[Parlay44]

One-itis - A mental condition that renders men helpless due to an infatuation with one woman.

I think it comes from insecurity. A desperate feeling that you can't get another girl. It comes from being deprived of female attention for long periods of time where any female that interacts with you may bring on this condition.

Some women may smell the inexperience of a man and purposely "love bomb" him or shower him with attention to bring on this condition. It's a way of creating a beta-orbiter to add to their "fan club".

Thoughts?

[Nascimento]

I also think there is a big difference between infatuation with a girl when you haven't had sex with her, and infatuation with her after you have.

The former is a beta mindset that comes from lack of options and abundance. Also insecurity, desperate feelings as you mentioned.

The latter I think is great as long as it's reciprocated. Just important to control your emotions so that you are investing less of the feelings than she is.

[Captain Gh]

You nailed it perfectly! I also think that some men think that they must give their attention to 1 woman at a time only, and that it's somehow wrong and misleading to be courting many women at the same time.

And my question to them would be do you only send 1 resume when you're looking for a job... or does a company only interview 1 candidates for an open position?? I thought so

[Renberg]

Couldn't agree with you more, Parlay44. The most important part of your analysis of "One-itis" is the word INFATUATION. Infatuation, rather than a feigned feeling of what is deemed as "love" -- combined with insecurity and lack of confidence -- leads to the obsession of being with somebody, in particular, that woman.

One-itis is a leech that attacks the man who cannot mentally love himself.

[Onto]

I think the One-itis applies to everyone. Men and Women.

It's about being "The One". How often in movies and myths do we here about "The One", or "The Chosen One".

Everyone is trying to be "The One", and Eros provides a tempting answer to that question, "How can I be the One?"

But what is "The One"? It seems to me that it's the resolution of the opposites (Masculine/Feminine). These two opposing ways of seeing. Two very different answers to the question…."What is the real?".

If we can't be it, than we need to have it and since, as men, we lack the feminine, we naturally want to possess it.

Now that's a basic metaphysical explanation, but it doesn't explain…..why this woman in particular?

For that, I think we need to look at Jung and his work in how we project our own shadow onto the other with the purpose of faulting it, or fixing it. And often it's not our shadow, but just that person has the attributes we lack ourselves.

Deep down everyone wants to be in love. Don't' they? Is there really a person here that would say, "I hope I never find the One that is everything I hope for"

[Ensam]

(05-21-2014 09:19 PM)Parlay44 Wrote:  

One-itis - A mental condition that renders men helpless due to an infatuation with one woman.

I think it comes from insecurity. A desperate feeling that you can't get another girl. It comes from being deprived of female attention for long periods of time where any female that interacts with you may bring on this condition.

You nailed it. I still suffer from this a bit every time I lose a regular. For me it's not really about love, it's about disruption to my routine. The anxiety around that disruption expresses itself as 'one-itis'. A few days ago a girl I've been seeing casually for 6 months told me she wanted something more serious. It bummed me out more than I was expecting. I realized it's because I didn't have another regular girl lined up to take her place - I've been traveling a ton this winter and my local pipeline is empty. There's still that nagging doubt about how long it's going to take to fill it. At least now I'm wise enough to know not to go chasing after her. She'll come back in her sweet time (or she won't and I'll have someone else).

[Vitriol]

I think one-itis is pretty much impossible to get after a certain age. Once you're older and you've been around enough women, you tend to become too much of a cynical asshole for that thought process where you think one girl must be somehow special or different. A woman should only become exceptional to you through her actions, but even that can change very quickly because we know that women are fickle creatures with no loyalty.

I remember when I was younger, the few times I actually got one-itis were during periods of great stress or transition. Funny how it seems the mind and body is more prone to it during uncertain times.

[Jdubz]

I'm not sure it's age. I used to be more like you're describing, Vitriol, but I've actually found myself more prone to oneitis as I get older. I blame DC.

[Renberg]

(05-21-2014 10:37 PM)Vitriol Wrote:  

I think one-itis is pretty much impossible to get after a certain age. Once you're older and you've been around enough women, you tend to become too much of a cynical asshole for that thought process where you think one girl must be somehow special or different. A woman should only become exceptional to you through her actions, but even that can change very quickly because we know that women are fickle creatures with no loyalty.

I remember when I was younger, the few times I actually got one-itis were during periods of great stress or transition. Funny how it seems the mind and body is more prone to it during uncertain times.

I definitely agree. But although AGE and ONE-ITIS POTENTIAL positively correlate, I'd say that "Once you're older and you've been enough women, you tend to become too much of a cynical asshole for that thought process" is the key phrase here.

I'm 21 and have had 2 LTR's. Both relationships resulted in one-itis. After the first relationships ended, I realized that "women are fickle creatures." And I promised myself I wouldn't fall into that trap again. But it wasn't until a year after the second ended that I discovered the forum and realized the actual issue of one-itis. It is a disease and it only infects those who are susceptible.

[Dusty]

Most men have a competing tension between (1) the desire to fuck everything in sight, and (2) to have one reliable woman so he can focus on the important things in life.

If you're a doctor in training working 90 hours a week, or a C-level executive, you don't have the time or energy to be hanging out at bars until all hours trying to penetrate bitch shields, or putting up with flakes. You want a reliable piece of ass at home. You also want that nurturing and supportive partner you can lean on in your stressful life.

When number 1 is not an option (because of your job, where you live, your lack of social skill and game, etc) number two becomes more important. It's like these two things are on two sides of a balloon. If you squeeze the number one part, all the air moves to number two. And voila, you have one-itis. The cure for one-iris is to squeeze some of the air back into the number one part of the balloon (e.g., by getting better at game).

[LeBeau]

Well since this topic has been done to death by better observers than me, I'm not sure if I can really add much of an insight.

But reflecting on factors outside of just insecurity, or "soul mate" conditioning, I would say that a big issue is that most guys have no "creative control" of their social lives.

Not the best choice of a term, I just thought of it off the top of my head, but stay with me.

We know that guys with Oneitis end up repulsing their girls because they become more controlling and try to hold down their women since they are afraid of losing them.

However, most guys make very few conscious decisions that lead to the relationships they get into, or often times even their male friendships.

They happen to meet a chick, happen to talk with them more than the average girl, or they were drinking and happen to be a bit bolder that night. One thing leads to another and they are dating.

Even guys who have multiple girls who might be down to date them, can still fall prey to Oneitis, since in their mind, this is only temporary. The next girl for them might come along in one month, or one year from now.

And they don't know how to re-create that situation on their own accord, so they can't take the risk of losing what girl(s) they already have in their life.


Maybe we should be differentiating between 2 types of Abundance:

1) Environmental/Passive Abundance - Guys who happen to be in multiple social circles, a career abounding with cute girls, some level of fame, etc. They have options, even without much game, solely because the environment generates a decent supply. Think athletes in high school/college before the real world hits or the band that plays the same bar every week.

2) Creative Control/Active Abundance - Guys who have Game and social awareness, the type who can get dropped in a brand new city, and build whatever lifestyle they'd like since they understand the foundations.

That's why it's such a contrast how some men can turn their lives around with game, and in a couple years rack up higher quality, and higher quantity, than all the years beforehand combined.

The lesson for guys going forward would be that Active Abundance is the most important to develop, but if you can combine both Passive and Active, you will be living your dream life with the least amount of effort/time involved.

[soup]

(05-21-2014 09:19 PM)Parlay44 Wrote:  

One-itis - A mental condition that renders men helpless due to an infatuation with one woman.

I think it comes from insecurity. A desperate feeling that you can't get another girl. It comes from being deprived of female attention for long periods of time where any female that interacts with you may bring on this condition.

Some women may smell the inexperience of a man and purposely "love bomb" him or shower him with attention to bring on this condition. It's a way of creating a beta-orbiter to add to their "fan club".

Thoughts?

It's strange that for all the shit the original PUA guys get, they covered a lot of the ground that we talk about here.. there's a lot of re-inventing the wheel going on..

Oneitis is a result of pair bonding; Chemical reactions (oxytocin in women and something that starts with an "n" for men.. I can't remember) make you think the other person is "the one".

I think Mystery talked about all this about 13-15 years ago..

[Big Country]

I think it has more to do with the ever present reality of our mortality. We can deny it for as long as we want, but in the end we all will die, and not one of us wants to die alone. As to it being a disease, well, hundreds of thousands (millions) of years of evolution led us here. If it weren't for your mother and father you wouldn't be here. So, it naturally makes sense that we would seek what brought us here, even if, as in my case and many others, that initial relationship which brought you life crashes and burns. We're hardwired I guess.

Always nice to break the pattern though.

[Parlay44]

(05-22-2014 12:33 AM)soup Wrote:  

(05-21-2014 09:19 PM)Parlay44 Wrote:  

One-itis - A mental condition that renders men helpless due to an infatuation with one woman.

I think it comes from insecurity. A desperate feeling that you can't get another girl. It comes from being deprived of female attention for long periods of time where any female that interacts with you may bring on this condition.

Some women may smell the inexperience of a man and purposely "love bomb" him or shower him with attention to bring on this condition. It's a way of creating a beta-orbiter to add to their "fan club".

Thoughts?

It's strange that for all the shit the original PUA guys get, they covered a lot of the ground that we talk about here.. there's a lot of re-inventing the wheel going on..

Oneitis is a result of pair bonding; Chemical reactions (oxytocin in women and something that starts with an "n" for men.. I can't remember) make you think the other person is "the one".

I think Mystery talked about all this about 13-15 years ago..

Pair bonding. Or the illusion of pair bonding I remember girls talking about having a boyfriend in each class during high school. It also relates to the concept of the "work husband" as you get older. Women have their real husband at home that bangs them silly and their work husband at work that takes care of her emotional needs at work. Women are such shameless whores I tell ya

I guess women have their work husbands to take up their emotional slack and men have their side bitches to take up the sexual slack.

[The Beast1]

(05-22-2014 12:33 AM)soup Wrote:  

(05-21-2014 09:19 PM)Parlay44 Wrote:  

One-itis - A mental condition that renders men helpless due to an infatuation with one woman.

I think it comes from insecurity. A desperate feeling that you can't get another girl. It comes from being deprived of female attention for long periods of time where any female that interacts with you may bring on this condition.

Some women may smell the inexperience of a man and purposely "love bomb" him or shower him with attention to bring on this condition. It's a way of creating a beta-orbiter to add to their "fan club".

Thoughts?

It's strange that for all the shit the original PUA guys get, they covered a lot of the ground that we talk about here.. there's a lot of re-inventing the wheel going on..

Oneitis is a result of pair bonding; Chemical reactions (oxytocin in women and something that starts with an "n" for men.. I can't remember) make you think the other person is "the one".

I think Mystery talked about all this about 13-15 years ago..

Yeah, the PUA movement covered almost everything we have here. The big guys (Roosh, Heartiste, etc) do a better job off distilling the broader formula so we don't end up with a bunch of guys running around with fuzzy hats.

Dare I say it, the chicks I had oneitis for in high school I would have stayed with for life had circumstances not broken us up.

[soup]

(05-22-2014 07:21 AM)frenchie Wrote:  

(05-22-2014 12:33 AM)soup Wrote:  

(05-21-2014 09:19 PM)Parlay44 Wrote:  

One-itis - A mental condition that renders men helpless due to an infatuation with one woman.

I think it comes from insecurity. A desperate feeling that you can't get another girl. It comes from being deprived of female attention for long periods of time where any female that interacts with you may bring on this condition.

Some women may smell the inexperience of a man and purposely "love bomb" him or shower him with attention to bring on this condition. It's a way of creating a beta-orbiter to add to their "fan club".

Thoughts?

It's strange that for all the shit the original PUA guys get, they covered a lot of the ground that we talk about here.. there's a lot of re-inventing the wheel going on..

Oneitis is a result of pair bonding; Chemical reactions (oxytocin in women and something that starts with an "n" for men.. I can't remember) make you think the other person is "the one".

I think Mystery talked about all this about 13-15 years ago..

Yeah, the PUA movement covered almost everything we have here. The big guys (Roosh, Heartiste, etc) do a better job off distilling the broader formula so we don't end up with a bunch of guys running around with fuzzy hats.

Dare I say it, the chicks I had oneitis for in high school I would have stayed with for life had circumstances not broken us up.

I think that if those chicks responded to me, I would have taken steps to try to lock our lives together permanently (like having a kid or getting married), and would have caused myself a great deal of pain.

I'm glad I lived through my bluepill period without getting attached to a girl.

Now I'm 34 and I have a better understanding of what time does to people.

It's bad enough that I'm getting old- I'd need to hang with a younger girl to balance things out.

[internet alpha]

The Greeks having a saying that being in love is imagining that a person is better than other members of his/her sex. I think its scarcity mentality and a lack of abundance. Rollo Tomassi spoke about buffers and the fear of rejection. Oneitis is a buffer against rejection and looking for new prey.

[SheriffBart]

I believe oneitis strikes us all in different ways. Some men are more sensual than others. Some get oneitis through the mind and some through the body.

For me, I've pinned it down and am dealing with a case of it right now. I get oneitis from fucking a girl well repeatedly. The sex just gets better over time as I teach her how to be a good lay and how to suck dick. If she's a trooper, I get hooked. Those chemicals Soup referred to start flowing. The women I fuck always get oneitis too.

The sight of her body, smile, and O-face. Her smell. Her skin and mouth. The sounds she makes in bed. I probably fuck a girl too passionately. Call it making love if you want to. I really can't help myself. I could probably have oneitis with multiple women at once. I've just never had a really good fuck game going on with 2 women at once.

This quote from Nietzsche haunts me because I sometimes feel it applies to me. "It is the most sensual men who need to flee women and torment their bodies."

My name is SheriffBart and I'm an addict.

[Bill]

Nice quote from Nietzsche. Guys who got hurt easily have to be more careful than others. I am shure I would get One itis very quick if I would not hold some distance from women. After some connection there must be some disconnection otherwise the addiction can come very fast.

Everybody is vulnerable precaution have to be taken. Women are the greatest drug of all. All of them witches are bitches.

[Dagnasty]

If you are in a LTR, what are effective methods to combat oneitis?

I stopped spinning plates for a main chick and I care about her - except that I know that "all women are like that".

She's shown me that she's not "special" with a little trickle-truth here and there.

She's given me plenty of shit and I've kicked her the hell out a couple of times when I didn't care to even take her shit tests.

At the same time, I like having her around - but I don't want to get complacent.

How do you avoid getting lazy and sloppy?

Physical distance is one way that seems to be working well (not giving her as much time with me so I don't become "addicted") but I'd like to avoid fucking other chicks. (No matter how Blue-Pill monogamy is, it just seems dishonorable to cheat)

[WestIndianArchie]

(05-21-2014 09:19 PM)Parlay44 Wrote:  

One-itis - A mental condition that renders men helpless due to an infatuation with one woman.

I think it comes from insecurity. A desperate feeling that you can't get another girl. It comes from being deprived of female attention for long periods of time where any female that interacts with you may bring on this condition.

Some women may smell the inexperience of a man and purposely "love bomb" him or shower him with attention to bring on this condition. It's a way of creating a beta-orbiter to add to their "fan club".

Thoughts?

Agreed

There are different levels to this

The young guy who's obsessed with some girl in his class, and wants to marry her and make babies, and live happily ever after

The newb player who's obsessed with banging her, that he's been blinded by lust, and continues to get played - yet keeps persisting in hope that she relents

The vet player - That broad about 23 notches ago was probably the one. I should have overlooked the fact that she doesn't keep cardamon in her spice rack. Meanwhile all this 19 year old can do is bounce on my dick.

My theory is that men have always been good at uni-tasking and focusing, not so much at multi-tasking and juggling various social agents like women.

As for women consciously and purposefully using men via lovebombing - interesting theory, I'd love to see you develop this.

WIA

[speakeasy]

(05-21-2014 09:19 PM)Parlay44 Wrote:  

One-itis - A mental condition that renders men helpless due to an infatuation with one woman.

I think it comes from insecurity. A desperate feeling that you can't get another girl. It comes from being deprived of female attention for long periods of time where any female that interacts with you may bring on this condition.

Some women may smell the inexperience of a man and purposely "love bomb" him or shower him with attention to bring on this condition. It's a way of creating a beta-orbiter to add to their "fan club".

Thoughts?

I think you're right.

I also think there's a healthy medium to be found between oneitis and playeritis(so many sex partners that you're now jaded). Either is unhealthy when taken to the extreme.

And girls definitely get oneitis as well, their version may be even more pernicious than the male version. Look a Rihanna. Chris Brown can leave her face looking like she was hit by a truck and she still can't walk away.

[kosko]

I realized this one-itis shit is no joke when the other day I likely got with one of the hottest girls of my life. A sexy girl with nice implants and a tight booty, bonafide 9.5. She was hot as hell but even then right after the fact I was bored, and kinda went "meh". I still had raging thoughts about a girl I fuked last month though, whom I have found it hard if not impossible to get rid off. In this month I've had my dick wet more then ever in such a short period in my life as a desperation move to try and shake this broad off and even then I can't.

This differs from my old one-itis shit for broads I ain't bang in my beta days. Normally after I bang a broad I grow boerd of her unless she had something specific I wanted more of. The last broad I got heated for, and it was simply the fact that she had the nicest and cleanest pussy I've ever seen, but that quickly went away once I got some new pussy and she vanished from my radar. This one though is a new beast. I am identifying with the posts on how it might be something more. My money and career prospects are in the dumps right now so it might actually just be these issues manifesting itself through a one-itis.

[Vitriol]

It's totally irrational, but it seems to happen every so often even when you're banging multiple chicks concurrently. As much of a cynical asshole as I am, I don't think it's totally a neediness or lack of options thing, you can have a few girls who you're banging consistently, but get caught up on one of them.

...and it sucks when it happens, because your brain fights it every minute because you realize there's no reason it should be happening. So the solution is probably to figure out a way to kill the emotional aspects. That's the only appropriate response in our current environment.

[Saweeep]

I agree with vitriol. It's like our lizard brains and conscious mind are waging war on one another.

It's so hard not to develop some form of feeling for a girl that you've banged multiple times; as a poster above said, the sex just gets better and better and you start to become addicted to it.

Experience though tells us that this is all heading one way, towards some sort of proper relationship, so we have to kill it. That's when the war in your head starts to wage.

I think that unless you are a true sociopath it's hard not to develop some feelings for a regular girl. It makes me sad actually as in an ideal world I'd be a medieval king and keep em all in my castle at once