[MikeinMKE]

This happened about a year ago as well - I've had two dates that I thought went well. Multiple venue changes, smoke breaks, makeout sessions on both. Mutual touching - even held hands on one (girl initiated while I was driving). Did not close either one do to logistics.

Both answered my text two days later positively: "lots of fun lets do it again" but then both went cold these last two days when setting next date. I dont usually pursue in these situations but since they both went seemingly so well I jokingly followed up with both and coaxed responses that while a good time was had, I was "too pushy" / "a little aggressive". I responded "sorry I'm a man - seemed like you were into it" and they both waffled. Both seem dead now.

Obviously better to be aggressive than not - I got laid twice the week before and then again with one of last weeks girls a couple of nights ago. But I am worried that I'm bad at reading body language - do girls let you make out with them and shit if they're really not that into you?

[Hoodlum]

Better to get blown out 20% of the time for over-escalating than 100% of the time for not escalating at all.

If you escalated strongly, and the girl didn't love the rest of your game that much, then she'll just use it as an excuse, which may be what happened here.

Just chalk it down to experience, and continue to work on self-improvement, game and social skills.

Also, I wouldn't have apologised - unless you were actually borderline rapey, then you didn't do anything wrong except owning your own intentions, and an apology is almost like an admission of guilt.

[Hoodlum]

Oh and yes, girls will make out with you in the moment, and then reconsider later when their emotional state has faded. Happens frequently.

[AneroidOcean]

(06-13-2013 08:23 AM)MikeinMKE Wrote:  

This happened about a year ago as well - I've had two dates that I thought went well. Multiple venue changes, smoke breaks, makeout sessions on both. Mutual touching - even held hands on one (girl initiated while I was driving). Did not close either one do to logistics.

Both answered my text two days later positively: "lots of fun lets do it again" but then both went cold these last two days when setting next date. I dont usually pursue in these situations but since they both went seemingly so well I jokingly followed up with both and coaxed responses that while a good time was had, I was "too pushy" / "a little aggressive". I responded "sorry I'm a man - seemed like you were into it" and they both waffled. Both seem dead now.

Obviously better to be aggressive than not - I got laid twice the week before and then again with one of last weeks girls a couple of nights ago. But I am worried that I'm bad at reading body language - do girls let you make out with them and shit if they're really not that into you?

You're not giving them enough comfort, so they're getting regret. You need to address that. However, even if you'd just IGNORED their comments re: being aggressive it would've been a LOT better than apologizing for THEIR issue. THEY felt regret, that doesn't mean you have anything to apologize for. Look at their text, "lots of fun lets do it again."

You don't text someone that if you have a real serious issue with the physicality you had. You say they went cold, but how much comfort are you giving them? Girls need emotional connection with the physicality otherwise they associate negative or worse "no connection."

[MikeinMKE]

Nice - any idea of how to give comfort on first date or aftermath? Maybe ask them to text me that they got home safely is a safe way to do that without seeming like a puss?

[Sebastian]

THIS

I think a lot of guys fall into this trap in the beginning.

They were shy to make a move. Now it's not hard for them to go aggressive. they get the kiss and make outs but girls disappear for some reason. If you see a pattern, then you should work on it instead of saying 'well fuck this girl, I didn't do anything wrong'
If nobody buys your shits, how can you blame your customer?

Yes, it happened to me a lot. I go in for the kiss, we have a Romatic kiss. I also make out with a girl in a lovely way but they disappear after those.

I do not believe in 'bang her ASAP'. No matter what you do, she already has a plan in her head. If she feels like, she did more than she is comfortable with you, then she will disappear.

I say don't go out with them with a goal ('I need to at least strip her tops tonight') in your head. just sit back, enjoy the time and see how it goes.

[/quote]

You're not giving them enough comfort, so they're getting regret. You need to address that. However, even if you'd just IGNORED their comments re: being aggressive it would've been a LOT better than apologizing for THEIR issue. THEY felt regret, that doesn't mean you have anything to apologize for. Look at their text, "lots of fun lets do it again."

You don't text someone that if you have a real serious issue with the physicality you had. You say they went cold, but how much comfort are you giving them? Girls need emotional connection with the physicality otherwise they associate negative or worse "no connection."
[/quote]

[Fatless]

(06-13-2013 08:23 AM)MikeinMKE Wrote:  

I responded "sorry I'm a man - seemed like you were into it"

Why would you apologize for being anyone but yourself? They can take it or leave it. "Too aggressive" for one girl could make another's panties dripping wet. Don't apologize for anything unless you really fucked up hard in something - this doesn't sound like you fucked up.

Another point, if you're "actually" too aggressive, you're probably skipping rungs on the escalation ladder, tripping these girl's "danger" wire. You're doing it (kinda) wrong, maybe.

I've had girls tell me things like, "I'm not wearing my nice panties, didn't plan on this!" and "well, that was unexpected." Of course, in my head, I snicker and think to myself "Not to me, babe," because I obviously know what I'm doing. My response has just been another kiss at that point, no need to comment back.