[norebly]

Hi all,

It's a bit hard to explain this one but basically my moods have been getting grim lately (for a while) so I'm able to post this question since I just worked out and it allows me to discourage myself a bit less.

I find myself in quite a conundrum right now. All I can think about throughout the days are how I am wasting my time with things that don't make me happy and how I miss getting laid. I don't think there's been a day in the past few months where I didn't frown upon myself since I'm in the best situation to get laid and yet I haven't even gotten close... (actually got some positive vibes from one or two girls at clubs but never got farther than that.)

I moved back into a major city, work right in the heart of it, have free time to do whatever I want, have the energy and girls don't find me terribly unattractive.

I'll admit this. I'm pretty far up my own ass right now in negative thoughts that I can't bring myself to do things that benefit me.

I've been reading some threads here (solo game, help and meetup) and it's encouraging. I think I may reach out in the meetup thread and ask for some help there but before I do, do you guys have any advice for a guy stuck in the slums for no good reason?

[Renberg]

Everybody goes through spells in his life where he's questioning why a depressions seems to have manifested his body.

This has happened to me on multiple occasions:
- Post weight-gain
- Mid-LTR
- Post-breakup
- Working an unenjoyable job

What you have to do is find the seed of your issues. I'm sure there's something that's making you depressed. Is it just cause you're striking out? Do you acknowledge a sudden lack of confidence or self-esteem?

I'm sure many people are going to suggest you work on bettering yourself. I am incapable of going out with chicks until I like the way I look, I encompass the player mindset and I'm making money. I joined a gym because I realized it's the best way to stay consistently in shape. I have the drive to be in shape because it makes me happy. And happiness makes me not only want to go out with girls, but it also makes me want to go out with my boys, play some pickup sports and every now and then, drink alone and think.

Personally, I would encourage you to work out, do positive self-affirmations/motivational self-talks and if you don't like something in your life, to change it.

If you're really picky about something -- whether it's your belly or the ripped shoes you wear because you don't take enough hours of work each week -- change it because you want to be happy. You and only be confident when you're in a healthy mental state. Change whatever you have to change to reach that state.

[ryanf]

(08-03-2014 07:11 PM)norebly Wrote:  

Hi all,

It's a bit hard to explain this one but basically my moods have been getting grim lately (for a while) so I'm able to post this question since I just worked out and it allows me to discourage myself a bit less.

I find myself in quite a conundrum right now. All I can think about throughout the days are how I am wasting my time with things that don't make me happy and how I miss getting laid. I don't think there's been a day in the past few months where I didn't frown upon myself since I'm in the best situation to get laid and yet I haven't even gotten close... (actually got some positive vibes from one or two girls at clubs but never got farther than that.)

I moved back into a major city, work right in the heart of it, have free time to do whatever I want, have the energy and girls don't find me terribly unattractive.

I'll admit this. I'm pretty far up my own ass right now in negative thoughts that I can't bring myself to do things that benefit me.

I've been reading some threads here (solo game, help and meetup) and it's encouraging. I think I may reach out in the meetup thread and ask for some help there but before I do, do you guys have any advice for a guy stuck in the slums for no good reason?

There was an audio clip of Patrice O'Neal on Opie and Anthony from a few years back where he was talking about Tiger Woods. Patrice mentioned that there are low points in your life where you feel like you are just stuck, and feel like shit. He relates it to waves in nature, or seasons. You have to just ride it out, since you are walking around trying to be you. You are walking around pretending to be you. But you can't force your way out of it.

The only thing I would tweak that advice is to say if you are doing bad with girls and it's getting you down, redirect your focus somewhere else. Trying to go extra hard at the gym, work harder at work or on your own business. Clean your house. Redirecting the focus has always seemed to help me out, especially if by redirecting, I was improving myself. So try that. And make sure you are getting enough sleep.

[RURALGAMER]

Lets face it......And I'm saying this because I've been there. When you are like this you are a pussy. You aren't taking a chance ON YOURSELF.

Take a chance on yourself. Pick out something you have been wanting to do but keep putting off because you can always come up with a reason not to do it. And do it.

[Dantes]

[quote='norebly' pid='797459' dateline='1407111109']
Hi all,

It's a bit hard to explain this one but basically my moods have been getting grim lately (for a while) so I'm able to post this question since I just worked out and it allows me to discourage myself a bit less.

I find myself in quite a conundrum right now. All I can think about throughout the days are how I am wasting my time with things that don't make me happy and how I miss getting laid. I don't think there's been a day in the past few months where I didn't frown upon myself since I'm in the best situation to get laid and yet I haven't even gotten close... (actually got some positive vibes from one or two girls at clubs but never got farther than that.)

I moved back into a major city, work right in the heart of it, have free time to do whatever I want, have the energy and girls don't find me terribly unattractive.

I'll admit this. I'm pretty far up my own ass right now in negative thoughts that I can't bring myself to do things that benefit me.

I've been reading some threads here (solo game, help and meetup) and it's encouraging. I think I may reach out in the meetup thread and ask for some help there but before I do, do you guys have any advice for a guy stuck in the slums for no good reason?

Ups and downs are a natural cycle of life. However, when the dark moments significantly interfere with life you need to take action. A lot in life is beyond our control but we can control how we respond and our attitude. Ignore the following if I am being presumptuous. Time spent with a good psychotherapist is well worth the time and money. Negative thoughts can be addressed by restructuring them by means of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). Developing rational, healthy thinking habits is important for a young man. If interested check out the works of Albert Ellis for a clear breakdown.

Also, meeting up with some other forum guys that you can learn from is an good idea.

[nek]

(08-03-2014 07:46 PM)RURALGAMER Wrote:  

Lets face it......And I'm saying this because I've been there. When you are like this you are a pussy. You aren't taking a chance ON YOURSELF.

Take a chance on yourself. Pick out something you have been wanting to do but keep putting off because you can always come up with a reason not to do it. And do it.

There's alot of truth to this. I always ask why something good should happen to me. I'm starting to ask "why not me?". I can't pinpoint the reason why, but I've always had alot of self-doubt as well. I could win a gold medal and I'd still have it. Not sure why. My mom's got a bit of a martyr complex so maybe I'm just the same way. But to the OP, I think the route RURALGAMER is suggesting might help you.

[Heathree]

If you got the logistics nailed, and you are an attractive guy, and still can't pull the trigger, perhaps your sex drive and the need to fuck is low?

People were born to have sex and that motivation should over-ride a lot of the negatives. Do you wank a lot? If so, stop it and do one of these no fap challenges.

[norebly]

(08-03-2014 07:31 PM)Renberg Wrote:  

Everybody goes through spells in his life where he's questioning why a depressions seems to have manifested his body.

This has happened to me on multiple occasions:
- Post weight-gain
- Mid-LTR
- Post-breakup
- Working an unenjoyable job

What you have to do is find the seed of your issues. I'm sure there's something that's making you depressed. Is it just cause you're striking out? Do you acknowledge a sudden lack of confidence or self-esteem?

It is a mild depression. I have no idea what is making me feel this way but I am procrastinating as much as I can. I also don't have a positive view of people anymore.

I don't really enjoy anything to keep doing it for some reason. Not even anything simple like playing video games or drinking.

I'm sure many people are going to suggest you work on bettering yourself. I am incapable of going out with chicks until I like the way I look, I encompass the player mindset and I'm making money. I joined a gym because I realized it's the best way to stay consistently in shape. I have the drive to be in shape because it makes me happy. And happiness makes me not only want to go out with girls, but it also makes me want to go out with my boys, play some pickup sports and every now and then, drink alone and think.

Personally, I would encourage you to work out, do positive self-affirmations/motivational self-talks and if you don't like something in your life, to change it.

If you're really picky about something -- whether it's your belly or the ripped shoes you wear because you don't take enough hours of work each week -- change it because you want to be happy. You and only be confident when you're in a healthy mental state. Change whatever you have to change to reach that state.

[norebly]

(08-03-2014 07:46 PM)RURALGAMER Wrote:  

Lets face it......And I'm saying this because I've been there. When you are like this you are a pussy. You aren't taking a chance ON YOURSELF.

Take a chance on yourself. Pick out something you have been wanting to do but keep putting off because you can always come up with a reason not to do it. And do it.

I used to... I don't seem to have the energy for that anymore. It sucks since it feels like nothing interesting is happening in my life at all. That is my fault and I know it. I don't quite know how to fix this... I tried forming new hobbies but the lack of interest kills me.

[Big Country]

Depending on your opinion of psychiatry and I guess your insurance if that is an issue, you might want to talk to someone regarding your depression. If you've never felt this way before it is likely that something has affected you that you aren't aware of. Often times talking to someone face to face who has no vested interest in your life will bring good results, in the sense that you may think something is unimportant and mention it in passing, but an experienced person may know that as a common trigger for what you are feeling.

Another good thing to do is give yourself positive affirmations daily. A simple switch in mentality from negative to positive can work wonders. I'm sure you have things in your life that you are grateful for, so focus on those things instead of thoughts that drag you down. I know it seems easy to say, but really, it is as easy as that sometimes.

[edtf]

Do you have any friends to hang out with? Are you engaged in any hobbies? Those will help a lot.