The Private Man discusses an issue I've noticed for years, even before I learned about game: It's Not Fear of Rejection, it's Fear of Punishment.
TPM quotes a commenter (LionKimbro) from another thread. LionKimbro details a variety of fears: being laughed at, public shaming, cascading negative social consequences (girl calls you 'creep' behind your back), white knights, and just generally embarassing yourself and losing future chances with the girl. The fear is fear of making mistakes, screwing up, failing to play the game properly, with and endless possibility of negative consequences.
Private Man's response is essentially to "learn social skills," but I don't think this advice is very helpful. He might intend it to be code for "game" but many betas have perfectly fine social skills except with regards to pursuing the girls they desire. My response would be more like this:
Many of the fears are overblown and unfounded. You will most likely not be laughed at, shamed, or harassed by white knights. Only experience can permanently cure these fears, though willpower, leadership, or context can temporarily alleviate them. Alcohol/drugs can also help temporarily but come with their own drawbacks.
To overcome the fear of failure and making mistakes you must learn GAME, not just 'social skills'. I, of course, recommend Roosh, but individuals may have their own preferences. You need to learn the specific techniques in order to gain the confidence needed to overcome those fears. This, in particular, is why books like Bang and Day Bang (and detailed posts like Tuthmosis's same-night lay recipe) are invaluable. They are concrete, no-nonsense techniques that can be practiced and refined.
I often use a baseball analogy. Rejection is like a strikeout. It happens. Players aren't afraid of striking out. But if you don't know the rules of baseball, don't know how to hold the bat or execute a swing properly, and don't even know how to recognize a strikeout when it happens, you're certain to embarass yousrelf. The umpire will yell at you to get the off the field and others will taunt, "do you even know how to play, asshole?" Shame and embarassment ensues. That's where the fear comes from.
It's worth noting, that kind of shame and embarassment is mostly unproductive. You'll have to suffer enormously to figure out how to play by sheer trial and error. This is why the specific rules and techniques are taught to players directly.
TPM quotes a commenter (LionKimbro) from another thread. LionKimbro details a variety of fears: being laughed at, public shaming, cascading negative social consequences (girl calls you 'creep' behind your back), white knights, and just generally embarassing yourself and losing future chances with the girl. The fear is fear of making mistakes, screwing up, failing to play the game properly, with and endless possibility of negative consequences.
Private Man's response is essentially to "learn social skills," but I don't think this advice is very helpful. He might intend it to be code for "game" but many betas have perfectly fine social skills except with regards to pursuing the girls they desire. My response would be more like this:
Many of the fears are overblown and unfounded. You will most likely not be laughed at, shamed, or harassed by white knights. Only experience can permanently cure these fears, though willpower, leadership, or context can temporarily alleviate them. Alcohol/drugs can also help temporarily but come with their own drawbacks.
To overcome the fear of failure and making mistakes you must learn GAME, not just 'social skills'. I, of course, recommend Roosh, but individuals may have their own preferences. You need to learn the specific techniques in order to gain the confidence needed to overcome those fears. This, in particular, is why books like Bang and Day Bang (and detailed posts like Tuthmosis's same-night lay recipe) are invaluable. They are concrete, no-nonsense techniques that can be practiced and refined.
I often use a baseball analogy. Rejection is like a strikeout. It happens. Players aren't afraid of striking out. But if you don't know the rules of baseball, don't know how to hold the bat or execute a swing properly, and don't even know how to recognize a strikeout when it happens, you're certain to embarass yousrelf. The umpire will yell at you to get the off the field and others will taunt, "do you even know how to play, asshole?" Shame and embarassment ensues. That's where the fear comes from.
It's worth noting, that kind of shame and embarassment is mostly unproductive. You'll have to suffer enormously to figure out how to play by sheer trial and error. This is why the specific rules and techniques are taught to players directly.