[Meganitix]

To what extent does (high school) bullying affect game?

In your experience, does it tend to be overrated or underrated as a contributing factor to the lack of game displayed by certain individuals or their unwillingness to use game? Obviously there are bound to be some negative effects such as reduced self-esteem, but do you believe that low-level bullying/mild teasing could be beneficial in terms of helping a person improve one’s social skills and staying calm under pressure?

Also, it is possible that guys who experience a lot of trouble fitting in due to bullying/have problems making male friends may be inclined to gravitate towards women from an early age (essentially seek female company and increase their interactions with women).

Don’t get me wrong; I am not condoning bullying (I am a bit of a geek myself – however, I didn’t have any problems in school in that respect and I was lucky enough to develop friendships with both “jocks” and more bookish types), though it could be potentially rewarding to examine the ways in which it may be used to one’s advantage with regard to acquiring gaming skills.

[BadWolf]

Quote:

(I am a bit of a geek myself – however, I didn’t have any problems in school in that respect and I was lucky enough to develop friendships with both “jocks” and more bookish types

Then you weren't really a geek and you weren't really bullied. I had my ribs kicked in by a group of guys for being the kid who liked 'COMPUTERS'... now every motherfvker has a 'phone' attached to their face. I had people follow me home at night so they could beat me up. I was nothing but nice to people.. think Napolean Dynamite and basically that's what bullying does to your game, and if you try, some group of dickheads is there to keep you down. It actually mimics reality and being bullied prepares you better to deal with life. You are exposed to a lot of stuff that regular people aren't (and thus don't believe exists). You have to fight harder and in the end you generally get farther.

The jocks that bullied me all got laid in Highschool.. they also got a couple chicks pregnant, or became blue pill retards that never did anything with their lives. Hey what goes around...

For a really accurate look at what highschool is like for most people, watch THE BREAKFAST CLUB:

[The Beast1]

(09-03-2014 04:51 AM)Meganitix Wrote:  

To what extent does (high school) bullying affect game?

In your experience, does it tend to be overrated or underrated as a contributing factor to the lack of game displayed by certain individuals or their unwillingness to use game? Obviously there are bound to be some negative effects such as reduced self-esteem, but do you believe that low-level bullying/mild teasing could be beneficial in terms of helping a person improve one’s social skills and staying calm under pressure?

Also, it is possible that guys who experience a lot of trouble fitting in due to bullying/have problems making male friends may be inclined to gravitate towards women from an early age (essentially seek female company and increase their interactions with women).

Don’t get me wrong; I am not condoning bullying (I am a bit of a geek myself – however, I didn’t have any problems in school in that respect and I was lucky enough to develop friendships with both “jocks” and more bookish types), though it could be potentially rewarding to examine the ways in which it may be used to one’s advantage with regard to acquiring gaming skills.

Bullying made me a bitter SOB which I then directed to other guys and individuals. i was teased and made fun of all through grade school and high school. My freshmen year of high school a guy told me, "Frenchie if you get laid before me, I'll commit suicide." I lost the V card junior year and he ended up buying my dance tickets. To this day, my notch count is significantly higher than his.

Would I eliminate it? No, bullying has a purpose or picking out bad character traits. What should be taught to kids that get bullied would be to work out and train in krav maga or some other martial art.

No one used to respect me in high school till my junior year when I ended up wiping a kid with my belt who rammed me into a locker during gym class. I saw red when he did that and I ended up leaving a healthy red welt down his back. I went back to my happy go lucky self after that and everyone in the school was terrified of me. I thought I would have gotten suspended or something. Even the teachers stopped giving me shit after that.

In the end, even if I did get suspended I savored the experience. I wouldn't and I'm not not remorseful of what I did. It made me learn to stand up for myself and handle my problems in more moderate ways. It also proved to me that I can't rely on "freaking out" to win a fight.

[DonJuanBrown]

It really depends. Unless you were bullied by chicks, it's more how you behave around other guys. If you have a past of bullying and never really overcame any of those obstacles, your social circle game will probably blow because you'll be low man on the totem pole everywhere you go. One on one dates and clubbing shouldn't be affected because it's only about you and the girl you're talking to. It shouldn't have any real effect on how you talk to women, just how to hack it out in the jungle amongst other males.

I was bullied pretty hard in grade school. Although I've come a long way after getting in a couple fights and gaining some respect, I still get these PTSD type reactions when I encounter arrogant, hyper-competitive types where I get flustered and feel like I can't even create a coherent thought. Slowly but surely getting better over time, but it puts a dent in my social circle game for sure.

At the same time, I know why I used to get bullied and I'm not bitter about it at all. Just gotta rise above it and grow stronger than you ever were.

[Meganitix]

Thank you for the interesting comments and for sharing some personal stories!

@BadWolf, well put and I am really sorry to hear that you went through a hard time in high school (the part about classmates following you home sounds scary), I hope that the nice memories sort of made up for it!

Yes, I was teased on rare occasions, but it was never vicious and it was never something that bordered on a physical confrontation. In my case, my relative lack of game had much to do with inherent shyness and my tendency to prioritize academics over social life (it wasn’t connected to any bullying experiences). I always used to think that my appearance and demeanor (thick glasses, awkward gait, etc.) screamed geek. However, it’s not out of the question that others actually viewed me in a different light. One “saving grace” was that I actually quite enjoyed sports such as soccer (even if I didn’t excel in them) and that’s how I made friends with the jocks.

You are absolutely right, being knowledgeable about computers is no longer exclusively a “geek hobby”, though ten years ago not too many people were tech-savvy and information technology aficionados were on occasions stigmatized.

I really like how you handled the bullying – you seem like a person who took it all in stride and refrained from venting your frustration. That’s exactly what I had in mind –try to work on developing your own brand of humor and turning the situation to your advantage. I also have to say that the jocks in my school engaged in mild bullying out of boredom or just to “push your buttons” and get better acquainted with you – it wasn’t actually intended to put you down or make you feel bad. The type of jock that I encountered didn’t suffer from low self-esteem and didn’t want to make your existence miserable.

Thanks for the nice trailer, I will definitely check out the movie, seems like a film that would appeal to me! The nostalgia for my high school years still hits me from time to time!

@frenchie, eloquently put, it seems as if your school years were far from a breeze, but you didn’t allow yourself to be pigeonholed and the encounter you described (and the way you responded to it) changed the way others perceived you.

In particular, when it comes to gaming, the guy’s comment managed to motivate you even further and in an indirect way provided the impetus for you to elevate your game (you didn’t want to make his words prophetic).

The good thing about martial arts is that you can defend yourself without hurting the aggressor/opponent and could do wonders to enhance your confidence, it’s certainly sound good advice. I was never given any reason to fight, so I luck was on my side from that standpoint.

What you mention about bitterness is indeed quite significant – if one is easily frustrated and bullying leads to severe mood swings, this will most certainly have a detrimental effect on gaming. Women are usually quite perceptive and will know that something is eating you from the inside (granted, on the plus side, this could add a mystery aura to you) and you are not your “natural self”.

@DonJuanBrown, well said, the importance of social circle game is not to be underestimated (especially if you are a newbie) and being a loner could also cause girls to view you with suspicion – this probably holds true to a greater extent for cultures that value extroversion rather than introversion. However, there is indeed no reason to feel overly burdened by such experiences when interacting with girls in a non-school environment.

You explained it nicely; such instinctive reactions could distract you from your game and slow down your thought process. It’s good that you are not holding grudges and are solely focused on achieving your own goals.

As for female on male bullying – my impression is that it’s extremely rare (unless it’s playful and there is a significant age difference in favour of the girls), I have never been exposed to anything like that so far. In general, bullying is mostly intraracial and involves people from the same gender.

With regard to the relationship between bullying and game - I recently had a chat with a guy who has taught classes in Thailand and he noted that "bullying is virtually non-existent in Thailand". However, my understanding is that (based on what many PUAs say) Thais (no offense) are on average less likely to be experienced gamers compared to Westerners (in whose countries bullying is more prevalent).

[Thomas the Rhymer]

I'm not sure if it would have any bearing on game, but I suppose one can learn a life lesson or two.

I always used to fight back when someone tried to bully me by physically hurting me - this often ended up with me being beaten up even worse. But afterward, the bullies used to leave me alone. No bully wants to bully someone who fights back, no matter how weak the bite.

Other guys were too afraid to fight and would just let people do whatever to them, and they used to get their heads dunked in the toilet.

I guess the lesson I learnt was that if you are afraid of pain, you are only to get more of it. Sometimes it's better, in the long run, to bite the bullet and fight.

[Dr. Howard]

^ someone made a good note above about bullying by girls. Much different than by dudes and had an impact on my game. I had what I'd call 'bullying attempts' within the first months at any new school I went to or sometimes by a kid transferring into my class. The boys that attempted this suffered beatings they would not soon forget, with an added element of terror by jumping them when they least expected it...ie on their way into the bathroom, isolated hallway or corner of the schoolyard. I employed this same strategy in my work life (though not with the beatings) of confronting people after isolating them.

Girls on the other hand, I had a very slight limp that only girls seemed to pick up on. Those loud obnoxious girls were often the types to tease me about it and I was crushed because there was no good way for someone like me, who dealt with bullies via violence, to remedy it. That limp is gone but I still despise these type of girls and it derails my game when a chick has a friend like this.

[Hardy Daytona]

I was bullied when I was in school.
In retrospect there were some situations when I brought in on myself, but I know I didn't deserve as much as I got. The worst part was that I allowed it. Unfortunately my balls were in a vice and for reasons I won't elaborate on I couldn't do anything about it.
As soon as I was done I closed that chapter of my life and haven't looked back on it since. For all intents and purposes I consider it dead.

Yet try as I might the memories will always be with me no matter how hard I try to suppress them.
So, I use it as fuel.
When I'm working out in the gym, I pictures their faces and use the burning hatred to push me to greater heights.
When I'm gaming, I remember the helplessness I felt and with resolution I push forward.

I guess you could say I'm in a symbiotic relationship with my demons.
They chase me, but I use them in turn.

[Meganitix]

@Hardy Daytona, thank you for sharing your experiences! It’s great that you are trying to go about your endeavours with a tabula rasa, though at the same time you are not afraid to acknowledge that the inner demons still exert an influence from time to time. You use them as a stepping stone in order to maximize your potential with regard to gaming and other aspects of life, which is commendable.

@Dr Howard, I totally agree, intergender bullying with the involvement of girls could be extremely uncomfortable/emotionally draining and it’s harder to deal with than regular bullying. I concur with the sentiment that women are usually more attentive when it comes to one’s emotional condition and may be very observant with regard to nagging injuries/illnesses, though luckily on most occasions such vulnerabilities prompt them to provide a comforting shoulder or a receptive ear rather than put you down. If you are attracted to a girl, but her friend does not seem to like you, your task increases in difficulty, as you have to (usually) win them over (the two of them). On the plus side, from the very outset it may be an indication as to how much your love interest values you/is willing to go against the judgement of her friend and the constraints of group-think.

@Thomas the Rhymer, I agree that most bullies are not interested in engaging in a serious tussle and demonstrating your fighting prowess (without hurting anyone) could suddenly propel you up the social ladder and make you a less appealing target. The good thing about bullying is that it’s often ritualized and even predictable, so unexpected aggression/catching you by surprise is rarely a facet of it.

My interest in the issue of bullying and its effects on game peaked after reading the HP books, as they seemed to implicitly suggest that Professor Severus Snape had developed a “beta personality” and found it hard to relate to girls due to his bullying troubles in high school. Of course Snape is by no means an unequivocally moral character, so it’s certainly perfectly valid to look for explanations connected to his inner disposition when analyzing the reasons behind the treatment he received.