[PizzaSult]

A bit of a back story:

I've got 2 kids from my first serious relationship, which started when I was 16 and ended when I was 23. I ended up leaving her because she was no good for me at all and it was taking too much of a toll on me and the kids.

Ever since then the majority of girls that I've seen for a while have always been through my social circle, friends of friends etc, so they knew the situation I was in, and that I wouldn't be in London every other weekend as I'd be seeing the kids. Now that I've decided to work on my game, meet new women and start online dating, I've run into a problem:

How/when is the best time to bring up the fact that I've got kids. Obviously for ONS etc there's no need to get into it. But if I'm going to start seeing a girl regularly, then I'll want to tell them and they'll wonder where I am every other weekend. My kids are important to me, and I dont like being dishonest with people either.

Do any guys on the forum of a similar age have kids? How do you handle the situation?

At the moment, I'm hiding the pics of my kids in my room before I go out at night, so I don't have to explain them to any girls that I take home.

I have a tendency to get worked up about it, as in my head its a really big deal, and then quite often blurt it out at completely the wrong time.

Any advice on how to navigate this would be greatly appreciated.

[Pyre]

This happened to me last night.

I busted a nut on her ass and plopped down on the bed and said, "hey, you on the pill?"
She goes, "No"
I say, "Why not"
She goes, "You dont have to worry about me getting pregnant"
I go, "That's reassuring."
She asks, "why do you have a bunch of kids and not want another one?"


So you could turn that into a conversation about you having kids. Something like this:
Blast in her mouth.
You: "Lick my cum off my dick. I don't want to get you pregnant. BTW, are you on the pill"
Her: Yes
You: Thank god, I don't want another kid right now.
Her: Oh you have a kid?
You: tell her an emotionally gripping story about how much joy the kids have brought to your life by raising another human through childhood and watching them "blossom"

After a good manly pounding girls are a lot more open to "new" perspectives on things they may not have been too keen on before. It's a good time to bring up drugs, arrests, children, etc just be sure to frame it in a positive light

[Virtus]

A) proudly and b) after a second third time works for me

[Onto]

This is how I handle dating and kids.

First, it's not of her business if you have kids or not. That's very personal and she doesn't deserve to know anything that personal about you yet. So don't even have that on your profile. At some point in the realtionship, after you've banged her a lot, and you think you're going to ask her to marry you, then you bring it up. (Please don't ever get married though.)

Second, never involve your kids in your dating life. Wait until about 2 weeks before the wedding to introduce them. There are very real and important reasons for this. If you don't follow this advice you will see the damage caused when they are older and struggling in thier own relationships with the other sex.

[Virtus]

A) proudly and b) after a second third time works for me

[PizzaSult]

(08-21-2013 02:44 PM)Pyre Wrote:  

After a good manly pounding girls are a lot more open to "new" perspectives on things they may not have been too keen on before. It's a good time to bring up drugs, arrests, children, etc just be sure to frame it in a positive light

It's funny that you mention this, as I did this with one of the girls I banged off eHarmony. The condom broke, and I when I realised I blurted something about not wanting anymore kids and was she on the pill. She got upset about how dishonest I'd been by not having it on my profile.

I think I need to be confident in the delivery, and not make a big deal out of it.

I was also thinking about leaving the pics of my kids up in my room - what do you think?

[Onto]

(08-22-2013 06:30 AM)PizzaSult Wrote:  

(08-21-2013 02:44 PM)Pyre Wrote:  

After a good manly pounding girls are a lot more open to "new" perspectives on things they may not have been too keen on before. It's a good time to bring up drugs, arrests, children, etc just be sure to frame it in a positive light

It's funny that you mention this, as I did this with one of the girls I banged off eHarmony. The condom broke, and I when I realised I blurted something about not wanting anymore kids and was she on the pill. She got upset about how dishonest I'd been by not having it on my profile.

I think I need to be confident in the delivery, and not make a big deal out of it.

I was also thinking about leaving the pics of my kids up in my room - what do you think?

When a girl pulls that "You weren't honest, or you should've told me, etc". I look at her firmly and say, "I don't have to answer any questions or tell anything about myself or my family that I don't want to. That's very personal and strangers and people I'm getting to know don't have a "right" to it."

The women I've said that too usually go into shock because they aren't used to someone being that "alpha", but after they compose themselves they respect you for it and often she will immediately apologize.

[PizzaSult]

I like that response, and will use it if they get like that.

How do you bring it up the subject with women you are seeing regularly though?

Quote:

Second, never involve your kids in your dating life. Wait until about 2 weeks before the wedding to introduce them. There are very real and important reasons for this. If you don't follow this advice you will see the damage caused when they are older and struggling in thier own relationships with the other sex.

My kids live 3 hours away so have no involvement in my dating life, and I wouldn't expose them to it even if they were near by. Like you said, it'll only have a negative impact.

[Virtus]

After 1st or 2nd time you've banged kids are not a problem at all, whether you choose to introduce the girl or not. Because all you need to say that the kid is your primary priority and she is not at the same level. a) its true or should be b) she will either bail or this may bring up a competitive edge in her, for your time and like. so all in all it's great

[Benja]

I have kids, and last night for the first time since i've been coming on these forums and going out etc. i pulled and nailed a girl (another story), as i have my childrens names tattoed on my arms (3 names) i of course get the inevitble questions. I just answer with pride, they come from previous relationships that didnt work out but im very proud of them, talk about them affectionatley and most girls dig the good dad vibe.

I'm not telling any lies and have a very active role in their lives. In any case no girl has a right to judge you on a situation they know nothing about but whatever you choose to reveal i think that pride anbd affection should come across when you speak, and if your any kind of dad that will be natural to you.

Personally i would not involve a girl with my kids though on a meeting them level unless we were in a LTR and i really liked her......enjoying single life too much for that though right now

[PizzaSult]

(08-25-2013 07:49 AM)Benja Wrote:  

I'm not telling any lies and have a very active role in their lives. In any case no girl has a right to judge you on a situation they know nothing about but whatever you choose to reveal i think that pride anbd affection should come across when you speak, and if your any kind of dad that will be natural to you.

Personally i would not involve a girl with my kids though on a meeting them level unless we were in a LTR and i really liked her......enjoying single life too much for that though right now

It does come naturally to me, I think my problem is that I assume that women will be put off by the fact that I've got kids from a previous relationship.

[Benja]

(08-27-2013 04:33 AM)PizzaSult Wrote:  

(08-25-2013 07:49 AM)Benja Wrote:  

I'm not telling any lies and have a very active role in their lives. In any case no girl has a right to judge you on a situation they know nothing about but whatever you choose to reveal i think that pride anbd affection should come across when you speak, and if your any kind of dad that will be natural to you.

Personally i would not involve a girl with my kids though on a meeting them level unless we were in a LTR and i really liked her......enjoying single life too much for that though right now

It does come naturally to me, I think my problem is that I assume that women will be put off by the fact that I've got kids from a previous relationship.

I've been a dad since i was 19, and i've never been blown out over it or seen a negative reaction when i've told a girl, maybe its the way i tell it but most seem to find it attractive somehow....

[reaper23]

how old are you?

i'm 37, chicks pretty much expect it and a divorce.

[Parlay44]

If its just about sex then it doesn't matter if you have kids. Surprising women don't care as much as you would think they would.

Don't bring it up but don't lie if she asks. Being cool about it is the best reaction. Just don't go into dad mode or she won't see you as sexual anymore. Same way you get turned off when a stripper brings up that she has 2 kids. It kills the vibe or fantasy.

[PizzaSult]

(08-28-2013 07:15 PM)reaper23 Wrote:  

how old are you?

i'm 37, chicks pretty much expect it and a divorce.

I'm 27 with 2 kids, 7 and 4 years old. Some people have been a bit surprised when I've told them, more I think in terms of how old I was when I had them rather than the fact that I've got them in the first place.

I think the problem that I've had is that in my own mind I've made into this big deal, so when it comes up with women that mental state makes into something that it's not.

It's all about the delivery.

[Windom Earle]

(08-21-2013 05:40 PM)Onto Wrote:  

This is how I handle dating and kids.

First, it's not of her business if you have kids or not. That's very personal and she doesn't deserve to know anything that personal about you yet.

Wait until about 2 weeks before the wedding to introduce them.

And if the situation were reversed, would you appreciate something that significant being withheld from you for that amount of time? If you're maintaining any sort of regular contact with your child/children, good luck covering your tracks and not having a guilty conscience doing so.

Personally, I'm very upfront about my situation (2 year old daughter who lives with her mother), and prefer to get it out of the way before the bang...even for a ONS. I don't put it up on online profiles, but usually on the first date, or back at my place, I'll divulge. I feel there's something cathartic in revealing personal things of this nature, particularly when it's such a big part of my life.

I'm not telling them because I want them involved, I'm telling them in the interests of full disclosure, so if the time eventually came where I was comfortable with an introduction (an LTR situation), the news doesn't come as a ridiculous shock.

I've never had an adverse reaction after doing so.

[Onto]

(09-02-2013 07:31 AM)Windom Earle Wrote:  

(08-21-2013 05:40 PM)Onto Wrote:  

This is how I handle dating and kids.

First, it's not of her business if you have kids or not. That's very personal and she doesn't deserve to know anything that personal about you yet.

Wait until about 2 weeks before the wedding to introduce them.

And if the situation were reversed, would you appreciate something that significant being withheld from you for that amount of time? If you're maintaining any sort of regular contact with your child/children, good luck covering your tracks and not having a guilty conscience doing so.

Personally, I'm very upfront about my situation (2 year old daughter who lives with her mother), and prefer to get it out of the way before the bang...even for a ONS. I don't put it up on online profiles, but usually on the first date, or back at my place, I'll divulge. I feel there's something cathartic in revealing personal things of this nature, particularly when it's such a big part of my life.

I'm not telling them because I want them involved, I'm telling them in the interests of full disclosure, so if the time eventually came where I was comfortable with an introduction (an LTR situation), the news doesn't come as a ridiculous shock.

I've never had an adverse reaction after doing so.

If I dated a woman for a while and she revealed later on that she had kids, I wouldn't be upset. I may even respect her for it.

Whether it's full disclosure right away or later when you've decided she's important, I think you have to handle the situation in the way that makes you feel most comfortable.

One of the reasons I never mention it in the beginning is because the conversation will then focus around my child, their mother and that whole relationship, instead of the focus being on getting to know each other. She will see me as the "Single Dad" and then view me as that through her preconceived ideas and judgments.

In my opinion, kids and their opinions shouldn't haven't any importance in my relationships. Those kids aren't going to be around for very long anyways. After they hit 13-14 they pretty much don't want anything to do with their parents, whereas my potential wife will hopefully be their forever.

As far as lying goes, my feelings on that are people in this world often ask inappropriate questions they have no right knowing anything about so I have no qualms in not giving them a truthful answer. Later on, if I feel it's ok for them to know I'll tell them. If they question why I "lied", I tell them I wasn't ready to share such personal information with them. They often respect you for it.

When people in business bring up the subject of kids, I lie to them also because unconsciously everyone has a preconceived notion of why I'm not married to the mother. We just never know what kind of family life our co-worker, client, or boss came from and what impressions they brought with them into adulthood.