[Cyr]

Tl;dr, changed mma gyms, at the new one I train less than everyone else and get beaten up in sparring, have no chance of catching people up, should I change gyms?
Ive been training MMA for about 8 months. I started February last year, and then stopped in September, as I wouldn’t have time during the rugby season. I restarted a few weeks ago at a new gym.
My old gym was ok, but it had too much of a mcdojo vibe. We would only spar once every couple of weeks, and when we did it was normally very sanitized (no headshots etc.). Also, there wasn’t a great feeling of unity/ community within the gym- people weren’t that friendly.
My new gym is really cool. Everyone there is really solid and there’s a real sense of brotherhood. We also do hard sparring every week- during the very first session of the very first round, I dropped my hands, got kicked in the face and broke my nose. However, I am worried that I am just going to get my ass kicked for the foreseeable. Due to weightlifting, schoolwork, reading and other commitments, I only have time to train once or twice a week. This is less than the other people there, who train at least three times every week. So, not only am I worse than everyone else now, I will continue to be worse and won’t be catching people up. I want to be a consultant when I’m older, and hope to go to a top university so there is no point getting beaten up gratuitously. Even more so, I am worried about developing an overly defensive style, just learning how to get out of the way and avoid getting beaten up, instead of actually improving my own striking (my takedowns and grappling is ok, but standing I will get beaten up pretty much every round).
So, should I stick with the gym, and accept the fact that I’ll lose pretty much every round I spar because it’s a serious club and has a good atmosphere, plus I (should) learn from people better than me- at least how to get out of the way haha. Or, should I return to my old gym and accept the fact that I am more focused on other things, so any training I do that doesn't impede on my other goals is worthwhile. A third option is to try to find another gym between the two, but I don’t know if there are any in my area.

[AlexDiesel]

If your gym doesn't have an atmosphere where the other guys there will go a little easier on you because you are less skilled, then that is a shitty gym. Every MMA and Muay Thai gym I've ever trained at the first lesson pounded into our heads was that we shouldn't just lay a beatdown on someone without the skill to counter said beatdown. That being said, have you asked your sparring partners to lighten up? Also I know personally when I first started sparring heavy it was really overwhelming for the first month or so. It takes some time to adjust to being hit in the face and staying calm, cool, and collected. After that period though things got WAY better and I didn't feel like I was losing every round. I'd advise you to give it at least a couple of months. If you find yourself getting knocked out often in sparring however, then stop going to sparring. No one needs unnecessary brain damage.

[Seanchaí]

I've had varying experiences in several gyms in different countries, what I've gathered from my experiences is that pure boxing gyms are generally more likely to go hard on new lads. Whereas most MMA gyms I've trained have been far more welcoming and less hard on the newer members. Not to say that this is always the case but for the most part I have found MMA gyms to have a much better sense of comradery than boxing gyms.
Looking back I can honestly say that the places that were most beneficial to my development were the gyms that didn't put the new fish through a baptism under fire. There is that old line of thought still alive in some old school places that goes 'clamp down on your mouthpiece and go forward, take the shots and get back up'. Well fuck that we're not living in a Rocky movie, that line of thought is nonsense there's no benefit to getting smashed by someone better than you.
If your gym truly has a good sense of brotherhood then they would know not to go heavy on the less experienced guys. If I were you I would simply bring the issue up with your sparring partners. Let them know that it's just that, sparring not fighting. If they are truly a group martial artists they will respect you for voicing your opinions and lighten up. If not then there just a bunch of egotistical pricks who are simply acting like big fish in a small pond.
If they refuse to change then find a new place, there's only so many times your brain can get rocked.
http://www.sportslegacy.org/research/cte/

[Cyr]

Thanks for the replies. I think I will stick with it, and see if I'm improving. I just don't want to be the worst guy at the gym and get beaten every round I spar. So Alex Diesel's advice is heartening.
Also, I think that I'll ask some of the smaller guys who are my age to go a little easier on me. The coach is always teasing me about being muscular and I think its inspired some of the shorter/ out of shape guys to try and get one over on me. Also I know some of them from outside the club (get the same bus, are the same age etc), and we're not friends/ they probably don't like me, so thats probably part of it.

[SDGuerro]

Maybe switch a day of weights for another day of mma? Instead of jogging shadow box, skip rope, etc. many gyms start hard on you to see if they can weed out those not serious serious about training. Stick with it bro it will get easier and the learning curve from beginner to intermediate comes quicker than intermediate to advance so soon enough you will hang with those other guys. Also, training with peor better than you will make you better in the long run. I do agree though don't take unnecessary beatings. Tap or throw in the towel without shame and come back to fight the next day.

[WanderingSoul]

The only thing that makes dudes at an mma or bjj gym fight harder than a hot girl walking through the door, is fresh meat walking through the door.

You know in prison movies how everyone acts when someone new steps onto the cell block? That's how we feel inside when someone new steps onto the mats.

The dudes who have been there for a year or so putting in their dues will probably be the worst, because theyve been getting their shit pushed in all year, and now they finally get to do it to somebody else.

That said, no one should be breaking your nose, unless it was a total accident. Shit does happen though.

[ColSpanker]

My martial arts group used to have a "through them into the deep end, see if they swim" philosophy. Of course, everyone has a shit load of protective gear on, so injuries are rare. Just the same, getting thrown around the room can be a little shocking to a new guy.

[KC4]

Mine had the same mentality which I loved because it forces you learn fast or you would get your ass kicked. Injuries did occur but it was never on the serious side until it happend to me. Coach told me that my injury was the only one with that kind of severity, tearing my acl and so on. But the guys there were awesome became friends with a few. Hell even got rides home on some occasion because I lived in place a bit further away from the gym.