I still get uneasy when it comes to dropping girls that I've banged a couple/few times - I feel some guilt and trepidation and regret. One of my new things that I've taken to doing is NOT banging them the last time I see them (adderall is a convenient excuse as is a "tough leg day at the gym) so that I can make it a "softer" landing (I'm not pumping and dumping quite as dramatically this way (plus it greatly reduces the risk of any false rape shit which one of my old frat brothers went through and it still spooks me)). When they send the follow-up text a few days later it sucks knowing that I'm not responding to that text and that's it. I can be an empathetic person and put myself in their shoes and I realize it sucks.
But still - a large part of me is sadistic and selfish and I am kind of annoyed that they let go so easily. Aren't I worth an extra text? Am I that replaceable? I could see them letting go that cleanly if it was just a "normal guy" but this is ME we're talking about here! The guy with the cool condo and car, awesome dog, who dresses well, loves art, talks to them knowledgeably about their travels abroad, Mad Men, and how we were the only kids in our high school who actually LIKED "The Great Gatsby". I'm THIS replaceable that you just go quietly?
It's a fucked up way of thinking. I'm glad there's no scene or dramatic text/tears (because we've only fucked twice and hung out 4 times) but it gnaws at me that chicks throughout their 20's (and even some in their early 30's) are this casual about the whole sexual exchange thing. Is it my conservative upbringing mixed with my narcissism mixed with the soft spot of my heart all coming together in a weird cocktail of emotion? Do they have some huge oaf with an 8" penis on speed dial to fuck what minor sorrow the feel away? Did they recently hook up with a bench player for the professional hockey team whose friends are crazy fun to be around? Is it because I'm still meeting about 67% of these girls on Match and while I'm near the top of the heap they have an unending supply of emails/leads in their inbox to replace me with? Would I subconsciously RATHER have a scene because I secretly need to be validated "Mike you're so awesome please don't stop seeing me!"?
Just curious if anybody else feels this way.
But still - a large part of me is sadistic and selfish and I am kind of annoyed that they let go so easily. Aren't I worth an extra text? Am I that replaceable? I could see them letting go that cleanly if it was just a "normal guy" but this is ME we're talking about here! The guy with the cool condo and car, awesome dog, who dresses well, loves art, talks to them knowledgeably about their travels abroad, Mad Men, and how we were the only kids in our high school who actually LIKED "The Great Gatsby". I'm THIS replaceable that you just go quietly?
It's a fucked up way of thinking. I'm glad there's no scene or dramatic text/tears (because we've only fucked twice and hung out 4 times) but it gnaws at me that chicks throughout their 20's (and even some in their early 30's) are this casual about the whole sexual exchange thing. Is it my conservative upbringing mixed with my narcissism mixed with the soft spot of my heart all coming together in a weird cocktail of emotion? Do they have some huge oaf with an 8" penis on speed dial to fuck what minor sorrow the feel away? Did they recently hook up with a bench player for the professional hockey team whose friends are crazy fun to be around? Is it because I'm still meeting about 67% of these girls on Match and while I'm near the top of the heap they have an unending supply of emails/leads in their inbox to replace me with? Would I subconsciously RATHER have a scene because I secretly need to be validated "Mike you're so awesome please don't stop seeing me!"?
Just curious if anybody else feels this way.
