[augen sehen]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm aware that my weak spot is text game. I'm fine in person, but in text I sometimes come off as unfunny or boring or needy or whatever. I also apparently either let conversations sit too long or not long enough.

That said, I met this girl at a party I threw, and there I drunkenly kissed her on the cheek for the camera, and then attempted a kiss on the lips which she naturally dodged. The next day she added me on facebook. I confirmed her request 6 hours later, and 7-8 hours after that started a text conversation with, "hey guess who's hungover right now?"

She hooked just fine, but when I tried to start the next conversation today, she didn't respond. WTF? I totally thought I had it in the bag. What did I do wrong?

http://imgur.com/a/oTqkq

More importantly, what should I do next? Wait for her to contact me, or...?

[Christian McQueen]

First off she took an hour and a half to respond to your initial text.

Then you responded RIGHT AWAY.

Secondly, she's not really cute dude.

Forget her and go meet more girls.

You already care way too much to put this kind of effort into her.

You've lost already. Eject.

[Christian McQueen]

Specifically here's what you did wrong:

-Answered immediately
-played into HER Frame
-Came across very needy
-Made it seem like you're not busy. Bad move.
-Reacted to her. She was blowing you off from the start. Idle chat does not indicate interest.
-Asking her to still come by AFTER she rejected is a bad idea.
-Always let her be the last one to send a text. There is no reason to say 'bye'

[Texas_Tryhard]

Only thing I'd add: She added you on facebook?

Don't add her until post-bang. Just send her a text/call her. And don't chat with a girl over texts, stick to logistics.

You even admitted it's your weak point. Stick to the basics until you've got them down.

As an aside, I wouldn't suggest adding anyone on facebook and/or talking to them a ton before a 1st date, especially when first starting out. There's a ton of mystery and conversation you're going to miss out on that makes the conversation flow more smoothly and adds tension to the encounter. You can relieve this tension by meting out small details about yourself and engaging in a push-pull of information, DURING the date. All of this pre-date conversation fucks all of that up, don't do it.

[augen sehen]

I agree with you guys, I don't like adding girls on facebook at all but this one added me and I didn't have her number so I accepted her request.

I'll keep your guidelines in mind for next time, Christian. I thought I was being playful and non-needy but I guess I really wasn't. Can you tell me where I was playing into her frame?

[Christian McQueen]

When you said "actually that works better for me", regarding her saying she wouldn't be out of class or whatever until later.

Needy + quick to conform to her schedule.

No bueno.

[Days of Broken Arrows]

I think your early messages to her came off more like arrogant insults than cute backhanded compliments or "negs." From what I see in the messages, this put her in a defensive mode.

I've found negs work best in person where the woman can see your face and hear the inflection in your voice. How you say something is as important as what you say. If you try to neg in print with someone you barely know, odds are they'll interpret it more negatively than you wanted.

As for FB...if a woman adds you on FB that's not a bad sign. So you did get some positive feedback.

But...people in general (not just women) are put off by needy people. I think it was too much too soon when you wrote her a few hours after she added you and *then* wrote her the next day. I'm put off when women do this to me because they seem desperate, or potentially unbalanced. I get afraid I won't be able to escape them without a "scene" if I indulge them, so I often don't answer until weeks later saying "I'm busy and never check the IMs." I assume women are even more put off by guys like this.

Here is how I play FB game: She adds you, you accept and that's it. No instant messages. Then you post some things, maybe comment on one of her threads and ONLY when there is a reason to IM do you do it. Or purposely post stuff you think she'll IM you about (i.e. "My cat is very ill.") It's not hard to engage a woman on FB -- look at her interests and post things relating to that.

The only final thing I'll add is that you might want to say your IMs aloud before you post. Your final one, "Hey girl," doesn't sound like anything a guy says to a woman. But I think it was being too anxious, not what you wrote, that was the real problem.

Go completely dark for a few weeks and maybe you can salvage it.

[pitt]

Apart from replying to her real quick and saying ''that this works better for me'' (needy yes), I don't think you have done much wrong. Actually you played it well, you know how to throw jokes, it will get you far.

I think she wasn't that interested, it's not that you fucked things up or said something wrong. If I were you I would just next her.

Man I have fucked a lot of chicks saying cheesy shit in my younger days and they knew it was cheesy but i still fucked them...guess why? They were already interested in me. I think once they find you attractive and like your style as a person, that's it. Of course game helps but in your case I don't think it was lack of game.

[Steve Derekson]

The most important error was not being logistical enough from the start. She made an obvious blowout when she said "And then I think I'll come back home".

If a girl blows you out over text once, it is over, find a new girl.

[augen sehen]

(12-08-2013 06:31 PM)Steve Derekson Wrote:  

The most important error was not being logistical enough from the start. She made an obvious blowout when she said "And then I think I'll come back home".

If a girl blows you out over text once, it is over, find a new girl.

Do you think there's a difference when, basically, the girl has tried to get in touch with you (in this case, by sending me a Facebook request after I made my intentions clear) - like, why the hell would she add me if she was gonna blow me out.

It's now been 1 week since my last insipid "hey girl" message. Should I restart in the next few days? What should I restart with? Also, if she doesn't respond then I'm naturally gonna unfriend her.