rooshvforum.network is a fully functional forum: you can search, register, post new threads etc...
Old accounts are inaccessible: register a new one, or recover it when possible. x


Is this redeemable?
#1

Is this redeemable?

So, I've never asked for advice on this forum before, but it's largely because I've been in a long term relationship for a long time. Now that I'm coming out of it, I find that I'm quite rusty and my self-esteem is at an all time low. By way of context, I was dumped for the first time in my life by this long term thing, largely because she broke into my email and read about how I objectified her and gamed her prior to dating her. I realize it's not really my fault, but it caused me to question a lot of things about my life. I tried to get her back, but I couldn't and it felt like a personal failure.

Anyhow, I generally don't have much trouble picking up. I'm not a natural by any means, but in terms of social status, I have a good job, money, and am naturally good looking.

The girl in question is a 9 - not by the inflated internet standards, but a legit 9. She's a successful professional actress.

I'm taking an improv class with her, and after my break up I was feeling low and never hit on her, assuming she was out of my league. I wouldn't have thought this before, but I just felt like shit.

As I started to get back into the swing of things, I decided to take a shot. We got to talking after one class and decided to go to an improv show together. It's a show that is open to students to volunteer to perform in. I texted her the day of and suggested we get a drink beforehand and she said maybe, if she got off work in time. She didn't. The show was fine and we both performed. I did terribly and she did fine, but we are both pretty new to improv.

That night we got to talking and realized we lived close by, but she had her bike and I didn't so I rode her bike and she sat on the seat and held my shoulders. It was a good moment. Then afterwards, we talked for about half an hour outside her house. Conversation is probably the strongest part of my game, but I didn't do anythign else to build attraction. It was just a lot more important to me because I'm still trying to feel normal. It got awkward towards the end and she is the one who finally ended the conversation, hugging me goodnight. I should have been more assertive here.

We didn't really talk until the next class we had, in which I was on fire, showing off a lot of the stuff I had learned from watching dozens of shows back when I lived in LA. Then we had a scene together in which she led with - why don't you just ask me out already. I think she was sending a pretty strong sign.

A few days later I texted her asking her to get drinks and she agreed right away. We had a few drinks, good conversation, and we eventually ended up making out in front of her house. It felt really good to be back. I said, let's go upstairs and she said no. I didn't push.

That weekend, I had her over for drinks on my patio. It went well again. We then went downstairs to watch a movie but my roommates were not being cool and I had to explicitly ask them to clear out. It made thinks akward. Still, she was all over me during the movie, straddled me, and got on top at one point and had her shirt off. Then my rooomates came in again and we had to compose ourselves.

Finally it got late and she left. I should have escalated more here - I think she liked that I was a forward older man, but I wasn't here. Just very gunshy. I fumbled with her pants and was generally not great. She's tiny so I should have just picked her up and taken her to my bed. Or we should have watched the movie in my bedroom which is what I think she thought would happen to begin with. Just not my best effort.

Then, she started taking longer to reply to texts, turned me down for one date and then suggested we see an improv show. During that one I just fucking sucked and made a fool out of myself. while watching the other performers I put my hand on her shoulder and rubbed it a bit. She took my hand off - the kiss of death.

After the show she said she was tired and going home. I said let's get a drink, she said she was too tired.

At this point I knew that things were pretty much done - I had lost it.

I should probably just be happy that just a few months after the worst break up of my life, and going through my first depressive episode, I'm dating 9s. It should be a boon to my confidence. And it kind of is. But I wouldn't mind trying to repair this one.

In an effort to gain some control over it, I sent a text today. here is it and her response:

Hey X, just wanted to make clear that I get the hints you've been laying down - this is far from my first rodeo after all. but I would like to remain improv buddies, if you are down.

Hey X, I'm very embarassed you had to write that text. I should have gotten up the gumption to say it, i'm sorry. improv budddies we will remain!

Good! I think ti's better that way. and don't be embarassed. i've been in both of our shoes in this type of situation, and i don't mind being explicit about it. it's better in the long run.

--

so any analysis about what exactly I did wrong. i think i know but it would be nice to hear. and any suggestions for the future.

my best guess is just to not contact her indefinitely. see her in class only. maybe suggest we see a show in a week or two. maybe that leads to a drink, etc.

like i said, i realize i had a good thing at messed up. i was always on the fringe of my weight class, so there was never much margin for error. indeed, i probably got lucky because i think she just got over a bad breakup.
Reply
#2

Is this redeemable?

Throw a party for your improv class and invite her.
Have a ball.
Be a charming and good looking host.

Corner her when you get a chance.

Game on.

WIA

It really sounds like you've got a whole mountain of issues though
Reply
#3

Is this redeemable?

I agree with WIA.

Be emotionless to her. Have her guessing what's going on in your mind. Show that you're not effected by her rejection. Don't over do things like this "Good! I think ti's better that way. and don't be embarassed. i've been in both of our shoes in this type of situation, and i don't mind being explicit about it. it's better in the long run."

A simple "cool" would've sufficed.
Reply
#4

Is this redeemable?

That's good advice. I was going to have a housewarming soon anyway.

And yes, there is a mountain of issues. A couple of years ago I was in a really good spot, figuring game out, sleeping with a new 7-8 every week or so, and just being happy. Then I met this girl who I really wasn't that into at first, picked up VERY easily, and eventually fell in love. I thought I'd probably marry her, and just had become very content and reliant on her. It reminds me a lot of Krauser's break-up actually, if you follow his blog.

But yeah, when I realized I couldn't get her back and she started sleeping with a close friend of mine I pretty much lost it. There was, of course, oneitis. I was depressed, barely left the house, and generally started wasting away. I thought how could this girl who was all over me in the beginning have no interest in me anymore.

In reality, I think the thing with this actress, no matter how it turns out, was a good thing. She's much hotter than the one who broke up with me, and actually I think several of you would recognize her if you saw her because she's had minor roles on a lot of TV shows. It was the first time in months when I didn't feel like shit. And now despite her ending it, I feel a lot better than before meeting her.
Reply
#5

Is this redeemable?

I hope you dropped your mate, in both ways.

Professor Mentu said to me once that a girl can fall for a guy but will leave him bleeding on the side of the road at the drop of a hat if it suits her hypergamy. I've never questioned why girls go up and down since.
Reply
#6

Is this redeemable?

I think you need to work out your roommate situation also. I live with three other guys, and it is an unwritten rule that we are all super respectful when another has a lady over. This is key.
Reply
#7

Is this redeemable?

Quote: (05-27-2013 06:00 PM)kenmoreISburning Wrote:  

I think you need to work out your roommate situation


Understatement! Your roommates don't have any common sense???
Reply
#8

Is this redeemable?

Definitely not redeemable. No idea what you sent that text for anyway, that was really drew the line under it.
Reply
#9

Is this redeemable?

Quote: (05-27-2013 06:00 PM)kenmoreISburning Wrote:  

I think you need to work out your roommate situation also. I live with three other guys, and it is an unwritten rule that we are all super respectful when another has a lady over. This is key.
We had a talk about this last night actually.

Thanks for the comments everyone!
Reply
#10

Is this redeemable?

Quote: (05-27-2013 04:32 PM)MattC Wrote:  

I hope you dropped your mate, in both ways.

Professor Mentu said to me once that a girl can fall for a guy but will leave him bleeding on the side of the road at the drop of a hat if it suits her hypergamy. I've never questioned why girls go up and down since.

I see this dude all the time and the though of him nailing my ex drives me crazy. Should I fight him? I'd be close, but I think I could take him.
Reply
#11

Is this redeemable?

Whaaaaaaat?!?! You fell in love with a girl and YOUR FRIEND WHO YOU SEE ALL THE TIME starts fucking her?!?!

Mate, that's no friend to roll with. Fighting him now would be a bit of a delayed reaction but I'm sure he contributed to the months you wasted away and felt depressed. I can't believe you're still talking to the guy.
Reply
#12

Is this redeemable?

Quote: (05-28-2013 09:06 PM)MattC Wrote:  

Whaaaaaaat?!?! You fell in love with a girl and YOUR FRIEND WHO YOU SEE ALL THE TIME starts fucking her?!?!

Mate, that's no friend to roll with. Fighting him now would be a bit of a delayed reaction but I'm sure he contributed to the months you wasted away and felt depressed. I can't believe you're still talking to the guy.

Sorry that came out wrong. I see him all the time because he's in the same social circle. Since I'm relatively new to this city, it's really the only one I had and I couldn't bear to see this girl and him out together so I isolated myself for a few months, which I think contributed to the depression. Now I'm out there doing improv classes and other things, trying to forge a new circle. Still, I want to see some of my old friends again and oftentimes he just shows up with a fucking shit eating grin on his face.

Listen, I realize I'm still tied up on this girl, because that shit shouldn't matter anymore. But I want to kick this guy's ass.

But no, I don't speak to him when I see him. I try to just ignore him and act like I don't care, which I think is the stronger move. The problem is I do care.
Reply
#13

Is this redeemable?

It's your call to make.
Reply
#14

Is this redeemable?

It's pretty much over now
Reply
#15

Is this redeemable?

Quote: (05-27-2013 11:21 AM)flavoraddict Wrote:  

She's tiny so I should have just picked her up and taken her to my bed.

Guys, if you calibrate ANY way half decent, if you're ever on the fence about just picking a girl up and carrying her to your bedroom, do yourself a favor, and stop thinking so damn much.

I don't think that I calibrate "that" well and it's never ended anything but positive for me (even if she wasn't fucking me she never left the bedroom).

This is where you lost it. You had regained the lost momentum from the awkwardness outside her house, then thrown it all away with allowing your roommate situation to interfere and by additionally not changing the venue up to your bedroom.

Further, you put your hand on her shoulder in a public setting. You're not her man, her boyfriend, or even her lover. That's absolutely a no no.

The good thing that you've done is that you salvaged the friendship so that there won't be any awkwardness and you can legitimitely add a 9 to your social circle and use her to get other girls when you go out.

You definitely need to address the issues with your ex and with that dude. You either need to cut him out of your life (moving to your new social circle even if it's hard to not hang out with your other friends) or address him directly. You don't have to fight him, but you need to say what you want to say, get it out, and move forward.

Read My Old Blog - Subscribe To My Old Blog
Top Posts - Fake Rape? - Sex With A Tranny? - Rich MILF - What is a 9?

"Failure is just practice for success"
Reply
#16

Is this redeemable?

Man, female hypergamy sucks.
Reply
#17

Is this redeemable?

Quote: (05-27-2013 11:21 AM)flavoraddict Wrote:  

So, I've never asked for advice on this forum before, but it's largely because I've been in a long term relationship for a long time. Now that I'm coming out of it, I find that I'm quite rusty and my self-esteem is at an all time low. By way of context, I was dumped for the first time in my life by this long term thing, largely because she broke into my email and read about how I objectified her and gamed her prior to dating her. I realize it's not really my fault, but it caused me to question a lot of things about my life. I tried to get her back, but I couldn't and it felt like a personal failure.

Anyhow, I generally don't have much trouble picking up. I'm not a natural by any means, but in terms of social status, I have a good job, money, and am naturally good looking.

The girl in question is a 9 - not by the inflated internet standards, but a legit 9. She's a successful professional actress.

I'm taking an improv class with her, and after my break up I was feeling low and never hit on her, assuming she was out of my league. I wouldn't have thought this before, but I just felt like shit.

As I started to get back into the swing of things, I decided to take a shot. We got to talking after one class and decided to go to an improv show together. It's a show that is open to students to volunteer to perform in. I texted her the day of and suggested we get a drink beforehand and she said maybe, if she got off work in time. She didn't. The show was fine and we both performed. I did terribly and she did fine, but we are both pretty new to improv.

That night we got to talking and realized we lived close by, but she had her bike and I didn't so I rode her bike and she sat on the seat and held my shoulders. It was a good moment. Then afterwards, we talked for about half an hour outside her house. Conversation is probably the strongest part of my game, but I didn't do anythign else to build attraction. It was just a lot more important to me because I'm still trying to feel normal. It got awkward towards the end and she is the one who finally ended the conversation, hugging me goodnight. I should have been more assertive here.

We didn't really talk until the next class we had, in which I was on fire, showing off a lot of the stuff I had learned from watching dozens of shows back when I lived in LA. Then we had a scene together in which she led with - why don't you just ask me out already. I think she was sending a pretty strong sign.

A few days later I texted her asking her to get drinks and she agreed right away. We had a few drinks, good conversation, and we eventually ended up making out in front of her house. It felt really good to be back. I said, let's go upstairs and she said no. I didn't push.

That weekend, I had her over for drinks on my patio. It went well again. We then went downstairs to watch a movie but my roommates were not being cool and I had to explicitly ask them to clear out. It made thinks akward. Still, she was all over me during the movie, straddled me, and got on top at one point and had her shirt off. Then my rooomates came in again and we had to compose ourselves. ???

Finally it got late and she left. I should have escalated more here - I think she liked that I was a forward older man, but I wasn't here. Just very gunshy. I fumbled with her pants and was generally not great. She's tiny so I should have just picked her up and taken her to my bed. Or we should have watched the movie in my bedroom which is what I think she thought would happen to begin with. Just not my best effort.

Then, she started taking longer to reply to texts, turned me down for one date and then suggested we see an improv show. During that one I just fucking sucked and made a fool out of myself. while watching the other performers I put my hand on her shoulder and rubbed it a bit. She took my hand off - the kiss of death.

After the show she said she was tired and going home. I said let's get a drink, she said she was too tired.

At this point I knew that things were pretty much done - I had lost it.

I should probably just be happy that just a few months after the worst break up of my life, and going through my first depressive episode, I'm dating 9s. It should be a boon to my confidence. And it kind of is. But I wouldn't mind trying to repair this one.

In an effort to gain some control over it, I sent a text today. here is it and her response:

Hey X, just wanted to make clear that I get the hints you've been laying down - this is far from my first rodeo after all. but I would like to remain improv buddies, if you are down.

Hey X, I'm very embarassed you had to write that text. I should have gotten up the gumption to say it, i'm sorry. improv budddies we will remain!

Good! I think ti's better that way. and don't be embarassed. i've been in both of our shoes in this type of situation, and i don't mind being explicit about it. it's better in the long run.

--

so any analysis about what exactly I did wrong. i think i know but it would be nice to hear. and any suggestions for the future.

my best guess is just to not contact her indefinitely. see her in class only. maybe suggest we see a show in a week or two. maybe that leads to a drink, etc.

like i said, i realize i had a good thing at messed up. i was always on the fringe of my weight class, so there was never much margin for error. indeed, i probably got lucky because i think she just got over a bad breakup.

[Image: 309896204_d4331fe2f0.jpg?v=0]

You already know what you did wrong, I have just bolded the parts for you.

Follow what the others have said, be emotionless and to corner her 1 on 1 and persist persist persist until she walks away. That's what I would do.
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)