[Agastya]

I find myself getting very defensive when someone gives me shit/talks down to me in any way. This is one thing if it's a good friend, but when it's someone who I've just recently met(i.e my college dormmates), I tend to take it pretty personally. I really hate it because it screws up my confidence and temporarily throws my game off.

I understand that I simply have to toughen up and stop giving a shit about this. How should I go about doing this? How do I present myself in a way that completely discourages people from talking shit? I'm very capable of standing up for myself when someone says something really foul, but little quips and insults are harder to counteract without coming off as being butthurt.

[eradicator]

If you let them get under your skin and push your buttons, and keep giving them the emotional reaction they are looking for, they will definitely keep going.

Remember you are living with teenagers who are still growing up themselves so don't expect them to be mature. You have to grow a thicker skin, or I guess you can request a roommate transfer, but you may end up in a room with even bigger ass clowns.

[Agastya]

(10-02-2013 04:31 PM)master_thespian Wrote:  

If you let them get under your skin and push your buttons, and keep giving them the emotional reaction they are looking for, they will definitely keep going.

Remember you are living with teenagers who are still growing up themselves so don't expect them to be mature. You have to grow a thicker skin, or I guess you can request a roommate transfer, but you may end up in a room with even bigger ass clowns.

98% of the people I go to school with are just fine. In fact, the other 2% are decent people too, it's just that I feel like they don't fully respect me. Should I just completely cut those people out of my life? Many of those 2% are alphas who I feel like I could learn a lot from. Should I just abandon them and chill with my nicer friends, or should I try to man up and roll with these dudes?

[Estetica]

Make moves on your own (let them see girls coming through your dorm, etc.) and earn their respect. If it's not the case that you're just taking jokes too seriously, rolling with them will make you the punching bag in the clique.

[Ensam]

Never take bullshit from strangers personally. You've just gotta learn how to banter and give it back.

Some practical suggestions:
- Learn some basic improv (yes, and; be specific; etc.). Always better to agree & amplify rather than get defensive or argue.
- Get in decent shape. Random dudes will mess with you way less often if you've got a bit of functional mass.
- Practice some mindfulness or other form of meditation. Learn how to get on top of your nervous system and control your emotions.

[CJ]

The trick is to not get angry, but to flip things around and make them feel like an idiot for disrespecting you. Never lose your cool... easier said than done though.

[SheWantsTheD]

I've found that where I live the best way to respond to this is the same way to respond to shit tests. Agree and Ascend/Amplify. It works on dudes just as well as women. If a dude is busting your balls and you just agree with him, amplifying it and making him look silly in the process, why would he continue to do it?

Dude, where'd you get that shirt, Goodwill?
Yeah I did, actually. In fact I got it in the dumpster at Goodwill. Can't beat the price!

You could even throw in at the end - "I saw that shirt (point to his) in their too, but I thought it looked a little gay" if you want to be a dick back.

Something along those lines. Let him know you don't give a rat's ass what he says. Every time I do it it ends quickly. Every, single, time.

I can even remember times pre-red pill when I was busting someone's balls and they did something similar back to me and I felt kind of stupid and just quit.

[Nascimento]

I have buddies that on a social circle like setting tease me at times. It is normal, as I do the same to them. But sometimes, the teasing can have the affect of lowering your value in the group depending on how you respond, and I recognize these, especially when there are girls around.

I usually just keep a calm expression on my face. I look at them with direct eye contact as they expect my reply, and I take a brief moment longer than usual before I say the following:

'That's very clever.'

The delivery is important. Afterwards, just ignore what they said. If they try to further push any buttons, I just ignore, engage someone else.

Or add the following as you interrupt them 'How is that working out for you'

'What?' they reply. 'Being clever.'

Just have a smirk on your face at this point, because you are fucking with them.

It's basically a reframe.

I got this from fight club. Check it out:

[Ziltoid]

Giving shit is just how a lot of guys express gregariousness. If a guy gives you shit there is a very decent chance that he might just see you as buddy material and is testing the waters. And if you really get that butthurt by something he says, maybe you should consider the possibility that the guy just hit a nerve...

The proper response; laugh, say something self deprecating that reinforces their quip, then turn it around on them with a diss of your own.

Communication of this sort is, in my opinion, a defining aspect of what it means to be a man... We help eachother improve ourselves by highlighting perceived flaws all while having a laugh at the same time. Can you imagine ever seeing two women "good-naturedly" poking fun at eachother in the same manner? Because I sure can't.

Women act nice to eachother at all costs in public then immediately talk shit and commence character assassination when the other party isn't around... Female friendships strike me as so cold and formal. Think about that the next time some dude busting your balls gets you all hot under the collar. At least he's being honest, no?

[Cyr]

I've been in situations like this, where you're the bottom of the group. What I'd do is make more friends (eg from the gym, from your lessons) and bring girls back to the dorm. This shows youre not an omega and should be taken seriously. Then Id engage in jokey banter with the guys in your dorm (grinning, saying stupid quips etc). When they see that youre basically a cool guy they should let up and just give you friendly banter, to which you can respond in kind.

[Hades]

Most of my friends are sort of insecure nerd losers so I never grew up with giving too much shit to other people. Giving too much shit to other people I see as an insecure thing to do, basically you see some guy as a threat so you give him shit to see how he responds. If it's positive you're friends, if it's negative, you know the score exactly and run the fuck away. You have to constantly keep giving this potential 'alpha male badass' shit because you require constant positive reassurance, like a sad little dog.

Sometimes you get guys who are continuous attention-whoring ballbusters (Christ they get under my nerves, every time, those assclowns), who have daddy issues or something and always had to act out to get any sort of attention as a child.

Those guys almost always mean well which means that you can just ignore them when they attention whore and pay them some good and positive attention when they calm the fuck down. Don't cold shoulder them all the time, they'll think there's something wrong and go nuts trying to figure out what's going on or earn your approval (which could make them way more tolerable to work with actually).

It helps to be high value in some way for this to work, supposing - in their narcissistic understanding of the world - that they believe themselves to be far above you, they're just going to get pissy that some peon is flouting their social authority. Congrats on making yourself an enemy and good luck demolishing them somehow.

I'm not an enemy of fun (giving shit is lots of fun here and there - I usually save it for "drinking time" so I can bring out some real roast-worthy asspulls), but continually giving too much shit is just fucking irritating.

EDIT: If you need to win over a room full of dudes, just start emulating some of the things they do. I made good friends quickly because I lifted a lot of weights (hardly got anywhere back then but I did go to the gym all the time to fuck around), drank heavily, had no hang-ups spending kind of a lot of money and/or sharing "fun" (booze, cigarettes, and drugs), and whenever we went to parties as a retarded huge group of dudes they always caught me talking to girls. If you have a good crew you should be literally down to do anything at any time for any dumb reason in your head. I still get props to this day for "having balls".
That kind of shit will earn you admiration or at the very least respect depending on how badass your crew is.

SECOND EDIT: Most men never learn to interact with other men, and this is why they are pussies. Take this is a learning experience and try to develop from it as much as you can.

[Videl]

Most important thing is don't give them what they want. They want you to give certain reaction so they can laugh or get a kick out of it. What you need to social intelligence. If you can anticipate they are just trying to get a certain reaction out of you, don't respond to it, don't be serious. But at the same time if they go to far and cross your boundries know how to stand your ground.

[R Smoov]

1. Ask them to say it again. Looses the effectiveness of the joke. (Got this from Kevin Hart)
2. Ask them how long it took for them to make that joke. And imitate them in a situation where they'd be practicing the joke.

An example that occurred when I was at the football table by lunch:
"Bro: Rosca if you cut your hair you'll look like Little Bill"
"Me: Say that again?"
"Bro: If you cut your hair you'll look like Little Bill"
"Me: (Whack response) Yeah if you cut your hair and dye it blond you'll be Eminem."
"Bro: Well that reply was as weak as his bench press"
"Me: *Points to his GF and smiles* How long it took for him to make that joke?"
"Pokemon: He was up all night"
"Me: Yeah, he was prolly like *pretending to be in the shower* Damn I can't wait to tell him this shit!"
*Table laughs*
-
It doesn't sound funny in text, but basically you make him look as if he was dying to say that joke to you. Learning how to make good comebacks will come after hanging with friends who will bust your balls.

[bojangles]

I always agree and amplify, it seems to be a staple for me, it works so well, they just can't believe you agree with them and then the exaggeration just leads no room for them to say anything else, in fact they feel embarrassed themselves and it shows to everyone in the group

[CJ_W]

(10-02-2013 04:59 PM)Estetica Wrote:  

Make moves on your own (let them see girls coming through your dorm, etc.) and earn their respect. If it's not the case that you're just taking jokes too seriously, rolling with them will make you the punching bag in the clique.

I knida agree with this. Althoguh I wouldn't do all that to "earn" anyones respect or approval, fuck that.

I used to have friends like that but. . I was funny and was able to make fun of them like crazy. . .

BUT, some people aren't like that. If you're not like that I wouldn't suggest you try and force it. Nor waste your time worrying about it, I'd just stop giving a shit and find new freinds. . .

or even better, stop giving a shit and focus on your studies, working out, getting you fashion game up, finding & following your passions and meeting women.

I mean dude, you're in college! It's EASY to meet some great people, and women. A lot of people are really receptive to meeting other people. . .so just relax, and do what pleases you, and stop hanging out with people that make you feel like shit.

[mental]

Don't take it seriously and just keep thinking "oh, how cute" whenever somebody tries to do some shit to you, and your body language and reactions will reflect that.