[4profit]

So I've been lurking about for a while before registering today, and I've read plenty of stuff from CH, Roosh, and contributors on RoK, but I haven't been out there and putting my knowledge to use as much as I should.

One of the things that I think has consistently held me back from success with women (and other areas in my life) is my laziness and lack of drive.

Have any of you vets struggled with the same problem starting out? How did you overcome it?

[RouteBackwards]

The only person who can motivate you sir is yourself. You either want it or you don't. I've spent much of my time, like yourself, reading game material, and when it comes to game time, I sat there and said "maybe next time." You have to realize how much you want it, and if you really want it, you'll get it. Otherwise, you'll sit on it for awhile, and you'll either not do anything at all, or you'll end up pushing yourself to success.

I think though, a good side-stepping issue to the main issue you're facing, which seems to be success with women, is to build yourself up. Change your daily routine slowly, maybe start sleeping better, waking up on a schedule, then move that into eating healthier, then from there start dressing nicer, and start working out, etc. etc.

These are small steps that once you look back on them, they add up and show you, yourself, that you've had the capacity to change yourself and achieve something. Then you'll realize that getting women can be accomplished just as easily, and plus the betterment of your life in general will lead you to feeling confident all around and talking to women won't seem so daunting.

[4profit]

Yeah, Brad Branson from RSD has a similar view on breaking self-improvement down into tiny steps. One of the things he said about building confidence is that you should look at every little step you take and congratulate yourself for moving towards the larger goal. I know RSD has a bit of a bad reputation in most of the areas of the manosphere that I've looked at, but I think Tyler and Brad can offer a lot of useful tidbits of knowledge.

Thanks for the help!

[Peregrine]

How often do you watch porn/masturbate? Because if you're constantly whacking off, your motivation to sleep with women will naturally be in the basement.

[liberman]

Cut the porn, this is something I did a few months ago and it has had substantial effects. Firstly you will probably feel a lot more horny and just the sight of a hot girl will increase your motivation. Secondly your standards will decrease (a good thing)
and you will again feel more motivation to approach girls you previously thought were below average, this helps in practicing game.
I dont think you need to cut the masturbation completely I usually jerk off once or twice per week but whatever works for you.

[augen sehen]

Are you unmotivated because you have a fear of approaching?

[beaversarefun]

Your laziness is a natural thing. But there will always be reasons not go out, not to dress up, not to be buying drinks and not to talk to girls when the probability is high they will fiercely reject your attempts. Thats why you have to numb yourself and get an indifferent view of that stuff.

Youll get addicted to the game the moment you feel the rush that comes from boldly approaching a beautiful stranger in front of a lot of other people you dont know. If you succeed - and you will succeed after a while - theres is nothing that can top the feeling of being a bad-ass boss with a prospect of sex.

Take the risk, its worth it. Dont whine about being lazy, everybody is and everybody can overcome it.

[4profit]

@Peregrine & Liberman
I actually did stop watching porn and masturbating for a little while, but I relapsed and, since then, I've been trying not to do it more than once or twice a week. I think I'm going to go back to cutting porn out and only masturbating once a week or as needed (without porn).

@augen sehen
I am afraid, but I doubt there's anyone who isn't. I just need to work up the courage to face my fear.

@beaversarefun
Thanks for the advice. As a newbie 19 year old, do you think I would be better off starting with day game, or should I try to go for night game? If it's of any importance, I live in the suburbs of Chicago with my parents, but I commute to the city to go to university.

[IpsaScientiaPotestasEst]

(04-03-2013 05:57 PM)4profit Wrote:  

@Peregrine & Liberman
I actually did stop watching porn and masturbating for a little while, but I relapsed and, since then, I've been trying not to do it more than once or twice a week. I think I'm going to go back to cutting porn out and only masturbating once a week or as needed (without porn).

@augen sehen
I am afraid, but I doubt there's anyone who isn't. I just need to work up the courage to face my fear.

@beaversarefun
Thanks for the advice. As a newbie 19 year old, do you think I would be better off starting with day game, or should I try to go for night game? If it's of any importance, I live in the suburbs of Chicago with my parents, but I commute to the city to go to university.

Two things-1-Find a wing in Chicago (which I'd imagine can't be that hard) who will hopefully hold you accountable, push you, and vice versa.

Two-Start lifting/working out. Doing the pump will make you wanna hump, haha

Also, what kind of girls do you really like/attract? Hipster? Business types? Artsy? Party/club girls? (Yes beautiful ones obviously, but most usually you have a type). With better information like that you'll be better equipped on where you should look.

I personally believe you should start in day game, night game if you're out with your boys/friends. I say day game first because I just personally hate yelling at someone basically, just to hold a damn conversation. Not my style. Plus if you don't need the guise of dark lights and alcohol to cover your game, you'll be YEARS ahead of others. Last of all-it's something you can work on while running errands. Basically whenever you leave the house be looking decent enough, that if you met some FINE ass girl-you could pick her up or get a numero.

[4profit]

Having someone else to work with is not a bad idea at all. I know this because I've tried lifting by myself vs. lifting with others and lifting with others always results in better performance for me.

As for the kinds of girls I want to attract... I honestly haven't ever really thought about that. I kinda assumed I'd figure that out AFTER a moderate amount of success with women.

Guess I'm gonna snag a copy of Daybang and get to work!

[Player_1337]

(04-03-2013 05:37 AM)Peregrine Wrote:  

How often do you watch porn/masturbate? Because if you're constantly whacking off, your motivation to sleep with women will naturally be in the basement.

This can most certainly contribute to the problem. Although, try not to refrain from indulging yourself occasionally.

[BarkChompson]

Look at successful men on youtube.

Will Smith, Mike Tyson, and Robin Williams are my favorites.

[4profit]

(04-04-2013 01:21 AM)BarkChompson Wrote:  

Look at successful men on youtube.

Will Smith, Mike Tyson, and Robin Williams are my favorites.

Noted. Mike Tyson seems like a really interesting character.

[Giovonny]

2 things:

1) You don't want it. If you really wanted it, you would be out doing it. This stuff is not for you. If it was, you would be instinctively doing it already. If you have to search for motivation, you don't want it bad enough. Find something else that motivates you, this is not for you, obviously.

2) You are over-thinking. Take action. Don't think. Do it. Don't think about doing it.

[BarkChompson]

(04-04-2013 12:06 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

2) You are over-thinking. Take action. Don't think. Do it. Don't think about doing it.

On point. What you think doesn't matter, action matters. If doesn't matter if you're feeling lazy, just go do things that you don't want to do. It's called hard work for a reason.

[Menace]

(04-04-2013 12:06 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

2 things:

1) You don't want it. If you really wanted it, you would be out doing it.

This pretty much. It's the dirty little secret that we refuse to accept about ourselves. You read about all these guys who are approaching left and right, getting dates, getting rejected, getting laid, etc. Why aren't I doing it, you ask yourself. Because you don't want to.

It seems pretty simple, but you do the things you want to do and don't do the things you don't want to do. A lot of frustration could be avoided if people just realized that (and I am guilty of this myself).

No amount of reading will substitute for will power.

[Ensam]

I listen to this every time I think about skipping a workout or staying home and jerking off:

[4profit]

I appreciate the honesty. I'm gonna work on pushing myself out of my comfort zone and stop analyzing things as much as I do. I've done it before so I know it's not impossible.

Thank you all.

[Menace]

BTW, I just read an interesting little post on redit about motivation and procrastination. This person believed that action precedes motivation rather than the other way around.

Start small. Don't try to go from 0 to full on direct DHV alpha HB 10 nuclear apocalypse opener game. Just ask where the nearest pizza place is and do it until it's easy.

[Giovonny]

(04-05-2013 09:35 AM)Menace Wrote:  

This person believed that action precedes motivation rather than the other way around.

I love that.

Action is really all that matters. Thoughts and feelings are fool's gold.

I like this one...

Fire, Ready, Aim

As opposed to.. "Ready, Aim, Fire"

(04-05-2013 09:35 AM)Menace Wrote:  

Start small. Don't try to go from 0 to full on direct DHV alpha HB 10 nuclear apocalypse opener game. Just ask where the nearest pizza place is and do it until it's easy.

Yes and no.

Obviously, we will have to take baby steps on this long journey (2-4 years). But, I also believe that every newbie should day time apocalypse opener a couple of HB10s. At least 5-10.

Not because he is going to get laid. But because his whole paradigm and worldview will shift. A majority of the girls will actually be flattered and strangely impressed by the offer. This will open up his mind to the reality that girls want to be approached. He will experience the power of raw masculinity and witness its effect on women. Doing a few of these can shatter what he thought was his verbal, social, and mental comfort zones. This can be a paradigm shifter.

I think its one of the best exercises to help a newbie "see the matrix". Highly recommended training tool.

[Giovonny]

(04-05-2013 09:26 AM)4profit Wrote:  

I've done it before

You did it before but then you stopped progressing/evolving...?

What allowed you to be successful before?

Find your unique recipe for success. Take notes. Get help. Do whatever it takes.

You need to be in a constant state of improvement.

You get better or worse everyday. Depending on what action you take.

[4profit]

(04-05-2013 08:44 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

(04-05-2013 09:26 AM)4profit Wrote:  

I've done it before

What allowed you to be successful before?

My previous success in personal growth came when I was a freshman joining the football team in high school. In the years prior, I was fat and unathletic, but I wanted to change that, so I stuck with football even though I didn't enjoy it at first, and I was scared of failure. 4 years later, I came out of that a changed person. Whenever I feel afraid of a challenge, I remind myself of how I overcame my fears and shortcomings and, eventually, improved myself physically. Transitioning into college, I haven't really had that kind of challenging experience yet. I think it's making me soft.

[Engineering Bandicoot]

(04-01-2013 07:40 PM)4profit Wrote:  

So I've been lurking about for a while before registering today, and I've read plenty of stuff from CH, Roosh, and contributors on RoK, but I haven't been out there and putting my knowledge to use as much as I should.

One of the things that I think has consistently held me back from success with women (and other areas in my life) is my laziness and lack of drive.

Have any of you vets struggled with the same problem starting out? How did you overcome it?

I've struggled with this after "burning out" my Junior year in High School years back. The most effective way of combating laziness for me has been to just do whatever I had to do. I don't analyze too much, I just do it. My body/ mind may not feel like approaching or working out, but once you force your self out there it gets easier with time, and you're able to build a positive habit as a result. Those first few weeks of straight up will power are tough. The other posters here are right, do you want it bad enough? I'd find some way to hype yourself up about life, women, or whatever else you need to get done. I listen to music as much as possible for a positive mood boost, it really helps. Maybe you could try that as well? Remember, we only live once, and you never know when your last day of life on this earth will be, so it's best to live every day to the fullest.

[4profit]

Making some progress. Have been doing a lot of night game because I usually go to EDM concerts with friends, where I'll usually just head off into the crowd by myself or with one other person and try to dance with and make out with as many girls as I can.

I'm probably not doing much to improve my game with this, but I can kinda feel my confidence and boldness with girls improving in these specific situations.

I decided I'm gonna join a fraternity at my university next Fall, hopefully widening up my social circle will expose me to more women and like-minded men.

Also, I've been using this video for motivation. Zyzz is fucking great.

[Giovonny]

(04-05-2013 09:18 PM)4profit Wrote:  

Transitioning into college, I haven't really had that kind of challenging experience yet. I think it's making me soft.

You answered your own question.

YOU STOPPED CHALLENGING YOURSELF!!!

What is your biggest issue that you want to fix?

Challenge yourself to fix it!

Making out with chicks at concerts is a good start. Keep pushing yourself to be more bold!

Also, challenge yourself on a personal level. Do what you are afraid of. Get into better physical shape. Play more football. Attack your fears. That is the only way to change yourself.

You need a new challenge!

Challenge for us to grow and evolve. No challenge means no growth.