late 50's I have gone through 15 mini-relationships in the last 2 years.

I am considering a long-term commitment, just because I am getting old and lazy. I also could have the woman work and support the house while I collect the pensions.

Out of the women in these relationships, I usually reach what I call a "DQ" (disqualification) moment because of attitude, sexual performance, annoyances, conversational ability, etc. There are some who I consider as real LTR prospects. One was a 42 year old virgin.

As Jariel pointed out, it's amazing how many women will try to emotionally manipulate you into commitment while not actually doing the things you ask them to do, putting in the work. As if telling you how much they love you and miss you 100 times a day is enough.

You know you are more of an abstract idea of a romantic escape for these women than a real person. I try to bring the reality that I am a real person early

It's a dilemma - when do I stop looking? I know there is no "one," there is only "good enough."

[BadgerHut]

(09-19-2014 04:05 AM)Sp5 Wrote:  

Out of the women in these relationships, I usually reach what I call a "DQ" (disqualification) moment because of attitude, sexual performance, annoyances, conversational ability, etc. There are some who I consider as real LTR prospects. One was a 42 year old virgin.

I guess I'm like you in that I have a real low tolerance for any kind of bitchy/difficult/high-maintenance behavior. If I get too much of it, my mind switches to not-interested and she's done.

Girls who are busy and can only meet on certain days etc isn't a problem for me (I need my alone time anyway), what gets me is flaking, demanding that we do X/Y/Z, being fussy at my place (I have movies and wine, it's not a full-service restaurant) or talking trash about my friends or what I do with my time. When i hear any of that, I'm done.

Quote:

As Jariel pointed out, it's amazing how many women will try to emotionally manipulate you into commitment while not actually doing the things you ask them to do, putting in the work. As if telling you how much they love you and miss you 100 times a day is enough.

Girls do seem to think that feelings count more than facts - that if they "love you" it doesn't matter what their behavior is.