[DonovanVC]

First time poster here. But I have been loving this blog for a long time, since I am a big traveler and love to be abroad. Indian American guy born and raised in Cali, living in Chicago. Have also lived in Germany for a summer and Japan for a year teaching English.

My question here is do you think its possible to get to the point you have been so influenced or grown into international culture or another country/region's culture (including pop culture) that you can barely relate to your own country's girls?

For example, since I was young I was always into Japanese pop culture, like video games. Then it grew into loving Japanese fashion, then anime, then cars, then their history, then their music (like eurobeat, some Jpop and J-rap). When I lived there, I was one of the only American guys rockin Japanese fashion (since I can fit into it being a very slim and shorter guy). Other Western guys were like wow that fashion is gay, but to me it was very urban and gritty. I still dress slightly alternative on many nights though I have regressed to some American fashion since I have been back in the US for awhile.

All of the music I listen to now is from a certain culture or subculture. American music I prety much only listen to hip hop or 80s (though new rap sucks now IMO), reggaeton, salsa, euro-house.

I have a big social network in Chicago, but I often feel like the odd man out to a certain extent, rather than the cool different guy. This is because I can barely relate to the shit most American young people are talking about, especially in regard to pop culture. They are talkin about indie rock, and shows like The Hills (what is that?), Jersey Shore (never seen an episode), etc.

The only shit I have seen and liked recently is The Wire and Breaking Bad, but most white kids have never seen either.

Now this may seem minuscule, but I have ran sets where Ive been sort of connecting with some american girls thru my alternate interests, and then my friend will start talking about some shit they know about (like an american tv show) or they will all go crazy to some crappy new pop song and I won't really be "in" with the girls anymore.

Its gotten to the point I dont even go to "regular' venues anymore. I will only go to a bar with a lot of hispanics (cuz I can actually feel where they r coming from, we can talk about reggaeton or salsa or traveling), or a more urban black venue. Whenever I frequent a yuppie or hipster bar, I can't stand it. I have had very minimal success in those venues to the poinnt its not even worth it.

Anyone deal with this sort of thing?

[speakeasy]

Just sounds like you need to find your niche. If you are more into an alternative lifestyle, then it will put limits on how many people you can relate to and there's no way around that. I can't relate to your regular mainstream chic yapping about Lady Gaga and Jersey Shore either. Though I might learn just enough about that stuff so that the jokes don't completely fly over my head, but I don't have any serious interest in a lot of American pop culture interests.

All you can do is look for your niche.

[gringoed]

Americans are so diverse that we're impossible to generalize. Pretty much any type of people or niche can be found here.

It seems like you're looking down your nose at American pop culture. Are you? Or are you merely trying to fit in?

[DonovanVC]

(09-18-2010 05:33 PM)gringoed Wrote:  

Americans are so diverse that we're impossible to generalize. Pretty much any type of people or niche can be found here.

It seems like you're looking down your nose at American pop culture. Are you? Or are you merely trying to fit in?

America is very diverse, and so is a city like Chicago, your right about that. However, I go out alot, and to different places, and still see only about four or five types out there. There are many more subcultures but they are not visible on the whole.

Getting to know people on an individual level is the way to find cool interesting, and different people. BUt that takes a lot more legwork on my part, compared to if I was interested in the run of the mill shit like Lady Gaga and Jersey Shore, etc.

You dont know how many people I meet here that have never left the country (even to Canada, one hour flight away).

Chicago is very yuppie on one end, and very hipster on the other. I've had to do a lot more going out to access the black/hip-hop scene and the latino scenes - though its paying off in the girl department slowly and surely.

I am not trying to look down on American culture. I used to be a hip-hop artist for 8 years (put out 3 albums and did a ton of shows). Its just not really my thing anymore. And honestly, its gotten a lot shittier. I prefer 2pac and Kurt Cobain over the shit people are on nowadays.

[Rocco81]

I think it's entirely possible to be more in tune with a certain culture than another. Once I started living around Latin people and going to Latin America I felt very much more familiar with them than I did probably 3/4 of the white Americans I work with, see at the gym etc.

And as far as dating goes, I mean after going abroad you can see pretty quickly how a dude would be into foreign women rather than American women anyways.

[Dash Global]

I can def relate to american girls, its just they dont do it for me anymore. Id much rather go to a slamming latin club than a regular american bar. Foreign girls are way more appealing to me now. Although i still like attractive american girls and wont tun down a given notch, but its not what i prefer. I listen to ALOT of urban/pop bachata and salsa and reggeatton. Ppl prob wonder what in the hell im listing to lol.

[iknowexactly]

(09-18-2010 02:47 PM)DonovanVC Wrote:  

First time poster here. But I have been loving this blog for a long time, since I am a big traveler and love to be abroad. Indian American guy born and raised in Cali, living in Chicago. Have also lived in Germany for a summer and Japan for a year teaching English. .....

My question here is do you think its possible to get to the point you have been so influenced or grown into international culture or another country/region's culture (including pop culture) that you can barely relate to your own country's girls? Whenever I frequent a yuppie or hipster bar, I can't stand it. I have had very minimal success in those venues to the poinnt its not even worth it.

Anyone deal with this sort of thing?

I've dealt with a sort of parallel process which is education. I got the equivalent of three bachelor's degrees through curiosity, and then a doctorate in a health care field.

Since I've learned a lot of stuff, and deal with life and death issues every day, small talk and caring about who's on American Idol seems simply idiotic to me. I'm definitely looking down my nose, miss a lot of sex because of it, but also miss trying to pretend someone who's interesting isn't.

If I was tougher, maybe I could just be blunt and let on by my indifference with hot 18 year old idiots I just want to fuck, and ignore everything they say ( Come to think of it, would that work? haha)


Also-- ( I'm half Latin and half Scandinavian)
I also felt more at home in Norway the first time I was out of the country at 27 years old than I ever did in USA; and was treated like a rock star partly because of my education in EE.
One girlfriend's mother commented to me "It would be impossible for a man like you to not be married" in Russia, my geniality and intelligence would far make up for the lack of cowboy daring and aggressiveness.

So I think just in genetic/chemical terms we get along with certain cultures better. These things may be too deep seated to economically battle, I'm just moving to EE/Western Europe but it took me 20 years to save up enough to do it as well as 5 years of off-and-on research to get a EU passport through ancestry. ( Some luck there.)_

I often ell myself about anglo-saxon chicks whom I am really attracted to but have very little success with " They wouldn't know an emotion if it was delivered on a barge cruising the Po river with Pavorotti singing."
Sour grapes, but true.

[deadgabacho]

I found a nice gringa slam peice at an American party in a "residencia" here in buenos aires the other day and closed in 40 minutes with, "I bet you can't kiss like all American girls."

the ease of the pull was a turn off but the sexy was freaky and she was smooooking hot.

I'll bang Americans any day of the week, but I don't think I'd marry anything but an Argentine, Mexican (educated) or Spanish girl.. (Then again, my travel experience is somewhat limited to most of Europe and South America, maybe asians are great?)

[DonovanVC]

Its not necessarily that I think foreign girls are better than American girls. Its just a matter of who you can relate to and connect with easier. That is my real issue here.

[gringoed]

(09-19-2010 10:32 PM)deadgabacho Wrote:  

I found a nice gringa slam peice at an American party in a "residencia" here in buenos aires the other day and closed in 40 minutes with, "I bet you can't kiss like all American girls."

the ease of the pull was a turn off but the sexy was freaky and she was smooooking hot.

I'll bang Americans any day of the week, but I don't think I'd marry anything but an Argentine, Mexican (educated) or Spanish girl.. (Then again, my travel experience is somewhat limited to most of Europe and South America, maybe asians are great?)

I used to think Argentines were only weird when it came to picking up. Then I dated one for 3 months...

[Benelli]

Well, you've obviously dwelved into a culture they have a hard time relating to (been there, I know how different it is). Since you also seem to feel much more like the japanese, rather than americans - the alienation rather goes on inside your head.

If you'd surreound yourself with likeminded ppl or generally smarter ppl (don't mean to generalize, but I don't think the smartest ppl spend valuable time watching jersey shore) you'd probably be probed with questions about japan or have an opportunity to discuss subjects of mutual interest.

Look for japanese associations, film clubs or any of that stuff and you'll be surprised of how many kindred spirits you probably have out there.

---

Regarding "becoming so international", I think it's the opposite of what you're implying. International experience makes you ahead of their game in many ways, since you have more viewpoints and perspectives to your disposal in order to analyze and understand what's going on around you. I'd say international experience it makes you a better PUA, businessperson, whatever.

A common consequence is tha you lose patience with idiots around you. The "been there done that" ghost gets inside you, and you seek for continuous adventure/new experience. On the other hand it's a good thing, since it's a driving force for being "out there" and picking up chicks. You've got nothing to fear, since you've probably been out of your comfort zone many times before.

I can talk for myself, having lived in several countries on my own for studies, work and just for chilling. The beach w Leo Dicaprio gets kind of crazy, but I remember a monologue of his in the beginning of the movie. It goes something like "Nobody wanted to go with me, so I said f*** it, I'll go alone. That's the way it is and that's the way it has to be". Please correct me anyone, since I'm sure it's not entirely right.