9 NJ Bars Raided for Selling Cheap Booze
05-26-2013, 10:15 AM
This story really pissed me off. If I found out a bar served me poison or dirty water instead of whatever the hell I bought and paid for (and probably left a generous tip as well) I would make it my mission to rain pain and suffering down on that business and make sure the servers/bartenders/managers/owners and whoever else was involved felt my pain times 1000. Obviously I would never do anything illegal, I'd just imagine all the possibilities in my fantasy world:
It would be a textbook case of revenge. My first instinct would be to make some cocktails of my own: Molotov Cocktails (glass bottle filled with 2/3's gasoline, 1/3 oil, and a rag stuffed down far enough to soak it up), head over late night and burn the place to the ground. But that's the hothead in me and I know that revenge is something you plan out and take your time with.
Normally I always advise a 90 day waiting period before undertaking any form of revenge because you need time and distance to plan it well but more importantly, you want to drop so far off your targets' radar that when bad things start happening to them the last person they ever suspect is you. Don't make threats that alert your target, don't brag or shoot off your mouth to ANYONE else unless they're a co-conspirator who will be sitting beside you in jail when you get caught. And if you did ever get caught in this make believe endeavor you'd know that you NEVER ADMIT ANYTHING EVER, even in the face of indisputable proof of your possible involvement.
In this case, however, the 90 day waiting period is waived, these motherfuckers need to be taken care of ASAP.
So as much as I'd like to burn the place to the ground that's too quick and easy and the owner will get insurance money and open a new place with a clean record (unless you frame him for arson). No, you want to destroy the business so the owner loses the maximum amount of time, money, and reputation as possible. You want his whole life to turn into one big shit sandwich so that his only option is moving far, far away.
First compile your list of targets. The building itself is the main target. Think of how many ways a building can be vandalized, inside and out: A large front window that breaks once, sometimes twice a month and needs to be replaced, what an expensive pain in the ass! Same thing with spray paint, it's expensive and time consuming to keep cleaning the word SCUMBAG in giant blood red letters off the front of the building. Locks filled with Krazy Glue are a bummer. If you're stealth enough with it, Vaseline smeared on doorknobs and other surfaces is a very disgusting surprise, especially for whoever comes in first to open the place.
Rotten eggs, well, you know how those work, place them throughout and smelly messes abound. What you might not know about is the power of shrimp. Toss a handful on the roof, over the entrance, or leave it in the parking lot somewhere and every pigeon, seagull, and hungry bird within five miles will converge on that spot. That's a shitload of bird shit all over the building and parking lot. The shrimp (or really any other kind of raw meat) trick works inside too. Imagine the critters it attracts and the stink it makes when tossed up under ceiling tiles, jammed in out of the way corners, under the bar, or stuffed into furniture. If you can introduce this stuff to the heating-ventilation system that not only causes a stink, it causes expensive service calls and hey, the HVAC contractor may have heard about how the bar poisoned people and now he's recommending a whole new system be installed! Sometimes the smell goes on and on and no matter how hard they look it can't be found.
Do you know what happens when hydraulic cement gets flushed down a toilet or poured into a sink drain? Me either, but this is a good place to experiment. Plumbers, new toilets, sinks and pipe, that gets very expensive very quick too. Water is one of the most powerful and destructive forces on the planet if you get enough of it in one place. If you were able to work it so that you were one of the last people out of the bar one night and nobody notices that you blocked up the bathroom sink and left the water on then you can unleash your own mini-tsunami in the place. Even better, cut or break a water pipe altogether. If there's a hose bib outside maybe you could hook up a hose and jam it through a convenient hole in the wall or even the roof, the higher up the better as heavy, waterlogged sheets of drywall hung to the ceiling make a big mess when they come down and they can bring down lighting and other ceiling fixtures with them. Trust me, water can cause a lot of damage in just twenty minutes, so if you get eight, nine, ten or more hours of running water... well, that's more than enough to make some scumbag bar owner cry.
I could go on forever about how to sabotage the building, the only limit is your imagination. We didn't really even cover introducing pests and critters to the environment beyond attracting them with rancid meat. But lets move on and make things a bit more personal.
Think back about all those drinks you ordered and paid for and something didn't seem quite right but you chalked it up to anything else but the bar carrying out a sinister plan to make a few extra dollars. Now remember how the waitress and the bartender and the manager and the owner would all stand at the far end of the bar laughing hysterically at some private joke. Well, now you know that YOU were the fucking joke, dipshit.
Those assholes wouldn't care if the swill they served made you sick enough to die, they were making a little profit and having laughs at your expense. Once you've gotten over being disgusted and furious, it's time to take down names, numbers, addresses (physical and email) and identify family members, spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends (and all their information too) and also everyone's vehicles and license plate numbers. The more information you have about everyone the more you can fuck with their lives. Some people say not to involve anyone besides the people who wronged you, others believe that anything and everything is fair game when it comes to warfare...
The same vandalism that works on the bar works on houses too. What's even better is leaving evidence that implicates another of your primary targets. When the owner's house burns to the ground and the fire investigators find the bar manager's license plate at the end of the driveway that causes a lot of questions to be asked.
A vehicle is also a great target. Anything that goes in the gas tank besides gas makes for lots of expensive repairs. Scratches, keys, broken windows, flat tires, spray paint. Do you know how easy it is to clip the brake lines and gas lines? Hell, they run them all together so you can't miss them if you somehow wind up under a targets car with some handy tin snips. Best to cut them in a few places so complete new lines need to be installed, just be careful of contents under pressure.
If you're not mechanically inclined you can use bumper stickers to your advantage. Gay pride and rainbow stickers work great, sometimes your target won't even know it's there for a few days. If they're a flaming liberal get some conservative stickers or vice versa. If you really want to cause some mayhem take an American flag, tie it to the bumper with a piece of rope so that when your target drives off it drags along the ground behind them. If they don't get beaten up by pissed off average Joe's the cops will take care of them.
I once heard of a real jerk who just about went crazy trying to figure out what was wrong with the rear passenger side tire on his very expensive car because it kept going flat. Sometimes it happened three days in a row then it was fine for a week. They were only too happy at the dealership to replace the "faulty" tire but then, sure enough, it started happening again. Three new tires later the jerk decided he needed a whole new car, never knowing how easy it was for someone with a legitimate grudge to keep letting the air out of that one tire and just sit back and watch all the brain damage unfold.
You might just wait until closing time and give a friendly call to 911 and report the bartenders' license plate number with a vehicle description and tell them "This drunk is all over the road and I think he sideswiped a bunch of cars on X Street." The prick is probably drunk anyway.
And speaking of police, did you know that if the local PD gets an anonymous letter explaining that a certain establishment is a front for any type of drug dealing, gambling, prostitution, loansharking, organized crime or all of the above they will actually initiate an investigation? What's also funny is how the everyday ordinary actions of individuals can appear very sinister when viewed by a detective under the impression of investigating a criminal enterprise.
Ever thought your wife or girlfriend was cheating on you? Well, now you can relive your blue pill days through your targets. Call the waitresses' boyfriend from a pay phone or blocked number and tell him that after the bar closes every Wednesday night two coke dealers are DPing her in the back room. Or enlist a female friend to call the owner and tell him to "Keep your slut wife away from my husband,". You see how this game gets played!
I could go on but you get the idea. Never be anything but the nice guy patron you've always been. Hell, you'll want to hang around plenty to see the effects of all this chaos. Keep asking, "What the hell is that smell?" to drive them batty looking for it. Plus you'll be a great listener and have good advice about all the mayhem going on when you tell them it's probably not that whole we-switched-the-scotch-with-pine-sol thing, it's just bad luck... and hey, did you know the owners' wife Bobbi was caught sucking off Bill the manager in the parking lot?
Of course this is all just a fantasy. In real life I'd chalk it up to the fact I'm just some poor sucker who takes this kind of bullshit and never does anything about it and relies on the proper authorities to take care of all my problems.
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