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Male "Friends"
11-22-2013, 11:01 PM
When describing the male acquaintances/orbiters of any relatively attractive young girl (5 or higher), the "friends" moniker is always deserving of the scare quotes. We know it, they know it. The problem is: they deny it. And why shouldn't they? It's in a woman's best interests to keep her options open. We all beta out occasionally, and they sleep easier with an escape plan.
My question for the players on this forum, or more rightly, the serial monogamists, is how do you deal with it? I'm in my mid twenties and have become accustomed to dating girls in the 7-8 range between the ages of 18-22. Naturally, given the prevalence of social media, smartphones, etc, these girls all come with a preestablished cockfarm hellbent on unseating you from your throne. The good news is that most guys have shit game. It blows my mind how many will orbit for, literally, years in the hopes that one day the stars align while Mercury is in retrograde and they can premature ejaculate on my girlfriend. Never happens of course, but their presence is nonetheless irritating. I'm learned enough to know that a jealous freakout will only increase their marginal value in her eyes while significantly diminishing my own. But what is the alternative? Simply turn a blind eye to the blatant disrespect both she and these chodes are showing me by merely being present in my consciousness? Doubtful, but on the other hand some weepy ultimatum also seems weak.
I'd like to hear the stories, strategies, and opinions of any other monogamists on this board that date hot girls and have to deal with the reality of the hordes of losers that are perpetually trying to fuck them. Thanks in advance.
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Male "Friends"
11-22-2013, 11:17 PM
Keep your options open, and let her know that you have options.
If she fucks around on you, leave her. And let her know you have a zero tolerance strategy.
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Male "Friends"
11-22-2013, 11:39 PM
Don't worry about it man.
She might be fucking her friends, or have fucked them or she might just use them. Who knows.
Theres no point to get upset, because that is the worst thing you do.
If she brings up how one of her guy friends keeps talking to her, tease her in a way to make him sound "creepy" ask her when they're getting married, if a dude hits on her say something like "that guy seems... nice, why didn't you get his number??"
If you keep her in the chasing frame she isn't going to start chasing other guys provided she gets a worthwhile end to the chase every once and a while. (ie. do some beta shit, like dinner if shes a serious girlfriend)
This girl I saw for the better part of 3rd/4th year university was always chasing me, but I never gave her the 'boyfriend' kind of stuff she desired. We ened up cutting it off and she started dating other guys. I still remember the time I brought her back to my place a few months after we separated. She started crying and asked me why I never took her out to dinner or bought her flowers, she asked why she wasn't good enough for me. That hurt more than us breaking up. I knew she was being genuine, she was a very feminine foreign girl and her question was rooted in a lack of understanding instead of anger.
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Male "Friends"
11-23-2013, 01:08 AM
I take the mentality of: "If my game is solid, those other guys won't matter."
And if something happens and she fucks around on you, you've got to put it down to her and it being her loss.
Otherwise I think there's very little you can do that won't harm your chances with her. If she even senses the slightest insecurity about it, it can be bad for you. I once had a girl say during an argument "Do you know how many guys want to be with me?" in reference to how I wasn't treating her properly, so I said "then go be with one of them" and hung up. You just can't let it get to you, even if it does suck.
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Male "Friends"
11-23-2013, 10:04 AM
All of the guys who commented (see above) are correct. But...you have to calibrate, depending on the girl. Some girls see a small amount of jealousy as sexy.
I once had a longtime g/f break up with me because of my lack of jealousy. She said I was dispassionate and didn't seem to care about her. That's how she interpreted it.
Meanwhile, I had seen myself as playing it cool. I figured just ignoring the parade of Betas after her was the best option. Wrong. I took it too far in the "play it cool" direction.
My lesson: just because I saw things one way didn't mean the woman viewed it the same way.
I think you have to show some emotion, but not the needy kind. Being totally stoic might backfire (i.e. "Sure, let's screw around -- he doesn't care about me anyway"). Maybe a little bit of "dread game" or whatever it's called.
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Male "Friends"
11-23-2013, 12:14 PM
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Male "Friends"
11-23-2013, 01:06 PM
I made it known very early on that friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship with me isn't acceptable. She unfriended all her past flings, interests and relationships from Facebook and cleared out her phone/texts then changed her number and got a new email.
Is she lying about how well she scoured that stuff away? Maybe. Dread game kicks in right about here.
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Male "Friends"
11-23-2013, 01:23 PM
Men and women can be friends if the man in question finds the woman in question utterly unfuckable.
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Male "Friends"
11-23-2013, 03:21 PM
Roissy wrote an excellent article on
when men and women can be friends back in 2008. An excerpt:
Quote:Quote:
The beta niceguy who has a girl buddy he secretly wants to screw is not really a friend to her at all, and vice versa. To the exploitative girl, he is merely a tool to massage her ego, abetting her puling therapeutic self-absorbed shit that no alpha male friend would ever tolerate. To the beta, her friendship is just a complicated schematic for finding some backchannel weasely way into her pants as substitute for his lack of courage to bust a move and dignity to walk away when his feelings aren’t reciprocated.
"The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow married her." – H.L. Mencken
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Male "Friends"
11-23-2013, 05:01 PM
Just my two cents, but I might go about it another way and say orbiters are a good thing.
If they are beta-orbiters secretly lusting after your gf in the hopes of one day "nice guying" into her panties (which is the most likely thing as I think we all can agree - actual male/female platonic relationships seem to be as rare as smaller government these days), they will already be pretty damn unattractive to her. You said it yourself, they have no game. That is not to say you have no use for them.
First, she can get out all her "drama" with you (i.e. the stuff you have little to no tolerance for) by yaking incessantly with the orbiters. You get peace of mind, they get to be emotional sponges for your gf (with nothing else to show for it).
Second, one potential charateristic of a more "alpha" guy is building up a following of beta guys who envy him and try to emulate him (but never quite can). I say befriend and socially dominate the orbiters as much as you can. It can both build attractiveness with your gf as you demonstrate leadership as well as get you decently loyal guy friends (albeit "beta" guys) who are still likely to be fun for a night out for a beer once in awhile.
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Male "Friends"
11-24-2013, 12:01 AM
If you trust her then great but be weary of manipulative women
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Male "Friends"
11-24-2013, 01:29 AM
So wait, some of you guys are making your gf's delete all of their past flings/ even all males they know/ facebooks. This just sounds controlling and comes off as needy. I think this makes a girl more likely to cheat on you. Now she can fuck some guy and not have to worry about being friended on facebook or receiving a text the next day.
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Male "Friends"
11-25-2013, 09:43 AM
Quote: (11-24-2013 01:29 AM)lavidaloca Wrote:
So wait, some of you guys are making your gf's delete all of their past flings/ even all males they know/ facebooks. This just sounds controlling and comes off as needy.
IMHO, it's better to give her complete freedom, and install a keylogger on her laptop to know what she writes when she thinks no one is watching. The price of tranquility is eternal vigilance. Or: trust, but verify.
"The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow married her." – H.L. Mencken
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Male "Friends"
11-25-2013, 10:22 AM
Quote: (11-23-2013 01:23 PM)DaveR Wrote:
Men and women can be friends if the man in question finds the woman in question utterly unfuckable.
Or she's your friend's/brother's girlfriend etc. Then again, not really 'friends' because I don't exactly go shopping with my mates' girlfriends.
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. - H L Mencken
