[True]

Here's the deal: I've done a lot of reading on all aspects of game. I already have solid inner game, but I'm continuing to work on it. I've met other people who have been way more AFC than I've ever been build top-notch game. I've done the requisite research and realized that this is what is important now: killing the AFC mindset and approaching.

But my AFC side always holds me back. I always feel like I'm still not good enough and I shouldn't even try. Whenever I feel like approaching, I then feel like the girl would laugh in my face that someone like me would even try to get with her (at least from attractiveness/personality: I'm a minority, not attractive, and not ostentatious/excessively outgoing like others) and then I would feel bad because, well, why did I even try anyway?

That's something that's happened a few times before. And that's fucked up that it's affecting my ability to push through and approach.

I'm sure other people have gotten to this roadblock and got past it. How did you do it? Was it something you convinced yourself of? Or was it simply forcing yourself to swallow the pill, no matter what?

[Ovid]

Just get off your computer. Go to another nearby city where you don't have excuses about not wanting to approach girls because it might be embarrassing/hurt you socially/hurt your work prospects. Go to a populated place where you see some girls, and start approaching them. Treat it like a game. Pretend you're trying to get blown out as spectacularly as possible. These aren't girls, they're just bowling pins to knock over. Do a few dozen approaches, and it won't be terrifying anymore, and you'll want to do it more to get good.

[AneroidOcean]

(03-05-2013 01:53 PM)True Wrote:  

Here's the deal: I've done a lot of reading on all aspects of game. I already have solid inner game, but I'm continuing to work on it. I've met other people who have been way more AFC than I've ever been build top-notch game. I've done the requisite research and realized that this is what is important now: killing the AFC mindset and approaching.

But my AFC side always holds me back. I always feel like I'm still not good enough and I shouldn't even try. Whenever I feel like approaching, I then feel like the girl would laugh in my face that someone like me would even try to get with her (at least from attractiveness/personality: I'm a minority, not attractive, and not ostentatious/excessively outgoing like others) and then I would feel bad because, well, why did I even try anyway?

That's something that's happened a few times before. And that's fucked up that it's affecting my ability to push through and approach.

I'm sure other people have gotten to this roadblock and got past it. How did you do it? Was it something you convinced yourself of? Or was it simply forcing yourself to swallow the pill, no matter what?

Turn the situation around. If a girl wanted to come up and talk to you, should she not because she thinks she might not have big enough boobs, she might not have her hair done right, she might not have lost that extra 4 pounds she's trying to eke out? Should she feel like shit about it? No, what's the point.

Go out and live your life, before you're in a nursing home wondering why you never just got out there and TRIED to fail so that you could LEARN and GROW.

[True]

(03-05-2013 03:32 PM)Ovid Wrote:  

Just get off your computer. Go to another nearby city where you don't have excuses about not wanting to approach girls because it might be embarrassing/hurt you socially/hurt your work prospects. Go to a populated place where you see some girls, and start approaching them. Treat it like a game. Pretend you're trying to get blown out as spectacularly as possible. These aren't girls, they're just bowling pins to knock over. Do a few dozen approaches, and it won't be terrifying anymore, and you'll want to do it more to get good.

I'm actually traveling at the moment, so all the people I'm meeting are people at hostels and stuff that I won't ever see again. So this part is actually way easier than expected. I just feel weird about it because, as confident as I am, I don't feel 'up to snuff' compared to the other [tall/attractive/white/outgoing/extroverted] folks that these girls also have as options.

Though, I think that a nice dose of self-confidence might be in order here.

(03-05-2013 03:32 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

Turn the situation around. If a girl wanted to come up and talk to you, should she not because she thinks she might not have big enough boobs, she might not have her hair done right, she might not have lost that extra 4 pounds she's trying to eke out? Should she feel like shit about it? No, what's the point.

Go out and live your life, before you're in a nursing home wondering why you never just got out there and TRIED to fail so that you could LEARN and GROW.

That's very true. The regret seems to be a big thing. Maybe reminding myself about this might work. I'll give it a shot.

Thanks, both!

[Ovid]

Perfect. Go, right now, walk out into the street, and ask the first pretty girl you see if she speaks English. Just make yourself do it. You're never going to see her again. Chat up girls in the hostel -ask them where they're from and where they're going. Dive in and try it, it's the only way. Don't worry about escalating and building rapport and all that, just get out there and talk to some girls. An hour of practice in the real world is better than 10 hours reading "the fifty greatest openers of all time."

[Mr.Barbarian]

OP, how old are you?

[RCron]

Quote:

I just feel weird about it because, as confident as I am, I don't feel 'up to snuff' compared to the other [tall/attractive/white/outgoing/extroverted] folks that these girls also have as options.

I still have a tough time with these beliefs as well but what's working for me is to really pay attention when you're out and about and look at the guys that are with the women you're attracted to. Odds are many of them are not as good looking, tall, well dressed etc. as you are. Try to adopt a "if he can get her I KNOW I can do even better" belief that you can call up when you're in the moment wondering if you're good enough...

[True]

(03-05-2013 03:58 PM)Ovid Wrote:  

Perfect. Go, right now, walk out into the street, and ask the first pretty girl you see if she speaks English. Just make yourself do it. You're never going to see her again. Chat up girls in the hostel -ask them where they're from and where they're going. Dive in and try it, it's the only way. Don't worry about escalating and building rapport and all that, just get out there and talk to some girls. An hour of practice in the real world is better than 10 hours reading "the fifty greatest openers of all time."

Done. Just talked to a girl that just rolled into the hostel for a little while. Not bad, not a lot of rapport built, and it kind of felt a bit interviewy. I made a note a few weeks ago that I need to be more playful/joking while talking to girls since it seems like conversations are 'dry' whereas outgoing folks have more 'ecstatic' conversations, so I'll keep working on that.

(03-05-2013 04:00 PM)Mr.Barbarian Wrote:  

OP, how old are you?

I'm 20, nearly 21.

[Don]

Hmm..that's not what being an AFC means..you just suffer from low self esteem. Try to find a way to fix that, in game it's called "Inner Game", and as you might suspect, it's probably THE most important aspect in getting the results you want. Find the root cause of your low self esteem issue, fix it, and go out there to approach.

[XXL]

What you think of yourself or how others might feel about you is meaningless. First hand experiences will shape your character. Proof not promises

[True]

(03-05-2013 04:30 PM)RCron Wrote:  

Quote:

I just feel weird about it because, as confident as I am, I don't feel 'up to snuff' compared to the other [tall/attractive/white/outgoing/extroverted] folks that these girls also have as options.

I still have a tough time with these beliefs as well but what's working for me is to really pay attention when you're out and about and look at the guys that are with the women you're attracted to. Odds are many of them are not as good looking, tall, well dressed etc. as you are. Try to adopt a "if he can get her I KNOW I can do even better" belief that you can call up when you're in the moment wondering if you're good enough...

Huh. From my experience (maybe it's because I'm backpacking and, well, this is a very weird group of people) they seem to be good looking/tall/well dressed. But this might not be true upon further inspection—I'll pay closer attention next time. Many thanks.

(03-05-2013 04:37 PM)Don Wrote:  

Hmm..that's not what being an AFC means..you just suffer from low self esteem. Try to find a way to fix that, in game it's called "Inner Game", and as you might suspect, it's probably THE most important aspect in getting the results you want. Find the root cause of your low self esteem issue, fix it, and go out there to approach.

Hmm, you might be right. As I said in the first post, I have pretty good inner game, but perhaps it's inner game in other aspects than self-confidence. Any recommendations on reading? Thanks!

(03-05-2013 05:05 PM)XXL Wrote:  

What you think of yourself or how others might feel about you is meaningless. First hand experiences will shape your character. Proof not promises

I want to believe this, and I know that it's right—but I conveniently think differently right before approaching.

On the other hand, the girl that I mentioned above that I just approached during this thread exchanged her Facebook with me at the end. Seemed like it went better than I expected!

[AneroidOcean]

(03-05-2013 05:31 PM)True Wrote:  

I want to believe this, and I know that it's right—but I conveniently think differently right before approaching.

On the other hand, the girl that I mentioned above that I just approached during this thread exchanged her Facebook with me at the end. Seemed like it went better than I expected!

Who in your life told you that you weren't good enough? You said you have pretty good inner game, but you obviously have a major issue to address.

You know what defines if you're good enough or not? You. Not other people. You. You make yourself, you define yourself, what other people think is just their opinion of you.

[Ovid]

(03-05-2013 05:31 PM)True Wrote:  

(03-05-2013 04:30 PM)RCron Wrote:  

Quote:

I just feel weird about it because, as confident as I am, I don't feel 'up to snuff' compared to the other [tall/attractive/white/outgoing/extroverted] folks that these girls also have as options.

I still have a tough time with these beliefs as well but what's working for me is to really pay attention when you're out and about and look at the guys that are with the women you're attracted to. Odds are many of them are not as good looking, tall, well dressed etc. as you are. Try to adopt a "if he can get her I KNOW I can do even better" belief that you can call up when you're in the moment wondering if you're good enough...

Huh. From my experience (maybe it's because I'm backpacking and, well, this is a very weird group of people) they seem to be good looking/tall/well dressed. But this might not be true upon further inspection—I'll pay closer attention next time. Many thanks.

(03-05-2013 04:37 PM)Don Wrote:  

Hmm..that's not what being an AFC means..you just suffer from low self esteem. Try to find a way to fix that, in game it's called "Inner Game", and as you might suspect, it's probably THE most important aspect in getting the results you want. Find the root cause of your low self esteem issue, fix it, and go out there to approach.

Hmm, you might be right. As I said in the first post, I have pretty good inner game, but perhaps it's inner game in other aspects than self-confidence. Any recommendations on reading? Thanks!

(03-05-2013 05:05 PM)XXL Wrote:  

What you think of yourself or how others might feel about you is meaningless. First hand experiences will shape your character. Proof not promises

I want to believe this, and I know that it's right—but I conveniently think differently right before approaching.

On the other hand, the girl that I mentioned above that I just approached during this thread exchanged her Facebook with me at the end. Seemed like it went better than I expected!

There you go. Girls will do all kinds of 'surprising' things once you move past the implicit belief that they are pure, unapproachable, mysterious creatures who can only be talked to when fate wills. Today, a girl gave you her Facebook. Next week you might get a phone number, and she might think you seem cool and want to hang out. Within a few weeks it is not at all inconceivable for you to have a bona fide ONS. The first step is always to approach. As you get more comfortable approaching and talking to girls, you're naturally going to feel more confident about what you're doing and will be able to think on your feet more easily, so you can integrate some of the many techniques discussed on the forum to build attraction. (Ie, going from approaches that seem like 'slightly awkward interview' to approaches which seem like 'effortless and playful flirting.' Girls will start picking up on your confident, playful vibe and almost seem to go out of their way to help the interaction, and things will start to snowball.

But for all that to happen, you have to approach.

[Mr.Barbarian]

Ja. Approach. Also, I wouldn't pressure yourself. You're young. You're a bubble floating from the bottom to the top of the soda. Or whatever esoteric imagery you prefer, but you're young and it takes time and you want to enjoy the ride and so on. Loosen your grip, approach, don't sweat "failures" at all.

[gamepadawan]

I just started approaching all women, talking to strangers it's not that bad. I would even approach married women, most women aren't bitches in public, most...

[BadWolf]

goto a different country and start approaching women... makes things 100 times easier.

[TheRookie]

(03-05-2013 05:31 PM)True Wrote:  

[tall/attractive/white/outgoing/extroverted]

Quote:

good looking/tall/well dressed

Bleach your skin. I'm only kidding, but while inner game is important you can do a few things physically that will help improve you inner game.

-Get a good haircut
-Groom yourself the right way whether it's clean shaven or a trimmed beard, whatever works for you
-You are backpacking so you might be able to find cheap clothes that fit you well and I've heard tailors are dirt cheap in some countries so you might be able to get custom clothes for cheap
-Eat right - focus on foods that give you energy like good meats, vegetables etc. and avoid junk food, sugar, and processed foods.

Making these changes can create a virtuous circle where you start feeling better because you look better, and looking better because you feel better.

[BarkChompson]

Go out and fuck up a bunch. It's like getting stung by a bee or hit in the face: once you do it a bunch of times, you know rejection doesn't feel good but you don't care.