[Teddykgb]

So I kind of had a girlfriend but yesterday she decided to go look at cars and wanted me to come so like a nice guy I did. While we were inside the dealership she had to go back outside to get some stuff out of her car and she left her phone on the salesmans desk and while she was out a text came through from her ex boyfriend. I just happened to glance down at the phone because it started vibrating. Since I had rode with her I played it cool the whole time and pretended like I didn't see anything until after she bought her car.

On the ride home I told her to drop me off at my place and then she thought it was weird so she asked "why?". I told her I had seen her ex had texted her and she still had his number saved in her phone. She said "yeah he keeps texting me because his relatiionship failed so now he is trying get some attention and get me back". Then I said why would you have his number saved in your phone if you didn't really like him anymore? She had no good answer for this so I told her she can come back later and get her stuff out of my place.

Later I set her stuff outside of my door in my condo and let her in the building to come get it when she tried to get in. I didn't let her explain anything or talk to her that much except I told her that I still like her but I do not trust her anymore and i'm not cool with that.

Now I know I did the right thing but I wish she was the one that broke up with me because now I keep second guessing myself thiinking that I shouldn't have been so cold cut and dry. Any advice or did I handle this correctly?

If I just happened to randomly see this one text just think how many times she has been texting with him before. I was going to ask her to show me her phone and show me the whole conversation but if I already dont trust her whats the point?

I also want to go approach right now to get it out of my system but i'm kind of feeling sick to my stomach right now so I dont think i'm ready for that.

[little wing]

Man up. Did you want to marry her and spend the rest of your days with her?
No? Good, then pour yourself a scotch, listen to some good music and bang a new chick tonight

[Divorco]

Lots of people keep in touch with exes. If you made the decision instantly then you must have known something was going on. This is especially true if she was keeping those texts secret. If it was really benign then she would have shown you the conversation. You would have been embarrassed if he was giving supportive advice on how to improve your relationship.

Time to move on.

[Teddykgb]

She said she wasn't keeping them secret but at the same time she said she wasn't going to bring them up to me. She had told me her ex coctacted her about 1 month ago to give her all her stuff back that she had left at his place and I think since then he has probably been trying to get her back.

She told me he had cheated on her and that is why they broke up but if he was such an asshole and she really disliked him after that why would she still have his number saved in her phone?

[eradicator]

Did she ever actually tell you that she was no longer in contact with her ex? In general, jealousy isn't healthy but frankly, I can't say whether or not you are right to be pissed here. I will say that trying to dictate who she is allowed to contact isn't healthy.

I don't really think it's good to be checking someone elses texts or emails if you are in a relationship but all of this is moot if you no longer trust her. You have made your decision, clearly it was the right one for you, as for 'did you handle it correctly?'

I would have just fucked her really good and hard if I was in your position and not let myself get jealous.

[eradicator]

(06-02-2013 09:38 AM)murrb Wrote:  

She told me he had cheated on her and that is why they broke up but if he was such an asshole and she really disliked him after that why would she still have his number saved in her phone?

Well, one reason would have been to get her stuff back. Beyond that, you could have just said "so block him and cut all contact with him."

Ultimately, you weren't happy so it's just as well you left.

[Teddykgb]

I wasn't looking through her phone at all. She literally left it face up on the salesmens desk where I was sitting and it made the text message received noise and I literally looked down and saw his name. I didn't even know who it was at first but I knew that name sounded familiar and eventually I put 2 and 2 together.

I have been trying to break up with her so I could start gaming more but at the same time it still hurts I guess. I didn't think I would feel shitty afterwards but I do now. I guess I just have to suck it up and plow on.

[Matt3B]

Don't worry about it, lad. Move on to the next one now.

You'll see from her behaviour in the next week or so what the score was, but just leave her to it. You were trying to break up with her anyway.

He texted her a month ago to drop her stuff off or whatever, there's no excuse for him to be texting again now. They've obviously been talking.

Go get yourself another one.

[Teddykgb]

If she ends up calling or texting me should I ignore it or accept her back as just a booty call type thing?

[Matt3B]

Up to you mate, but if I was you and I wanted a booty call with her, I wouldn't do it at my place. She'd be a nightmare to get rid of, would want to talk about things and straighten it out. Do it at hers if you do so you can split any time you want.

[GenJx]

you shouldnt be booty calling this girl until you've banged at least another 2. sounds like you may still be hung up on her

[Teddykgb]

(06-02-2013 11:03 AM)GenJx Wrote:  

you shouldnt be booty calling this girl until you've banged at least another 2. sounds like you may still be hung up on her

Yeah I still like her but I dont trust her.

Quite a situation

[WesternCancer]

Like others have said you'll see how much she really wants you in the coming weeks. She(ll either go back to her ex to spite you or try anything to get you back.

You sounded like you played it pretty cool and made a decision you know you wanted to make. Like you said you couldn't trust her.

You're always going to feel a breakup. Fucking other chicks right away won't necessarily help. Go do something you've been meaning to do for a while. Hang out with your buddies and start approaching shortly thereafter

[rudebwoy]

I think you handled yourself very well, no one likes girls that are in contact with there ex's.

I would say it is a tough call, she might have been telling you the truth. Then again you said you don't trust her, so you must have your reasons. Usually girls aren't that carefree with leaving their cellphones around like that.

Curious as to how long you were dating her?

[Teddykgb]

(06-02-2013 12:49 PM)rudebwoy Wrote:  

I think you handled yourself very well, no one likes girls that are in contact with there ex's.

I would say it is a tough call, she might have been telling you the truth. Then again you said you don't trust her, so you must have your reasons. Usually girls aren't that carefree with leaving their cellphones around like that.

Curious as to how long you were dating her?

Well we started hanging out in December but really started hanging out a lot in late January/February. I would always avoid the relationship question and do my best to avoid the talk but she had added me on FB as we are in a relationship but I never accepted it because I didn't want to act needy.

So probably for about 6 months or so. I almost feel like I was following the forum too much and was not being emotional enough for her but oh well. I said things like "I want to see you get railed by a bunch of different dudes" as a joke all the time. I would get real sensual with her in bed but other than that I was pretty cool calm and collected. She had told me she loved me probably about 1 month ago and I didn't say anything back partly because I was shocked.

This was my longest relationship and I am 25 so I am glad to get this out of my way and I learned some things from it for sure.

[Travesty]

I think you handled the situation extremely well. Your gut is usually right and the simplest explanation is right.

Once you know a person well enough and I think you know her well enough, if you can imagine that person doing something they are most likely capable of doing it. I would flat our not see a girl as LTR material if I could even dream of her cheating.

Knowing she is willingly accepting texts of an ex trying to get her back means she doesn't respect you. For LTR, even in the earliest stages, I honestly would not be with anyone that does not act with absolute respect, not to mention a sense of extreme dedication. This is why I think the majority of us live this lifestyle, we realize that it is too rare in today's age. There are no societal or communal restraints on people to help foster relationships, all we have is game to keep a woman in line and frequently that isn't enough.

Good job dumping her off. And keeping her around for some sex if she already made you feel sick, not worth it. 1 vagina is nothing.

Move on.

[Therapsid]

If this girl was genuinely innocent, she would have been bawling and pleading with you when you dumped her ass. I don't see you mentioning anywhere that she was crying or calling you incessantly afterwards.

Moreover, the fact that she broke up with her ex because he cheated on her makes all the difference in the world. There are two kinds of ex's for chicks: the ones that the girl dumped because he was too beta and the ones that either dumped her or, as in this case, she dumped but only because he was fucking around or being too aloof and unavailable. The first kind of ex's are dead to their former girls, but the second live on in their dreams.

[Teddykgb]

(06-02-2013 01:41 PM)Therapsid Wrote:  

If this girl was genuinely innocent, she would have been bawling and pleading with you when you dumped her ass. I don't see you mentioning anywhere that she was crying or calling you incessantly afterwards.

Moreover, the fact that she broke up with her ex because he cheated on her makes all the difference in the world. There are two kinds of ex's for chicks: the ones that the girl dumped because he was too beta and the ones that either dumped her or, as in this case, she dumped but only because he was fucking around or being too aloof and unavailable. The first kind of ex's are dead to their former girls, but the second live on in their dreams.

I 100% agree with that. If he is such a bad guy in her eyes that she had to break up with him for cheating on her than no way in hell should his number still be saved in her phone unless she still wanted to leave that door open. I honestly thought that to myself because there was about 3 hours in between when I saw the text and when I confronted her about it. I was stuck at the car dealership with her so I wanted to make sure I got home before I did so but I thought to myself "I bet some guys would just try to ignore that because its not what they want to see"

That was my biggest sticking point and the fact that if I randomly saw this one text the 1 in 100 times she leaves her phone sitting in front of me than how many texts was she getting from him that I wasn't seeing?

Whenever my dad would catch me or my sister doing something bad he would say that if this is the first time I caught you than how many times have you done it and got away with it.

I truly appreciate all the feedback. I feel better knowing that I did the correct thing even though it sucks right now. Without this forum I probably would have overlooked it and never said a thing to her about it and just tried to forget it.

[Akula]

Quote:

This is why I think the majority of us live this lifestyle, we realize that it is too rare in today's age. There are no societal or communal restraints on people to help foster relationships, all we have is game to keep a woman in line and frequently that isn't enough.

Quote:

If this girl was genuinely innocent, she would have been bawling and pleading with you when you dumped her ass. I don't see you mentioning anywhere that she was crying or calling you incessantly afterwards.

Quote:

Moreover, the fact that she broke up with her ex because he cheated on her makes all the difference in the world. There are two kinds of ex's for chicks: the ones that the girl dumped because he was too beta and the ones that either dumped her or, as in this case, she dumped but only because he was fucking around or being too aloof and unavailable. The first kind of ex's are dead to their former girls, but the second live on in their dreams.

There is so much gold in this thread...these three responses from Travesty and Therapasid are real gems IMO.

I'll admit when I first read the OP's overview I thought "wow, that's way harsh" but then when the comments came in and the situation was carefully picked apart it's pretty clear he did the right thing and this girl was either on the way out or playing him already. In reading this stuff I think I learned some things I already suspected were true about my last LTR (which slowly blew up after a year as I got more bored and lost my luster with this particular girl - as someone on the forum once said, be as mysterious/distant/unavailable for as long as you can as once they figure you out they will drop you like a rock if they think they have you and you're overly Beta).

Also, the way she left the phone out for you to see is almost like she felt guilty and wanted to be caught. Then when she didn't even try to beg and plead you to keep her tells you all you need to know. Well played.

RE women in contact with their exes...usually bad I'd say, certainly in this case, but I've had girls I've known who have been pestered by their former boyfriends who've basically laughed at them and shown me some pretty pathetic texts, and not in a contrived or attention seeking manner. So on occasion it could be ok, but normally if they are in contact it's a bad thing and you should recalibrate immediately.

[Doulos2Game]

(06-02-2013 01:12 PM)murrb Wrote:  

(06-02-2013 12:49 PM)rudebwoy Wrote:  

I think you handled yourself very well, no one likes girls that are in contact with there ex's.

I would say it is a tough call, she might have been telling you the truth. Then again you said you don't trust her, so you must have your reasons. Usually girls aren't that carefree with leaving their cellphones around like that.

Curious as to how long you were dating her?

Well we started hanging out in December but really started hanging out a lot in late January/February. I would always avoid the relationship question and do my best to avoid the talk but she had added me on FB as we are in a relationship but I never accepted it because I didn't want to act needy.

So probably for about 6 months or so. I almost feel like I was following the forum too much and was not being emotional enough for her but oh well. I said things like "I want to see you get railed by a bunch of different dudes" as a joke all the time. I would get real sensual with her in bed but other than that I was pretty cool calm and collected. She had told me she loved me probably about 1 month ago and I didn't say anything back partly because I was shocked.

This was my longest relationship and I am 25 so I am glad to get this out of my way and I learned some things from it for sure.

This is not a "how to keep a relationship forum". The advice you will find here is to get women not keep them.

Relationship game is a whole different territory.

I personally had two girlfriends at the same time for 6 months. I was still able to run my regular game and manage the relationships. You have to know what to give and what to take away.

There is a high possibility that she was banging her ex. Girls are very emotional towards cheating. If she really hated him then she would not even be texting him.

My advice to you is, don't get in a relationship if gaming is what you want.

A player needs a sexual relationship of any sort here and there. There is no point in being a player and not being able to enjoy a beautiful women for more than one or two bangs.

[Teddykgb]

Well she text me saying she wanted to talk.

I text her back saying "It was nice knowing and I hope you can understand where I am coming from with the the trust issue. If your ex was such a bad guy that he cheated on you and you still keep him in your phone than you still like him"

She texts me back

"He never cheated on me. He was a good guy just not for me."

For some reason I had always thought he cheated on her or maybe she is just fucking with me i'm not sure. She had always told me she didn't like this certain coffee stand because a girl that works there is a home wrecker so I always figured it was her last bf who was banging her but it turns out to be a previous.

[rudebwoy]

I am not soft by no means, but it does not hurt to hear her out.
Some of the advice is good and some not so good, this is all part of the "game".
The most important thing is that you held your frame, also keep in mind this is her "ex" and she said the L word to you. Girls are usually funny about saying the L word, well at least the one's I have met.
Let's be honest, most girls have some (oribiters)dude sniffing around these days.

[augen sehen]

(06-03-2013 05:13 PM)murrb Wrote:  

Well she text me saying she wanted to talk.

I text her back saying "It was nice knowing and I hope you can understand where I am coming from with the the trust issue. If your ex was such a bad guy that he cheated on you and you still keep him in your phone than you still like him"

She texts me back

"He never cheated on me. He was a good guy just not for me."

It sounds like its going from bad to worse. Stop texting her dude, she is obviously not really missing you.

1. She texts, not calls. Who does that? The only way this would be excusable would be if... a) she hates talking on the phone, and b) she wrote you a long angsty message about how much she misses you and wants to explain everything.

2. She texts you short, you text her long. She has the power here.

3. "He was a good guy" - this could either mean she broke up with him, aka he's beta, or that she sees him as a valid cock.

Trust your own instincts, but I wouldn't have responded to that first text.

Also, I'd recommend reading Heartiste's post about how to win back an ex-girlfriend or keep her as a FB. #1 on the list is to not contact her for two weeks, if I'm not mistaken.

[RCron]

(06-03-2013 05:13 PM)murrb Wrote:  

"He never cheated on me. He was a good guy just not for me."

This to me reeks of those women who go back to their abusive, douche bag boyfriends and rationalize it by saying "you don't understand him, he's really a GOOD guy!"

Also, I like how she dodged your question of why she still has his number in your phone. I have a bad feeling about this man, stay strong and don't go back.

[Christian McQueen]

@OP:

Walk away and do not look back. I know it sucks, but go fuck 10 girls of EQUAL or better looks and you will be over her.

I went through the EXACT same thing with a ex GF and ignored my instinct instead of cutting her off. Total mistake on my part and it did not end well.

1 Iron Rule of Relationships: You MUST be able to trust her.