[Kidkwik]

I don't get it man. I have a great physique, I am tall, don't have much muscle but I'm a lean guy. But I still have major issues talking to girls and I hate it. I think I look good, so that's not really the issue, but I think I've lost confidence in my abilities to talk to girls since I haven't done it in so long, and never really got anywhere past kissing them. I know you guys could pull the "I'm only 16" card, but I know guys who get busy every friday night so that's not the issue. Don't know what to do

[redonion]

Do you go to the gym? If so, do you make progress in your lifts? Nothing else in life gives me a confidence boost like busting out a heavy set of squats.

Find a hobby and stick with it. Master it. That should help you naturally gain confidence in addition to giving you something interesting to talk about.

[Kidkwik]

(11-20-2013 07:54 PM)redonion Wrote:  

Do you go to the gym? If so, do you make progress in your lifts? Nothing else in life gives me a confidence boost like busting out a heavy set of squats.

Find a hobby and stick with it. Master it. That should help you naturally gain confidence in addition to giving you something interesting to talk about.

I need to work harder at the gym, its hard for me, I work out, but when I feel the burn I don't go through it. Gotta change my mindset.
And what kind of hobbies?

[redonion]

as far as the gym goes, you should probably get on a linear progression program so that you can see yourself getting stronger each workout. Some good ones are starting strength and stronglifts 5x5.

as for hobbies...anything really. Drawing, cooking, archery, rock climbing. seeing oneself improve at something provides one of the most rewarding and confidence-boosting feelings.

[Remington]

(11-20-2013 05:23 PM)Kidkwik Wrote:  

I don't get it man. I have a great physique, I am tall, don't have much muscle but I'm a lean guy. But I still have major issues talking to girls and I hate it. I think I look good, so that's not really the issue, but I think I've lost confidence in my abilities to talk to girls since I haven't done it in so long, and never really got anywhere past kissing them. I know you guys could pull the "I'm only 16" card, but I know guys who get busy every friday night so that's not the issue. Don't know what to do

I was just like you when I was that age. I was 6'4 and weighed 165...gangly but strong and cut. You don't get big over night, it takes many months and years (in my case). Now, I'm 6'6 235lbs. Get eye fucked a lot when I'm out which also helps boost confidence.

What really helped boost my confidence was coming to this forum on a daily basis and trying to absorb as much knowledge as I could. I continually make solid daily approaches and follow the ever flowing stream of advice that this group of men have given.

Approach girls in school, or hit up more weekend parties, and like Redonian mentioned -> pick up more weights. Turn lifting into a Hobby. Experiment with different lifts and push yourself past your limits. Essentially, you should be sore every day from lifting 3x a week. PM me if you would like to know what my routine is.

[soup]

It's all in your head.

Life is short.

We are tiny bits of matter on a piece of light blue fuzz that is floating in the middle of something that is infinitely bigger, and smaller, than us.

What does it matter what some girl thinks of you?

Are you going to get arrested for talking to her?

What's the worst that can happen?


Guys- you don't need to game yourself. Just do it. Forget your feelings and go for what you want.

[The Beast1]

(11-20-2013 05:23 PM)Kidkwik Wrote:  

I don't get it man. I have a great physique, I am tall, don't have much muscle but I'm a lean guy. But I still have major issues talking to girls and I hate it. I think I look good, so that's not really the issue, but I think I've lost confidence in my abilities to talk to girls since I haven't done it in so long, and never really got anywhere past kissing them. I know you guys could pull the "I'm only 16" card, but I know guys who get busy every friday night so that's not the issue. Don't know what to do

First things first,

Yeah you're 16. Being a man between the ages of 13-22ish is hell. Your body is in a constant state of building. Your hormones are all over the place and the amount of free flowing testosterone is all of the place. Not to mention you also have a large amount of estrogen in your body (being converted from the test through aromatase ).

Inner confidence and that feeling of well being is fleeting. I hate to tell you this my friend, but part of understanding that "masculine essence" is realizing that it is something you will never have 100%. At best, you can grab it for a short time but it is a lot really wet sand. It will flow through your fingers.

I'd take the suggestions everyone has here on the board. First, start working out. Get a good routine and ask your parents for a personal training session to get good form. Then focus on what you're eating.

While it doesn't seem like it right now, the food you eat tremendously affects your mood and well being. Shit in, shit out. I'd suggest investing in some good multivitamins, ZMA, melatonin, creatine, and some high quality protein. This forum is a good place to ask questions. If you can't get anything from this post, at least get the ZMA. That will make you sleep fuller and the zinc will help stabilize your test levels.

Second, while feeding and maintaining the body is all fine and dandy you need to pick up a second hobby to occupy your time with. Feed the mind now. Do you like music? Ever want to learn how to fix a car? Hell, do you like reading? Feeding the mind will take your preoccupation off of the hind brain which is controlling you a lot more than you realize.

Once you have those other pillars set up start talking to anybody and everybody. Don't be afraid to small talking with cashiers, people on the street, etc. Smile, relax, and be someone chill. The social pillar is the last and final one you need to create the ultimate male machine that pumps out vitality and makes the ladies wet.

As for style, I didn't really find my natural clothing and hair style until about last summer. I sadly can't give much guidance here because everyone's style is different. I would suggest though looking at suit game which is universally flattering on all men. Experiment here and don't be afraid of other people's opinions. Find what fits you naturally and listen to your gut.

High school sucks. Although, you've found this forum which will make your life a LOT easier. You're the second high schooler i've seen that has made an appearance here. Seriously, don't listen to the advice of your friends, parents, and teachers. They are wrong and will guide you down a path of frustration and slavery.

Oh and don't be afraid to bounce ideas off of the forum. The guys here are rough and tumble, but the nuggets of gold are there.

[funkyzeit]

(11-20-2013 07:54 PM)redonion Wrote:  

Do you go to the gym? If so, do you make progress in your lifts? Nothing else in life gives me a confidence boost like busting out a heavy set of squats.

Find a hobby and stick with it. Master it. That should help you naturally gain confidence in addition to giving you something interesting to talk about.

This. When I benched 350 for the first time I felt like a king of the world for like two months.

Also, dress sharp and unique. Don't be afraid to peacock with coats, ties, shoes and accessories.

[DaveR]

(11-22-2013 05:59 AM)funkyzeit Wrote:  

Also, dress sharp and unique. Don't be afraid to peacock with coats, ties, shoes and accessories.

Not sure I would agree with that, to be honest. I think what a man has to do is to dress classic and then forget about it. Fashion is for women / classic style is for men.

Dressing the Man by Alan Flusser is a good book which gives you pretty much all the info you need to dress properly.

[funkyzeit]

(11-22-2013 06:24 AM)DaveR Wrote:  

(11-22-2013 05:59 AM)funkyzeit Wrote:  

Also, dress sharp and unique. Don't be afraid to peacock with coats, ties, shoes and accessories.

Not sure I would agree with that, to be honest. I think what a man has to do is to dress classic and then forget about it. Fashion is for women / classic style is for men.

Dressing the Man by Alan Flusser is a good book which gives you pretty much all the info you need to dress properly.

For a man who has confidence, dressing classic is the way to go. But OP needs something that will catch a woman's eye, make her start talking to him and give him boost until he sees how easy it is to talk to girls.

[Travesty]

(11-22-2013 06:24 AM)DaveR Wrote:  

(11-22-2013 05:59 AM)funkyzeit Wrote:  

Also, dress sharp and unique. Don't be afraid to peacock with coats, ties, shoes and accessories.

Not sure I would agree with that, to be honest. I think what a man has to do is to dress classic and then forget about it. Fashion is for women / classic style is for men.

Dressing the Man by Alan Flusser is a good book which gives you pretty much all the info you need to dress properly.

I agree if you are starting out building confidence dressing with a classic look is more congruent and easier to manage.

As you get more confidence though pulling off more flair is helpful. And I am not talking a feather scarf or eye shadow, I am talking about wearing more unique color combinations and pushing the envelope of what you can pull off is what chicks like the most.

It is a fine line though, you need to push the line as far as you can. It takes confidence to wear things that only you personally can pull off and it strengthens your identity in the minds of women getting them wet.

[Giovonny]

(11-20-2013 05:23 PM)Kidkwik Wrote:  

I've lost confidence in my abilities to talk to girls

Don't know what to do

Young fella,

Here is some life advice for you..

When you are not good at something and you want to get better at it..

Practice it!

Do it 100 times, do it 1000 times, do it 100000 times!

That is how you get good at something. You do it over and over again until you get it right.

If you want to get your confidence back in talking to girls, TALK TO 1000 GIRLS!

Other activities may boost your confidence, in general.

But, we are not talking "in general". We are talking about confidence in talking to girls. [i]This is a specific type of confidence that is directly related to the skillset of talking to girls.

I you wanted to get more confidence in tennis or math or shooting guns, I wouldn't tell you to lift weights or dress better. I would tell you to play tennis/do math/shoot guns.

There are many different versions of confidence. I think its best to work specifically on the type of confidence that you ae acking. Other versions might help. But , Task Specific Confidence will work best.

Talk to girls if you wanna get better at talking to girls!

[Giovonny]

(11-22-2013 05:29 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

I think its best to work specifically on the type of confidence that you ae acking.

I think its best to work specifically on the type of confidence that you ARE LACKING

Lots of typos in that post!

My whole point is this:

"Task Specific Confidence"

[Dusty]

(11-23-2013 01:29 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

(11-22-2013 05:29 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

I think its best to work specifically on the type of confidence that you ae acking.

I think its best to work specifically on the type of confidence that you ARE LACKING

Lots of typos in that post!

My whole point is this:

"Task Specific Confidence"

And when starting out, you probably won't be that good and stumble and bumble (as we do when we are first learning anything that requires skill). If you were learning how to bowl, you'd probably throw a lot of gutter balls at first, but slowly you would get better, and even get very good at it if you are diligent.

The same with getting better with girls. Give yourself permission to suck at first and not take it personally. Detach your performance from "you."

[Kidkwik]

Thanks a lot for the advice so far guys

[Floss]

I started lifting at a young age and I regret it. Pretty sure it stunted my growth. I'm 21 y/o and 5'11'' now. My dad was 6'5'' and my half brother, whose dad is short, is now taller than me.

I don't even lift weights anymore. I only do bodyweight exercises and cardio and maintain a lean 190lbs.

[Windom Earle]

^ Lifting weights at a young age does not stunt growth. It is a myth.