[Caubvick]

Okay, I'm new here, and I'm hoping for some honest and anonymous advice about improving my luck with girls.

I'll describe myself, and answer any questions honestly, and I want everybody's help trying to figure out what my weaknesses are and why I have so little in the way of success with girls.

I'm 21 years old and white. I'm 6'5" tall and weigh 220 pounds at about 9-10% bodyfat. I live in a small town of 5,000 people, and have attended a small state university of 8,000 for four years. While there, I have kept perfect marks all the way through school and am treasurer in my college fraternity, which is an ordinary social/historic fraternity.

Okay, as for my sexual experience. I'm not a virgin: I've had one girlfriend for about 18 months who was decent looking but mentally unstable. I've had some makeout sessions with a few other chicks, but never really went anywhere with them. That's it.

Here are what I think are possible weaknesses:
-I'm simply too tall. I get comments all the time about my height from both males and females, and sometimes I feel they may look at me as a curiosity.
-Perhaps I'm a dork. I lift weights and make a decent amount of money, but I don't drink and would rather talk about mountains, nature, or piano music than sports, booze, etc.
-I just don't get out of the house enough. It's true that I'm a bit of a homebody. I tend to leave parties early, etc, mostly because I find drunken parties boring. I live near a resort and the other guys are always going to bars, but I can't stand bars.

I don't have one uploaded now, but I can try to get a picture of myself to show my face/style of dress etc. if you feel that would help you better pinpoint what I might be doing wrong and how I can improve my luck with girls.

Please be honest. Not necessarily cruel, but I've been asking some guy friends and they haven't really been able to help me. I also don't know that they would tell me the truth if they thought it might hurt me.

[dlmelvin86]

hmmm.

id work on changing your mentality. half of the game is mental. ur tall and girls like that. im not sure how you dress and ur overall style but id def get that straight also.

maximize your looks with dressing good. work on approaching girls in bars and clubs. be witty and funny and neg here and there. build your confidence up and with practice you should be good to go.

[thegmanifesto]

Two huge problems:

"I don't drink"

Drinking is one of the keys to swooping girls. Show me a cat is a non-drinker that gets girls and I will show you 100 cats that swoop more girls and hotter girls. Its that simple.

"I just don't get out of the house enough."

Even Cassanova wouldn't swoop girls if he never left the couch.

My advice:

Grab a case of vodka and keep drinking till you like the stuff. Trust me, you will.

Get out the crib.

[Caubvick]

(06-28-2010 09:54 PM)dlmelvin86 Wrote:  

hmmm.

id work on changing your mentality. half of the game is mental. ur tall and girls like that. im not sure how you dress and ur overall style but id def get that straight also.

maximize your looks with dressing good. work on approaching girls in bars and clubs. be witty and funny and neg here and there. build your confidence up and with practice you should be good to go.

Well, my overall style is pretty basic: I wear decent shoes or flip flops, dark jeans, athletic-cut tee shirts in solids/camo/simple designs, etc. Nothing fancy, but always clean.

What is the weakness in my mentality that you pick up from my post? I'd like to know specifically what kinds of points I should focus on changing.

Also, about congruency. Generally speaking, I don't like bars and clubs. How would I achieve congruency with the bar/club environment?

[dlmelvin86]

(06-28-2010 10:09 PM)Caubvick Wrote:  

(06-28-2010 09:54 PM)dlmelvin86 Wrote:  

hmmm.

id work on changing your mentality. half of the game is mental. ur tall and girls like that. im not sure how you dress and ur overall style but id def get that straight also.

maximize your looks with dressing good. work on approaching girls in bars and clubs. be witty and funny and neg here and there. build your confidence up and with practice you should be good to go.

Well, my overall style is pretty basic: I wear decent shoes or flip flops, dark jeans, athletic-cut tee shirts in solids/camo/simple designs, etc. Nothing fancy, but always clean.

What is the weakness in my mentality that you pick up from my post? I'd like to know specifically what kinds of points I should focus on changing.

Also, about congruency. Generally speaking, I don't like bars and clubs. How would I achieve congruency with the bar/club environment?

as for dressing goes id try and be one of the best dressed guys at any venue. something simple advise would be to go get you a nice pair of designer jeans from buckle, and pick up some slick designer shirts from express. that should look nice for a basic bar or casual club.

well your mentality isnt right because if it was you wouldnt be on here asking for advise on why you are not having any luck with the ladies.

like i said, half the game is mental. you need to know you are the shit and the women will pickup on that alpha male trait.

you dont need to be the best looking guy. you just need to be outgoing, funny, witty, and confident with a nice style and you will be able to pull women.

[OGNorCal707]

It's really hard to say what your issue is, but I think you aren't getting dlmelvin's point about the game being "mental", a lot of it is your inner game, which can deal with a variety of things (such as: your confidence, level of anxiety, neediness, etc.) Confidence is a huge factor and can be hard to fake, but if you come off as unconfident women will pick up on that and it is a huge turn off for them. Also, do you have really bad approach anxiety, or do you have a hard time dealing with rejection? I had huge problems with both of them, but you have to get to a point where you stop giving a fuck and start approaching lot's of women with the intentions of flirting, getting phone numbers, dates, make-out, sex, retlationships, etc. I consider myself a good looking guy and also live in a small town, but unless you are like Brad Pitt good looking, or have some kind of high social status from being in a band, college sports teams, or high paying/high status profession, chances are women are not going to approach you. At least in my case women that approach me tend to not be very good looking, I'd say average at best. So if you're not approaching women at all, you can't expect one to just fall from the sky and land in your lap (esp. not in a small town).

I think the G-man's advice about the bottle of vodka, was meant in good spirits, but he does have a point. In some ways I feel what you're saying, although I do like getting drunk occasionally, I think it sucks in some ways that once you reach a certain age, the best venue for meeting women are bars and clubs, but in many ways this is a reality, that you will need to come to terms with. You don't necessarily need to get wasted, but get out there, take a shot, have a mixed drink, and finish off with a beer, you're a big guy so you will get a buzz that will act as a "social lubricant", but you won't get completely shit faced. Anyways, alcohol can be huge when it comes to meeting/getting women, because it will loosen you up, but more importantly it loosens the women up and gets them way more crazy, impulsive, and horny, etc. If you absolutely not into drinking and are intent on meeting women, then you need to do day game all they way, it can be kind of awkward, esp. in a small town, but you need to start approaching and talking to women every where (ie: grocery store, gym, sidewalk, coffee shop, book store, etc.)

I will tell you as a man of average height, your height is in no way a disadvantage, women love tall men, period, point blank! Unless you are like Manute Bol, Yao Ming, or George Murroson tall, you are golden, I've heard women say that they love men that are like 6 ft. 4 in and you're right there. In fact, I bet when girls comment on you being tall, they are really giving you an indicator of interest, and you really just have your head up your ass and don't know.

Final thoughts, you're style sounds kind of bland, dress a little different to set your self apart. Are you into any kind of style more than others or is there a style in your area that women prefer (ie: hip hop, hipster, punk rocker, redneck, etc.)? Most women like men who are "GQ" so this is never a bad direction to take your style as far as grooming and clothes. Okay, now here is the biggest thing that may be holding you back, it sounds like you have some form of "social anxiety disorder" and are a very intraverted person, which is kind of how I am, and am working towards changing. If you spend time at home by yourself and don't like going out, then you probably have social anxiety pretty bad. You're choices are pretty slim, if you are really bad you may want to go to a shrink for a few sessions, just to get some shit off your chest and get some kind of professional feedback, but often times this can be a waste of money. Some people with social anxiety take prescription meds and it works for them, but I am never an advocate of taking any prescription or non-natural drugs, unless it's the once in a blue moon ecstasy or acid trip. The best thing you can do for social anxiety is just force yourself to break out of your shell and put yourself in uncomfortable situations, until you learn to not give a fuck and let your anxiety dominate your frame of mind. To do this start approaching people in general (but women more importantly) and start up random conversation, start going to more social functions, and getting out there.

[Aylar]

I think a couple of your problems are these:

I think where you live isn't conducive to your style. If you don't like parties, drinking and bars, you won't meet anyone in an environment you're not comfortable in. there's nothing wrong with the fact you don't like to drink. ignore that. A change of ambience might do you good.

As far as the height is concerned. It's not the height that is a problem, its how you're dealing with it that is. I have seen men that are taller than 6'2" act very insecurely in regards to their height. they slouch, they want to bring themselves down to everyone else's level, they tend to be quiet so as not to overcompensate their large stature with a loud voice and personality. I often find they don't let go and they are uptight or look goofy as a result. This might be coming off as unapproachable or awkward to women. I think you need to stand up straight, even if it means you're the tallest guy in the room. this can be an extreme advantage. Use it! people who are comfortable an accepting of who they are will come across as someone you want to be around because they don't have any setbacks, complexes, baggage, or ulterior motives.

[Kona]

(06-28-2010 08:37 PM)Caubvick Wrote:  

am treasurer in my college fraternity, which is an ordinary social/historic fraternity.

Start ripping those bastards off. Before you know it you'll be rolling in cash, and nothing else will matter.

(06-28-2010 08:37 PM)Caubvick Wrote:  

I don't drink and would rather talk about mountains, nature, or piano music than sports, booze, etc.

Don't sweat that, those are the things girls want to talk about, too.

Aloha!

[Roosh]

How many approaches have you done in the past 3 months?

[Caubvick]

(06-29-2010 12:36 AM)Roosh Wrote:  

How many approaches have you done in the past 3 months?

This is embarrassing to admit: two overt attempts. One resulted in a good makeout session within an hour, the other went nowhere. Even if it's really not true, I was brought up to think that it's rude to approach a stranger like that; it's a hard bit of programming to go against.

I've recently been focusing more on trying to improve my own life: eg I'm moving out of my parents' house later this week and I've been trying to keep up two jobs. Perhaps I hoped that I would meet girls through work etc but I've been lazy about approaching.



Also, it's not that I'm absolutely intent on NOT drinking, it's mostly that I've never had a desire to drink and I dislike how loud and crowded bars are. I occasionally drink, but never more than one or two at a time, and always pretty much on special social occasions.

Reading over these responses and comparing them to myself, I think that the following are quite possibly my biggest problems:

-I'm lazy (not about everything, but about meeting girls). Many other things in life come kind of easily to me, and I guess I assumed that this should be the same way.
-My clothing style probably comes across as boring.

[Willy Wonka]

"I live in a small town of 5,000 people"

I think that's your biggest problem. I can't imagine approaching girls in a town of only 5k people.

[thegmanifesto]

(06-29-2010 11:51 AM)Willy Wonka Wrote:  

"I live in a small town of 5,000 people"

I think that's your biggest problem. I can't imagine approaching girls in a town of only 5k people.

I was going to say that as well.

That must be something like 500 girls between 18-26 years old.

Hell, you can go to a big nightclub and see more girls.

On the plus side holmes, your only 21 years old. You really just need to get out there more. Wait till you turn 30, that's where the real issues set in.

[Mrs. Chocolate]

In bullet points:

* If you don't like bars or drinking, try the day game. I is slower and you can try to make a connection with the girl.
* So what you are tall? I'm short. Very short (1.53m). Im my previous job, my collegues called me shorty. (Pequenina) and I like it. You are what you are, do your thing and the "jokes" become pointless.
* In a small town everybody knows everybody. Have you ever tried go abroad/be away for a while (summer/ spring break)? If you don't have friend and don't like to be on your own, how about a group trip? Those situations make us do a bigger effort to communicate. And, when you back, this become a subject to talk about and gives you LIFE EXPERIENCE.
* Dressing up: basic+basic = boring. Im not saying to you dress like a fashionista, but wear the same kind of shirts and pants like a cartoon is not good. just safe. you know what a mean?

In a nutshell, I suppose that you need to take more risks. If you don't approach the girl, you confirm the NO that she could had given if you tried.

[Giovonny]

(06-28-2010 08:37 PM)Caubvick Wrote:  

Okay, I'm new here, and I'm hoping for some honest and anonymous advice about improving my luck with girls.

I'll describe myself, and answer any questions honestly, and I want everybody's help trying to figure out what my weaknesses are and why I have so little in the way of success with girls.

I'm 21 years old and white. I'm 6'5" tall and weigh 220 pounds at about 9-10% bodyfat. I live in a small town of 5,000 people, and have attended a small state university of 8,000 for four years. While there, I have kept perfect marks all the way through school and am treasurer in my college fraternity, which is an ordinary social/historic fraternity.

Okay, as for my sexual experience. I'm not a virgin: I've had one girlfriend for about 18 months who was decent looking but mentally unstable. I've had some makeout sessions with a few other chicks, but never really went anywhere with them. That's it.

Here are what I think are possible weaknesses:
-I'm simply too tall. I get comments all the time about my height from both males and females, and sometimes I feel they may look at me as a curiosity.
-Perhaps I'm a dork. I lift weights and make a decent amount of money, but I don't drink and would rather talk about mountains, nature, or piano music than sports, booze, etc.
-I just don't get out of the house enough. It's true that I'm a bit of a homebody. I tend to leave parties early, etc, mostly because I find drunken parties boring. I live near a resort and the other guys are always going to bars, but I can't stand bars.

I don't have one uploaded now, but I can try to get a picture of myself to show my face/style of dress etc. if you feel that would help you better pinpoint what I might be doing wrong and how I can improve my luck with girls.

Please be honest. Not necessarily cruel, but I've been asking some guy friends and they haven't really been able to help me. I also don't know that they would tell me the truth if they thought it might hurt me.

If you admit that you're a dork then you probably are.

"I have kept perfect marks all the way through school and am treasurer in my college fraternity"

You are probably too intellectual and too logical. Most girls don't care about these things. I always say, If you can't get girls then how smart are you??? Don't mistake intellectualism with intelligence. Two different things. You want to learn something, learn how to get a girl wet from your conversational skills. The guy that can do that is a smart guy. Straight A's mean nothing in this Game.

"I'm simply too tall. I get comments all the time about my height from both males and females, and sometimes I feel they may look at me as a curiosity."

Girls like tall guys. When they joke about your height. They are flirting with you. Short guys will be jeolous of you.

"I lift weights and make a decent amount of money"

Llifting weights is overrated. Girls just want a healthy in shape guy. Most girls tell me that muscle heads are a turn off. What you should do is go to the gym and and talk to some girls. Then you would be exercising the most important girl getting muscle in your whole body...YOUR TONGUE. Making money is great but if it doesn't help you get girls then you are not spending it on the right things. Your clothes, car, home, and lifestyle should reflect a stylish, successful man.

"and would rather talk about mountains, nature, or piano music than sports, booze, etc."

Do you really think girls want to talk about sports and booze? You can talk to them about mountains, nature, and music. Just be more emotional and less intellectual about it.

"I just don't get out of the house enough. It's true that I'm a bit of a homebody. I tend to leave parties early, etc, mostly because I find drunken parties boring. I live near a resort and the other guys are always going to bars, but I can't stand bars"

You don't have to drink. You don't have to go out at night. But you better be talking to girls all over campus and all over town. Practice is the only way to get better.

Observe guys who are good with girls and notice how they carry themselves and communicate with girls. Learn from them. Kill your inner dork.

[AlphaQup2nite]

College chicks are easy, i often go down to the local college with the pretense of looking for english students for my private classes, and end up with numbers and then set up the interview at a coffee shop or something. Numbers and future dates just roll out.

About the drinking thing. I doubt anyone first starts out liking the hangovers and the acquired taste of booze. You kinda need to put yourself in situations where you are "encouraged" to drink, and then it just kinda grows on you. Beyond getting chicks, drinking has a lot of other benefits, but probably the largest is networking. I can guarantee if you want to do any kind of business or looking for any kinda professional job, you will, dollar for dollar, see much better results in a high end bar frequented by various pros. I have never looked for a job in china, they have all found me through networking at bars, and further networking through that. And i have been introduced to so many hot and fun chicks by the party people i meet there. Really people dont think about it, but buying a stranger a drink is already enough for the ground work of great future contact in business or chicks. Plus chick's legs open much easier when they get a bit in them.

My views on your weaknesses:
Height is NEVER a problem, unless you let comments faze you, then it throws off your game and girls pick it up. Just redirect or respond with humor. Never acknowledge it directly. From my experience, girls tend to be more attracted to guys taller then they are, so it gives you a better shot with the tall ones.
Conversation topics are by no means a problem. Just never act like a teacher and give facts. Talk about things in terms of emotion will be magical. As long as you know a little bit about everything, and dont say too much in any one subject you come off as more mysterious and intelligent.

About going out, thats whats killing you. I doubt the girls are pounding down the girl to meet you, so you need to go to them. Bars are not the only place to meet girls. People dont seem to understand why bars are popular. Its not just to get laid (Though some bars get that name, there is a place in Xiamen called True Love, and its the "one night stand bar" where the house rule is you arent allowed to talk to the people you came in with), but where people can gather together with a similar goal (drinking). If you dont click with the scene, find something that is much more appealing to you. I personally love coffee shops after 3:30 pm (when chicks start craving that afternoon caffeine rush) or even general craft stores. Almost anyone will tell you that a really tight game will score a million times better playing day game. The trick is you meet the chick and then set up the at night date, and then go for the booze. 2 hard approaches in 3 months is kinda like shooting your nuts off. Even the best PUAs dont get more then a 30-40% number rate. The key is approach anywhere anytime.

[Roosh]

You've done 2 approaches the past 3 months. I've done at least 15 in the past week.

Every guy has sticking points with their game, but you won't nail them if you're not approaching. Do 10 approaches a week for the next 3 months and then report back. There is no other shortcut I'm afraid.

If you can't motivate yourself to approach women, it's possible you don't have the horniness drive to get seriously good with women. Might want to try eharmony or whatever it is that "normal" people do to find homely mates.

[Roosh]

Just read the small town comment. Is there a nearby big city?

Tap all the cute girls in your town. If you still haven't landed anything, then move.

[gringoed]

"I think that the following are quite possibly my biggest problems:

-I'm lazy (not about everything, but about meeting girls). Many other things in life come kind of easily to me, and I guess I assumed that this should be the same way.
-My clothing style probably comes across as boring."

Simple

1. Stop watching porn
2. Buy new clothes

[K-man]

What does a "homebody" mean exactly - I'm not a native speaker. Doesn't it mean someone who enjoys staying at home?
Furthermore, you say you don't enjoy drinking and loud venues. Well, then you may not enjoy partying and getting laid with lots of girls. Just don't sound like that type of guy, really.
What you probably need is a one serious steady girlfriend, and for that you may be better off looking not at bars/parties, but at church or e-harmony, as has been suggested.

This being a pick-up forum notwithstanding, I don't see why we should shove someone into the lifestyle of a pick-up artist when he is not cut out for that.

[Caubvick]

Thanks to those who have replied. It's given me more food for thought.

The whole "pissing in your own backyard" thing is very true in a small town. Almost everybody knows everybody, and if you get a reputation for being 'that guy...' about something, it doesn't go away.

There are two large cities about 2 1/2 hours from me: Baltimore and Washington DC.

A homebody is just like you understood it: somebody who likes to stay home. That's actually probably not the best word to describe me, I'm more outdoorsy than anything else; but pretty much the only times that I have ever gone to bars or clubs was for friends' birthdays etc.

I don't seek to become a PUA per se, I just want to improve the number and quality of dating prospects I have from which to choose a longer-term girlfriend. PUA's generally do welll in the numbers/quality departments than average people, so I thought that I'd seek advice there.

Roosh, how did you get over the feeling that it is rude or presumptive to approach a girl like that? Perhaps you never felt that way, but that is at least one of the main rationalizations that I catch myself using.

[dlmelvin86]

i couldnt imagine not going out to a bar / club venue. how else are you gonna be surrounded by chicks?!? i go out atleast 2 times a week normally.

if you wanna meet girls then you need to go to where they are.

as long as you aint rudely interrupting someones convo than approaching a girl or girls is not rude. you are being friendly. how else would anyone get to know each other.

get out and practice approaching girls! play it cool be fun and dont piss off girls and you shouldnt get a bad reputation!

[Giovonny]

(06-30-2010 11:30 AM)Caubvick Wrote:  

The whole "pissing in your own backyard" thing is very true in a small town. Almost everybody knows everybody, and if you get a reputation for being 'that guy...' about something, it doesn't go away.

This is important. In a small town/campus, don't go around hitting on girls and asking for numbers. Just be social and practice starting conversations. Just get comfortable chatting with people in public. Once you get to the point were girls start asking you questions about yourself, then you know you are on the right track. Don't ask for numbers unless the girl does alot of talking and ask you questions.

(06-30-2010 11:30 AM)Caubvick Wrote:  

Roosh, how did you get over the feeling that it is rude or presumptive to approach a girl like that? Perhaps you never felt that way, but that is at least one of the main rationalizations that I catch myself using.

If you approach them in a rude way and bother/annoy them. Then IT IS RUDE. But, if you approach in a pleasant, respectable way and give the girls something they value (a confident charming man), then ITS NOT RUDE. It will be what you make it.

(06-30-2010 12:33 PM)dlmelvin86 Wrote:  

i couldnt imagine not going out to a bar / club venue. how else are you gonna be surrounded by chicks?!?

A college Psychology class. Living in the dorms. Walk down the street in Manhattan, Miami, Rio, Buenos Aires, Milan, London, Prague, etc.