Quote: (01-22-2013 02:43 PM)Jason34 Wrote:
Not someone like me. I barely talk as it is. I won't be erring on the side of masculine, I'll be erring on the side of autistic.
Here is a very technical discussion on how to learn to talk,
from my blog:
Introversion is really, as I observe it, the inability to talk, an amateurishness of conversation. Really, it's about not having put in the 10 000+ hours needed to become an expert at conversation/talking (which is really what extroversion is, on observation. Extroverts are not special people. They for the most part are just people that can't shut up.)
Some understanding of how the brain is wired is required at this point.
Understand that the brain usually has dual mechanisms for any process it has - an inhibitory process and an excitatory process. In other words, a suppressing mechanism and an activating mechanism
Thus: the speech centres of your brain have both a suppression mechanism and an activation mechanism.
If you cannot converse, there are 2 possibilities: either you have an overactive suppression mechanism which kills your speech, or an underactive activation mechanism that fails to start your speech.
Since the brain is plastic (able to change under stimulus), to become a conversationalist you need to dial down your suppression mechanisms and boost your activation mechanisms. This unfortunately can only be done by practicing conversation, as painful and awkward as it might be initially.
Have you ever wondered how old people can just talk and talk and talk and talk without end? It's because of age-related decay of the brain. As a survival quirk granted by evolution or by God, we lose our inhibitory centres of the brain first as we age. This preserves some capacity for action, which is needed for survival. Thus, old people may have intact activation centres even as their inhibition centres decay. Old people therefore are constantly activated to talk, and on occasion also do socially inappropriate things because the social inhibition centres die off too.
Ever wondered why you say stupid things when you are drunk? Because alcohol selectively supresses the inhibitory centres of the brain before it knocks out the activating centres. If you have a naturally active speech activation centre what happens is that your brain is generating stupid things to say all the time, but your inhibitory centre prevents you from saying them (although you might still be thinking them). With alcohol, inhibitory centres deactivate and those things which you would normally not have said due to the inhibition action will suddenly flood out.
So 2 things are necessary for our quiet introvert: to deactivate the inhibitor and to stimulate the activator centres of his speech. An introvert is not necessarily consigned to being speechless forever. He just needs to get some rewiring done.
Furthermore, there are 2 seperate language expression areas. One for written language, one for spoken language. You can be an incredible writer and yet struggle to speak. That's because your written language area may be more developed than your spoken language area. And yet even more furthermore, your spoken language area requires the support of the speech motor areas that wire your jaw and voice box.
When parts of the brain are not used, those parts of the brain will naturally go into downmode and enter a low activity state. If you are quiet the whole day, your speech motor areas will go into downmonde. Even if you want to say something, your spoken language areas of the brain may slam against speech motor areas which are in downmode - leaving you struggling for words, at a loss for words.
We can thus conclude that we require the following to develop conversational skills. We must suppress the inhibitor centre and promote the activation centre and reinforce the spoken language centre and we must promote the speech motor centres.
To do this we must talk, talk the way we exercise, with deliberate regularity. Even when talking seems painful, it has to be done.
So greet everyone, converse with strangers, dictate your emails and documents with a speech to text programme, call someone rather than sending e-mail, always try to do things manually with human interaction (speak to a bank teller rather that than going to the ATM, for example.) If you have windows seven, turn on the speech recognition, and start talking to your computer. You must put in the time. You have to find ways to reach your 10,000 hour goal.
Don't think you can substitute talk training with writing. Don't think omegle, writing emails and blogs and forum posts, letters, forms or whatever manifestation of written words will help you converse. By writing your training the wrong part of your brain. Some people are good talkers but poor writers -they have good spoken speech centres but poor written language centres. More talking will not make them better writers. In the same way more writing will not make you a better talker.
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