[LEMONed IScream]

Vast numbers of guys have trouble approaching, either because they lack the confidence or because of the immense fear of getting blown off, or any other minor cause. I can count myself among these ranks, and even today I am not able to approach like an animal because of these factors.

Basically think of all this as a numbers game, of course not all guys will get all the looks but hey let's not exaggerate. I am a good looking guy, I'd put myself in the 8 category, if you'll allow me the immodesty.

When I look back at the approaches I could have made compared to the looks I've had from girls, some of them of extremely high quality, and considering that I do not approach them or say anything, just returned the looks. My frustration overflows, I could have had twice the bangs and probably twice of pretty good quality too, even today I'm still picky though. No dumpster diving, my dignity has no price.

As Giovonny wrote here a few weeks ago regarding his game, that his game was weak and he just had the balls that most guys lack. This is absolutely true and it is something, this fear, we must all surpass.

One of the most alpha things you can do is expressing your interest in women in the most direct and open ways possible, with no hint of shame or "respect" for idiotic societal barriers, once you learn how to do this, combined with looks, style and some game, it's more than halfway done in something that will not only help gaming but also improve your life drastically in other aspects.

The lesson to be taken here, and I know the seasoned players here have known this for ages and do not have anything to learn from a young guy like me, is that all of this doesn't matter.

Life is so ephemeral we cannot even perceive it in it's whole sense, you are not a perfect snowflake destined to feats of grandeur, you have not descended from the sky, you are not inherently special, you have no need to avoid being "tainted" by the judgement of others, which you should not be considering at all considering how people are drowning in their own insecurities, while having preoccupations and tastes that are not even their own but rather an amalgam of moderation, political correctness, "society's values" and all of these other things that are BLUE PILL to the core.

Do not be that guy. Free yourself from bondage. Get out there and approach any attractive female that catches your fancy, if you fail you'll learn something extra. But if you succeed....

[Archer]

Gman said it best when he said it boils down to "not giving a single fuck."

[LEMONed IScream]

Well of course this is not a ground breaking discovery at all. Just my two cents. Gman is a seasoned veteran and I don't even have a major yet so you can guess my age...

(11-04-2013 05:00 PM)Archer Wrote:  

Gman said it best when he said it boils down to "not giving a single fuck."

[WestIndianArchie]

(11-04-2013 05:15 PM)LEMONed IScream Wrote:  

Well of course this is not a ground breaking discovery at all.

Yeah, it's not. I'm wondering why you felt the urge to post it.

This had to be sparked by something specific, why not hone in on that?

WIA

[Volk]

I don't want to lose the approaching fear. Where is my adrenaline rush going to come from? Coke?

[LEMONed IScream]

These last days I have been getting the looks from hot girls, which is not exactly something unusual and has happened before more than I can count. But I never really digged in and thought about how many potential quality lays I could have lost because of this. Today I gave it a bit more of thought and I was pissed off with myself. It's way of waking up others so that they don't do the same mistakes I did. Probably also a "note to self" kind of thing.

(11-04-2013 05:41 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

(11-04-2013 05:15 PM)LEMONed IScream Wrote:  

Well of course this is not a ground breaking discovery at all.

Yeah, it's not. I'm wondering why you felt the urge to post it.

This had to be sparked by something specific, why not hone in on that?

WIA

[nek]

My only real issue with approaching is in my immediate town. The main reason for that is, like many smaller places, you see the same people over and over. In bigger cities and traveling I do great, don't give a shit, but I think when you're in a situation where the only girls available all know each other and talk, you don't want to be known as the guy that keeps getting shot down. You can develop a reputation that can fuck you're game up real good.

[Therapsid]

(11-04-2013 08:01 PM)nek Wrote:  

My only real issue with approaching is in my immediate town. The main reason for that is, like many smaller places, you see the same people over and over. In bigger cities and traveling I do great, don't give a shit, but I think when you're in a situation where the only girls available all know each other and talk, you don't want to be known as the guy that keeps getting shot down. You can develop a reputation that can fuck you're game up real good.

If you're going to develop a reputation of the guy who keeps getting shot down...

your problem isn't approaching too much. It's that you need to work on your game.

But how are you going to improve if you don't approach?

Do you really want to be dependent upon your environment to give yourself permission to approach girls?

I say, burn those bridges if need be. In reality, you'll probably get better, pull more notches than you expected, and don't end up developing that rep after all.

[tylerdurden1993]

My problem with approaching is not about being shot down my problems are finding the right girls to approach and then if I do find one actually just going and doing it I sometimes mull it over and then the situation changes. I cant really explain it its kind of like activation energy once im committed and walking over im fine, but if I don't I just don't do it mull it over etc.

[Christian McQueen]

Nek: "In bigger cities and traveling I do great, don't give a shit, but I think when you're in a situation where the only girls available all know each other and talk, you don't want to be known as the guy that keeps getting shot down."

This is why most players see a spike in getting laid when traveling, because new environments and lack of social circle fear, activates that "don't give a fuck and having fun" vibe.

[Libertas]

It's also important to note that the fear is never going to go away. I think a lot of guys try and wait until they don't feel any fear to approach before they do (this is what I used to do), but that's never going to happen. You need to accept it and plunge through it. There are a variety of things you can do that might help you take action in that moment.

Also, getting mad at yourself for not approaching is natural, but it's unproductive. Take note of your mistakes calmly, write them down if necessary, and then consciously focus on not making them again.

One thing I've been trying to do lately- always make my conscious behavior mitigate and overrule my unconscious bad behavior.

[LEMONed IScream]

Totally agree McQueen, for someone that has trouble doing this, travelling is clearly the best option, along with the other positive aspects it entails!

(11-04-2013 08:59 PM)McQueensPlayboyRules Wrote:  

Nek: "In bigger cities and traveling I do great, don't give a shit, but I think when you're in a situation where the only girls available all know each other and talk, you don't want to be known as the guy that keeps getting shot down."

This is why most players see a spike in getting laid when traveling, because new environments and lack of social circle fear, activates that "don't give a fuck and having fun" vibe.

[LEMONed IScream]

I understand you, I am not irrationally distressed. I am pinpointing the flaws and trying to correct them. It's bad enough being good looking and not profiting as much as I could. It would be even worse to know the flaws and not trying to correct them.

(11-04-2013 09:08 PM)Libertas Wrote:  

It's also important to note that the fear is never going to go away. I think a lot of guys try and wait until they don't feel any fear to approach before they do (this is what I used to do), but that's never going to happen. You need to accept it and plunge through it. There are a variety of things you can do that might help you take action in that moment.

Also, getting mad at yourself for not approaching is natural, but it's unproductive. Take note of your mistakes calmly, write them down if necessary, and then consciously focus on not making them again.

One thing I've been trying to do lately- always make my conscious behavior mitigate and overrule my unconscious bad behavior.

[Libertas]

I understand man. I'm sort of in the same place as you, just sharing what I've been finding helpful to me so far in as you say, pinpointing and correcting flaws.

[nek]

(11-04-2013 08:06 PM)Therapsid Wrote:  

(11-04-2013 08:01 PM)nek Wrote:  

My only real issue with approaching is in my immediate town. The main reason for that is, like many smaller places, you see the same people over and over. In bigger cities and traveling I do great, don't give a shit, but I think when you're in a situation where the only girls available all know each other and talk, you don't want to be known as the guy that keeps getting shot down. You can develop a reputation that can fuck you're game up real good.

If you're going to develop a reputation of the guy who keeps getting shot down...

your problem isn't approaching too much. It's that you need to work on your game.

But how are you going to improve if you don't approach?

Do you really want to be dependent upon your environment to give yourself permission to approach girls?

I say, burn those bridges if need be. In reality, you'll probably get better, pull more notches than you expected, and don't end up developing that rep after all.

I'm not really getting shot down here as I'm not really approaching, from time to time I get opened by some girl and it goes from there. I think I phrased it wrong when I said "keeps getting rejected". The point I was trying to get across (badly I must say) is that I agree that approaches are necessary, but if I approach a particular girl and get rejected, and other girls find out about it, they'll be more resistant to my approach because of either 1) They don't want to feel like second tier or 2) the herd mentality. By herd mentality I mean this - you know how girls want a guy other girls are interested in? I think the converse is true as well. Girls don't want a guy who's been rejected by other girls they know. I could be wrong but that's just how I perceive it. My thought is that in smaller towns, there's less room for error due to the lack of anonymity. So approaching 5 girls and getting 5 rejections doesn't mean shit in NYC, I think it could cost you more in smaller areas. Just to clarify my earlier post.